


I like me better (When I'm with you)

by Bogsung_a



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Sex, Bottom Lee Taeyong, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drunken Kissing, Dry Humping, Falling In Love, Hand Jobs, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Suh Youngho | Johnny Are Best Friends, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of one side Lee Taeyong / Lee Taemin, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Kim Jongin | Kai, Minor Lee Taeyong / Original Male character, Oral Sex, Slice of Life, Teacher Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Teacher Lee Taeyong, Top Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, mentions of a toxic relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:48:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 98,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bogsung_a/pseuds/Bogsung_a
Summary: At 26, Jung Jaehyun never imagined returning to his old high school, never-mind as a teacher.On the first day, he meets Lee Taeyong, a fellow teacher in the science department.Taeyong is beautiful and Jaehyun... Jaehyun is a weak, weak man.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 164
Kudos: 482





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the comic “Behind the desks” by Day7, Evy—The comic is also based on the Korean dating-sim “Love is addiction". 
> 
> Since this is an adaptation, some key plots and quotes are taken from the comic; but as the story goes I added some of my own plots and such. I tried to change as much as I could.
> 
> I recommend you check the comic out on the site TappyToons. The art it's beautiful.
> 
> The title comes from the song "I like me better" covered by Jaehyun, originally by Lauv.
> 
> This is totally self-indulgent and un-betaed.

When Jaehyun first got the invitation to go back as a physics teacher to his alma mater, Kyunggi High School, his immediate answer was a sound no, he even let the email get buried in his inbox behind all those sales coupons and useless newsletters he was too lazy to unsubscribe from. And It'd still be no if the invitation had arrived one year before today.

He was a little surprised at first, according to the email, his last boss actually recommended him for the job, so that meant he was doing something good, he was making his way as a respectable teacher and that filled him with pride, but- he couldn't help to feel slightly off by the idea of actually taking the job. It felt like if he did take the job, it meant taking a step back in his professional career (if he could even call it that at this point).

Who, _willingly_ , goes back to his high school once they left?

Jaehyun was a very goal-oriented person, so when he finally got his high school diploma he moved on to his next item on his professional life to-do list: becoming a teacher. He was ecstatic when at age 22 he finally began his career as a TA at his alma mater Hongik University at the science department and then over the moon when he migrated to teach middle schoolers science. The stability was a welcome thing in his life, he holds up his own as a teacher to a bunch of hyper kids and he was happy. But it didn't last very long. After the excitement had worn off, he began to feel un-motived and what had felt like was his call in life began to feel like a chore. So, after two years there, he decided to quit his job at the middle school and spent most of his saving traveling thought the USA with Johnny to try to see if teaching was what he really wanted to do in his life. After his six months as a waiter in Johnny's home town of Chicago and realizing he was experiencing a case of burn out and he wasn't actually sick of the whole teaching thing, he decided to come back home to Korea and continue his life where he had left it off. 

It wasn't as easy as he thought it would. He couldn't go back to his teaching position since he had come back in the middle of the school year, and he wasn't so thrilled to go back to the demanding rhythm of a teacher in a school. 

At first, that is. 

Right now, he _did_ have a job and it wasn't that bad, he didn’t need to ask for any help, nor from his parents or Johnny. His apartment was a little small for his liking but he had a roof on his head, food on his stomach and he could indulge in some vain things, like his gaming pc, his turntable, all the things he needed in life to be happy. Still, he didn’t really like being a tutor for spoiled little brats, and if he had to sit for another 2 hours and listened to how many girls they ' _scored_ ' during the weekend or turn down another horny teenager...he was going to go on a rampage. Plus, freelancing was a very scary thing and if he could actually do better than what he was doing today, how could he say no? 

Also, the pay was better and as a teacher, he could have all his afternoons free (Plus summer vacations yay!)

So that was that. 

He didn’t need to think too much about it after that. He swallowed his ego and after he redacted a really brief email explaining to all of his students that he was no longer be working as a tutor, he accepted the offer. 

He charmed his way into two interviews, and by Friday, less than a week later since he sent that email, he got himself a new job. 

* * *

Since everything was turning out great for Jaehyun, it only meant that things would go downhill from there. 

His first day was already a shitty one and it was only starting. First of all, for some reason, his phone was off, he miraculously woke up 10 minutes before 8:00 AM all thanks to the loud sounds of his neighbor, so for once, his thin paper walls did some good. 

He scrambled from his apartment as fast as he could, wearing the first clean thing he could reach and racing through the doors to get a cab, but today of all days there weren’t any nearby after waiting like a fool for fifteen minutes, so he had to run for a mile until he finally found a cab and managed, miraculously get to school on time. 

Fighting to catch his breath Jaehyun looked at the gray entrance in front of him. True to be told, It isn’t that bad, it also didn’t really change at all, the same entrance, the same gate...even the big trees where Jaehyun used to sleep during periods where the same. It felt, oddly comforting in a sense. Old places tend to hold lots of different memories. Like, for example, racing against Doyoung to the cafeteria on pizza day, being the first one to finish his lunch and going out to play basketball with Johnny and Sicheng, things like that. He swears he could still hear Johnny’s horrible laughter in the halls. 

But, there’s one particular memory that was his favorite. Yuta had said it was because he was born on Valentine’s day he was prone to be a sappy little shit, and yeah, maybe he was a little bit more romantic than he’d like to admit. Still, the thought of cold fingers grazing his skin, as brief as it had been, was his favorite memory of those days. It was like a warm feeling, one that never fully bloomed or took a shape or form but it still was beautiful. It was something to do with a gentle touch, the smell of lavender and too much antiseptic of the infirmary that even as an adult, made his insides feel warm and fuzzy. 

He was so immersed daydreaming of that fond memory that he didn’t see where he was going until he found himself back to the entrance. When he was in high school, the teacher's office where on the first floor, near the entrance so he was really confident he could find them. It seems like he was wrong. 

He couldn’t call the vice-principal to ask him since his phone was dead so he was left to walk in circles until some kind soul helped him get to his destination if he could manage to spot someone at this hour. The last email didn't really specify where he had to present himself and Jaehyun was too much of a dumb-ass to ask. Now that he was really looking, it seemed like there was some construction was done around the school when he graduated. The west wing looked that it was at least two floors taller and there was another building almost at the back that he didn’t recognize. 

Well, it had been almost 10 years.

 _Great_ , now he could add getting late on his first day of work to this horrible morning and it was only 9:00 AM. 

“Excuse me, are you by any chance the new physics teacher? Mr. Jung, right?”

The soft voice had come from behind him so when Jaehyun turns around, startled looking for the voice that was addressing him, he founds a boy with tousled blonde hair, heavy books in his arms pressed against his chest, and warm smile on his lips as he looks at Jaehyun waiting patiently for him to confirm or deny the assumption. 

Since Jaehyun is a brute he just nods, eyes taking in the man in front of him. The man looks a little too young to be a teacher but a little too old to be a senior student.

A college senior trying to get extra credit perhaps? 

The stranger laughs to fill the silence Jaehyun leaves, before continuing. “Hello, I’m Lee Taeyong in charge of chemistry, your science department partner.” _He's a teacher then, well._ “I look forward to working with you.” His voice is sweet and airy, almost shy.

_Younger, maybe?_

Trying to get out of his daze, Jaehyun looks at the man again, sizing him up. His hair covered his forehead giving him a boyish look, he had big doe eyes as black as the night, a cute little nose and pretty pink lips, he was a little shorter but not by much. He watched as he tried to accommodate the heavy books in his arms, polite smile painted in his lips waiting for Jaehyun to say something. 

_Right, he hasn't said a word. He is going to think you are rude or worse, stupid._

“Oh...yeah, me too…” 

_Useless._

“You’re looking for the teacher’s office?” asks Taeyong, the warm smile still in his lips even after witnessing Jaehyun’s display of subpar manners—like a brute Jaehyun just nods. Again. “Here, follow me, I’ll show you the way.” 

“Yeah, thanks…” 

In the near future Jaehyun would blame his bad manners and aloof responses to the fact that he woke up late, had to run a mile before he could grab a taxi, got lost on his old high school...what he couldn’t blame his foul humor though, was the palpitations he felt when he saw that pretty smile on the other man lips. 

After all, Lee Taeyong was really beautiful. 

* * *

Mr. Kang, the vice-principal, was a tall and lean man, he had a really neatly pressed suit and he had been a little too enthusiastic when Jaehyun entered his office. 

Turns out the teacher’s office was on the third floor of the new building. The science department offices were on the second floor according to Lee Taeyong. They hadn't talked much, since the other, as Jaehyun had suspected, was a little on the shy side and Jaehyun wasn't very good at small talk. That wasn't the case with Mr. Kang though. 

“Mr. Jung! We were about to send someone to fetch you...Ah, Mr. Lee of course, always ready to assist. Come, boy, come here.” 

He had hugged him so tightly, even cracking some of his bones and immediately start talking his ear off, asking all sorts of questions from how he was feeling being back here to how he decided we wanted to become a teacher. Overwhelmed, he looked back at the entrance, looking for a pair of doe eyes to save him but Taeyong had already banished from the office once he saw that Jaehyun was in good hands. Mr. Kang had explained to him about his schedule, the clubs the school had, and some other important information: turns out pizza days where still the last Friday of the month and that the science department offices were a few door down the hall. He was still processing the information that he didn’t notice when the talk was no longer about school. 

“What do you think Jung, huh?, Let’s have a welcome party for you.” Says Mr. Kang patted his back a little too strongly for comfort. 

Jaehyun’s body became rigid when he looked at his sides and noticed that the other teachers were forming a circle around him, entertained by the member of the team. Feeling trapped and since there was not even an ounce of subtlety on his body he spouted: 

“What? Why?” 

“Be ready to drink a lot, Jung.” Grins Mr. Kang clearly not listening to his rude ass questions, or maybe he heard but he decided to ignore him, “You’re our youngest teacher here, so don’t worry about paying or anything, it’s on me! It's a tradition here, so don’t even think of an excuse to turn us down, right guys?” 

There's a a chorus of affirmations and with one last pat on his back, he was ushered out of the office, inviting him to explore the school now that he had a brief introduction and few points where some places of interest where. 

Jaehyun's glad everyone was so welcoming and looked really interested to help him and get to know him, but, as Jaehyun walks aimlessly through the halls, it was a little too much. He wasn’t really a fan of work dinners, they were always awkward and he didn't know how to behave. Plus he didn’t know anyone and even if the drinking could lose him up a little, he wasn’t even good at that either, there was no way he wanted to get drunk on his first work event. But Mr. Kang was the vice-principal, so he couldn’t really refuse his invitation, the man was practically his boss, and Jaehyun was many things, but unprofessional was not one of them. 

_Still_ , he had a few days to find a way to get out of it, maybe he could convince Johnny to get him out by calling him or something.

He makes his way to the fourth floor of the building where apparently the library was, dragging his feet one step at a time, when he heard the muffled voices of two men, coming down the stairs. 

He feels the boxes hitting his head before he sees them. 

He couldn’t wait for this fucking day to be over.

There's the sound of someone running down the stairs, a worried voice shouting his name, and the faint scent of lavender filling his lungs before he passed out. 

* * *

Back when Jaehyun was in high school he only visited the infirmary once. He was in calculus when due to the changing weather, he had a sudden nosebleed and his teacher, bless her heart, had sent him to the infirmary for a quick check-up. The sunlight had melted the cold away, the perfect time for an impromptu nap, he was in his junior year, and he had never skipped a class, so he decided to be a little more dramatic about his nosebleed whining about it to the nurse who took pity on him, and let him rest a little on one of the beds. The sound of the curtain floating in the wind where a perfect lullaby for 16-year-old Jaehyun who fell asleep without even realizing it. 

He was rustling and turning fighting the urge to wake up after sleeping for about thirty minutes when he felt cool hand brushing his hair, lightly grazing his forehead trying to get him back to that relaxed state. There was a soft, warm voice lulling him back to sleep and all he could remember was something along the lines of:

_“You should sleep some more.”_

For a long time he debated if it actually had happened, he couldn’t quite make the other’s boy face, he just remembers a slim silhouette glowing against the sunlight, some sparkly pretty eyes, the sun making a halo in his head, but wasn't much but it was enough for his teen self to be smitten. It’s kind of funny to even call it the first anything, It lasted maybe seconds but for whatever reason, he hadn’t forgotten any detail about that day. Maybe he was the sappy little shit that Yuta had always accused him of being, and he was so hung up on it because of the tenderness and selfless actions of the other boy. It still was a nice memory and he had always regretted never finding out who the other boy was. 

This time when he jolts awake is because of the feeling of cold fingertips on his eyelids. 

Next to his bed, Jaehyun finds a wide-eyed Lee Taeyong. The other man is in a weird posture, leaning over his bed, right hand in the air trying to block the rays of the sun from him. There was a bright glow in his skin, the sun making a halo on his blonde hair. The scent of disinfectant in the air, the curtains fluttering in the wind...

_Don't._

With his heart on his throat, Jaehyun tries to calm himself sitting back slowly on the bed. Maybe not his smartest idea since he feels a little dizzy, there's a throbbing pain making his head hurt and his vision a little blurry. 

Another shy laugh from Taeyong in an effort to fill Jaehyun's silence. This time it doesn't lasts long, because Jaehyun's lips are moving even before he knows what he is saying. 

“Why are you here?”

Taeyong blinks. He laughs, “Oh...I felt bad since you got hurt because of me.” 

So it was _his voice_ he heard before he passed out. 

“I was trying to block the sun since it might bother your sleep, you looked so peaceful.” adds Taeyong sheepishly. 

_Oh no._

Taking a deep breath Jaehyun rustles out of the covers and tries to get up when he feels a pair of cold fingers on his wrist trying to stop him. 

His skin hums, his body immediately relaxes under the other's touch. 

Just, how hard did he hit his head?

“Easy there, are you alright?” Taeyong’s voice is full of concern, his grip grows a little stronger, urging him to get back to sleep. 

“Yes.” Jaehyun tries to free himself as delicately as he can and he tries getting up from the bed as quickly as possible. He really is trying not to be rude with Taeyong, but he can’t help it, he can’t think straight with the throbbing headache he is spotting. 

Taeyong finally lets go. And without thinking, _again_ , Jaehyun bows to Taeyong— _his head is going to explode—_ and musters the first words that come to his mind.

“Well then.” 

And with that, he power walks outside the infirmary, horrible headache be damned. He swears he can hear a soft laugh as he's leaving and a _“Well then?”_ but he is too much of a coward to go back and do something to actually save some face in front of his coworker. 

His very beautiful coworker. 

Jaehyun walks as fast as his blurry vision lets him looking for a place where he can wallow in his misery alone. He is relieved when he finds a bathroom where he can lock himself and maybe rot in there.

His heart’s still beating loudly in his chest, and he is pretty sure that his ears are as red as ever. Maybe it's the bump in his head or the fact that he was still kind of sleepy—there has to be a reasonable answer for his little outburst just now, but he is sure he _felt it_. 

Everything was the same, the voice, the setting, the bright glow that the sun gave the man in front of Jaehyun. Almost a carbon copy of last time. 

He stays in the bathroom for what it feels like hours, trying to make his heart calm down and get all thoughts of his mystery boy and Taeyong, _his coworker,_ out of his head. 

_"Don’t be weird Jaehyun._ ” He tries to reasons with himself, splashing water to his face. “ _You’re going to see this guy frequently, don't be weird._ ” 

He keeps chanting this mantra all the way to his office where he hopes he kind find a little peace. 

Since he knew this wasn’t his day, and he couldn’t catch a break, Lee Taeyong was one of the other teachers that shared his office on the third floor, and not only that, he was his _desk buddy._

Nothing was going his way today. 

He tried to work, he really did, but he couldn’t. Maybe that shit tons of boxes really fucked him up and broke him. Wouldn't it funny to quit while he was ahead and continue to live as a freeloader in Johnny's apartment? Taeyong was beautiful, and yes maybe Jaehyun might develop a tiny crush on the man in the future if he kept being so nice to him, but he had made an ass of himself with the man all day so he was mostly mortified to be in the same room with him. He was starting to get a little too conscious of the other, like a lot, a lot. But that was no…

“Hey, Mr. Jung?” 

Jaehyun flinches in his seat when he hears the chair next to him move across the desk. There are cold fingers resting on this forearm making him gulp loudly. His headache is coming back at full force.

“Look at me, are you really alright?” 

Slowly Jaehyun’s eyes find themselves locked with Taeyong’s big ones. 

“Uhh...no.” Jaehyun answers dazed. 

_Shit._

Taeyong’s grip on his forearm get’s a little firmer, his eyes turn a little wide with concern. 

“No!, I mean, not that I’m not okay.” Jaehyun answers panicked, trying to erase the worried look on the other man’s face. Taeyong’s face turns a little gentler when he raises his hand and waves his fingers in Jaehyun’s face. 

“How many fingers am I holding up then?” 

_Cute_

“What?” 

_Shit, shit._

“I mean, that’s not what I meant, God.” Jaehyun tries to move his hands nonchalantly at Taeyong, he’s pretty sure he looks more constipated than anything. He’s about to apologize when he hears the faint chuckle leaving the other man's lips, his eyes in little crescents and he smiles up at him.

“You’re really weird, Mr. Jung.” 

Jaehyun’s dying. He’s not going to live past 35. 

“So I'd been told.”

Taeyong returns to his seat after that, he continues to smile while he is working, stealing looks at Jaehyun every now and then, offering his help with everything even after Jaehyun had vehemently tried to assure him that he wasn’t in any pain, he didn’t have to worry. 

After a few hours of finally functioning like the adult he is, Jaehyun is interrupted by Taeyong’s soft voice again this time asking him if he wants to see the science labs and see where he's going to spend most of his time from now on. He agrees instantly since he’s tired of sitting for so long, also because he can’t seem to be able to say no to Taeyong.

They are walking side by side again, Jaehyun carrying some heavy supplies box that he took from Taeyong when he noticed him struggling to carry them. Turns some of those were the ones that had hit him in the first place so he felt the petty need to carry them himself. 

By the time they arrived at the lab, Jaehyun’s learned that Taeyong was, surprisingly, older than him by almost two years, _“So you can call me Hyung!”_ , he was from Seoul and he had been working as here for almost 5 years. In return Jaehyun told Taeyong, that he was an only child, he used to attend this high school back in the day and that he enjoyed playing basketball when he was in school. 

“So, this is the chemistry lab,” Taeyong said excitedly as he opened the door. There’s nothing exciting about this particular lab, it looks exactly like it did 10 years ago. But he’s amused by Taeyong’s cheerfulness. “It’s kind of difficult to carry all the supplies since the stock room is on the first floor. So thank you so much Jaehyun.” 

Jaehyun only nodded in response, he knew that he’d only embarrass himself further if he said something. He also tried not to blush at the sound of his name coming from the older lips. Taeyong had the softest most calming voice he'd heard. They began to take out the supplies one by one in silence, the clacking of glass the only sound in the room. After a while, Taeyong starts to place the boiling flask on each of the desks quietly with such gentlenesses, like everything he did. He also moved really delicately almost like he was floating, Jaehyun was glancing at the older hoping not to get caught when he found big brown eyes locked with his _._ Taeyong smiled before speaking:

“I’ll help you set up the physics lab, alright?” 

He thanked the older before walking to him and taking some flasks from his hands and began helping him placing them as the older had in the other desks. He needed to do something before he could embarrass himself again. 

“You’re very nice Mr. Lee,” Jaehyun's traitorous mouth says. "You’re taking care of me so much I don't know how to thank you. You didn’t have to stay with me in the infirmary since we don't know each other.” 

“Am I? Nice, I mean” a pause, then“I don’t think I’m actually since I’m not really doing this because you are new or anything” 

Jaehyun still’s his movements, back still turned to Taeyong. When he finds the courage to turn, he finds Taeyong leaning in a desk behind Jaehyun, playing with the flask in his hands, a gentle smile on his face. 

“I do have an ulterior motive,” Taeyong says carefully, dragging each word while locking his eyes with the younger. ”I want to be your friend Jaehyun.” 

“Why?” Jaehyun deadpans without thinking.

There’s a little frown in Taeyong’s face, his fingers keep dancing in the flask, nails hitting the glass. _Click, Clack._ He looks like a petulant child. 

“Why not?” Taeyong asks slowly. The little frown still marrying his pretty face. "We are both on the science department, we are desk buddies.” Jaehyun raises his eyebrow, his head trying to make sense of what's going of the older. “It’ll be good to get along, don’t you think?” 

Right. 

“True.” 

They finish arranging the flasks on the desk not long after that. Taeyong’s checking again the list of supplies he received making sure he got everything he needs for his class tomorrow, while Jaehyun’s trying to look like he’s interested in the bulletin board that's near the door replaying their earlier conversation, the word friends ringing in his ears drowning whatever Taeyong is saying to him. 

It doesn't sound like a bad idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-wrote this whole chapter before posting it so I'm a little nervous about it. I'm also very rusty since it's been so long since I've actually written anything and it's my first time posting something so let's see how this works. I have 8 more chapters ready I just need to edit them before posting, please bear with me. 
> 
> Feedback is welcomed and if you want to talk about the story you can follow me on twitter @krongkid


	2. Two

After his little talk with Taeyong back at the chemistry lab, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. The first thing he did after arriving home, was drowning a shit ton of painkillers for his headache, he was pretty sure he could feel a bump on the top of his head. Sighing, he made his way to his bedroom and plugged his phone and waited patiently for it to finally turn on.

Some messages and one missed call, he panicked a little when he saw that the missed call was from his mother so he quickly opened her name in Kakao Talk to see if something had happened. He relaxed when he saw that it was just a _"Good luck on your new job"_ kind of message, so he quickly wrote back about his day—Of course he didn't mention about his breakdown and all-round shitty day, he didn't want to worry her. He opened Johnny's chat next and after spamming his friend with his horrible day he drifted to sleep on his bed without even realizing it. 

He woke up sometime around 2:00 AM with horrible pain in his neck and an answer from his best friend.

 **To: Dumb ass**  
Sent: 18:20

So   
it was horrible  
I woke up late cause my phone just decided to die on me  
there was no cab that wanted to take my ass to the school so I had to fucking run  
got lost and made an ass out of myself with my coworker (who’s alsow my desk buddy????)he is so pretty tho also**  
They already arranged a work dinner and some boxes feel on me and I have a bump on my head

  
 **From: Dumb ass**  
Sent: 18:45

LMAO  
u’re useless   
are u ok tho???  
how’s your head????????? ;)

 **To: Dumb ass**  
Sent: 02:05

Fuck you dude

And with that Jaehyun dragged his ass back to sleep.   
  
The next morning he did wake up on time. He showered and had breakfast in peace and by 8:30 AM he was in a cab on his way to the school. 

Office hours came and went without much of a glitch, well, except when Taeyong came in the morning all sunny smiles and an innocent _“Good Morning Jaehyun, how’s your head?”_ in the back of his head he could hear Johnny’s sarcastic voice saying something like _“Never had any complains”_ , nonetheless to say, he choked on his coffee, making poor Taeyong rush to his side and try to help him out. 

It only got worse. 

By lunchtime, the times he wanted to die were a total of 6, so nobody could blame him when left his coworkers to rush to the cafeteria. He knew he looked really rude, but he flew in fear when they asked him to eat lunch with them. Everybody was nice to him and all, but if he had to have lunch with Taeyong, Jaehyun’s pretty sure he would not survive. The older was very nice, and he was really trying to get closer to Jaehyun which made him feel bad because he kind of accepted yesterday to be friends but he didn't know if he'd be able to do it. Not when Taeyong _looked_ like that and Jaehyun had a tendency to act like a complete ass in front of pretty people. 

The menu of the day was some ugly ass red pepper stew for lunch. Just the sight of it made his stomach upset, so he decided to buy a turkey sandwich at the little convenience store nearby and eat outside on the basketball court, just for old time's sake. There were some freshmen tossing the ball to each other and free throwing from different angles. There was a loud collective groan when one of them missed the shot, making Jaehyun snort good naturally, it reminded him of him and his friends back then. Maybe he should reach out to Yuta and Doyoung to join him and Johnny in a friendly game sometime, he missed them a lot. It’d be kind of tricky though, Yuta traveled a lot, between his job as a child psychologist here in Korea and visiting his family in Osaka he didn't have lots of free time to see each other and Doyoung was finishing his internship at a big law firm so he always was drowning in work. He was also not a fan of lots of spots (only archery, figures) so they always had to compromise and invite him to dinner if they wanted to go out. Maybe they could go and have dinner at that little place of ramen near Yuta and Doyoung's department sometime next week...

“Jaehyun!”

Poor Jaehyun could only shriek in fear by the sight of Lee Taeyong’s pretty eyes as the older sat beside him in the bleachers. He moved a little trying to keep a distance from the other man he squeezed his poor sandwich like it was some kind of stress-relief ball.

“You didn’t like today’s menu?” Taeyong asks looking at his sad turkey sandwich with a little smile. “Why are you eating alone? I would’ve eaten with you!” 

He was so nice, why did he have to be this nice? The sun gave his skin a healthy glow and made his blonde hair shine even brighter. Jaehyun quickly forced his eyes to look somewhere else instead of the older’s face, so he returned to watch the freshman in the court. 

Jaehyun’s a weak, weak man. 

“Looks fun doesn't it?” He could feel doe eyes dragging from his face to the court, he answers with a low hum. ”Back in high school, I wasn’t good at sports, like at all” He laughed like he was remembering something very funny. “But it was fun to just watch from here during lunch...Do you miss playing?”

“I still do it but not like back then," Jaehyun says, "I used to skip lunch just to throw a few shots with my friends so...” 

“As expected from the athletic Mr. Jung.” Grins the older. 

Taeyong had this childish aura about him, he wore sweaters that were at least two sizes bigger so he had sweater paws all the time, he had this habit of pursing his lips while he talked like he was pouting all the time, he was so endearing, the way he was grinning right now after saying his comment like it was a little joke between them. He was so warm, nice and completely unaware of the imaginary distance he was trying to put between them.

Taeyong was just such an easy person to like though. 

* * *

By the time the bell rings, Jaehyun finds himself in his first class of the day. He has two classes every day, both in the afternoon, so his office hours were in the morning which was more than okay with him, it gave him more time to prepare his material for the afternoon so he appreciated that. 

This first group looked pretty alright, they all were seniors so they were more mature and focused on learning everything they could since their goal was to get to a good or at least passable grades to get into a good college and leave by the end of the semester. He knew the feeling so he tried to help them as much as he could. It was a refreshing feeling after dealing with those spoiled brats he had to tutor. It was all good until he met _him_.

Lee Donghyuck. 

He was one of _those_ people. Loud, cracking jokes left to right, he used this high pitched voice when he talked...he even gave Jaehyun a nickname when he introduced himself, fifteen minutes after the class had started:

“Hello Mr. Peach, I’m Lee Donghyuckie, take care of me please~”

 _Mr. Peach_ , Jaehyun was going to strangle him. 

Those were the longest two hours of his life so he was relieved when it was time to dismiss class and didn’t have to hear another “ _Hey Mr. Peach~ Donghyuckie has a question._ ” at least for today. But, since he was clearly been punished for that one time he’d sneaked out of his house at midnight just to go to Hanseol’s house to throw toilet paper at it when he had dumped Yuta back they were 14, Lee Donghyuck was waiting for him outside the classroom, a look of distress in his face, he only relaxes his features when he sees Jaehyun in front of him. Before he could make a turn and avoid the younger, Donghyuck he grabs his arm and begins to shake him, whining in a high pitch voice.

“Mr. Peach~ Can’t you postpone the deadline for the homework just one day? Please~?”

Jaehyun frowns. “No.”

“Aww, but look Mr. Peach.” Donghyuck made his pose where his face was between his palms and pouted, puppy eyes and all. “Look, aren’t I cute Mr. Peach?”

“No.” 

“What kind of teacher gives out homework the day they start?!!” He huffs dropping the sweet tone of his voice. He looked like a spoiled child more than anything, Jaehyun raised a brow unimpressed. “We need time to adjust too, you know!” 

“There’s no such thing as ' _adjusting'_. I clearly notified everyone via email about the performance assessments yesterday” Jaehyun tries to leave but Donghyuck’s hand grabs his arm _again_. 

“I was really busy yesterday though! I was at a student council meeting!” Jaehyun tries to shake his arm free from the little rascals claws but fails. “I’m the student council’s volunteering department manager! And I volunteer by using my pretty face to…” 

Jaehyun was not a believer in violence, but he wanted to congratulate whoever that had just smacked Donghyuck’s head with his physics IV book. A boy a little shorter than Donghyuck, dark brown hair, cat-like eyes. 

Ah, Huang Rejun. Jaehyun’s new favorite student. 

“Hyuck stop being annoying and leave Mr. Jung alone.” 

Rejun received a narrowed glance from his classmate and pouted whining with his high pitched voice yet.   
  
“Donghyuckie’s hurt Injun-ah, kiss it better.” 

“Don’t talk like that.” Rejun and Jaehyun said at the same time. 

“Mr. Jung is being a meanie Injun-ah.” 

“It’s your fault for not doing the homework Hyuck, but,” Rejun turns to Jaehyun and adds, “The student council is quite busy because of the Saebit Cherry Blossom Festival Mr. Jung, there’s a penalty for the council members I believe, I think you should talk with our advisor about it.” 

Jaehyun looked between the two boys weighing his options. He knew they tend to saturate with work the people that are in clubs, he remembers Yuta’s eye-bags when he had to organize the dance festival in their senior year. So he nodded and asked Rejun:

“Sure, who’s your advisor, Mr. Huang?” 

Rejun looked towards the hall, looking for someone. 

“He’s over there.” He smiled while poking his finger to the figure that was making their way, two brown boxes stacked one over another. A blonde mop of hair emerged from behind the boxes. 

“Oh, Rejun-ah, Hyuck-ah, hey!”

_Motherfucker._

Lee Taeyong’s beautiful blonde locks looked so fluffy bouncing above that pretty little head of his. He was about to approach Taeyong to help him with those heavy boxes when that little menace that was Donghyuck tried to cling to the older side. 

“Hey, careful!” 

“Taeyongie Sir, Mr. Jung is being mean! He’s bullying poor Hyuckie about homework!” 

“I’m not.” Answers Jaehyun, like the child he truly was. 

“Mr. Lee, do you need any help?”

“No, no, it’s alright, Rejun don’t worry about it!” Taeyong did say he could handle it, but his arms were shaking just like last time, his face was a little flustered, a pretty shade of pink dusted his cheeks because of the effort and he even sounded a little out of breath.

“Uh...How about I carry those for you anyway?”

Carefully he placed the boxes from Taeyong's arms to his earning an adorable. “Thank you Jaehyun-ah!”

If he didn’t have any pride in him he would have screamed in joy and squealed. But Jaehyun had the horrible feeling that that little shit Lee Donghyuck would use it as blackmail material and he wouldn’t give him the pleasure. 

"Where do you want these boxes?" Jaehyun said behind the boxes.

"To the student council room, come with me Jaehyun-ah" He felt cold fingers on his back trying to guide him through the hall. He was pretty sure his ears were a deep shade of red, his face felt really hot and he could taste his heart in his throat. It didn’t help at all that he could hear Lee Donghyuck’s fake whisper to Huang Rejun as they were leaving.

“Did you see his face Injunie?” 

Jaehyun was this close to go back and smack Donghyuck with Rejun’s book himself. 

* * *

  
The student council room was situated in the same building as the teacher’s office, it was a small classroom, just a table with 6 chairs in the middle of the room and a big bookcase full of books and other things. There were lots of posters and papers in the table where they had their meetings. There was a little pot with flowers at the head of the table, which must be Taeyong’s spot. It was nice. 

“I see you’re already making friends with the students, that’s good,” The older said taking out books and other supplies from the big box Jaehyun was carrying. He was having some trouble getting to the top of the bookcase, but Taeyong, Jaehyun found out, was a little stubborn and he insisted he did do things himself even if he couldn't. 

“I didn’t know you were the advisor for the student council.” Taeyong tilted his head to the side confused like he was trying to remember if he told him that. ”Rejun told me. He said you guys are really busy now.”

“Ah, yes, we’re preparing for the cherry blossom festival and since I’m the only advisor it’s been...hard.” He huffed, trying to get a box that was on top of the bookcase again. “I have to stay late and…”

Jaehyun glances worriedly at the tumbling box, Taeyong has his face turned to him while he is talking, ignoring completely the safety hazard that the box means. He continues lightheartedly

“That’s why I’m thinking of finding another….”

Jaehyun's limbs move on their own as he pushes Taeyong against the bookcase, brining his body close with one hand and trying to keep the box from falling on both their heads with the other. Since he is taller he takes that as an advantage and covers the older with his body, incase his hand gives out and the box falls. He can handle another bump on his head if it means keeping Taeyong away from harm’s way. When he's sure that nothing going to happen he looks down at the older’s face, they are so, so close, more than it’s socially acceptable but Jaehyun’s body can’t seem to move an inch from Taeyong’s warmth. 

“I’m sorry.” His hand still resting on the older’s waist, he’s fighting with every ounce of his body that’s screaming at him to move closer if it's possible. He licks his lips nervously. 

“No, it’s okay...Thank you Jaehyun-ah.” 

Slowly he takes a step back his eyes still locked with Taeyong’s. They stay in silence for a while, the low ruffle of the trees, the voices of people passing the office as a background. Now that he’s looked closer Taeyong’s got a scar near his right eye that kind of looks like a rose or maybe that was just Jaehyun being a romantic. He had faint dark circles under his eyes and his eyes were a little droopy with sleep.

He looked really tired. 

“Uh, Taeyong uh...Hyung?” Jaehyun gulps uncomfortably still feeling too close to the older despite the distance. “If you are really busy...why don’t I help out a bit?”

Without warning, Taeyong takes a step closer and grabs Jaehyun’s hand squeezing it tightly bringing it to his chest. His big eyes spark with joy. 

“Really?! So, you’ll be the secondary advisor Jaehyun-ah?” Jaehyun knew Taeyong was one of the most beautiful people he’s ever seen, but seeing him like this, eyes shining with joy, happy smile plastered on his face, faint pink tint on his cheeks, it’s surreal. He looks ethereal. 

“Uh—” _Shit, shit, shit._ “I guess?” 

Taeyong gave his hand another squeeze.

“That’s great Jaehyun-ah!, I was actually thinking of asking you too!” With a last squeeze Taeyong lets go of his hand and dashes to the door, the warm smile still on his face. “I’ll go and tell all the council members! They’ll be so happy.” And with a little wave, Taeyong dashes outside the classroom with a happy little bounce on his steps. 

“Oh, okay.” Jaehyun answers baffled to the air still shocked by the older’s reaction. The hand that Taeyong was holding tingles a little and he flexes it unconsciously. 

It was cute, the older had such a big reaction just by Jaehyun offering his help. It looked like it meant a lot for Taeyong, so he wasn’t going to question what were his new duties as part of the council. It couldn't be that bad 

It made something warm spread across his body making it hum. 

This was definitely becoming a problem. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S.O. to my man RuPaul for the "How's your head?" joke, I don't know why it sounds like something Johnny would say irl. Season 7 was one of my faves just because of that running gag with Miss Fame. 
> 
> Sorry for the short update, but the purpose of the first two chapters are presenting their personalities and their dynamics, next chapter's going to have a time skip and a little more plot so yay! 
> 
> Feedback is welcomed and as always let's stay in touch on twitter @krongkid


	3. Three

“Ah! Look at you being a gentleman and helping out Mr. Lee with the student council!” 

In the end, Jaehyun couldn’t get out of his work dinner, Johnny had been completely against his plan of inventing an elaborate lie so he could ditch Mr. Kang and CO, so by the end of his shift, three weeks into his new job, Mr. Kang had dragged him, Taeyong and two other teachers of the science department, Kim Jongin, who was teaching Biology and who's desk was in front of Jaehyun’s on the teacher offices and the new Sociology’s teacher a funny and loud guy named Byun Baekhyun that actually entered the school the same time as Jaehyun and had been his “induction buddy” as Mr. Kang liked to call them, to a Korean Barbecue near the school. They had been there for a little under an hour and Mr. Kang had already gulped two bottles of soju and four glasses of beer. His cheeks were a little red from the alcohol, and voice hoarse from shouting and laughing at Baekhyun antics all night. 

The thing is, Jaehyun was a calm and collected man by nature. Some even say he was like a little inexpressive of sorts but Mr. Kang, he was testing his limits tonight. The Vice-principal had this annoying habit of hitting the person or thing next to him when he laughed. And he laughed a lot. So was his luck that today it happened to be Jaehyun and Jongin’s backs to be in the receiver end of his drunken antics, all of their clothes were drenched with the soju they had yet to drink, the strong smell that clung to his shirt made him feel worse than when he was 17 and he decided to drink the sketchy alcohol that Johnny had purchased to celebrate the end of exams, he had thrown up on Doyong's sleeping bag and passed out in the middle of a drunken play-fight with Yuta, he felt like dying in the morning. Jaehyun had kept his poker face all night, and his mind preoccupied with the new game of Mario Bros he had bought a few days ago and that was waiting for him at home, it was the only thing keeping him from exploding at his boss. He tried to not let it show, he really did, he tried to crack a smile here and there when something amused him, but he could tell that there was a twitch on his eyebrows and he didn't know how long would he be able to hold it.

Jongin, on the other hand, wasn’t as subtle as Jaehyun, he had the biggest frown attached to his face, pursed lips and narrowed eyes glaring at Mr. Kang. Something about the way that Jongin’s handsome face contorted in distress and anger had sparkled something on Baekhyun because it had become his goal of the night to make the younger man laugh or riled up more, Jaehyun still wasn't debating what it was.

“I knew you were a good one Jung! It’s nice to see you two getting along!” Mr. Kang says pointing at the man in front of Jaehyun, glass almost empty, soju flying out all over the table and on Jaehyun’s and Jongin’s clothes for the nth time. Jongin’s frown deepens even more.

Baekhyun snorts loudly in amusement.

Taeyong is sitting in front of them smiling slightly at the scene, he was in charge of grilling the meat so he had kept quiet all night, diligently working and giving it out to Jaehyun and the rest as it was done, laughing behind his hand at Baekhyun’s silly comments, maybe in fear of offending Jongin who was the target of them. Taeyong also was trying to keep to himself that night since Mr. Kang had been adamant that the older drank as much as soju as him, but Taeyong hadn't had taken a sip from the glass in front of him since they arrived. Maybe he wasn't really a big fan of drinking, Jaehyun thought to himself. 

He looked cute, all flushed from the heat of the grill making him a little sweaty, bangs clinging to his forehead, still, he looked the prettiest, but then again when he did not?. Jaehyun didn’t even register that he was looking directly at Taeyong until the older gave him a little smile and raised one of his eyebrows as if he was waiting for him to say something. The younger drowned his first soju glass that Mr. Kang hadn’t spilled to break the contact, maybe was the way he drowned it, that the little alcohol he had taken made his head a little dizzy and hyperaware of everything that was going on: the noise coming from Mr. Kang was getting on this nerves, he could feel Taeyong’s eyes still on his face and he was _this_ close to scream.

He wanted to go home.

“Excuse me, I’m going outside for some fresh air.”

“Jung! I didn’t peg you to be such a light drinker!” shouts Mr. Kang. 

Jaehyun wasn’t but he just nods politely and scrambled his way outside of the little restaurant before he could roll his eyes like a fucking brat. He could maybe have tolerated Mr. Kang and his drunken antics every other night. Jaehyun knew he’d be in a better mood if he could also get drunk and relax, but he just couldn’t do it, not with Taeyong there. 

Jaehyun was really conscious of every single thing the older did, the way he talked, the way he smiled, the way his little nose scrunched when he didn’t like something, it was difficult to be himself around Taeyong. The last thing he needed was getting himself drunk and say something ridiculous to the older, like how his eyes sparkled against the shitty light of the restaurant or something equally as horrendous. 

It was also becoming a problem the longing stares he was starting to catch himself throwing the older’s way. The worst part was that it all happened unconsciously and at the most random times. Sometimes it was when they were in the teacher’s office sitting side by side, talking about anything and everything and Taeyong would give him this kittenish smile when Jaehyun would say something witty and he would stare until the older had to repeat himself or shake his fingers in front of the younger to catch his attention. He was running out of excuses, there was so many times he could reassure the older that his spacing out was because of his lack of sleep. And Taeyong, poor Taeyong was so kind, he’d buy a chamomile tea for Jaehyun whenever the younger spouted his shitty excuse. 

Other times, when they were eating outside in the Basketball bleachers sharing some cookies while watching the games the freshman did on their breaks and Jaehyun would say something about the game or related to basketball and Taeyong would make this little sounds like ' _Oh_ ' or ' _Ah_ ' in understanding, attentive listening to his rambling. He then would look at the game and ask in his tiny voice: _'Is that a V dribble, Jaehyun-ah?'_

And Jaehyun would just stare mesmerized at the older’s profile still looking at the game while he’d hum the answer that yes, it was. Taeyong had actually listened to his rambling and if he was a bigger man he’d actually ruffled his already messy hair in appreciation. 

It was also kind of a problem that he was getting this affected by someone that was supposed to be just a crush. It was getting out of hand and he doesn’t know how long it’s going to get until the older caught on of this little _thing._

He rested his head on the wall behind him and covered his eyes with his hands trying to catch his breath. Even thinking about the older made his heartbeat like crazy. He knew he was acting ridiculous, thinking there’s meaning behind those innocent gestures of kindness. He was only making this bigger than it was and the only one affected and getting sick with nerves was Jaehyun. 

Sighing he looked back at the little window where he could make out the silhouette of Mr. Kang with his hands up probably spilling more soju on poor Jongin and Baekhyun’s clapping like a mad man, loud enough that he could faintly hear it outside, they were getting possibly drunker and drunker by the minute or at least Mr. Kang’s silhouette sure as hell looked trashed. He covered his eyes again and took a deep breath, maybe it was time to go back and...

Wait, Jongin, Baekhyun, Mr. Kang...where was Lee Taeyong? Was he...Wait.

_No._

Lee Taeyong better not be coming here and be all good and perfect and concerned about Jaehyun’s well being. He brings his hands to his eyes. 

_Please don’t come out here Lee Taeyong, please don’t come. Please don’t…._

“Does your head hurt a lot?” 

Cold fingers held his hand as the older tries to uncover his eyes slowly, as he was scared of hurting Jaehyun. When his eyes focused there were big ones searching for any sign of discomfort or pain in his. Jaehyun's knees felt a little wobbly. He shakes his head.

"No." 

He jumps in his place when there's something wet on his other hand and he looks down startled, Taeyong was shoving a water bottle while his other hand moved from Jaehyun’s hand to his forehead, checking his temperature still not convinced that the younger was fine. The cool skin against his hot forehead sent a chill down his spine. 

_There it was again. That feeling._

Titling his head in thanks he sipped the water slowly, Taeyong’s hand still on his forehead as he leaned on the wall next to the younger. Jaehyun belted down the water faster. 

“It’s tough trying to keep up with Mr. Kang don’t you think?" Taeyong asks watching Jaehyun still with a little nervous glint in his eyes. "Baekhyun Hyung and Jongin Hyung are getting pretty drunk already, they drowned two bottles each."

As if on cue, they here's Baekhyun loud laugh making its way outside the restaurant.

"Baekhyun Hyung said something about Jongin Hyung needing to relax a little and Hyung looked like he wanted to cry so he agreed in a heartbeat.” Taeyong retreats his hand and gives Jaehyun a little smile. “I didn’t think you’d be a lightweight.” 

Again, Jaehyun wasn’t. He wanted to save his honor a little and say that the real reason was because he was acting this way was because of Taeyong but he doesn’t think the older would appreciate. He shrugs in answer and keeps drinking his water in silence. 

They stay side by side, watching the cars and people passing by the restaurant in silence. He can clearly hear Mr. Kang’s obnoxious laughter and Baekhyun’s loud shriek again. He’s really not sure if he prefers staying here with Taeyong the two of them alone in silence or going back there. 

He’s still weighing his options when he feels a tug on his sleeve. 

“Jaehyun-ah.” 

He turns his head and finds the older smiling up at him, little crescents forming on his pretty eyes. The moonlight is reflecting on his blonde hair making him look like a creature out of a fairy tale. He feels his cheek flush. 

“How about we sneak off?”

With his heart at his throat, his eyes a big as saucers, he blabbers mortified, “W-where?”

Jaehyun's ears are on fire right now. Did he die? Is he dead? 

“To my home of course.” The older responds nonchalantly like it was obvious; a smile still plastered on his face. 

Jaehyun feels like crying. 

* * *

Taeyong had made up this lie where Jaehyun had puked on the street and Taeyong, being the good Hyung he was, was taking him back to his apartment. Apparently, Mr. Kang was so drunk he had passed out on the table snoring loudly, Jongin and Baekhyun were tipsily giggling and talking about some drama they were both watching so they really didn’t mind Taeyong’s lie too much. He was relieved he didn’t have to make the lie himself, he’s terrible at that stuff. 

They picked a cab really fast since it was still early and before Jaehyun could muster his address to the driver, Taeyong beat him up to him and gave his instead. Turns out he wasn’t kidding about going to his place after all. 

_Guess I’ll just die now._

The drive from the barbecue restaurant to Taeyong’s department was a relatively short one, just 20 minutes. It felt longer for Jaehyun, who spent those 20 minutes nervously tapping his feet and glancing every now and then to Taeyong who was happily humming along with the radio, eyes closed. Around Jaehyun’s fifth mental breakdown, they arrived at a new apartment complex and after paying the driver, Taeyong dragged him inside and up to the 10th floor. 

He knew the older man was a clean guy, he’s seen his desk and the council office but Taeyong’s place was a hospital-level kind of clean,it looked a little cold, there was little to no proof that someone lived there, no pictures, no cute little things like stuffed animals or fluffy socks under the couch. Nothing. It was cold and so un-Taeyong, it didn't feel homey or warm like the older. Almost all the furniture was white, the couches the dining table, the little TV dresser...

“FUCK!”

There was a big cabinet in the middle of the living room and he had, somehow, failed to see it. He crunched down in pain, holding his injured foot on his hands, trying not to curse more but there were tears pickling in his eyes as he tried to ease the blinding pain he felt on his toe finger. At least there was no blood he thought bitterly trying to control his breath.

There was some shuffling in the background followed by the frantic footsteps and the concerned voice of Taeyong, “Oh, oh, are you alright?”

Taeyong sounded out of breath too like he had who had flown from the kitchen to kneel next to Jaehyun.

“Why’s _that_...in the middle?” Jaehyun sniffles while glaring at the cabinet. He finds his hands being replaced by Taeyong’s, who's massaging the spot looking back at the cabinet with a blank almost cold face.

“I’m sorry about that, it’s a gift from a...friend.” Taeyong tries to smile a little, it looks more like a grimace. He bites his lip before continuing, “But I don’t really use it.”

Taeyong stops his ministrations on his foot and looks at the floor face still cold and void of emotions, Jaehyun shivers a little.

“I really need to get rid of it soon.” He murmurs lowly, to himself. 

He gives a light pat on Jaehyun’s foot as he stands from the floor making his way back to the kitchen. 

“It's going to leave a bruise, I could lend you some ointment if you'd like." Jaehyun shakes his head. "Ok, then relax a bit. I’ll cook us some dinner.” His voice sounds flat even if his words are meant to be welcoming and warm. 

He’s never seen Taeyong so...cold before.

He doesn’t like it one bit. 

They stayed in silence as Taeyong chops some greens for a stew he is cooking while Jaehyun’s sitting pretty stiffly on the couch, eyes going back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, still nervous about the whole ordeal of being in the older’s home. There’s some clatter coming from the kitchen and he tries to calm the loud tapping sound of his left foot as he anxiously waits for the dinner to be ready. After some time, he decides that enough is enough and gets up from the couch to wander around in the living room to calm his nerves. He doesn’t think Taeyong would mind. 

He spots some books on a shelf near the TV, most of them are old science books, there’s a big one of physical chemistry and Jaehun feels a shiver go down his body. He remembers how difficult it was, the long hours in the library, eyes tired, pickling by the lack of sleep, body twitching and running on heavy amounts of caffeine as he and some of his classmates tried to devour the whole book for finals. He drags his eyes along the book titles again, there are some old maths and philosophy books, just like the ones Jaehyun used to when he was in high school. He doesn’t pay any mind it’s not uncommon for teachers to use the same books once they found the perfect one for their classes.

He halts thought when his eyes fall upon a thin-looking blue book, a yearbook, the same yearbook 17-year-old Jaehyun had tossed in his closet when he had graduated and was probably still collecting dust in his parent's house.

It read ' _Kyunggi High School'_ with gold letters. 

_No fucking way._

But...there was only one reason to have the yearbook. Taeyong had to be an ex-Kyunggi High alumni like himself and by the look of the year on the cover, he had been only one year above Jaehyun. He remembers Mr. Kang saying they were only a few years apart in one of their morning talks. His fingers shake a little as he reaches for the yearbook, he has to look, he has to see it for himself, he has to know….

He hears Taeyong calling his name but he can’t seem to move from the shelf hand touching the spine of the yearbook. He can’t bring himself to take it and search for what he is looking for. It’s just a hunch but his hunches were never wrong. 

_What if you are?_

Maybe, Taeyong’s friend could left that too, like that horrendous cabinet and maybe he didn’t had the heart to throw it out. 

_Why is it so important for you to know?_

“Ah! I see you found my graduation album!” 

He turns slightly hand still on the air and sees Taeyong leaning next to shelf with an amused smile on his lips. He raises his eyebrows at his awkward position, Jaehyun lowers his hand. 

“Hyung, you went to Kyunggi High too?” 

“Yeah, both middle and high school. You did too, right?” Taeyong asks it with a smile on his lips, like one did when you were talking about the weather. Nonchalant. It seems like Taeyong could not sense how tense Jaehyun was at the moment. 

Jaehyun _had_ mentioned before that he had graduated from Kyunggi High if he recalls—he mentioned in one of their first talks, when he was helping Taeyong move the supply boxes to the chemistry lab on his first day. 

But then—

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Taeyong raises his eyebrows surprised by the question before walking to the nearest couch and sitting down. “Well, I didn’t think it was important.” He rests his face on one of his hands and looks at Jaehyun from his spot. “I try not to dwell too much in the past, especially school days. They don’t mean a lot to me, you know?”

_No. I don’t know._

Jaehyun's heart began to beat wildly again and his chest filled with the feeling of something new in him.

Could it be? 

Could it be that the boy he had been looking for was in front of him right now? 

Let's review: Taeyong was a senior when Jaehyun was a junior so they totally were at the same time in that school, he enjoyed watching basketball during lunch but never played and Jaehyun always played during that time, he has the same clean smell of lavender, the same thin cold fingers. Maybe it’s too much of a stretch, maybe he likes Taeyong too much so he is looking for things to situate him in that infirmary with Jaehyun 10 years ago. 

His heart stagger’s in his chest. 

_Everything checked but if Taeyong really was him—_

Jaehyun begins before he can stop himself. “Is this really the first time that we’ve met?”

_Why didn't he said anything?_

His lungs burn from the lack of oxygen since he’s holding his breath waiting for Taeyong to say something. He repeats the questions again, as calm as he can. 

“What?” musters Taeyong, eyes wide clearly caught off guard by his burst. His hands leave his face to rest on his knees as Jaehyun sits carefully in the coffee table in front of the older, eyebrows knit together as millions of thoughts ran through his mind as he frantically tries to connect the dots. He tries to focus on the older’s wide eyes before speaking again. 

“There’s someone I’ve been looking for...and You and him—” Jaehyun tries again. ”You remind me of him. A lot. He...he stayed with me lulling me to sleep when I was 16. Just like what you did for me some days ago”

Taeyong sits a little straighter on the couch without breaking eye contact with him, he can see the older's fingers nervously fidget on his lap. Taeyong breathes as his posture relaxes a little as his face loses some stiffness on his shoulders he had spotted a second ago. His eyes fill with something Jaehyun can’t put a name on, but something in him knows what the older’s going to say before he says it. 

“I’m sorry...but that’s probably someone else?” 

His heart lunches, he can feel a hole in his stomach, a cold shiver runs through all his body. Just like it had begun it's gone in an instant. Taeyong’s looking at him with worry, he waves a hand in front of the older when he sees his about to open his mouth to probably apologize again.

“No, no, don’t apologize, I'm the one who...who's wrong.” Jaehyun says in the most nonchalant voice possible. He’s pretty sure Taeyong doesn’t believe him, he’s always been a shitty liar. “It was so long ago...and it was just a moment but...I always wanted to, you know. I just, really treasure it and—I sound like a creep, don't I?” He asks before finally shutting up.

Jaehyun's gaze is back to the floor trying to escape the older’s filled with worry. He tries to smile a little with no avail. “I’m sorry Hyung.” 

He feels Taeyong’s cold fingers holding his hand.

Jaehyun feels a squeeze, he squeezes back. 

“I’m sure he’d be happy that you remember him Jaehyun-ah.” Taeyong urges him to look up, only to find Taeyong giving him a smile so sweet that Jaehyun can’t help but chuckle at the older. 

“I hope so.” 

* * *

“Hyung.I'm really fine with sleeping on the couch.” Jaehyun's voice comes a little high pitched due to the nerves. He squeezes the pillow on his arms unconsciously, tighter against his chest trying to cover his body—Taeyong had borrowed him some clothes since his reeked of soju, but the T-shirt clung to his body a little too tightly and his sweatpants were a little too tight around his thighs and crotch for Jaehyun's comfort. 

He's beyond mortified. 

Taeyong, on the other hand, just pouts again and shakes his head from his place on the bed. "You are a guest! I can’t ask you to sleep there.” Jaehyun huffs annoyed narrowing his eyes at the other man, his grip on the pillow grows tighter. “You refused when I said I’d sleep on the couch, and neither of us are going to sleep on the floor!”

Jaehyun is _this_ close to bolt out of the older's apartment. 

“Besides, the bed’s big enough so there’s plenty of room I swear!” As if trying to show how much room there’s in the bed, Taeyong moves a little to the left and moves the covers to let him in the bed.

“Hyung.” 

Seems like Taeyong doesn’t care for Jaehyun’s state of mind since he just smiles gently and pats the space next to him. His smile is gentle and his eyes are a little droopy due to sleep.

Shit. Jung Jaehyun, you weak, weak man. “Fine then.” 

After Jaehyun’s little love story they had dinner in the kitchen counter, a delicious kimchi stew that Taeyong had made while Jaehyun had his nth mental breakdown of the night. They continued to talk about their times as students in Kyunggi High, their favorite classes, the teachers and so on.

Still, it was weird for Jaehyun that he never met each other since it looked like they had some of the same teachers and other stuff. By the time Jaehyun yawned for the third time in a row, Taeyong had dragged his ass to his bedroom, before he could even think of calling a cab. Jaehyun had protested, of course, a little scandalized, he was not going to survive sleeping in the same place as the older. He insisted, almost begged, to call a cab but Taeyong had whined how it was so late (It’s 2:00 AM), and a Friday night (“ _It’s going to be so hard hailing a cab._ ”) and how he should just crash here. When Jaehyun was about to open his mouth to whine the older had just rolled eyes, shoved spare clothes to Jaehyun and shoo him to the bathroom. 

And that takes up back to now, where Taeyong’s been asleep for some time, soft snores filling the room as Jaehyun continues to stare blankly at the ceiling hands glued to his sides careful not to move an inch and accidentally touch the older. As if the mere touch of Taeyong’s skin would consume him and turn Jaehyun into ashes. 

He felt restless, not only because of the man that lay beside him peacefully sleeping unaware of the turmoil that was going on his mind but for everything that had happened today. 

Jaehyun was more than a little ashamed at how he had acted when he saw the yearbook. He closes his eyes tightly feeling his skin crawl with shame and moves a little further from the older. Taeyong had been nice enough to not freak out and kick his sorry ass out of his house, Jaehyun would have. But that’s the thing, Taeyong, as Jaehyun came to realize in this past few days, is the most genuinely nice people he knows. 

A part of him was a little disappointed if had been honest with himself. Taeyong and _him—_ they’re too alike for it to be a coincidence. Sadly, life doesn't always work the way you want. 

But, what if he said he was that person?

Taeyong, Taeyong is the nicest person he knows, he’s just like sunshine, to be honest. It would have been perfect if he had been that person. Jaehyun kind of wishes he was. There’s some rustle of covers as Taeyong turns his body to face Jaehyun’s, the duvet pooling at his waist. He looks so peaceful even if his face smashed against the pillow, and there’s a little pout on his plump lips. Jaehyun smiles like a fool and reaches to pull the covers back to Taeyong’s smaller frame. 

At this rate, his little crush was on its way to becoming an infatuation. 

It's a little scary how okay Jaehyun is with that.

* * *

“Well look at you two, always together these days. I’m going to get jealous.”

The gravelly voice of Na Jaemin sounds a little like a whine as he makes his way to the table of the school council room. He’s carrying the flyers Jaehyun had asked him to print for them so they could begin to promote the Blossom Festival as soon as possible since they had a little less than a month to finish everything. He carefully put them on the table before sitting next to Rejun and smiled mischievously at the two teachers. 

Like Rejun and Donghyuck, Jaemin was also a Junior. But unlike his two friends, Jaemin had actually taken their course the year before and was in Jaehyun’s advanced physics class. 

Jaehyun liked Jaemin, unlike Donghyuck, he actually paid attention, the younger had even started to ask Jaehyun questions about how was the work field for someone with a science degree. Jaehyun had even caught the younger reading some information about some science and physics programs abroad for him to take. Jaemin was actually a really sweet kid, he wasn’t as touchy as Donghyuck, and he had a deadpan sense of humor like Rejun, and like Taeyong he also talked pursing his lips in a pout.

There was no surprise he was his new favorite council member. Jaehyun had a soft spot for people with big doe eyes. 

“The pain of having to stand all of you is a burden that must be shared.” Jaehyun answers with a teasing smile, turning to face the students who until now had all been quietly gossiping waiting for Jaemin to be back. 

In reality, Jaehyun and Taeyong had been talking about the movie Baekhyun had recommended the other day when he found out that both of them liked horror movies. Jaehyun had been a little surprised that the older actually enjoyed those kinds of films since Taeyong had a habit to get scared really easily. He guesses the blonde was the kind of person to “ _watch_ ” this movies between his fingers or with his face burrowed between pillows making little distressed yelps whenever a jump-scare happened. He had to stop his wild imagination before he began thinking about the both of them on the older’s couch, face pressed against his neck as they watch Jaehyun’s favorite horror movie on his TV, his arm hugging the older to him to try and calm him down—

Jaemin throws his head back and laughs, “Please Mr. Jung, I always pay attention to what you say, _always._ ”

“You better be,” spats Rejun eyes narrowing as he looks at the boy beside him. “You’re the president after all.” 

Jaemin just smiles slyly and takes out his phone, fingers moving fast as he answers some messages. Rejun rolls his eyes and taps Jaemin’s head with his knuckles. 

“You're always on your phone, you never know what’s going on.” 

“That’s cause I have important messages to check.” Jaemin answers, with his eyes still trained to his phone. "But don’t get jealous InJunie you have all my attention,” He throws a cheesy wink to his friend before pocketing his phone in his blazer. “ _Now_ ”

“Gross.” 

“Wow, you can’t go one minute without flirting with someone.”

Teases Donghyuck who’s sitting on the far corner of the table with his hands behind his head. Beside him, a raven haired boy who had been quietly reading a magazine raises his head, voice strained.“Seriously Nana, you’ve just arrived.”

“Aw don’t be mad Nono, you know it’s actually you who I love.” From across the table, Jaemin makes a kissy face at Lee Jeno, who clicks his tongue in disdain at the boy. “That’s why I save the best for last.”

“Save it.”

“Speaking of flirting,” parrots Donghyuck looking mischievously at Jaehyun, who raises his eyebrow ready to fight the kid if he needs to. “We came up with a really, really, freaking cute nickname for you Mr. Peaches.”

“Language,” says Taeyong coming closer to the table. He smiles to Jaemin and takes a poster to look at it. 

“Wasn’t Peaches enough Hyuck?” Musters Jaehyun irritably as he looks over Taeyong’s shoulder to see the final design. Rejun had actually come up with the whole idea and had volunteered himself to draw the blossom tree in his tablet, Taeyong had helped Rejun editing some details of the poster before they had sent it to Jaehyun to print. The final result was pretty cute, Jaemin hadn’t been exaggerating when he said Rejun was an extremely talented artist. 

Ignoring Jaehyun’s snarky comment, Donghyuck fishes for his phone fingers moving looking for something. “See?, We even put it as the name on the group chat so it’s official now!” With a Ta-da sound he shows Jaehyun his screen displaying the nickname with a big ass grin on his face. 

_Mr. Lee’s servant._

That little shit. 

Jaehyun snatches rapidly his phone while Taeyong looks curiously at the both of them. Donghyuck flies from his seat trying to grab his phone but Jaehyun’s much taller than him, so he jumps in front of the older frantic arms pulling his arms, his shirt, whatever he can reach. 

“Mr. Lee, Mr. Peaches is being mean.” He whines, arms making grabbing motions to the older. The ugly pouting face returns.

“It’s Mr. Jung brat.” Jaehyun tries to shrug him off, he fails. 

From the corner of his eye he sees Taeyong blinking rapidly, big eyes going between the two of them, clearly confused to what’s going on in. He feels a little bad for acting as immature as Donghyuck, but it’s too late to go back now, he gets on his tip-toes making it even harder for the younger to get his phone. 

“God damn it Hyuck just apologize to the poor man.” shouts Rejun annoyed.

"Language!"

Ignoring, Taeyong's scandalized shriek, Donghyuck yells, “Tell him to give my phone back!”

“Hyuck.” warns Jaemin from his place face nestled in the crook of Jeno’s neck, _When did he get there?._

“Come on, it’s just a silly nickname Mr. Jung, don’t think too much about it.” Musters Jeno from behind his magazine trying to shrug the boy off his shoulder. 

“Well, it’s not silly if it’s the truth.” Adds Jaemin, followed by a slap in the head by the other boy who’s looking at Taeyong now. 

Jaehyun huffs offended and look dumbfounded at those traitors. Does every one of them think that Taeyong has him eating from his palm?

There’s a tap on his back and he glances back at Taeyong who’s looking a little uncomfortable by the chaos in the room. He lowers his hands to his sides as the older ask in a little voice: “Jaehyun-ah, help me with this, please?”

He feels Donghyuck’s little hands snatching his phone away but he doesn’t care, not when Taeyong’s voice sounds so small, his pretty eyes so black that Jaehyun can make out his silhouette on them, his body relaxes at the instant and a smile forms on his face. 

“Sure Hyung, What do you need?” From across the room, he can hear a loud snort. Jaehyun feel's right eye twitch. 

“Oh, I have to go back to the office for something, but," Taeyong turns to go to the door while he looks around the room. “Can you get the box over there and—”

It’s like his body knows when Taeyong’s in danger because, like that first day in this very classroom, his body is flying to the older, grabbing his bonny arm and preventing him from falling face-first on the floor. 

But unlike that first time, he’s not the only one who is helping Taeyong. There’s a younger man on the other side of the older, he’s maybe the same height as Donghyuck, a little on the thinner side, not filling his senior uniform, his wavy black hair is sticking to his forehead, looks like he run to get there. 

“Are you ok Mr. Lee?” The boy's eyes are a little wide as he looks at Taeyong full of concern. Taeyong smiles and nods to the boy and turns to look at Jaehyun mouthing a thank you to the younger, the boy responds by tightening his grip on the others arm. 

“Ya! Mark Lee, you finally show up!” The newcomer turns his head to glare at Donghyuck who’s being held back on his chair by a frowning Rejun. “What? He’s late.”

“I’m not a fixed member.” The boy, Mark answers head slowly turning to Taeyong again and without acknowledging Jaehyun, asks for a second time, more quietly if the older’s okay. Jaehyun huffs amused. 

You see, with all the reunions and classes he has with these boys, Jaehyun has grown to like them all, even Donghyuck and his “ _Let’s torment Jung Jaehyun agenda_ ”. Sure they don’t listen to him 98% of the time (Donghyuck) and has been named the unofficial Lee Taeyong’s servant (again, by Donghyuck), but Jaehyun's fond of them.

This is new for him, getting along with his students, acting like they are friends, honorifics and age gaps be damned, still, he is not fond of all the jabs he gets especially now that the comments were about his relationship with Taeyong, but he tries to suck them up, they are kids after all—not to mention, Jaehyun couldn't help bu wonder if he was just not very discreet about his crush on the elder or they just could smell the fear on Jaehyun and decided to torment him with this just because it pleases them. Teenagers are fucking scary. 

Mark, on the other hand—they just weren’t there yet. Sure, Jaehyun was fond of the boy since Taeyong and the other members of the council spoke so lovingly of him, he was bound to like him without knowing him. Mark was the president of the council last year, but since he was now a senior he didn’t have a lot of time to fulfill his responsibilities, so since all of them bonded over the year Taeyong had invited him to stay as a temporary member, meaning he could participate here and there but he didn’t have to worry about completing his weekly hours. So Mark was not around a lot so he and Jaehyun hadn’t had the chance to get to know each other that well.

It didn’t look like it bothers Mark that much since he didn’t seem to be very fond of Jaehyun since he all but grunts and frowns at Jaehyun when ever he has a chance, especially when he is with Taeyong. He thinks it maybe has to do with the crush the boy has on Taeyong or at least is what he suspects this is what's about. Which, it’s cute, he can’t blame the boy, Taeyong is beautiful and nice, but is bothersome trying to work with Taeyong in the budget for the council when a 17 year old is doing his best to intimidate him, heavy set of brown eyes throwing daggers at his way.

(It could also be that he had taken a habit of calling him by his Korean name instead of his birth name when Hyuck had mentioned that Mark really dislikes it. Whatever it was he felt the need to be-friend the boy and that's that.

Johnny had called him childish when he told him his plan. 

Johnny doesn’t know shit.) 

“Aren’t you going to greet me, Minhyung?” Jaehyun waits for a reaction but the boy still has his eyes on Taeyong’s face. A few seconds pass, before dark eyes find Jaehyun; he mutters a ' _hello'_ and quickly averts his gaze from Jaehyun to look back at Taeyong. 

“Thank you guys but...you’re both still.” Taeyong tries to move his hands from the grasps of the two men at his sides, he adds with a little laugh. “I feel like I’m being arrested.” 

Jaehyun raises his brow and points with his head to the younger man grasp on Taeyong. “Minhyung.” 

Mark moves Taeyong’s arm a little to his side like he’s trying to get him away from Jaehyun, still, he loses his hold on the older. “I caught him first.”

“So?” Jaehyun chimes trying to sound unimpressed and not amused as he feels. Mark really takes everything so seriously it’s adorable. So just because he can he adds,“I'm helping my friend so it's okay.” Under his breath to see what reaction he gets from the boy. 

Mark glares at him coming a little closer to him. 

Bingo!

“I met him first.” 

He really needs to stop teasing Mark like this but he can’t help himself, the boy looks like a little cub, little white canines showing on with the growl he’s spotting. Donghyuck clears his throat loudly in a poor attempt to make his friend snap out of it. “Well, you never truly get to know a person...” 

Mark takes another step closer to Jaehyun, “Well, you know what they say…”

“ _Hey_! So I’ll meet you downstairs so we can begin the distribution of the booths okay?” Chirps Taeyong finally stopping the pointless bickering, he points to the posters in the table “Guys, take some and start plastering the poster everywhere near the courts yes?” All of them hum in unison, he knows they were too entertained watching the little scene in front of them. He turns to Jaehyun, wide eyes looking at his wrist where Jaehyun’s hand is now resting, he smiles a little. 

“I have to go real quick to the teacher’s office, I count on you, yeah?”

Jaehyun squeezes his arm before he lets go, flashing a smile of his own he says, “Sure Hyung, don’t worry.” 

With a last smile to the boys and Mark, Taeyong’s out of the door. He can feel eight pairs of eyes on his back waiting for him and Mark to continue their little quarrel. He turns his head to look and catches them trying to look away not wanting to meet his eyes. Donghyuck is the only one who gives up and winks at Jaehyun before resting his face in his palms. 

“Okay so guys please take 20 posters each, there’s masking tape on the bookcase and Minhyung—” Jaehyun's interrupted by a growl which he ignores. ” _Minhyung_ , you carry those for me.” He points to the couple of boxes that are on the floor and have all the binders with their planning and some other things they need to assign the places for the booths.

“The rest of you,” Jaehyun points to Donghyuck, Rejun, Jeno, and Jaemin who still has his face buried on Jeno’s neck. “Follow me to the basketball court.” 

“But there’s a lot of boxes. I have to make at least _two_ trips.” Mark whines, eyes still narrowed. 

It's good cardio." Jaehyun mouths. He throws one last smile, and just because he can, he makes sure his dimples are in full display before he follows the other boys out of the room.

"Fighting Canada!"

Mark’s groans so loud he can hear it while he makes his way down the stairs. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of things:
> 
> -Yay! my babies Kaibaek finally made an appearance and you better believe they pop here and there even if there were no coworkers in the comics.  
> -Also, the dreamies finally appear! Jisung and Chenle appear later so don't worry I didn't forget about them.  
> -I know Jaehyun and Mark's relationship is not like this, but I couldn't think of any other dreamie (minus Donghyuck) who could bicker with Jaehyun as Mark will so  
> -Ah yes the "let's share the bed" cliché *chef kisses* you can cross it from y'all romance fic bingo!  
> -I find it adorable that irl that Taeyong and Jaehyun said in an interview that they loved scary movies and that the Conjuring was their favorite. 
> 
> About the story: 
> 
> -The next chapters are a little longer than the first two since we are now entering the ~plot~  
> \- The editing of the chapters is taking longer than I thought, so please bear with me! 
> 
> Thanks for your comments and kudos and all of that! it really helps me get better. You can come and talk to me on twitter @krongkid


	4. Interlude

The halls are empty since all students are either in their club meetings or done for the day. It’s nice like this, Taeyong thinks as he makes his way quietly to the Teacher’s office, he likes the quiet, it calms him. He loves all his boys but they are sometimes a handful, so he cherishes these little moments to himself whenever he can them. He can almost hear the faint sounds of Donghyuck's laughter through the halls, he shakes his head.

A sign on the top of the door gets his attention, making him stop abruptly, the door has a big glass in the middle of it so he peeks at the inside curiously. 

_“He...he stayed with me, lulling me to sleep when I was 16.”_

The infirmary’s empty of course, he didn’t know what he expected to find. With a sigh he looks back at the infirmary again, he hugs the books closer to his chest in a way of comfort. 

_“You remind me of him, a lot.”_

Jaehyun’s little story about the boy in the infirmary had taken him by surprise. The younger’s eyes were so full of so wide and shine full of nostalgia, his voice was so soft despite the clear anxious state he was, it made Taeyong’s skin crawl with something he didn’t know how to name. 

When he had denied being the man that Jaehyun was talking about, his heart almost broke when the hope in the younger’s eyes disappeared, he almost took it back when he saw how deflected he looked, he didn’t like being the one to made him like that. He almost felt guilty. 

It was nothing new, he had always been weak, too quick to give what the other person wanted. 

But, listening to Jaehyun recalling that little memory with such fondness, implying he was looking for the boy after all these years, had almost made him crack. 

He didn’t expect for Jaehyun to _remember._

* * *

“Taeyong, hey, Lee Taeyong.” 

There’s the sound of someone rushing to his seat. Taeyong lifts his eyes from his book and comes face to face with one of his classmates. He nods as a greeting and waits for the inevitable. 

“So, I couldn’t do my homework yesterday...can you let me borrow your notes?” There it is. The boy’s eyeing the notebook on Taeyong’s desk, not once looking at Taeyong in the face while he explains. “I won’t copy all of it! I just need to check three answers please?” 

_Of course._

He says them loud enough and like a beam, the words "copy" and "notes" attract at least three other classmates to his seat. The grip on his book gets a little tighter as a little crowd forms in his desk. 

He tries to control his breathing, he needs to stay calm. 

“Can I see, too?” One of them grabs his notebook not waiting for his answer, his fingers hurting by the way they pulled the notebook out of his grasp. Taeyong grimaces as sees one of his classmates looking at him intently, he gives a cut nod. 

“Woah, you really did all of it!” One says as he begins to look through his notebook. 

“Yes.” Taeyong manages to say through clenched teeth, his body is frozen, unable to do anything. There's cold sweat forming on the crown of his head. 

_Breathe in, breathe out_

“Pretty please?” The first boy says reaching out to touch his shoulders, he flinches a little and hides it with a cough. “You’re the only one we trust.” 

“Yeah, we only trust you, Lee!” Chant the other two moving a little closer to Taeyong. 

_Breathe in, breathe in_

There’s a shout from behind the classroom, “We had homework? Lend it to me too”

Taeyong hears footsteps coming his way and he closes his eyes trying to focus on his shaky hands and irregular breath. 

Most of the time it’s not a big deal, lending someone to look at his notes and homework. But this one homework, this one counts for the monthly evaluations it’s kind of a big deal. He has to put his feet down, he can't let them take it just like that.

It's not fair.

He looks at his classmates ready to turn them down, but there it is, the hopeful eyes, the hand on his shoulder, the words, “ _We only trust you Lee!_ ” echoing in his head. 

Taeyong nods with a little smile on his face as his classmate cheer in unison. 

“Thanks! This will really be the last time, I swear.” 

_You’ve been saying that since freshman year though._

Taeyong watches them go out of the classroom, taking turns running through his notebook, chirping about the schedule to copy his homework. He finally relaxes in his seat and hides again in his book. 

_Breathe in, breathe out._

As a student, Taeyong was painfully shy and a big pushover. As an adult, not much has changed—At least he can talk without blushing or not meeting people’s eyes. So there’s that. Taeyong was the golden boy, the straight A’s boy, the teacher’s pet. And there’s no shame in that, he liked being the reliable one, the one that people could count on. That’s one of the reasons he fits his job as a teacher. To help people. Some may say it was because he liked to kiss the asses of his professors when the reality was that he didn’t like to start problems with anyone, he disliked conflict and people getting mad at him so he let them take and say what they wanted, he did whatever they wanted him to do.

He felt the physical need to please people, to do, as they say, to make them happy even if he himself wasn't. 

If he had to describe the goal for his high school years was simple: to be as plain as possible, to lay low. That was all. No daring moves, no taking chances, no problems. And that worked for the majority of the time. 

Even if that meant not getting to know _him._

* * *

The sun has at its highest point that day, cruel rays burning their skin as Taeyong and his class was taking a break from playing football during PE. Big drops of sweat drenched his shirt, making it cling to his broad shoulders, his skin was red with exhaustion and his muscles were screaming from the exertion. 

“It’s really hot today, I can’t believe they are making us exercise with this goddamn sun.” Said one of Taeyong's classmates, as they began to walk to the other side of the court, were all their things were. 

Taeyong nodded shivering a little when a drop of sweat rolled from his temple to the burning flesh of his cheeks and neck. He was trying to drink his water bottle as fast a possible, when a loud shout got his attention. 

A mop of jet black hair bouncing across the face of a boy, hands covering his nose, eyes murderous as he continues to scream. 

Taeyong smiled fondly. 

_Ah, there he is. Dimples._

The juniors are not so far from where Taeyong and his classmates are trying to catch their breaths, after all the football and basketball courts were next to each other. Still, he moves a little closer trying to hear what the ruckus is all about. 

“Jay I’m so, so sorry.” A boy a lot taller than his peers cries as he grabs the angry boy’s hand in his. “If it makes you feel better,” He puts he balled-up fist hand on his chest. “You can punch me once, come on!” 

Dimples—no, Jay takes his hands off the taller’s grasp yelling, “Does my face looks like the ring fuck-face?!?” He says pinches the other boy’s cheeks as he continues to yell.

Taeyong chuckles behind his water bottle, from the corner of his eye he spots two other boys making their way to their friends. One of them, has his brows together in a worried manner, trying to see if there’s any blood coming of his friend injured nose, the other, has his hands in the form of a fist, chanting animatedly: “Punch him, punch him!” 

“Shut the fuck up Yuta.” Snaps the taller boy. Yuta grins, all white teeth on display as he tries to get away from the taller as he tries to punch him instead. 

Dimples turns to his two friends and follows them in their little chase, yelling his heart out as he catches up to the taller male and continues to pinch his face. His dimples are on full display despite the red nose. 

He looks very lively today too.

He really stands out against his friends. He’s not the tallest, no, that goes to the tower man that is currently getting his face pitched, he’s not the most athletic one, that has to be Yuta, he recognized him from some sports events in the school, apparently, he’s a prodigy in football. But he has something, he can’t pinpoint what it is about him that makes his eyes find him everywhere he is, he feels a pull that attracts him to the boy, a weird need to be closer to him. 

Like a sunflower and the blinding sun.

There's something deep inside Taeyong trying to make sense of what is it. It's not the first time that he's trying to find the words for what he's feeling when he sees the other boy smile so carefree... he’s not so sure what to do with himself, he just knows he has to do something before he gets consumed by this feeling and there’s no turning back. 

He just stands there looking at the other until his class ends. 

* * *

It was a Thursday when it happened.

It was nothing special about that day, Teacher Kang had asked him to take back some books to the infirmary during study period, so he had to make his way thought one building to another in record time since he was hoping to get back as fast as he could to the classroom to finish some assignments before next period. 

But then he saw _him_. 

_Ecstatic Shock_ is what he would later know was what he was feeling at that moment. The surge of energy catching a glance at the sleeping boy in the bed across from him. It was something stronger than him that made it impossible for him to just leave the books and walk away. There was a thrill that pulled from his stomach, filled his lungs with pure air and made him smile without him really meaning too. He liked the way his toes curled when the sleeping boy grunted in his sleep a sign leaving his lips, he needed more of this, whatever it was. So against every single rational fiber inside of him yelling at him to go, he looked for a chair to sit and stay just a little longer. His heart was hammering against his chest and there was an ugly feeling of guilt in the back of his head, the ring of " _What If's_ " filling his ears...it was the first time in years he had made something for himself without thinking about the consequences. It was new, just like everything with the younger. 

He looked slowly to the form on the bed, the boy was snoring lightly, black hair tousled against the pillow, mouth slightly agape. 

It was a little weird if Taeyong was honest. He was never really interested in anyone, let alone someone he had little to no relationship or contact, but here he was, glancing outside the infirmary for anyone that could interrupt them. It was no wonder Taeyong didn't know what to do with himself at this moment. 

Taeyong sat nervously in front of the sleeping boy, fingers burying themselves in his knees, heart loudly beating like it wanted for the younger to hear it. 

He’s never been this close to him before. Almond eyes, smooth skin—He’s even more handsome up-close.

The boy flutters a little and groans in discomfort in his sleep, clearly having a bad dream. Taeyong's eyebrows knit together. 

Class wasn’t over yet, so how come he’s here? Was he sick? He didn’t look like it, no. 

Was he skipping class?

He chuckles at the thought. Taeyong's Hyung would skin him alive if he ever did something like that without telling him. 

There’s another grunt from the boy and a little rustle from the sheets makes his eyes avert his gaze to the younger who looks like he’s waking up. 

A bubble filled with panic begins to form on his chest and without thinking he places his hand in the boy's forehead, cool fingers brushing his fringe a little and with the quietest voice he can murmurs, “You should sleep some more.”

The boy closes his eyes like a little baby, falling back to sleep in a second. 

That’s all it was. Nothing more, but it was all that it took for Taeyong. 

He scrambled as fast and quietly he could out of there. Taeygon's face was red, as he was blushing madly; his hands clammy where they had touched to other boy’s face as he finds a bench secluded by the trees outside of the building to try and calm down. 

Taeyong _really_ hopes the boy didn't see his face, a wave of embarrassment hits him, it can't be, he fell back asleep fast.

What if someone saw, and it turns this into a weird rumor? what if he makes him uncomfortable? What if—

His phone buzzes inside his trousers making him jump from his seat.

_Breathe in, breathe out._

**From: Young Hyung**

Sent: 10:45

Where are you?

**To: Young Hyung**

Sent: 10:45

I’m in the infirmary 

The teacher needed my help with some things

  
  


**From: Hyung**

Sent: 10:46

You weren’t in the infirmary when I checked. 

  
  


Taeyong finger's hover above the screen, a little shocked.

He already checked the infirmary?

_Breathe in, breathe out._

**To: Young Hyung**

Sent: 10:46

I’m going back now! 

**From: Hyung**

Sent: 10:46

It’s hard to find you these days, you’re not in the library during lunch. 

Did you find a new friend that you like?

Right, they hadn’t had lunch together in a while. Young hyung did have a tendency to get lonely easily. 

  
  


**To: Young Hyung**

Sent: 10:47

It’s not like that!

Let’s go home together today!

^^

Taeyong swallows the guilt of lying as he pockets his phone and presses his body back on the bench a little uneasy. Should he tell Hyung he’s been prosperously skipping the library to watch basketball during lunch?

No. No, he’s not going to like it. Taeyong can’t tell him that. Hyung always takes care of Taeyong, _always. A_ nd if he knows what’s he’s been doing, he doesn’t want to worry the older. 

It’s not like he is doing anything wrong thought, and basketball is actually quite fun, even if he doesn’t watch it particularly for the game. Maybe if he explains that it’s a fun sport to watch Hyung'll change his mind and they can watch it together—

**No.**

Hyung won’t like it. 

_“Did you find a new friend that you like?”_

He doesn’t really know. Taeyong’s mind keeps replaying the question on and on. It’s not a hard question, but he doesn’t quite know how to describe what he feels for the younger man. Sure, he is extremely attractive, he seems nice even if they haven’t talked at all, but Taeyong knows he feels a force to be near him when he’s around, he knows he has a toe-curling beautiful voice...

Does that mean he likes him?

There's another buzz.

Taeyong doesn’t check his phone. 

* * *

There’s something about Jaehyun's eyes, even if his face is impassive, and without emotion—Taeyong has learned that just by looking at his eyes he can know what Jaehyun's feeling, his eyes betray him every time.

He hasn't changed a lot since high school, same almond eyes, smooth skin, toe-curling voice. As co-workers, Taeyong has learned a lot of new things about Jaehyun: like how he's eyes convey everything he wants to say, he wears his heart on his sleeve, he's goofy and childish in a very subdued way, he's passionate about things and he's just so warm and gentle with Taeyong.

Jaehyun's such an honest man.

Unlike Taeyong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ecstatic shock. n. the surge of energy upon catching a glance from someone you like—a thrill that starts in your stomach, arcs up through your lungs and flashes into a spontaneous smile—which scrambles your ungrounded circuits and tempts you to chase that feeling with a kite and a key.
> 
> Surprise!? there's going to be two types of chapters in this story: 
> 
> The ones with numbers that are our normal chapters and Jaehyun's our narrator and the interludes were Taeyong is. The interludes are about the past or about an event that's happening so we get to know more about Taeyong. 
> 
> Also, I've already finished the outline of this fic and we are at 48,997 words with JUST the outline, I still have to write the whole thing and edit it so this is going to be a long one boys and girls. I'm planning on updating at least once a week (at least I'm going to try), that way I can write and edit (and also close some plot points and see where the comic is going to go since it's ongoing) 
> 
> Thank you for your comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions! they mean a lot!


	5. Four

“Baekhyun Hyung, Jongin Hyung, good morning!” 

“Ah Good Morning Taeyong!” The low voice of Kim Jongin makes Jaehyun look away from his computer to the door. Taeyong's smiles gently as Baekhyun bounces behind Jongin, one hand in his shoulder and the other trying to balance two cups of steaming coffee. Baekhyun's eyes turn into crescents as he salutes at Taeyong, a big smile painted in his lips. Jongin hisses as if he had been burnt by the hot coffee on the older's hand, he turns to glare at Baekhyun as the shorter smiles even more cheekily and moves to his seat across Jaehyun. 

“Good morning Jaehyun-ah.” 

“Hi Hyung.” Jaehyun answers shyly

He's been waiting for the older to arrive, glancing at the door every now and then since he arrived twenty minutes ago, the weight of the bag next to his feet makes him a little more nervous to face Taeyong than normal.

Jaehyun counts to three in his head, all the courage that he had when he arrived nowhere to be found. He turns to the older who's now waiting for his computer to turn on and tries to sound as casual as possible he asks.

“Hyung, do you like eating snacks?” 

Taeyong blinks owlish, wide eyes looking at Jaehyun intrigued by the weird question Jaehyun just mustered, “Uh, yes, you could say that.”

“Great." Jaehyun smiles relieved and a little embarrassed, "I have this friend who works for an art company and they gave him this.” He takes out the heavy pink bag from down his chair.

Yesterday after dinner, Johny dismissed him from his house with a bag full of candy and leftovers from dinner since Jaehyun had been too busy to go to the supermarket.

"Don't start." Johnny had objected when he saw that Jaehyun was about to protest. "I have another one in my office, the client gave us all sweets as a gift for the work done, also, it is better to eat these sweets to spend your money in the bending machine at work."

Jaehyun had been so touched that he didn't have the hard to remind Johnny that Jaehyun hated sweets, and since it'd be a shame to throw them out, Jaehyun had been toying with the idea of giving it to the kids until the image of blond hair, big black eyes came to his mind and although he did not know if Taeyong liked sweets or not—Jaehyun's mind was already determined to gift that big ass bag to the elder.

He can’t help the expectant smile that’s adorning his lips as he hands the bag to the older's arms, “Here.” 

There’s a squeak from across his seat followed by a loud smack and a grunt of pain. Poor Baekhyun Hyung. 

“All of it?”Another blink from Taeyong. There's a hint of child-like wonder in his face.

Jaehyun just nods happily urging the older to look inside of the bag.

There’s a lot of candies, snacks, cookies, jellies that are trying to make their way outside the bag that’s resting on Taeyong’s lap. There’s a pretty pink dusting his cheeks as he looks at Jaehyun’s eyes, face full of gratefulness.

“Jaehyun-ah! Thank you so much for sharing this with me!”

Shaking his head Jaehyun utters shyly, "I'm not sharing. Those are yours Hyung.”

There’s another loud squealing sound followed by the sound of another blow, probably on Baekhyun's arm. Jaehyun tries to ignore them. 

Taeyong’s hands move excitedly, rummaging through the bag, completely unaware of Baekhyun’s coos and _“Look how cute they are_ ”, Jongin’s constant efforts to keep him down by hitting his arm, and Jaehyun’s embarrassed smile. Taeyong begins to take out some snacks to eat when he lets it fall startled.

With his heart, in his throat by the sudden reaction Jaehyun asks, “What’s wrong?”

Taeyong doesn’t immediately answer, he just silently puts his finger on his mouth and begins sucking the blood out of his paper cut, he looks at Jaehyun with his finger still on his mouth and replies. “It’s okay, just a little cut.” 

Jaehyun's face twist in a grimace, “Hyung,” he whines a little grossed out. “Don’t put it in your mouth! What are you, a baby? Do you have any band-aids?” 

“Hey, it’s not bad.” Taeyong defends laughing, he raises his finger to Jaehyun's eyes. “See? I’m okay.” 

“Hand me your hand.” 

Taeyong huffs a “ _fine_ ” as he moves closer to Jaehyun while the younger turns to open the first drawer of his desk. He takes out a band-aid and a little white bottle and puts them on his lap he taps Taeyong’s injured finger lightly “Hold this up” he says and carefully begins to apply some antiseptic to clean the little wound, Taeyong hisses under his breath at the sting so Jaehyun blows a little to ease the pain. Slowly he begins to put the band-aid on his finger, making sure the middle is above his cut and not securing it too tightly, once he's satisfied with his work he pats Taeyong hand so he can take it back.

“Wah, you’re really good at this Jaehyun.” Murmurs Taeyong impresses as he looks at his finger like he’s examining a work of art. "I normally just slap it however and call it a day.” He giggles when the younger just looks at him dumbfounded.

Sighing at the helplessness of his Hyung, Jaehyun begins to put the antiseptic away before muttering. “I have no option but to do it for you then.”

Jaehyun's no longer surprised by his lack of filter around the older. He turns to his computer as nonchalant as he can as if he didn’t just say the cheesiest thing ever.

Gosh, he's a fucking mess.

He hears a delighted, “Thank you, Jaehyun-ah.” Which he returns with a nod, without looking up. There's no need for Taeyong to see his red, embarrassed face. 

This time Jongin doesn’t try to shut Baekhyun up. 

* * *

He goes by his day without another incident, except maybe for Donghyuck who was now determined to annoy him even if he didn’t have a class with him, so Jaehyun couldn’t say the boy wasn’t dedicated to his craft. He found the younger at the teacher’s office just as he was coming back from a class. He wasn’t alone, beside him were two freshmen, Chenle and Jisung they had said when they introduced themselves to Jaehyun. They were waiting for Baekhyun to come back from his last class of the day, apparently, they wanted to extend the deadline of a project since both had to travel to Busan for some dance competition next week. The kids were nice, just like all Donghyuck friends were and it only fuelled Jaehyun’s suspicions that Donghyuck gained power from annoying people older than him. 

Chenle was from China just like Rejun, and out of the two of them was the one who talked the most, he even began to teach a few phrases to Jaehyun, he hadn’t spoken to Sicheng in ages so his Chinese was a little rusty, speaking to Chenle just made him miss his friend so much that Jaehyun bowed to call him tonight to catch up. Jisung, on the other hand, was a little more on the shy side and was just watching them amused, he only talked to help Jaehyun with his pronunciation of certain words. They continued to make small talk while Jaehyun grade some papers meanwhile Donghyuck teased Jongin about something he couldn’t quite catch. It was amusing how Donghyuck had dirt on every single one of the teachers of the school but Taeyong. That biased little shit. 

When Baekhyun finally arrives, almost 30 minutes later, Jongin flies from his seat to whine about scary little children while pointing at Donghyuck with a pout on his face. Laughing, Baekhyun pats his head looking amused at the younger’s antics, his smooth voice trying to soothe Jongin, he cheesily winks at the boys making them laugh. He pries himself out of Jongin's hold and halts his moments when he spots Jaehyun.

“Ah Jaehyun-ah!" Baekhyun chirps gleefully, "I thought you’d be helping Taeyongnie in the lab?” 

Jaehyun’s looks back as surprised as the older, “The lab?” 

“Yeah, I saw him moving some heavy stuff, I’d help him myself, but someone,” He glances at Jongin clicking his tongue, “Said it was urgent my presence here.” 

Jongin huffs in annoyance as he looks back at the grinning boys, “Zhong and Park needed to speak to you, urgently.” 

“Not really.” offers Chenle with a wide grin on his face, Baekhyun smile grows bigger. “We were thinking of sending an email to Mr—”

"Urgently!" Barks Jongin, his gaze is fixed on Donghyuck, there's a hint of threat in his voice as if he was challenging all of them to say something else. Donghyuck smiles Chesire-like with a flash of mirth in his eyes. 

Jaehyun's empathy for the elder grows instantly when he looks at his frowning co-worker. He gives a cut nod to Jongin before saying, “I’ll go help Hyung.” 

He can hear Donghyuck’s mocking voice followed by Baekhyun’s loud laugh as he is exiting the teacher’s office, “Good Luck! Our Peaches!” 

He feels a little guilty of leaving Jongin alone with Donghyuck and Baekhyun but...

_Oh well._

* * *

Like a deja vu, he finds Taeyong carrying a big heavy box. He sighs. 

_When will he learn to ask for help?_

“Jaehyun-ah! What are you doing here?” His pretty face emerges behind his big box. Jaehyun almost coos, _almost._

“Well, I was...uh, with Baekhyun Hyung and he said you some needed help.” Jaehyun moves forward and takes the box from the older’s arms, “Are you cleaning?” 

“Yes! Mark and Jeno are helping me.” He answers as they make their way down the hall. 

Jaehyun hums he shivers when he feels cold fingers on his arm. “Wait, I forgot to bring something. Can you take them to the chemistry lab, please? I’ll be back.” 

He doesn’t wait for an answer though and just bolts down the hall. Taeyong’s a little clumsy so Jaehyun waits until he can’t hear his footsteps anymore before he continues to make his way to the lab. He opens carefully the door with his hip and halts at the scene in front of him. There’s foam coming from one of the sinks, overflowing, making its way to the door. There are two figures near the sinks trying to stop the foam but to no avail. 

He takes a step back and puts the box on the floor outside, making sure the bubbles don’t touch it, he frowns. “What’s going on?” 

Mark snaps his head at the door so fast Jaehyun winces a little, Jeno, who's pants are soaked by the foam tries his best not to fall, grips the sink so hard his knuckles turn white. 

He hears the loud sound of another box hitting the floor, Taeyong tries to make his way into the lab, his face clouded with concern and worry. Jaehyun grabs his shoulder, preventing him from going in. 

“You guys, are you okay? What happened?” Taeyong asks a little panicked. 

Silence.

Jeno’s eyes go wide as his eyes go from Mark to his teachers, his face turns a deep shade of red. Mark, on the other hand, is grabbing one of the bottles Jaehyun supposes they were supposed to get rid of, brown eyes looking straight at him and despite his blank face, there's a little twitch on his eyebrow. From the corner of his eye, he can see Jeno trying to calm himself by breathing deeply.

_Is he hurt?_

Jaehyun frown deepens. 

“Jeno.” He calls calmly. The boy flinches nervously, still not saying a word. Poor kid must be scared out of his mind. 

“Jeno” He tries again.

“It's my fault.” 

Jaehyun looks at the older boy with an eyebrow raised, beside him, Taeyong sighs slowly as if trying to calm down. 

“Mr. Lee told us not to mix them together when we cleaned, but I wasn’t listening, I’m sorry.” Mark's head is bowed, voice apologetic. Jeno looks surprised at Mark and bows his head too. His hand's still gripping the sink hard. 

Jaehyun sighs a little and looks at both of them again, he knows it’s not the older's fault, at least not just his fault, not when catches a glimpse of the label on the flask in Jeno’s shaky hand, how he is nervously flinching and not meeting their eyes. Still is not his place to say anything. He can feel Taeyong trying to walk in the lab again, his feet moving from one side to the other nervously. He grips the older's shoulder to calm him down. 

“Someone could’ve gotten hurt,” Jaehyun says voice stern, his eyes scan the boys a looking of any visible injuries. There's none. Thank God. “You know very well how the chemistry lab or any lab for that matter can be dangerous,” They both nod again, head still down. “Mark, Jeno." He makes his face relax a little when Mark turns to look at him, "Are you guys hurt? Are you okay?” 

“We’re okay.” Musters Mark's gaze locking with Jaehyun's. Jeno still has his face down at the floor and says in the smallest voice possible.

“Yes Mr. Jung” 

“Good. Okay, since you made this mess, you’re going to clean it up.” 

“Yes sir.” They say at the unison, Jaehyun nods and points to the closet at the back of the lab. 

“You know where the cleaning supplies are so please take care of it, and then you can go home.” He smiles a little, Jeno widens his eyes, face turning even redder.

"But Mr. Lee needs..." begins Mark.

Jaehyun shakes his head, still smiling gentle. “We’ll do it, don't worry” 

He turns on his feet and grabs Taeyong’s hand who was still trying to make his way to the lab.

“I’ll help…” he offers to the boys trying to drag Jaehyun with him. Jaehyun pulls Taeyong gently outside.

“No.”

“But—” 

“Taeyong.” Jaehyun says firmly pulling him down the hall away from the boys. 

Taeyong follows him quietly outside. 

* * *

He finally lets go of the older’s hand once they make their way to the bench that's on the first floor of the building. The cherry blossoms are beautiful, making the little resting area look like a scene from an animated movie, the sky it’s a very warm orange that Jaehyun can't help but admire the view, hands itching to take out his phone and take lots and lots of pictures but he can't, not when Taeyong keeps glancing at him from time to time, as if he wanted to say something but didn't know _how_. He lets him take his time, he turns his eyes upwards to watch the rays of the sun catch on the cherry blossoms. 

After some time, he can hear the small voice of the older, asking slowly like he was a little afraid, “Are you mad?” 

He lifts both of his eyebrows in surprise by the question. “What? No, I’m not mad.” Jaehyun tries to make his voice as soothing as possible, afraid and a little guilty that he made Taeyong upset by scolding the boys. “I guess it’s my face right? It makes me look like I’m mad all the time.” He tries to joke to lighten the mood, but Taeyong is still looking at him worriedly. “I was worried Hyung. Jeno looked really scared I thought he was hurt.” 

The older hums in understanding but still looks worried, he begins to bite his nail absentmindedly, eyes downcast not looking at him. Jaehyun sighs and gently pries Taeyong's fingers from his mouth, he intertwines their fingers together and puts their hands between both of them. 

"I told you to stop doing that Hyung. It's bad for you." He reprimands him lightly looking for those doe eyes, Taeyong just nods again still not looking at him. 

He thinks of the best way of saying what he wants without offending Taeyong but lord knows he’s never been good with words so he just says it. “Hyung, I get that you're worried but you shouldn’t always be so nice to them.”

Doe eyes finally meet his. 

“They are lucky, it wasn’t anything dangerous, but they were really reckless not listening to what you said about disposing of those chemicals. It’s our job as teachers to guide them but also tell them when they are wrong and hope they learn from it.” Jaehyun makes his voice even gentler. He squeezes the older hand to comfort him. ”It could have become something dangerous for them and you would have been responsible for everything, Hyung. I had to talk to them so they could see their mistake and hope this doesn't happen again.” He finishes earnest smile on his lips, eyes still locking with Taeyong's. 

They stay like that for a while, just looking at each other before Taeyong breaks their little moment by laughing, blonde hair moving side to side as he shakes his head. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, I just," Taeyong laughs again, "You’re something else Jung Jaehyun.”

The warm feeling that he has known to come whenever Taeyong so much as breaths next to him begins to burn brighter than before, he coughs embarrassed. “What are you saying, Hyung.” 

“I'm not very good at that sort of thing, I can’t be stern and say what needs to be said.” Taeyong admits abashed, he moves a little in the bench so his body is facing Jaehyun’s, their hands are still clasped together. “You seem to be the kind to face your problems, but I usually end up avoiding them. I’m trying to work on it though.” He adds as if it's an afterthought. 

It’s the first time he's ever listed to Taeyong express something about himself, something so personal. He tries not to look too pleased, too eager. He just continues to look at Taeyong, while trying to keep his heart inside his chest. 

“I think you’re going to be a good influence on me, Jaehyun-ah.” There's a joyful tone in his voice as if he was satisfied with something that Jaehyun did or said.

The smile Taeyong gives him is blinding. 

“I hope so.” Jaehyun says with a smile of his own, squeezing once again Taeyong's hand. 

We do that a lot. Hold hands. Jaehyun thinks absentmindedly.

* * *

The day of the festival finally comes, the cherry blossoms are in full bloom, painting Seoul a beautiful tint of pink making it look like a painting. They are all a little nervous and tired, after all, they spent yesterday running around and making sure all the booths where on their correct places, that every single food supplier had confirmed. It was his first time organizing something so big so he was double-checking even the most ridiculous detail, surprisingly everything had been going well and according to plan, the kids had been a great help even Donghyuck. 

Since they were both teacher representatives, they had to be in charge of an attraction, in the end, after a game of rock paper scissors that he lost to Mark, they ended up taking care of the hot dog truck. Which, it wasn't that bad at all, they could eat while making sure everything went smoothly and fighting the stress of organizing a festival with food was Jaehyun’s only way of dealing with it. 

It was almost 12PM when he started to get a little thirsty and a little bored of just smiling, handing hot-dogs, repeat. They decided their jobs pretty quickly, Jaehyun would do the cooking while Taeyong with his pretty smile and gentle being would be in charge of attending the customers and handling the money. It turned out to be a success for their booth since lots of people just came by and buy hot-dogs they wouldn't even eat just to talk and ogle at Taeyong, for Jaehyun's patience? not so much. He deserved a break from all of this so he grabbed his wallet and headed outside their truck to buy some drinks, Taeyong looks up from their little cash register with an eager look on his face. 

“You’re going out?, let’s go together!” He grabs his phone and quickly puts the sign of ' _Be right back'_ before following Jaehyun outside. Thankfully the drink booth wasn't too far away so they could still catch glances at their truck while they wait on line. 

"Ah, I needed a break!" Taeyong yawns, words muffled by his hands.

“Hyung, what’d you like to drink?” 

“Anything as long as it’s not coffee.” He answers making a funny face as he stretches. "I don't really know" 

“Choose whatever you like,” says Jaehyun when it was finally their turn to order. ”You must be thirsty after talking to all those people all day.” 

Taeyong drags his eyes to the menu in front of them brows knitted before signaling one, “Ah that one sounds good? Strawberry acai?” 

“That and an iced coffee please,” Jaehyun says handing some money to the vendor. He hears the older’s protests beside him and he tries to hand his own money to pay for his drink, Jaehyun moves his hand down and shakes his head to the vendor who was looking at their little exchange puzzled. 

“No Hyung, it’s on me.” 

“But—” 

There’s a wolf whistle from behind them interrupting Taeyong’s protests.

_Oh no._

“Wow _Mr. Jung_ is so cool! Make that two iced coffee sir, I’ve been working so hard too!” Shouts the voice of Lee Donghyuck as he stands beside them.

“Yeah right.” Snickers Rejun from behind 

“Mine with an extra shot of espresso sir, I feel like I might drop at any second.” The vendor looks between Jaehyun and Donghyuck confused.

"Don't listen to him." 

“You are so mean. You always favor Mr. Lee over us.” Donghyuck whines, voice getting louder and louder. He can spot the rest of the kids looking between Taeyong and Jaehyun amused. “I wonder why is that?” He adds with a Cheshire-like smile, fake wonder in his voice. 

Fucking Donghyuck.

Fucking little demon. 

There are happy cheers from behind him as he takes out his more money and pays for 5 iced coffees for those little menaces. 

“Thank you so much, Mr. Jung,” says Jaemin behind his drink, pearly whites on display. He hums bitterly in response as the seven of them continue walking back to the hot dog truck. He can see Jaemin turning to Jeno and shoving him a little from the corner of his eyes. 

“Thank you, Mr. Jung,” says Jeno offering a shy smile. Jaehyun smiles back, dimples denting on his cheeks. 

“You’re welcome Jeno.” Offers back to the boy, the boy's eyes shine happily forming into crescents. 

“You sure look the coolest when you spend money _Mr. Jung._ ” Parrots Donghyuck making his way between Taeyong and Jaehyun, his eyes shine with mirth, there’s a hint of a smile on his lips when he locks arms with him unbothered. Jaehyun frowns at him. 

“Hyuck.”

“How’s the festival going?” asks Taeyong as they stop in front of the truck. Jaehyun tries to free himself but Donghyuck only tightens his hold. 

“Mark won the blossom contest.” States Rejun proudly pointing at Mark and at the ribbon sash with the words ' _Blossom Prince' i_ n bold pink letters, Donghyuck hums beside Jaehyun. 

“He’s our blossom prince!” Informs Jaemin happily, one arm coming to Mark’s shoulders as the other tries to shove him off. 

“Shut up Jaem.” 

“Canada!” Shouts Donghyuck finally letting go of Jaehyun and coming near Mark and hugging him and Jaemin at the same time. “Your face was crafted by God himself, don’t be shy.”

He shoves Donghyuck off him embarrassed, Jaemin clings to him harder. Mark mutters something in a low voice, probably cursing his friends and not wanting his teachers to hear him. 

“That’s great Mark! Congratulations.” Says Taeyong with a wide smile on his face. Mark just blushes and nods to the older.

“Congratulations Minhyung.” Jaehyun grins mischievously. “Or should we call you, your Highness?”

“Please don’t.” He says looking at Jaehyun like he had betrayed him. "I don’t even know how I won." 

“Of course you’d won, you’re so handsome!” defends Donghyuck pointing a finger accusingly at Jaehyun. “Right Mr. Jung?”

Jaehyun raises his hands in surrender nodding his head, he looks back at Mark who looks like he is two sentences away to go on a rampage. 

“Hey Hyuck," Jaemin lets go of Mark and puts his arm around the other big smile on his lips. "I won last year, does that mean I’m handsome too?” Jaemin smirks, face uncomfortably close to Donghyuck. 

The other gives him a side-eye before answering, “You’re fine I guess.” 

“I’m going to kill you.” Spats Jaemin as he pushes Donghyuck as far away as he can and turns to Jeno who’s laughing quietly with Rejun at the side. 

“Nono, You think I am the most, most handsome right?” 

“DING!” Shouts Jeno loudly crossing his arms in an ' _X_ ' form, while Rejun snickers behind them. Jaemin turns his head to the other boy.

“Injunie” Jaemin calls, his voice dropping into a mellow tone as he comes near Rejun with a cat-like smile on his lips. “You think I am the most—” 

“No.” Deadpans Rejun, there’s a twitch in his left eyebrow.

Taeyong laughs quietly shaking his head at the boys, Jaehyun on the other hand, can feel Jaemin’s burning gaze on him so before the younger can even open his mouth, he power walks into the truck saying he’ll bring them so hot dogs so they can eat something. He can listen to Taeyong’s sweet voice trying to appease the Jaemin and Jaehyun smiles like a fool. Carefully, he tries to make his way out of the truck with their food and begins to hand them to the boys, but before he even sets foot outside Donghyuck is already making grabby hands at him waling about being hungry and wanting his food. 

“Hyuck you have to pay.” Muses Jaehyun presenting his hand as if he was waiting for money, the younger whines loudly turning his head ready to complain to Taeyong when Jaehyun gives him his hot dog murmuring “ _Traitor_ ” as he turns and passes a hot dog to Jaemin who’s still sulking beside Jeno. 

He lets the kid eat in silence while he and Taeyong coordinate with the staff the concert that’s closing the festival, the bands are already preparing for soundcheck so looks like everything’s going great. When they return he’s surprised by the quiet scene, it’s the first time he’s seen the kids so clam so Jaehyun’s pretty shocked when a loud voice disturbs the calm atmosphere they’ve created. 

“Yah we need help on the candy booth!” Someone student yells gesturing for the kids to go back to their booth. 

“Okay guys, stop slacking and let’s get back to work.” Nags Jaehyun shooing the boys away. 

“Thanks for the meal Peaches!” Shouts Donghyuck loudly before running away hyena laugh ringing in his ears. 

“I’m going to kill him.” Jaehyun sighs to himself before turning to Taeyong. The other laughs happily before he suggesting to take their lunch break now before everything get’s too hectic in a few more hours. So, they grab more hot dogs and make their way behind the truck where they had a little table and chairs that they’d been using to work. 

It's a little busy outside, they see some boys run with their guitars in hand, some music sheets flying, total chaos. There’s the ruffle of the trees surrounding them, making the petals of the cherry blossoms swirl in the air beautifully Taeyong is looking at scenery with a dreamy look, hot-dog clearly forgotten beside him. It’s a lovely picture and Jaehyun laments that he can’t capture it with a camera. 

They’ve gotten closer in the last few days, Taeyong and him, even if he wanted to keep a distance at first it just happened. It was something natural for him like they had been doing this all his life, sitting and just being with together even if they didn’t do anything or say anything, he felt comfortable with him, he hoped the older felt the same way as him. Still, there was the feeling in his stomach full of butterflies, he felt calm and on edge all the time, it was a bit dazzling.

If only this moment could last a little longer…

_Wait._

“Hyung?” 

Taeyong hums indicating him that he was listening. 

“Uh...Do you want to watch it together? The concert, I mean.” 

His vision was blurred a mop of blonde hair as Taeyong grabbed his shoulders smiling excitedly, “Yes! I’ve always wanted to watch one!” 

It’s totally cliché, but the petals from the cherry blossoms have made their way to those tousled strands and Jaehyun being so far gone begins to remove them because there’s not a single ounce of self restrain left in his body whatsoever.

“Uh," Jaehyun tries to explain to wide doe eyes. "There were some petals in your hair.” He shows him the petals innocently. 

Taeyong's loud laugh echoes through their whole little corner, chest vibrating with laughter, eyes forming the most beautiful crescents. Jaehyun's heart catches at his throat and he adverts his eyes away from Taeyong. 

_He's so beautiful, fuck._

“Ah Jaehyun-ah...you're such a gentleman.” Taeyong sighs in a way so endearing that Jaehyun melts a little more. “You must be a very good boyfriend.” 

His heart is going to give up on him.

Maybe Donghyunk is not going to be the end of him after all. 

He clears his throat clearly embarrassed by the older's remarks. He knows Taeyong doesn't mean anything with that comment, he's just teasing, but he can't just say those things, not when Jaehyun is weak and has the biggest, fattest crush on the man sitting in front of him oblivious and he's _this_ close to crying when Taeyong asks voice blithe and a tad curious, “Are you? A good boyfriend?” 

“Uh...I’d like to think I am?” Jaehyun answers after a little while, praying he didn’t sound so overly confident or pathetic. “What about you?” 

“Me?” Taeyong's eyebrows lift up disappearing behind his messy bangs. 

“Yeah, are you a good...uh, _boyfriend?_ ” Jaehyun can actually feel his soul leaving his body as he’s done asking, he's beyond embarrassed, curious enough to want to know, but not too much at the same time. 

“I’ve never really thought about it” Taeyong answers candid, eyes back to the cherry blossoms. "I don't think I—This was a long time ago but, I had a crush on someone older than me in college."

He can feel his heart hit the floor.

"But it didn’t work out, I was going to confess, but...” 

“What happened?” 

“A _friend_ of mine helped snapped me back to reality.” Taeyong sounds as cold as the other time back at his apartment. Bitterness crept into his face. 

_'It’s a gift from a friend.'_

“Maybe,” Taeyong murmurs more for himself big eyes looking faraway and so sad that Jaehyun moves a little closer without even realizing it, “Maybe I’m not cut out for it, being with someone.”

“Don't say that Hyung.” Why can’t he stop his mouth. “I mean, you said you wanted to change, and that the past, doesn’t really matter...So, if it didn't work out in the past, it doesn't mean there's something bad with you.” 

Taeyong doesn't say anything after that, big eyes still looking at the cherry blossoms. They finish their meals in silence and begin making their way back to the truck when Taeyong finally says, “Well I did say that...I think it would be nice.” He smiles fondly at Jaehyun, “If I could change.”

Jaehyun’s heart goes out of his chest. 

* * *

The concert is packed, people pushing at every direction trying to get to the front, sweaty bodies moving at the beat making it impossible for them to move forward. Jaehyun groans in pain when he feels another elbow hitting his back. 

“I think we have to get to the front if we want to watch the concert.” Comes the lovely voice of Taeyong from behind him, it’s a little hard to understand him since it’s already so loud, Jaehyun needs to move closer to the older, lovely lavender filling his lungs. 

He nods determined, he pushes his sleeves up and begins to make his way into the crowd, “Let’s push our way through." He turns to the older and shouts. "Hyung make sure you stay...” 

He panics when he finds that Taeyong's not there following him anymore, he spots his mop of blond hair being hauled by the crowd a few meters from him, he can see him trying to make his way through, politely trying to talk to people on his way. He stops on his tracks and makes his way pushing through, hand clasping the older’s securely and pulling him close to him.

“Stay close and follow me, I don’t want to lose you.” 

He mises the light pink hue on the older cheeks as he makes his way through the sea of bodies again until they find a little spot near the front, “How is this spot?”

“This is Great.” Answers the older smiling happily as Jaehyun manhandles Taeyong in front of him so he can see the concert. “Thank you! I can finally see the…” 

Before he can finish his sentence, Taeyong stumbles to the side due to the elbow of a student who was walking forward with his friends. In an effort to prevent the older from landing on the ground, Jaehyun grabs him by the waist and sticks his body against Taeyong's to steady him. Once he makes sure the elder is okay, he glares to the freshman who's looking at them scared "Do not push" snaps.

“S-sorry.” 

Another bump pushes his body against the older’s back, hands coming to rest on his sides trying to not disturb the elder. 

“Sorry Hyung, I’m not doing it on purpose.”

There’s a pat on the hand that rests at his sides, as the Taeyong turns around looking quite calm despite the chaos around him, “I know, thank you.”

There a loud cheer as the next band begins to play, he just hopes his heart-beat doesn’t bother the older too much, it can’t be impossible he’s not feeling it against his back with how close they are. 

The concert ends with an _interesting_ rendition of a Queen song that has all the students singing at full force and Jaehyun's back feeling sore.

Knowing that trying to get out of there at the very end is going to be impossible, Jaehyun and Taeyong end up leaving the concert in the middle of the song. Once outside the sea of bodies, it is easier to breathe for Jaehyun and relax his body, Taeyong, on the other hand, has a beautiful smile on his sweaty red face that makes him look even more beautiful than usual.

“Are you okay Hyung?” Jaehyun is about to drop himself to the floor any minute now but tries sound as nonchalant as possible. Man, he's so tired. 

Taeyong beams at him taking the younger's arms and shaking him a little, “Yes! It was so much fun Jaehyun-ah! Let’s go see something like this again!” 

Jaehyun smiles enamored and nods, “Sure Hyung.” 

“Thank you again for protecting me from the crowd!” Taeyong’s voice sounds apologetic as his hands squeeze his arms a little. 

“It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it.” Tiredness is creeping and clouding his eyes, his body feels so heavy that if he lies on any surface he is sure that he will fall defeated at any moment, but that beautiful smile reflected on Taeyong's lips makes everything worth it, even the pain. “Let's go back to the council room and get our things.” He yawns. "I'm so sleepy." 

“Yes! Just...” 

The sound of a ringtone interrupts their calm chit-chat, surprised Taeyong takes out his cell phone to see who's calling him and stares blankly at the screen for a couple of seconds, his eyebrows rise in surprise when he reads the name.

“Ah, it’s from a college friend, I’ll be right there with you okay?” 

“Yeah,” He waits for the man to turn around so he can finally drop his shoulders down with exhaustion. 

Even so, this day is to be celebrated: He learned something new from Taeyong thus making them closer, they did something new together that Taeyong enjoyed according to his reaction a few minutes ago and Taeyong ... Taeyong said he wanted to do it again ... _Did you mean a date?_ Or a date with friends? Or could it be a date between friends that later becomes a date between two people that could be something else?

He makes his way to the council room laughing a little to himself at the thought of going out with Taeyong, he doesn't notice the poor freshmen that are running away from him scared. 

* * *

The council is a mess, candy wrappers are scattered all over the table, all the kids are on the floor of the room, lazily munching snacks. He looks at the big bag that’s in the middle of the table and frowns. 

“Why are you guys eating the snacks I gave to Taeyong Hyung?”

“If Mr. Lee ate all of them by himself he’ll be rounder than a soccer ball,” responds the voice of Jaemin from the floor. “That’s not healthy at all, we decided to help him out.” He brings a cookie to his mouth and begins to munch it happily. 

There’s a flash behind his eyelids of Taeyong with his pretty round cheeks, with a pretty pink blush on them, chubby body-hugging Jaehyun strongly. He adds that to the never-ending list of things he wants to see/do with the older in the future.

“That’d be cute.” Jaehyun mutters under his breath. 

“Sorry?” 

“That’s not good.” He corrects himself and makes his way inside, picking up the candy wrappers in front of him. 

“I think Mr. Jung liked that mental picture a little too much.” ;umbles Donghyuck mockingly feeding Jeno some gummies. 

“Anyway,” Jaehyun snatches the gummies out of Donghyuck’s hands. ”Stop eating that, it’s Hyung's.” 

Donghyuck’s face turns into a sneer, “Hey, why are you only taking it from me?!”

“You really want to know?” 

“You’re so mean! I bet you’re going to get rejected by Mr. Lee.” He pouts accusingly. 

Jaehyun bends down and pinches his cheeks, voice sounding more like a whine than anything else, “Is that how you talk to your teachers?”

“Just you.” 

“Injun-Ah where are you going?” Whispers Jeno worriedly.

“Hey, Mr. Jung.” 

Jaehyun turns to see Rejun, both hands still on Donghyuck’s cheeks, he opens his mouth to respond at the same time that Rejun shoves a pepero to his mouth forcing him to eat it. There’s a crunch as Jaehyun beings to eat it, freeing Donghyuck from his hold without noticing it. 

“Tastes good.” 

Rejun smiles before offering the whole pack to him, “Here, have some more.” 

There’s a whistle from the floor, “Wow, Injunie truly is the most powerful of all of us.” Jaemin says amazed. 

“Where’s Mr. Lee?” asks Mark frowning, looking behind Jaehyun. The older looks to the door and turns to look at the kids.

“Hasn’t he stopped by already?” 

“No.” Mark tsks He questions flatly, “Weren’t you with him?” 

Jaehyun shakes his head, “No, I mean yes, but he got a call and I...Wait right here.” 

* * *

A thought crosses his mind as he makes his way back to when he left Taeyong earlier, maybe it’s time to ask Taeyong if he wants to meet up this weekend. He really hopes he’s not making the older uncomfortable with any of this. But something shifted today, he can feel it, somehow they got closer today. 

_You just need to be smooth about it, no pressure._

He sees Taeyong’s sitting on the same bench they were talking, back turned, shoulders tense and head cast down. He halts when the older’s face turns to look at him, obviously having heard the rapid steps of Jaehyun, big fat tears are coming down his flushed face, his beautiful eyes are dull and sad that it manages to make a hole in the younger’s heart. Before he can ask what’s wrong, Taeyong moves his fist to forcefully dry tears, turning his head a little from Jaehyun. 

He chokes an apology as he stands up and dashes past the younger, “I have to go.” 

Jaehyun moves a little frantically and grabs the older hand “Wait, what happened?” he asks desperately, voice a little higher than normal, he moves, trying to get closer to Taeyong, eyes following every tear that falls down of the elder’s eyes, listening every sob, every whimper, a cacophony of despair that doesn’t fit with Taeyong. 

“I’m fine.” Jaehyun's hold slips from the older’s hand, his mouth opens automatically to refute, but he cuts him off. “I’m alright, okay?” 

He watches him helplessly, Taeyong makes his way as fast as he can fist still rubbing his eyes. A thousand unutterable fears bore over him, there's a numbness that spreads all over his body, the treacherous throb of his heart ring on his ears. Before he knows his feet move on their own, trying to catch up to Taeyong. 

He doesn’t catch up onto him.

He doesn’t go back to the student council room after that either. 

* * *

He gets home late at night, body aching, contracted back muscles, as he prepares to get ready for a bath he notices the small red bruises he has on his back from all shoves he received earlier today trying to shield Taeyong from the vicious crowd. 

As the warm water relaxes his muscles, he tries to make his mind as blank as he can with no luck. He can’t forget the older’s eyes filled with tears, the feeling of emptiness on his stomach, he’s never felt his helpless before. 

Jaehyun rustles with his shirt, thoughts filled with Taeyong, as he throws himself to his bed trying to calm down a little. He closes his eyes counting to three. It doesn’t work. Dazed he opens them again and stars directly to the ceiling there's a mild and deprecating air surrounding him. 

He had always wondered, no matter how nice Taeyong is, someone so nice, they are bound to get angry, annoyed, sad. But, Taeyong doesn’t really express those emotions, not from the time he’s known him, it’s like there’s no shadow behind his light. 

Taeyong’s unexpectedly clumsy, he trips often and has more paper cuts than anyone he knows, so much that he now has a big 1,000 pieces of band-aids package on his desk just in case. He has these little habits, like how his lips from a pout when he's talking, he sometimes talked in an almost child-like tone, he is so sweet to everyone—But he also tries to adjust to other people, doing what they say without a word, he bites his nails when's nervous.

He just lets them take and take, like the kids, or Mr. Kang, and he doesn’t complain. He refrains from revealing too much for some reason, that’s why today was so special for Jaehyun. He had finally known something from Taeyong that’s personal. He wanted to get closer to him and know every other side of him but...

He didn’t want to see him cry. 

He almost rolls out of the bed when his ringtone breaks his inner monologue

_Call from Dumb ass_

“You scared me, I almost died.” Jaehyun snaps rubbing his head. “I hit my head, fuck.” He moves to his bed table and looks for his earbuds, he didn’t like to feel the heating phone in his cheek.

There’s a laugh on the other side, “Our poor Jaehyunie, watch out baby.”

Jaehyun makes a groan from the back of his throat and makes his way to his desk to turn on his computer. “Hey, are you on PUBG?” 

“Eh, no. I’m not, just got back from work.” There’s some ruffling of sheets and a long sigh, “I’m beat, man.” 

“Same,” Jaehyun puts in his password, the night view of Paris greets him on his wallpaper. “I want to die.” 

“Right, the festival, how was it Jae?” Johnny hums more than asks. He is not being a noisy ass, he must be really tired. “Did you finally woo that pretty teacher of yours?”

Nevermind. 

Jaehyun laughs humorlessly, “No really? I mean...we spent the day together, we talked a lot and not that stupid nonsense talks actual talked...we went to a concert, he was so happy John, he wanted to do it again but then he received a call, and when I came back he was crying dude." He sighs sadly. "Before I could ask what was wrong, he just, walked away crying and I…”

“Easy there Peaches, don't hurt that pretty face of yours by frowning." 

“Fuck you.” 

“I’m always down for that and you know that.” Johnny teases laughing.

Jaehyun ignores him, PUBG finally launches, “I've got plenty of other’s good points about me.” 

Another belly laugh, “Sure.” 

“I’m worried John.” 

“You’re so fucking noisy, just let the man cry.” 

Jaehyun scoffs as he begins a new game, he makes his character run aimlessly on the field, “I’m serious.” 

“So am I Jay.” Johnny exclaims, tone a tad bemused. “Why are you so worried about him?... I mean, there you are, gifting him a whole ass bag of candies, you just bought a brand new first aid kit for the man and—” Jaehyun interrupted with a whiny _"It's just band-aids"_ which Johnny ignored. “ _And..._ you’re helping him with the council, you didn’t even help Yuta when he was in it.” 

“I don't really like snacks.” Blurts Jaehyun in a poor effort of defending himself. 

“I thought you say it was a silly crush.” 

“That’s what I thought in the beginning,” Jaehyun counters, voice above a whisper as he shoots one player that had been lurking closer to his hiding spot. He decides to throw a grenade just because, he needs to vent in a way. “Does it matter?” 

“Don’t play stupid with me.”

“I’m worried about him because I like him Johnny.” Jaehyun answers tone flat like it was obvious. It was to him. It wasn’t an epiphany or anything complicated like that, liking Taeyong was a gush of entrancing melody, a sense of infinite calm, something happy, beautiful and most of all, it felt _natural._

“Wow.” 

“I’m worried because I’m mad at myself, I feel so...useless.”

“Jaehyun...” his voice sounds like a warning against the static of the phone. 

He hums as his character dies in the screen after being killed by one of the friends of the guys he blew up with his grenade, he stares at the monitor dejected. 

This time Johnny’s voice sounds a little gentler when he states, “It’s not a crush anymore is it.” 

“Dude,” Jaehyun sighs as he turns off his computer, not in the mood to do anything but lets the hole in his chest be filled with the brooding resentment of not being able to do _something._ “If not why would I be like this?” 

Johnny just exhales loudly, “Why don’t we go out tomorrow so you don’t stay worrying about things you can’t change in that hell-hole you call apartment?” He knows Johnny is trying to sound as nonchalant as possible but the quiver in his voice betrays him, “I need to go to Gangman, come with me, I’ll buy you some food.” 

Jaehyun accepts a little reluctantly still not in the mood, but he appreciates the effort of his friend. 

That night he sleeps with his hand hovering on the call button on Taeyong’s contact. 

* * *

They meet the next day near downtown Gangnam, Johnny’s favorite place to splurge all his money. 

He sports him almost immediately, how can he miss it, Johnny is tall, taller than Jaehyun, he’s probably the tallest person he knows. He’s always so sharp-dressed, almost model-like, with a big coat hanging from his board frame, expensive sneakers tapping the floor as he watches Jaehyun making his way to him. His face twists in a jarring expression, rolling his eyes at his choice of outfit. Johnny’s eyes linger on the faint circles under his eyes, but his friend decides not to say anything about it, small victories he guesses. 

“You really need to dress up a bit more.” He offers, dusting the nonexistent dust from Jaehyun’s varsity jacket, “Such a handsome face.” He adds slapping both his cheeks with his hands. 

Jaehyun sticks his tongue out as he slaps his hands away. “Why? I look fine.” he defends,Jaehyun looks down at his college jacket hugging it to his frame. “It makes me look young.” 

Johnny doesn’t dignify him with an answer, he just turns his body and begins to make his way down the street. Jaehyun raises his leg and smacks his ass with his knees, Johnny yelps indignantly. “Don’t I look fresh and young?” Jaehyun baits again. 

“You look like a fucking Toy's-R-Us catalog.” Johnny answers dryly

He clicks his tongue, “Why do I have to come again?” 

“Payment. For the counseling yesterday.” 

"What counseling?" Jaehyun tsks and follows his friend through the busy street watching scenery surround him. 

Expensive shops, full of beautiful people who enter and exits, hands full of shopping bags, whispering to each other, ignorant of everything around them. The streets are packed, filled with people but, right in the corner of the street, there was a line of people waiting to enter a small pub he had never seen, and if the quizzical expression of Johnny gave anything away he had never seen it either. 

“Wait, was there a pub here?” Jaehyun asks genuinely curious as they passed by the place. He tries to look inside, he can't make too much of it, but the place is filled with warm light, there are mix-matched old armchairs instead of stools... It looked cozy, warm. 

“No, there was a little coffee shop here...wait!” Johnny pinched his side and lectured, Jaehyun hisses. “It’s the place I mentioned before, the one with the nice wine...It's new.” 

“Maybe I should ask Taeyong if he wants to come sometime.” Jaehyun utters quietly, more for himself than for Johnny.

"A date? Jaehyun-ah what a man!" Teases Johnny laughing. 

Jaehyun just shoves him without answering. 

_Maybe a date? Maybe a friendly gathering between friends in which one of them wants to protect and dote on the other in a very friendly way._

He takes out his phone and getting hit by a sudden wave of bravery, opens the elder's contact information. With hasty fingers, he begins to write and erase the message suddenly unsure of what to say to the older. Should he even mention yesterday at all? No, he doesn't think Taeyong would appreciate a “ _Hey, I hope you’re not crying anymore!”_ or a “ _Hyung! Are you feeling well?”_ actually...he doesn’t really know what will Taeyong appreciate, he’s never been good at comforting people with words, it was also a little difficult to convey what he wanted to say to Taeyong without coming across as pushy, he wants the older to feel at ease with him, to trust him not to feel suffocated. 

Wait, Would Taeyong even want to go out with him even as friends?

_He did say he wanted to be your friend, and friends go out with each other to talk._

But Taeyong never talks about himself what if he meant work friends and was not willing to go with Jaehyun because he was crossing a line? 

He groans exasperated and turns to look at Johnny again, face pulled in a dejected frown. Johnny, as if sensing the turmoil inside Jaehyun, looks back at him with the corner of his mouth turning in a little encouraging smile, he mouths a " _Do it_ " and it's the last little push Jaehyun needed to press send. 

**To: Taeyong Hyung**

Sent: 16:30

Hyung

Hi! 

**From: Taeyong Hyung**

Sent: 16:30

Jaehyun-ah! Hello :)

**To: Taeyong Hyung**

Sent: 16:31

What are you up to?

**From: Taeyong Hyung**

Sent: 16:31

I was reading a book! 

What about you?

**To: Taeyong Hyung**

Sent: 16:32

I’m out with a friend

Hyung, there’s a new pub that just opened here and i was thinking 

Would you like to go get drinks there next weekend?

Just to get out of the house?

If you want of course

**From: Taeyong Hyung**

Sent: 16:32

Sure! Let’s go

Why don't

_Taeyong Hyung is typing..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Stefon's voice* This chapter has everything: a festival, a concert, JH's inner monologues, fluff, JohnJae's friendship, the dreamies, Kaibaek 
> 
> Man, this chapter was exhausting to write, at almost 9k it's the longest so far. I'm pretty sure this fic it's going between 70k and 90k or more...Marty I'm fucking scared. 
> 
> The next chapter is probably going to take more time to post since it's got to be one of the most important of the story so!!! (I'll give you guys a hint, it's something about one of the tags!) 
> 
> Thank you so much for all your comments!


	6. Interlude II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check the end for TW

The screen of his phone is the only source of light in his apartment. He lays down on his couch, hands hovering, hesitant, over the _delete contact_ button. 

He laid motionless until the screen turns to black and his worried face is reflected on it, he puts his phone next to his head on the couch. With his eyes closed, he took a deep breath. There’s an unpleasant and heavy sensation sitting at his heart, a name burning behind his eyelids. 

He thought he’d be alright. He thought he could handle hearing his name again.

Of course, he’d failed. 

Of course, he came back to Korea tonight, after all these years, he had come back tonight when he was finally making some progress. 

There’s something pressing at his chest and his breathing is becoming more erratic. He can hear _his_ voice calling his name, _his_ scent clouding his scenes. 

He can hear him, whispering sweet nothings in his ears, tone unamused as he tries to belittle Taeyong again. 

The call. 

_“You didn’t head? He’s back to Korea!”_

They didn’t have to call him and tell him that he had come back. Of course, he didn’t know, they hadn’t talked in years. 

_“It’s a little get together to celebrate his come back! We also told Taemin.”_

No.

_“Don’t be like that, remember that he was the one that stayed with you after...I’m not saying it was your fault of course.”_

They didn't have the right to speak about him, they didn’t know anything about the accident. 

_“Taeyong you were the only one who was close to him.”_

They didn’t know anything about the relationship between Taeyong and Young. 

_“You guys were so close. Just like brothers.”_

He doesn’t know why this one memory of Young is the one that pops in his head after the call. 

Maybe it had something to do with the concert. That time, it was about a concert too. 

He remembers him sitting by the balcony, some book perched on his lap. He remembers the excitement running through his veins, the giddiness in his step when he arrived at his apartment.

“Hey, I got us two tickets for the concert I talked about last time.” Taeyong said in the form of a greeting, excited as he presses the tickets close to his chest. 

The man didn't raised his eyes to look at Taeyong yet. Funny how he was no longer offended by it. 

“These tickets are really hard to get,” Taeyong continued, moving closer, voice less excited. He holds the tickets tighter like he was a child. “You’ll go with me, right?” 

There’s the sound of a book closing, and the loud sigh the older lets out as he spoke: “Aren’t you being a little unfair? You know I don’t like those places.”

He still hasn’t looked at Taeyong. 

Taeyong’s hopeful eyes dim as his gaze turned to the floor, a wave of disappointment suddenly hits him making him a little dizzy. There are cold fingers urging him to move closer. Once he is close enough, Young makes him kneel next to him, hand reaching to tuck his hair behind his ear. 

Even when he was the one standing he felt the older towering over him. 

“Taeyong, you don’t belong somewhere like that, besides you’re the prettiest when we’re by ourselves.” Young's voice was smooth but it brings no warmth to Taeyong as his hands continue to caress his hair. He tries not to flinch. 

He misses. 

“You want me to have a good time too, right?”

Without looking at him, Taeyong nodded.

“I’ll take you somewhere better, what do you think?” There it is again, he is trying to sound warm, loving even. 

Then why he only feels an iciness, a sinking, a sickening on his heart. 

The hand rustling with his hair stops and moves to his nape bringing him closer to the other man's face as his thin lips brush against his, he sinks his fingers a little forcefully on his neck. He closes his eyes, he can’t let him see it. 

“I got ahead of myself, I’m sorry I didn’t consider your feelings.” Taeyong said, monotonously. 

He can’t let him see how much he hates it. 

Back in his apartment, he closes his eyes until the image of Young leaning in to kiss him has disappeared and there are only white dots behind his eyelids. 

* * *

He knew it was about time Young reached out to him. He always did. 

He had been texting Jaehyun, making plans to go and visit that place the younger had found today while he was shopping with his friend. It warmed his heart how he was trying to make sure he was alright without actually asking him directly if he had stopped crying, Jaehyun was such a sweetheart. 

He was chuckling as he answered his text, when his phone began to buzz, fingers halting mid text, the name he was dreading the most was flashing on the screen. 

_Young._

After a moment of reluctance, he answered. 

The call is quick, almost business-like. Like they didn’t know each other. 

Maybe it was for the best. 

_Think of it as taking a band-aid_ , was the mantra the kept chanting in his head as he made his way to the park near their college. 

Their old hang out spot. 

Before he can even react, a cold hand is grabbing his forearm bringing his body closer to another one. Unlike Jaehyun’s, who’s firm and warm all over, this one is cold, hard, it's like crashing into a brick wall. A hand snakes down to his middle pressing him closer to the other figure. 

And like everything that has to do with Young, Taeyong just lets it be, he stands there, numb, motionless in his place as he feels the older’s breath on his throat. 

“You still use the same shampoo. I’m glad, I like the scent.” 

He manages to break free when his nose comes too close to his throat, he took one step forward letting those hands fall to his sides. He turns slowly meeting him for the first time after 5 years. 

He hasn’t changed a bit.  He doesn’t know if that’s good or bad. 

“Please don’t do that.”

Young laughs like he’s amused by Taeyong’s discomfort. _So he hasn't changed._

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” When he sees he’s not going to answer, he adds, “You’re early, thank you.”

“What did you call me for?” Taeyong interrupts him. _Like a band-aid, like a band-aid._

“Well, I wanted to see you.” His voice is a little deeper than before. But his tone is the same as always. Condescending, as if talking to an annoying child. “I knew you wouldn’t call me, even if you had my number.” He moves closer to him, Taeyong took another step back. 

“So?”

“Why don’t we go on a date to celebrate our reunion.” 

Like always he doesn’t wait for an answer, it was a normal thing between them, Young never asked questions, he just made assumptions, he wasn’t interested in the answer anyway. 

_He wasn’t interested in what you have to say._

Taeyong keeps looking at him dumbfounded when the older took his hand and guides him to his car. 

Back when he was younger and they spent all of their time together, Young would take Taeyong to a fancy restaurant even if the younger wasn’t hungry, or had other things to do, " _We have to eat to make good decisions_ " he said. Now that he looks back he thinks that's no the reason why he did it just because he could because if Young said something he knew Taeyong would never say anything, he'll do as he's been told. 

He never told him what he wanted. He just let it happened.

It was his fault it came down to this. 

They arrive at another fancy one, of course, on the 8th floor of a tower in Gangnam. Taeyong doesn’t even bother to look at the menu, he knows Young’s going to pick for him. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably, he wasn’t dressed to be in a place like this, he never was. 

He tells Young this and the older just laughs, dismissing the comment. Of course. “Does it bother you?”

It looks like he’s enjoying this. Seeing him squirming on his chair. Feeling so out of place. 

“Don’t worry, you’re fine as you are.”

He doesn’t answer.

“How have you been, Taeyong?” 

“I’m fine, I work in a school now.” Taeyong chugs the red wine in front of him trying to erase the bad taste of his mouth. 

“I knew you’d do well on your own, see? I told you being a teacher was for you.” Young took a sip of his wine. 

Again, Taeyong doesn’t answer. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard about the little get together.” 

He nodded, hands playing with the cup he needs to distract himself with something. Anything. 

“I don’t really want to go, but...I get why they want to meet up.”

Taeyong nodded again, and when he feels the heavy gaze on him, he reluctantly makes himself to look at the other. 

“Are you not coming?” 

“No. I am not.” 

There are a few seconds of silence before Young finally brings _him_ to the conversation. He said his name between a dry laugh, saying he isn’t going to the reunion either. He really was hoping he didn’t say his name. Young knew what it meant to him, what Taemin means to him.

“Back then, both of you weren’t the type to get along with others.” His hand reaches to take his fingers that are still playing with his cup.“ I was a little jealous, you know, I had to network with others. That’s the key in business Taeyong.” His hand flinches as Young tries a little more forcefully to intertwine their fingers. 

“No matter how much I hated it. You know how much I hate noisy people…you...you were my sole escape.”

“Don't say that.” 

"What? You _are_ my sole escape Taeyong" Young raises his eyebrow. Amused. It makes Taeyong feel like shit. 

"Maybe, but not anymore."

“Is that so?” There’s a smile on his lips again.  Mocking.

“Do you really have to ask me that?” 

He raises his hand for the check, a smile still perched in his lips. 

“Right.” 

Taeyong’s food is still untouched when they leave. 

* * *

The drive home is silent. He used to love the feeling of driving with Young, the two of them in comfortable silence. It didn’t matter the destination, he was content to be with the older like that, just two young boys happily chatting about their day, the wind blowing the hair out of his face. But that was before Young tried to hold his hand at any chance he had, before Taemin, before the accident. 

After some time they finally arrived at his place. He has his hand already on the handle, it has been there all of the time, he doesn’t wait for him to stop the car completely when he tries to open the car but fails, he tries it again when Young voice calls him.

“Taeyong-”

“No, Young, please. I won’t....” ' _Don’t say it, don’t say it.’_ “I'm sorry.” 

“You’re still mad aren’t you?” 

Those cold fingers are moving his hair behind his ear, and again he flinches at the contact. 

“Taeyong, were you lonely while I was away?”

Young hand moves from his hair to his other shoulder, cornering him against the door.

“I was but…”

“Will you say no, if I ask to see you again?” 

He presses his body against the door, handles digging in his back. Like a _dejá vú_ , he feels Young’s breath ghosting his lips. 

He feels like he’s choking. 

He can’t breathe. 

“I’ve missed you Taeyong.” 

He raises both of his hands to stop him from getting closer to him. 

“Don’t do this, Young, we broke up.” 

_ Breathe in, breathe out._

He moves his hand a little and puts his lips against the back of his hand. “Is that a problem?” Taeyong tries to break free, but Young is persistent, his grip viciously getting tighter. 

There’s something ugly and angry in his gut. He feels anger spread all against his body, hands shaking with rage as he pushes the older again to get him out of his space. 

_He needs to fucking breathe._

“Let go of me!”

Taeyong’s loud ringtone drowns his words, it breaks the horrible tension in the air. He reaches for his phone, hands shaking as he turns his body away, all the way to get out of the car.

“Don’t take that.” 

He takes the call, he turned his head a little his eyes watching Young uneasy. Jaehyun’s soothing voice in his ear helps a little to ease him a little. 

“Hi Jaehyun.” 

_“Ah Hyung, can you talk right now?, Your last text was cut off, so I was wondering if something had happened…”_

“I just met up with someone I know.” Young rests his hand against his temple looking bored.

_“Should I call later?”_

“No.” Taeyong curled his lip displeased, he grabs the car door again and pulls it a little more forcefully. “You don’t need to hang up, I just finished.” 

He slams the door when he sees the beginnings of a smile on the older’s face. 

Jaehyun’s voice filled with worry when he hears the loud noise of the door. _“Are you okay Hyung?”_

“I’m fine.”

Jaehyun remains silent on the other line. There’s an itch to reassure the younger that he is fine. Even if he doesn’t feel like it. 

“I’m sorry, I was in a hurry and I kinda forgot to...”

_“It’s okay. I’m just glad nothing happened.”_ There’s a hint of embarrassment when Jaehyun adds. “ _Sorry for calling you all of a sudden.”_

Unconsciously, his lips curve in a little smile when he ears Jaehyun's embarrassment. “It’s fine, thank you for calling me.” 

He takes a turn down the hallway as he continued to walk to his apartment, Jaehyun's shy laugh makes its way down to Taeyong's heart warming it a little. 

_“Then I’ll see you at school.”_

“Yeah, Good Night.”

_ "Night Night Hyung."  _

Once the call’s over and Jaehyun’s voice isn’t on his ears bring him the comfort he craves, his body finally gives out on him, shoulder leaning back on the wall next to his apartment. Helplessly, his hands move to his face, the echoes of the first conversation with Young in five years just replaying again and again in his mind. 

His lungs ache from the lack of oxygen, his chest hurts and his fingers itch with the desire to tear his heart from his chest. He cries and cries, convulsive gasps echoing the hallway, sobs of distress ripping out his throat until he no longer feels anything.

* * *

Taeyong and Young met when they were both in middle school. Back then Taeyong was a shy little thing, flushed cheeks when making eye contact with people, big eyes always downcast and Young, being the son of a wealthy businessman, had his way of making acquaintances where ever he was, he was all sharp eyes, smooth words, and charming smiles. 

Poor shy Taeyong was no match to the force that the older was. He was a whirlwind sweeping everything that was in his path and Taeyong unknowingly was dragged to the eye of the hurricane. Young was popular, even back then when he was 12. He was always the class president, in high school, he became the student president and in college, he became the student representative for Business. That’s how good he was at being a leader, making people follow him and doing what he wanted. 

And how could he not? He was smart, diligent, always polite, maybe too polite, almost aloof, something about the ice prince persona made people gravitate towards him, all wanting to be closer to him, trying to get to know him better, to be on his good graces it was weird if he was honest, Young always said he didn’t like noisy people or talking to them in general, but he never said or did anything to let them know, something about _“you’ll need something form someone down the line”_ , so even if they irritated him, he never said a word. It was always strange for Taeyong seeing how much work someone had to put in to be so perfect all the time. So polished all the time. 

He can’t even imagine it. 

Even if Young and Taeyong were close friends, he always had this feeling of being...not being equal to Young. It wasn’t that Young was bad to Taeyong, not at all, on the contrary, Young was always looking for Taeyong to keep him company, taking him to pretty places Young could talk about everything he wanted, he liked to talk about the future, where they would go once they enter college. Sometimes Young would travel to the USA with his father for business and he’d always try to bring Taeyong along with him, something Taeyong never accepted. He didn’t want to burden, also, he didn’t mind being a loner, he loved to have time to himself, being by himself. He wasn’t afraid of loneliness, he embraced it. 

But then he met Taemin. 

If Young was his oldest friend and the one who knew him better than anyone else, Taemin was the one he held dearest to him, he was the one he wanted to be known inside and out. 

He met Taemin during his induction back at College. He was the head of the student council and the guide for the freshmen. Since Taeyong was very involved with the student council back in high-school he decided to do the same in College. That’s where they met and bonded, over crazy histories of festivals, cake sales and the horror stories of organizing the road trips for their respective clubs. 

Unlike Young, Taemin was all sharp tongue, cheeky comments, shiny dark eyes, a mop of straight brown hair that fell on his eyes most of the time. He was a little unruly, almost child-like. He was lean and graceful since he was a dancer back in high-school, not like the sharp and calculated movements of Young, he was sometimes forgetful and a little clumsy especially with electronic devices, he was also on the shy side like Taeyong. So there was no surprise to him when they clicked. 

If Young was a tour-de-force whirlwind, Taemin was a cool calming breeze against your heated skin. 

It was unavoidable for them to meet though, with Taeyong spending a lot of time together with Taemin. It was weird that they didn’t before, they were the same age and had some of the same classes in college. They met one afternoon a few weeks into Taeyong’s first year. Young had the habit of visiting the student’s lounge where Taemin and Taeyong would work and would make small talk with other students waiting for him to finish. A part of exchanging greetings they never talked, Taemin was a little too rowdy for Young’s taste. He should have seen it before, thinking back about it he could see it, the aloofness behind his polite smile, he treated Taemin like he traded every other person, almost business-like, cold despite his kind words.

“Ah, he’s here again.” Sing-songed Taemin playful eyes looking at the door of the council. “Your boyfriend” 

Taeyong shoved him gently face buried in his paperwork. “I’ve told you…”

“He is not my boyfriend.” Taemin continued mocking, his hands running through his already messy hair. “I know, I know.” 

“What if he listened?” Taeyong whined. He still, lets out a little laugh. “Hyung’ll kill me.”

“I don’t think so.” Taemin laughed cheeky, like he knows something Taeyong doesn’t. Maybe he does.”Young’s always surrounded by people.” The older points out, voice almost drowned by the sound of the people Young was chatting with. 

“Right? He’s always been like that.” 

“Isn’t the business building on the other side of the campus?”

Taeyong nodded, still working on his papers

“Huh, my roommate is in the same mayor as Young _-ssi_ , they don’t have classes today…Why isn’t he sleeping or something?"

“Oh, he likes to come and see what we are doing.” Taeyong takes the stack of paperwork he was working on and shoved them to Taemin’s hands. He puts a neon post it on top and smiles relieved.“Done! I finished.” 

“Great, Thanks Yong-ah.” 

He was so focused on his work that he didn’t see the way Young’s cold eyes lingered on them. 

“I’ll give this to the principal tomorrow, let’s go home Taeyong-ah.” 

They begin to pack their things, the chairs loudly dragging through the floor making Young and his entourage look at them curiously. Taemin’s turning off the lights while Taeyong waits by his friend when he feels cold fingers on his wrist pulling him back.

“I have to talk to you.” 

“Oh, okay here? or…”

Young shakes his head. “Outside.” And with that, he said his goodbyes and makes his way first outside. 

Taemin’s soft voice calls for him expecting brown eyes moving behind Taeyong looking for Young. 

“Where’s Young?” 

Taeyong adjusts the straps of his bag on his other shoulder as he points with his head to the exit.  “Outside, he wants to talk to me.” Taeyong said nonchalant and smiles shyly at the older when Taemin mouths: ' _Again?'_

Slapping Taemin on his chest good naturally, Taeyong continued. “You can go ahead, I’ll see you later.” 

“Later?” Taemin tsks. “Nope, I’ll wait for you, just don’t take too long or I’ll get bored and I’ll be texting you and texting you until you’re done” Taemin shook his head laughing. “Just let me know when you’re done.” 

Taeyong nodded before he turns around and runs to the exit with his heart hammering, a pink blush covering his cheeks.

He lets out a happy laugh when he feels his phone vibrate and a shout that sounds too much like an, _'I’m already bored'_ from Taemin. 

* * *

“Taeyong.”

“Hyung.” Taeyong panted, sitting down beside Young. “Sorry, have you been waiting long?” 

His Hyung shook his head and passed him a bottle of water. “A little bit.” 

Taeyong gave his thanks with a grateful smile. “Sorry, I was with Taemin.” Taeyong sips his water a little messily. Young just hums in answer. 

“How is everything going in the council?” 

“Great! Everyone’s been so nice! and Taemin’s been helping me so, so much.” Taeyong answered, crushing his water bottle and throwing it away in the trashcan. 

There’s a ghost of a smile on the older’s lips that Taeyong doesn't see. “Classes?” 

“Ah, Good.” Taeyong continued, embarrassed. “Still mayor-less” 

“Still?” Young raises an eyebrow, in warning he calls his name. 

Taeyong's nails begin to tear down the hangnail in his finger, he hopes there’s no blood. 

“I have a few options!” He defended. 

He actually didn’t, but he couldn’t bear the look on Young’s face. He had talked to Taemin and some members of his council who had already chosen their major and had reassured that it was normal not knowing what to do. Young, on the other hand, he wasn’t very keen on that option, how could he not? He knew before even graduating middle school what major he was going to take. He looks down when he feels something cold running on his fingers. 

_Blood._

There's a beat of silence where Young's cold eyes lock themselves to Taeyong's side profile, making Taeyong squirm unknowingly on his chair. At last, he adds, quietly, like and afterthought. “You’d make a good teacher.” 

Taeyong hides his bloody finger as he shifts a little on the bench. “Really?”

“You’re very diligent, responsible, the type that people like.” Young mimics Taeyong’s position on the bench. “You’ve said you like kids and that you like teaching.” 

“I did?” Taeyong asked surprised. _He really can't recall..._

“Why don’t you try taking the national teacher exam?” 

“I don’t know…I’ve never thought about been one.” Taeyong admits. “What if I’m not good?” 

And that was true, in all the options he had been eyeing, teaching was never one he even considered. He always pictured himself in something involved with colors, the smell of paint, art…

“I’m never wrong about you.” Young declared opening his own water bottle. “You have to play to your strengths.” 

_It doesn’t sound so bad, it’s a government job, so he’ll be stable. Besides, Young knows him better than he does, he'll never recommend something if it wasn't of use for Taeyong._

Still, he laughs nervously, fingers idly digging in his palms.

“The next exam is in August, you’re still in time.”

_It doesn’t sound so bad, Young knows you better, he’s never wrong about you, it doesn’t sound so bad, he’s never wrong, it…_

“I’ll think about it.” 

”We should go, I have to meet Father in his office.” Young pats Taeyong on the knee with his water bottle before he stands up and begins to walk away. “Then we can go and have dinner.” 

“Ah sorry, Hyung.” Taeyong apologized automatically. He stands up too. “I’m meeting with Taemin.” 

Young halts in his steps and turns to look at Taeyong, he gulps unconsciously holding his water bottle a little tighter. “Taeyong, it’s been weeks since we have ate together.” 

“I know Hyung, I’m sorry.” Taeyong said, he really means it. “But you know how this is our-” He feels if he said ' _thing'_ his Hyung’s going to flip. “ _tradition_ as building mates.”

“You don’t miss me?” 

“I do, Hyung. I promise you…”

“Okay, let’s eat this weekend."

Without waiting for an answer Young turns around to his car leaving Taeyong nodding to the air. He breathes deeply before he begins running to meet his friend. He finds Taemin playing some game on his phone, tongue poking between his lips in concentration, he wonders briefly how can he even do anything on that phone since half of his screen is shattered thanks to his carelessness.

“I thought you said you’ll be messaging me non stop?”

“If I got bored.” Taemin said, still playing with his phone.

“And you weren’t?” 

“Nah, Nina was here for a bit, we talked.” There’s a little tune coming from his phone. _Was that Candy Crush? “_ You’re early.” Taemin adds pocketing his phone.

“Yeah, he wanted to have dinner but, I told him I was meeting up with you.” 

“Woah, why’d you say that Young, now he’s going to kill me!” Taemin laments, voice sounding like he’s pouting. 

Taeyong laughs shoving him to the side. “It’s not like that, we were talking about my major.” 

“Ah.” Taemin nodded, “How’d it go?” 

“He thinks I should be a teacher.” Taeyong said pulling his back-straps down a little.

“And? You want to?”

Taeyong shrugs.

_It doesn’t sound so bad, it’s a government job, so he’ll be stable, Young knows him better than himself._

Taemin hums as they begin to make their way home. They live in the dorms close to the college so they often went together. It was their way of bond and Taeyong treasure those little times a lot. 

“Hey, are you alright?” The soft voice of Taemin makes Taeyong halt in his steps. 

“Yeah.” 

Taemin side-eyes him not convinced. “Listen…” he turns to look at Taeyong who was a little behind in his steps, he puts both off his hands on his shoulders. The younger smiles confused and tilts his head to the side.

“Taeyong, I’ve been thinking about this for a bit.” Taemin grips on Taeyong's shoulders turns a little more strongly. He can see the wheels turning inside Taemin’s head, it must be important for him, since it’s the first time he’s seen the older look so troubled, the smile that’s always gracing his lips it’s still there, but instead of warm it looks more as a grimace, it pulls something inside Taeyong. 

“I think Young…I-shit…How should I say this…is way to uhm.” Taemin hesitates, teeth bitting his plump bottom lip, he breathes deeply before continuing. “Uh…controlling.”

Taeyong looks at him blinking owlishly, rooted in his place. He frowns a little.

“Taemin…"

“I know, I know we talked about his before but…” Taemin interrupts when Taeyong opens his mouth to talk.

“Taeyong, you came to this college because he told you to, right?” The younger nodded slowly not really getting what Taemin is so desperately trying to say, there are hints here and there in the way fingers dig on his shoulders, in the edge of his voice. “And I bet he also told you, that you had to study to be a teacher, but he didn’t ask you what you wanted to actually do, right?”

“Well…” 

_Young knows him better than himself, he’s never wrong about you, it doesn’t sound so bad, he’s never wrong._

“And what about the things with your food? or the shit about the shampoo? How he buys you that lavender scent?” Taeyong’s brows go to his hairline as he tries to squirm out of the older’s grasp. “That shit’s weird.”

“I-Is that what it looks like?” Taeyong asked, his voice a little higher than normal. 

_Young knows him better than himself, he’s never wrong about you, it doesn’t sound so bad, he’s never wrong. He just wants to help you, it doesn’t sound so bad._

“We’ve always been like this though.” He can’t bear the silence, the look of disbelieve on his friend face so he continued, a little defensive. “He gets lonely pretty easily and we’ve known each other since we were young, so he gets childish once in a while…”

Taemin's voice is a little strained when he calls his name, arms coming to his sides in defeat.

“He means well.” Taeyong said, voice pleading. 

“Well, if that’s the case, then…” Taemin sighs still unconvinced. “But, really, if Young is pushing you too much, tell me.” Taeyong can’t seem to understand why he doesn’t trust him, Young means well, Young’s his friend and he wants the best for him, he just nodded. “I just hope you find something you really want to do Taeyong.” They enter their dorm quietly, feet dragging on the stairs to the third floor where their rooms are. “If you continue with whatever this relationship is, so dependent for too long, you won’t be able to do anything by yourself.” 

He doesn’t know how to react to that, he feels al little uncomfortable discussing his relationship with Young with Taemin, especially when Young’s been nothing but kind and has Taeyong’s best intentions in mind all the time, but more than that he feels a warmth spreading inside of him when he looks at those big eyes and easy smile trying so hard to give him advice. He appreciates that Taemin is trying to get him to talk to him and listen to him. It feels nice. 

“Am I getting nosy?” The older musters flustered confusing his silence as discomfort. “I’m sorry, I’m just…well, you’re my friend and I-”

“No, it’s fine.” Taeyong smiles tender, squeezing Taemin’s arm in reassurance. “Thank you, nobody has ever told me that before. And now that I think about it, perhaps he and I are a little too protective of each other.” 

He brings his hand to his chest crossing his heart like a scout. “I’ll try to talk to him! And try to refuse when I don’t want to do something.” 

“Alrighty then,” Taemin raises his fist in a cheesy manner. ”I’m rooting for you.” 

Like always they make plans to eat in the little corner store next to their dorm. But before Taeyong enter's his room to take a bath and get dressed he’s stopped by Taemin soft voice. 

“Hey, how about you choose the menu today?” 

He halts startled, “M-Me?” 

“Yeah! Your choice.” 

The echo of Taemin’s words doesn’t leave him for all that night.

* * *

There was a feeling of dread on Taeyong’s stomach on the day of the accident. Like his body knew something was going to happen, he was frightened all day, his senses in full alert like he was only waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

It only worsened when Young and he were working together in a cafe near his dorm. They were in the second hour working on Young’s final presentation when the older decided to take a break.

“Taeyong.” Young said in his deep voice. “If there’s something on your mind, you have to tell me.”

Taeyong looks up from his laptop to look at him confused, does he not look okay? sure he knows he has some dark circles under his eyes, and he’s a little bit more quiet than usual, but he didn’t think it’ll be too bad for Young to comment about it. 

“It’s nothing, Hyung.” Taeyong reassures him smiling. “I’ve been studying with Taemin and you know how he is…it’s easier to go with the flow when I’m with you.” 

He had actually made plans with Taemin to help him too with his presentation but Taeyong couldn’t really concentrate on anything other than the way the older talked, the endearing sounds that came from his mouth when he murmured to himself...

“Perhaps concentrate in your work and no Taemin.”

Taeyong flinches, slamming shut his laptop. 

“I’m not!” Taeyong whines.

“I’m not blind Taeyong, you get pretty excited whenever you talk about him.” There’s a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. Taeyong tries not to notice it. 

“Well, he’s a good friend, and I’m grateful he is helping me.” 

Young nodded in understanding cold eyes still looking at him. “He is very generous, yes, but, he would be better off studying with his girlfriend, don’t you think?” 

“Girlfriend?”

“Ah, you didn’t know? Nina asked him out not a while ago.” 

Taeyong blinks, and he blinks again, his mind unable to process what Young is trying to say to him. 

“It must be hard for her” he continued ignoring Taeyong who’s frozen in his seat, completely lost trying so hard to swallow his heart and its erratic beating. _Why is his heart beating so loud?_ “He is always helping other people, probably don’t have enough time for dates” he takes a sip of his coffee, there’s a tone in his voice that rubs Taeyong the wrong way, but he doesn’t know _why. Why is he feeling irritated by this?_ “I mean, it would be good if he wasn’t that nice all the time, it’s easy for others to get the wrong idea” 

Taemin’s smile flashed before his eyes making the lump on his throat grow bigger, it’s getting hard for him to breathe. 

“Don’t you think Taeyong?” 

Young eyes are still locking with his, unblinking. A tumult of vehement sadness washes over him. 

Taeyong nodded. 

* * *

They decided to go to a Kimchi Jjigae place to celebrate their last exam of the semester since it was Young’s treat every single one of their classmates decided to drink till their hearts were content. Taeyong, who was the youngest there, had been helping everyone by filling their drinks, serving them food, laughing quietly at the jokes, at the light teasing and the little contest that two of his classmates had to try (and failed) to made Young laugh out loud. 

Everything was good, Taeyong was good, Taemin and Nina had been there sitting side by side, whispering in each other ears, laughing together at their own private jokes, not really participating in anything, but still not wanting to leave. They looked good. Nina was beautiful, and nice, she had hugged Taeyong when they met, saying how she was so happy to finally meet Taemin’s little brother. 

Any other day, he might have not thought too much about it, he might have laughed and teased Taemin about it. But the horrible lump in his throat had formed again when Nina said the word “brother” and he wasn’t able to shove it down to where it belonged. He shouldn’t care, Taemin was his dearest friend, he shouldn’t care, he should be happy about him, he’s never seen his eyes shine so brightly, or his cheeks such a pretty shade of pink before, he _shouldn't_ care but…he did. Maybe that was why he decided to drink maybe more than he could, more than he _should,_ after all, he had always been a lightweight. 

When the world began to spin in front of his eyes, he knew he had to stop. One-second he was sitting there, Young’s hand on his back and next he’s sitting down, back against a light-post drowning in the misery of annoyance and mortification as he watches Taemin and Nina talk near the exit of the restaurant.

He lowers his head, putting it on his knees while trying to make whatever this feeling is, disappear.

Nina’s pretty laugh rings in his ears, making him nauseous. 

_How could he miss it?_

“Taeyong...are you alright?” comes the soft voice of Taemin from above him, _how long has passed?_ “You drank a lot.”

“Should I get some water?” sing-songs the voice of Nina. She has the most beautiful, soft voice, like a melody. Just like Taemin’s. 

“Yeah, thanks Nina.”

He hears quick foot-steps, there’s a heavy hand on his head, ruffling his hair softly. The fucking lump is back again, it hurts to close his eyes.

He can hear the slurring in his words when he spats, “Did, did Nina asked you out?” 

The hand stops caressing his hair, Taeyong almost whines. “Huh? Oh, yea...ah, not too long ago.” Taemin sounds shy, almost coy. 

He’s never heard him use this tone with him.

It’s funny how a few seconds he was feeling a lot and right now he feels nothing when he asked. “Are you two going out?”

“No…yet.” Taeyong raises his head, blurry eyes trying to adjust to the light, trying to focus on Taemin’s face, “She’s graduating soon, so I don’t know if we’ll be able to, you know, be together,” beyond the dizziness he can see a shy smile on his lips, “but we’ve been talking and we are in no rush to jump into a relationship so quickly.” 

_We, We, We._

“Taemin?” Taeyong asked emotionless; Taemin hums, fingers stroking his head again. “Why are you so…nice?” 

This earns him a laugh from the older as Taemin ruffles his hair. 

“You know. I thought, we…" he frowns feeling offended, _why is he laughing?_ "You need to stop being so nice, if you keep doing that, I’ll keep getting the wrong idea.” 

“Yong-ah?” 

“I just thought you….but of course that could never happen…i’m an idiot.” He blinks, he feels like crying, _but why can’t he cry?_ “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.” 

He shoves the hand away as he staggers trying to stand up. 

“Yong, what you saying?” 

“I’m going.” Everything’s blurry as he makes walks aimlessly, he feels Taemin’s slender hands trying to steady him. He shoves him again. 

“Wait! You’re drunk let me…” his voice sounds pleading, if Taeyong was sober he’d be touched about how Taemin cared about him. “You’re walking in the road!”

“I can get home by myself!” 

“Taeyong!”

Despite his dizziness and the dryness of his eyes, the approaching light is too bright to ignore. It’s too blinding, it’s hurting him. He closes his eyes.

And there’s a crash.

* * *

Nina’s voice it’s so hard to understand, she sounds to chocked, so miserable, it piles with the horrible feeling of nothingness in the pit of his stomach. 

“Did...something happened between you two?… I won’t blame you just-” she’s trembling, clenching and unclenching her hands into fists, her eyes are glassy and red-rimmed. There’s a shiver running down her whole body as her voice grows louder echoing in the halls of the hospital. The loud chocked sound of her voice is echoing in his ears, he can’t seem to move or say anything. He’s frozen, appalled by sadness. “What happened? Why is he lying there?!” her shaky hands points at a door Taeyong’s refusing to look at “Say something! Please! Anything!” 

There’s people looking their way, Taeyong can feel their stares burning his back, whispering about what they think it happens, from the corner of his eye, he sees a friend of Nina’s trying to calm her down, taking her shaky hands on hers, involving her in a hug as her cries continue to ring louder and louder. She shouts incoherent things, muffled by the hug and chocked on her sobs. 

He feels his lungs constricting, restraining him from breathing, his once dry eyes begin to fill with tears, bottom lip trembling. He takes one more look at Nina’s trembling figure before he dashes out. 

Cold air bit into his already abused lungs as he runs, and runs, gut-wrenching, heart pumping, after several seconds, or was it minutes? his legs give up on him, he stagers throwing his body on a bench outside. 

His breath comes in short, chocked gasps as the loud sound of a bawl rips out his chest, body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears echoing into the night. 

“My father friend works here, so he’s in good hands, you don’t have to worry.” Comes the voice of Young after some time, voice carrying through his loud sobs. He slowly raises his head, fat tears blurring his vision.

“It’s all my fault.” He confesses, tears dripping down his cheeks, as more tears came down, more thoughts whirled through his head, how at the hospital he had felt nothingness, but now, he feels worse, he feels the shame creeping into him, making his skin itch. 

Young sounds closer when he speaks again. “Just tell everyone the truth, then we can go apologize to Taemin when he wakes up.” 

“Tell the truth?!” he yells shaking as a great tremor overtook him. “And what should I say? That I misunderstood our relationship and feel…?” he knows he sounds desperate, his face is pulled in a horrible sneer, he feels like a drowning man, fighting against the wave of guilt that has been hitting him since he took a glimpse at Taemin’s face “Am I supposed to tell them that he got almost killed because I was blaming him for something it wasn’t even his fault?” his words come muffled, as his throat begins to tightening from the abuse. 

“You have to see him at some point.” 

He cries more, hard sobs coming from his chest, body trembling and stiff at the same time. He doesn’t know when he’ll stop, he's feeling nauseous from the exertion and the shame. _Why can't it just...stop?_

“No.” Taeyong shakes his head vehemently. “How could I- I have no right to see him again…” 

“I’m not trying to blame you Taeyong.” He sighs, he feels the weight of his hand on his shaking back, slowly drawing circles trying to calm him down, Taeyong leans into the touch searching for any kind of warmth. “I’m here for you. Even if everyone turns their backs on you, I won’t.” 

He turns his head to look at Young, sniffled quietly, tears pouring from his eyes. 

“I want you to know that, I’m here for you.” Young stops his ministrations on Taeyong’s back and takes his hand, grasping it tightly. “I’ve been waiting for a quite a long time now.” 

“Why don’t you lean on me?” 

The tears stop at once, a whimper leaves his lips, red-rimmed eyes meeting at the older’s earnest gaze looking at him. 

_He knows me the best. He’s always taking care of me_

“Why don’t you choose me?” 

_He knows me the best, it’s not so bad, He knows me the best._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Toxic Relationships(Manipulation), car accidents (someone gets run-over). If you see something else please, tell me so I can edit the tw. 
> 
> So, some of you wanted to know more about Young and surprise, he's here, and he's the worst! I really had a hard time writing this one since I really dislike people like Young. 
> 
> Also, *throws a kiss to the sky: For Taemin, cause I'm sorry about what I did to him here* 
> 
> The next chapter shall be up soon.
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments, they keep me going


	7. Five

“Hyung” he says softly at the man beside him, he’s a little concerned since the morning Taeyong has looked so out of it, dark circles under his beautiful eyes, he hasn’t smiled once and looks really worried. When Baekhyun had asked him if he was feeling okay, Taeyong had reassured everyone he was, but the faint smile he had managed to throw the older’s way was a very pained one, it only had made Jaehyun and the other’s more concerned about him. “Taeyong Hyung” he tries again, moving closer to his friend who’s been looking at his turned-off computer for 5 minutes ”Hyung!” he calls loudly patting him on his arm, he feels a little bad when poor Taeyong jumps on his sit and lets out a puppy-like yelp of surprise at the contact. Wide doe eyes turn to look at him startled, moving a little back when he notices Jaehyun’s face a little closer than normal “Are you alright?” 

“Huh?” 

Jaehyun laughs patting the older’s arm adoringly “Lunchtime started 10 minutes ago” 

The laugh that escapes his lips this time it’s not forced but a little embarrassed, he scratches his other arm in disbelief “Oh, right. I should have some of that now” he adds, wide eyes racking his desk looking for something. 

_Just, what happened to him?_

He can’t help it anymore so, he grabs the older’s arm and drags him out of the office without waiting for an answer. 

“Come on Hyung, we are eating out” he squeezes his arm as they continue walking “and I’m buying” 

Feeling the need to wipe out the lost look on the older’s face, he puts his arm around the older’s shoulders like Johnny likes to do when he tries to make someone feel comfortable, he cringes since he is not a very affectionate person himself, but seeing Taeyong so out of it it’s waking up something in Jaehyun that’s making him want to comfort him, to involve him in a big hug and never let him go. 

“There’s a restaurant that I want to go with you...you’ll come with me right?” 

There’s no smile on his face and he still looks troubled and tired, but his eyes shine a little, a pretty glint as he looks up to Jaehyun and says “Of course “he puts his hand on top of Jaehyun’s that’s resting on his shoulder, he squeezes it tightly "Thank you Jaehyun-ah” 

* * *

The restaurant was relatively close to the school, only a 10-minute walk. It was a nice little place, with a big garden and lots of white little tables for two surrounded by plants and flowers. Since Taeyong and Jaehyun began their friendship and Jaehyun had, finally, stopped his frighting of inviting the older to do things friends did, like having a meal together, he wanted to bring him here. He didn’t know why but he pegged the older as someone who enjoyed nature, also, having his Hyung surrounded by flowers was becoming one of Jaehyun’s favorite sights, that’s why he profusely chooses a table near the back, where all the pretty flowers were so when the older was sitting a beautiful halo of blooms adorned the blonde’s head. 

The menus were already waiting for them in their table since Jaehyun knows his restaurant like the back of his hand, he doesn't bother in looking at it. Instead, he distracts himself by watching Taeyong’s face go into an entire journey as he read the menu and looks at the pictures in it.

“Have you decided what you’d like to eat Hyung?” he asks after some time. 

“Uh” Taeyong looks up from his menu still looking a little troubled “I’m fine with anything you want to order” 

He laughs and raises an eyebrow “You sure?” 

Taeyong nods putting the menu away from him as he begins to look around the flowers. 

He gives the older one last look before turning to the kitchen and shouts a “Hey!” he whistles raising his hand in a wild gesture ”I’d like to order now!” 

There’s a loud groan from the kitchen as a tall figure comes out wearing a black apron and an annoyed growl plastered on his handsome face.

“What am I? Your dog?” 

“You want me to answer that for you? We have guests” answers Jaehyun cheekily pointing with his head at the older. Johnny halts on his steps and looks behind Jaehyun’s mop of dark hair. There’s a dangerous glint in his eyes when he smiles at Taeyong. 

“Hello and welcome to Jeong-Won, I’m your server for today Mr. Lee, right?” 

Taeyong nods a little surprised to be addressed by name, he turns to look at Jaehyun, wide eyes on questioning. 

“Hyung, this is my friend that I told you about…he also went with us in high school” 

“Nice to finally meet you, I’m Johnny” says Johnny smiling mischievously “You don’t mind if I don’t use honorifics right? Jaehyunie told me we were the same age” 

Johnny was actually older than Jaehyun, by two years, just like Taeyong, but since he came from the US and traveled back and forth because of his parent's jobs he fell behind a lot in school. So, when his family decided to stay in Korea for the time begin, his parents decided to enroll him in Kyonggi and start from zero. That’s where they met, the first day of Jaehyun’s first year in high school when both of them were trying to look for their homeroom. He was immediately drawn to Johnny because of his easy-going nature and Johnny had said he was happy that someone wasn’t too shocked by his “Amercianisisms”, like talking without honorifics and habit of spout random English words. Jaehyun had reassured him he didn’t mind since he had lived in the US himself when he was younger and also because he liked to learn about other cultures and their languages, that’s why he later befriended Yuta, from Japan and Sicheng from China. 

“It’s fine, nice to meet you!” Taeyong smiles and nods “Do you run this restaurant?” 

“No, it’s my aunt’s actually, I come to help here sometimes when I’m free” he grins resting one hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder as he talks animatedly “Since you are Jae’s friend please feel free to come by anytime, I’ll give you lots of free food!” 

“Hey! Why I can’t have also free meals?” 

“Peaches please, we have guests”

The sound of Taeyong’s amused laugh makes Jaehyun contain himself from properly curse his best friend “Please, two house specials” 

“Sure sweet-cheeks”

He writes something on his pad and begins to grab their menus, the teasing glint still in his eyes as he turns to Jaehyun again “It’s the first time you bring someone to your special place” he comments offhandedly while he pretends to write something else in his pad. 

Jaehyun’s eyes turn into slits “Okayyyyy John, go away”

Johnny’s horrible crackle-like laugh disturbs the peace of the restaurant as he turns back to the kitchen to give their orders to his aunt. 

“I’m sorry about that,” he says with his eyes still looking at the door where Johnny’s disappeared “He doesn’t go out much” 

“Don’t be mean” he says laughing delighted at the little exchange he just witnesses “He’s nice” 

“Yeah” He turns to look at the older and smiles at him displaying his dimples “He’s the best” 

They keep talking about Jaehyunantics when he was in high-school until Johnny came back with their food sometime later. 

“Please be careful, it’s hot,” he says placing their plates in front of them carefully “If you need anything tell my aunt okay?” 

Jaehyun looks up from his food to look at his friend “You going?” 

“Yeah, I have to assist in a photo shoot” he reaches to pat Jaehyun’s hair affectionally “I’ll see you later okay?” 

The younger hums while grabbing a spoonful of food to his mouth. 

“Nice to meet you Taeyong”

“You too, Johnny” 

He gives one last pat to Jaehyun’s hair before turning around making his way to the kitchen again, presumably to grab his things. Before he even reaches the door however he stops in his tracks and turns around again “Enjoy your date, you guys! see you later!” 

Jaehyun chokes on his food so violently poor Taeyong raises from his seat to pat his back a little too forcefully. 

Fucking Johnny. 

They finish their food at an alarming speed, well, at least Jaehyun does. Taeyong on the other hand, eat slowly, chewing delicately and savoring every bite as if he was memorizing it. He was so endearing. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“Wow the food is really good!” Murmurs Taeyong putting his hands on his stomach, he pats it a few times happily. 

Jaehyun fights the urge to pinch the older’s cheeks. Instead, he offers “Yeah, his aunt is a really good cook, she’s the one that has kept us alive with her cooking all these years!” he takes a sip of his water before he continues “I’m glad you liked it, we can come back whenever you like”

“We should, I wasn't that hungry but I just finished everything in my plate” 

“Hyung” He calls, resting his face on one of his hands “Are you not feeling well? You’ve been kind of out of it a lot lately” Sure, right now he looked more sleepy than anything thanks to the healthy amounts of food he ate, but he’s still worried about Taeyong’s mood and behavior earlier.

“Oh, umm not at all” He shakes his hands dismissing the comment, he adds with an easy smile, “I think I’m the same as usual” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Of course Jaehyun-ah, Hyung’ll never lie” he says in mock offense, he even puts one hand on his chest playfully. 

“Hyung” 

“Yes?” 

He smiles big when he points to the table with his head “You used your chopsticks upside-down during all of your meal” 

The sound that Taeyong lets out it’s a mix between a gasp and an embarrassed laugh. He just looks dumbfounded at the younger with his wide black eyes while Jaehyun just smiles at him amused. After a seconds of shocked silence, he whines “Why didn’t you tell me!” 

* * *

After paying and getting his cheeks pinched by Johnny’s aunt, they make their way back to the school, not before Jaehyun drags Taeyong to a little coffee shop nearby so they can grab a bit of caffeine. They chose their drinks and before Jaehyun can even get out his card to pay Taeyong beats him to it. 

“Hyung” he whines when the cashier gives Taeyong back his card and resit “I was going to buy the coffee too” 

“No way!” the older says shaking his head as they head out to school “You bought me lunch, it’s only right that I get the drinks “ 

He feels himself smile like a fool when he answers “Thank you then” 

They walk in silence, happily drinking their coffee Jaehyun notices the older has stopped walking and is watching attentively at the full and pink trees that are surrounding him. 

“Hyung?” 

“The cherry blossoms will fall soon” he moves his foot a little play with the fallen flowers, like he was a kid. 

_He’s adorable._

“I hear they’ll fall sometime next week” 

“That’s disappointing” There’s a pout on his lips, playful feet still playing with the pink blossoms “Beautiful things pass by so quickly” 

“Then…How about we go on a picnic this weekend instead of going to a pub?” he offers, weak when he sees the disappointing look on the older. Surely Taeyong knows that when he pouts, he practically can ask for whatever he wants and he’ll get it “You can look at them as much as you want before they fall” 

Taeyong halts on his steps turning surprised a happy glint on his eyes the he looks at Jaehyun eyes “That’s a good idea Jaehyun-Ah!” there’s a bounce in his step when he reaches the younger and they begin again their walk back to the school “I thought you wanted to drink, though?” 

“We can drink while enjoying the view” he reassures him.

“You don’t have to do that you know?” There’s a _something_ on his tone that Jaehyun can't catch, but it goes well with the happy glint on his eyes and the bounce on his step. 

“What?” 

“Change your plans to fit me”

Jaehyun shakes his head “Nah, It’s fine” he smiles before saying a again “also, its better to go somewhere that you want to go” 

“Why?” he asks, taken aback by the frankness in Jaehyun’s words. 

To be honest Jaehyun’s too, but then again, not knowing when to stop when he’s talking with Taeyong has become the norm for him. 

It’s new for him, all of this, inviting someone to drink together, to eat together in Johnny’s aunt restaurant, to stroll down the streets talking about anything and everything, saying all this cheesy stuff that he’s pretty sure it’s his way of flirting…

“Yeah, I want you to enjoy yourself” 

Yeah definitely flirting, he just hopes Taeyong doesn’t think too much about this.

“Then, Jaehyun-ah, how about we go to the pub tonight?” There’s a laugh blooming from his stomach as he looks at Taeyong “I feel like drinking today,you’ll come with me right?” 

* * *

They ended up going to the pub Jaehyun had talked to him the other day. They went straight after classes so, thankfully it was not too crowded even if they had to commute for about 45 minutes to get to Gangman, they managed to get a table at the very back of the pub, which was perfect for Jaehyun, since he didn’t feel like share this new side of the older with anyone else. 

Tipsy Taeyong was…something else. 

They had only been there for half an hour and the blonde had already drown two bottles of soju alone. Jaehyun was still nursing his first beer when the sound of an empty bottle against the table broke him out of his thoughts. 

Make that three bottles of soju.

“Aren’t you drinking a bit too fast?” he asked behind his glass before finishing his beer in one go. He looked at Taeyong who was trying to grab the next bottle of soju, the warm light giving him a beautiful glow, making look almost ethereal, that Jaehyun knew it didn’t have anything to do with the alcohol.

After all, he just finished his first beer. 

“Maybe, but I feel fine” he raises his glass and musters cheekily behind the rim, his hands shake, making soju fly everywhere “Should I go slower?” 

Jaehyun shrugs, taking the opened bottle and helping himself with some soju “You don’t have to if you don’t feel like it” 

“Yay!”he throws his head to drown his glass when he looks up his wide eyes are shining so prettily that he feels his heart melt and his stomach turn “Then…can I drink more?” 

“Yeah” 

He grabs Jaehyun’s empty beer bottle and the half-empty soju bottle and brings them next to his face “What if I want to mix soju and beer?” 

Jaehyun let’s out a chuckle and nods his head “Sure”

The laugh that Taeyong gives him is so endearing that Jaehyun feels himself falling a little bit more for the elder right there under that warm light and empty pub. He smiles helplessly infatuated when Taeyong puts down the bottles and pouts. 

“You just say yes to everything I’m saying” 

“Just do what you want to do Hyung” he finds himself patting the older’s hand, it’s a habit at this point “It’s fine”

“Should I?” 

“Of course” 

Taeyong stares at him a little longer than he’s used to. His eyes look a little unfocused the more he looks at them. He looks adorable, with his too-big eyes and pink cheeks and ears. His words are a little slurred when he adresses him after a while, black eyes still locked with his “You are so nice, Jaehyun” 

He can’t help raising his eyebrows incredulous, he snorts “Is that being nice?” 

Taeyong nods pouring himself another glass of soju “Of course” 

He knows, he knows he shouldn’t say anything about what happened some days ago. But he can’t help it. Jaehyun’s happy that Taeyong trusts him enough to let loose and drink with him, but he doesn’t know how he’ll take it if he tries to meddle into his business. Still, the image of those pretty orbs filled with tears, he hasn’t been able to erase them from his mind, also his foul mood today and his need to get drunk as fast as possible was something that bugged him. He wants to help, at least let him know he’s here for him…Will Taeyong let him?…

“Something happened…right?” 

Taeyong puts down his glass, there’s no smile this time when he answers “No, nothing did” 

They are friends, right? Taeyong said so himself.

“Doesn’t look like nothing” he eyes the empty bottles on their table. He sighs “Hyung…You can tell me when you feel like it, I’ll listen to whatever you want to talk about” he puts his hand above Taeyong’s in what he hopes is a reassuring manner “Don’t try to carry everything by yourself okay? You can talk about it with me if you are worried” 

There’s a genuine smile hanging from Taeyong’s lips that makes his pink cheeks bulge up making him look a lot younger “Thank you…but this is something I have to deal with on my own” he pats Jaehyun’s hand with his free one before reaching for another bottle of soju “Sometimes there are things adults have to hold back no matter how much they want to talk about it, it’s something like that” he adds like he’s talking to a little boy. Jaehyun frowns. 

“Are you calling me a child?” 

“If I pretend like it’s nothing then it really will become nothing later on” Taeyong continues, showing no signs of having listened to him. 

“That’s not how it works” he sighs annoyed taking the bottle away from Taeyong and pouring himself another glass “Just because we are “adults” doesn’t mean you have to endure everything alone. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t feel like it…but please don’t try to ignore all your problems…it’ll only end up hurting you in the long run” 

Taeyong sips from his glass diverting his eyes away from the younger. The tint of his cheeks and ears it’s not only from the alcohol anymore. 

“There are lots of ways to resolve problems…hoping they just disappear it’s not one of the healthy ones”

“And why’s that?” the older taunts 

“Cause they’ll only become bigger and bigger…” He mumbles exasperated “I just…don't want you to get hurt” 

He feels a warm hand trying to interline their fingers, he grumpily lets him smiling a little when he hears the fond laugh of the older “You’re a really nice person Jaehyun, you know that?” 

He turns to give the older a quizzical look “I think I’m just nice to those I like” 

Taeyong snorts 

“Really?”

“Really” 

“You know, I think I get weird when I’m with you…” he pauses unconsciously tightening his hold on Jaehyun’s hand, he moves his head to the side showing his wide eyes full of curiosity. Jaehyun feels his ears burn hot and his ears rang with the sound of his heartbeats ”Is it because you’re weird?” 

“Is that a backhanded compliment?” 

Taeyong giggles behind his glass and raises his brows pointing at the empty bottle of soju in front of them “Can I order one more bottle of soju?” 

“Sure” 

“Ah, Jaehyun-ah you are so nice” 

They don’t let go of each other’s hand for the rest of the night. 

* * *

Jaehyun likes to think of himself as an intelligent man, a cautious man. Someone who knows how to make good decisions. But as he feels the weight resting on his shoulder move closer to the crook of his neck he realizes that he might not be that intelligent man he thought he was. He decides to look out from the window looking at the familiar neighborhood instead of the man breathing in his neck. He knows that taking the older home instead of his own apartment it’s going to come and bite him in the ass but…

“Hyung, we are here” he whispers, careful of not to scare his sleeping friend. _Friend?._

Fuck.

“Where?” he yawns, Jaehyun feels skinny arms circle around him to bring him closer. 

“At my place” he gulps, trying to pry those arms off him. He’s glad the older’s too drunk and sleepy to notice the loud beats of his heart and notices his red face ”Don’t you remember?” 

“I see,” he says burring his face on the crook of his neck. He tries to move Taeyong away from him again, but the older’s now sniffling him, humming happily against his skin.

“Wait, please don’t sleep again” he pleads, shaking his Hyung arm. He looks up at the review mirror to bow his head in thanks, to their cabby who has been patiently waiting for them to get the fuck out of his cab “Can you walk?” he doesn’t wait for an answer, he puts his arm around the older’s shoulders to help him walk. Taeyong presses his head harder against his neck making it very hard for them to walk properly. 

“Yeah, I’m just a little dizzy” he murmurs, breath hitting against his scorching skin. 

He is _this_ close to lose it and kiss the older silly until they both can’t breathe anymore. 

He shakes his head as they walk to the elevator. Maybe _he_ drank a little too much. 

He finally pries Taeyong’s face from his neck and leans him against the wall of the elevator to take a look at him under the strong artificial light. Beside the flush of his skin and him being clingier than usual, there are no signs of his drinking, he tells the older as such when he asks what’s wrong. 

“I’m not drunk though?” he whines while trying to sit on the floor. Jaehyun quickly grabs his arm to steady him.

“Are you okay? Do you want to throw up?” 

Taeyong shakes his head while closing his eyes “Everything’s spinning” 

“We’re almost there Hyung” there’s a ding announcing they’ve arrived at his floor. _Finally._ He pulls Taeyong up and holds him close, a thigh grip on his waist, as he begins to walk them to his apartment.

He’s fumbling with his keys when he hears the drunk giggle of Taeyong’s words near his ear “Alrighty! Let’s go home then handsome” 

_Oh no, no, no, no._

The alcohol and embarrassment paint his cheeks a new shade of red. If Taeyong was sober he is pretty sure he’ll never be able to do what he’s doing right now, so he crushes the hope before it even begins to grow inside of him. 

“I can walk by myself” 

“No you can’t” he snorts guiding Taeyong to his room “Come” He opens the door and makes his way straight to his beg sitting the older down gently “Okay, lie down please Hyung I’ll get you…” 

Taeyong's hands refuse to let go of him, his grip on his arms is so vicious it makes him tumble on top of the older. He moves at lightning speed trying to move from Taeyong’s warmth, but the older just grips his arms tighter. He hiccups before mumbling something to him. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” he says hiccuping again, he frowns one hand coming to his nose trying to stop his hiccups. Jaehyun laughs at the scene and laughs more when he’s met with shinning wide eyes looking at him happily, Taeyong tries to join him but a hiccup leaves his lips along with his laugh making him frown again. 

_Ah, I like you so much._

He pats the older’s stomach fondly and makes him lay on his side “Get some sleep. I’ll take a shower” he strokes the blonde locks in a soothing manner and points near the bed, Taeyong’s eyes follow the moment “There’s a bin if you need to puke okay?” 

“Would you stay here for a bit?” his voice is so small, Jaehyun has to move closer to understand what he says. Their faces are inches away when Taeyong shyly buries his face on Jaehyun’s pillow, the flush on his skin deepens “I think I’ll fall asleep faster if you keep playing with my hair” 

His chest tightens tinting his ears a bright red. 

_No, that’s not it._

He makes his way on the bed and lays down beside Taeyong, the older turns to face him and drags Jaehyun’s hand to his head, clearly asking him to continue to play with his blonde locks. He laughs totally gone and shifts in a way he can comb his fingers through the hair and at the same time, trace circles on his back as one would do to a child to try and make him sleep with his other hand. Taeyong brings one hand loosely to his waist as he was hugging him, pressing his head near Jaehyun’s collarbones. 

_I adore you._

His whole body relaxes when he feels the puffs of air against his skin, his rapid heartbeats slow down trying to pair themselves with the rise and fall of Taeyong’s chest. 

This feels good, this feels _right._

They stay like that for a while, sleeping while holding each other, after some time (three hours to be exact) he begins to steer awake when the feeling of his clammy skin gets too much, it takes a little while to remember that it’s from the heat of having another body so close to him. When he opens one eye he’s hit with a wave of pure adoration when he looks down at the sleeping man in his arms, he brushes Taeyong’s hair out of his eyes and stops immediately when the soothing feeling of having slept with Taeyong in his arms is replaced with the _panic_ of having slept with Taeyong, a drunk Taeyong, in his arms.

He shifts panicky moving as delicately as the beginnings of a mental breakdown let him, careful of waking up the older.

It all fails thought when he hears a raspy voice calling his name. 

“Go back to sleep Hyung”

He feels Taeyong’s arms pulling him closer "You’re so warm” he sighs. 

“You too” he admits, he’s glad the older’s still is sleepy so he can’t look at his panicked face and red ears “I should take a shower now…”

“Why?” murmurs Taeyong voice heavy with sleep “Let’s just sleep”

_He knows you can’t say no to him._

He chuckles defeated _,_ still, he’s a stubborn bastard so he doesn’t answer him, he closes his eyes and resumes to stroke his silky hair in a vain effort to make him sleep again “Do you feel better now?”

“Yeah, I think I sober up” There's a happy sigh and the ruffle of sheets, Jaehyun can feel him moving even closer so his face is nestled under his chin, he doesn’t realize he’s buried his own nose on top of Taeyong’s head until he’s drowning in the scent of lavender and something else ”I feel so relaxed, I always feel like this when I am with you” 

“Me too” He mouths against his hair. As if he wasn’t in the middle of a new Taeyong induced mental breakdown less than two minutes ago. 

“That’s weird” Jaehyun hums prompting for Taeyong to continue ”You are weird” he murmurs almost inaudible” I wonder why…?” 

He opens his eyes when he feels Taeyong’s face move up to stare at him, he lowers his head to meet the stare, his eyes are so huge that Jaehyun can see himself reflected on those pretty dark orbs. 

His voice comes out a little louder than normal, he cringes when he hears it above the loud beating of his heart “I think you’re the weird one”

“Me?” He uses the same tone like in the restaurant, the mock offense “Why?” 

Jaehyun stops petting Taeyong’s hair making him whine, he ignores it “You make other people go crazy” 

“Why?”

He shakes his head as he moves his body a little away from Taeyong in a horrible attempt to prevent the older’s of hearing how his heart is beating for him “I’m not telling you that” 

“And why not?” Taeyong jolts and sits on his knees in the bed, making Jaehyun raise his head against the headboard so he can look at him.

“I don’t think you’d understand” 

“I think you’re underestimating me” he puts his two hands as a support as he leans closer to Jaehyun, there’s a glint of something on his eyes that makes his skin itch ”I know more than you think” 

“Like what?” 

“I know lots of things” Taeyong offers with a cocky smile on his face. 

He’s taunting him. 

And Jaehyun’s going to bite. 

“For example?” 

“For example” He hums playfully putting one finger against his lips. He has to drag his eyes from Taeyong’s lips up to his face before he does something like…“I know what _you like…_ Who you like” 

_Shit, shit, shit, shit._

It’s like he’s been punched on the stomach, as he feels all the air of his lungs lead him. The dread of Taeyong probably knowing Jaehyun likes him it’s….No, it can’t be. He’s been careful, very careful to do or say something that…

He feels his stomach drop. No, he hasn’t. He’s been the opposite of careful. Hell, even the kids know about his crush. 

Still, maybe he doesn’t know and he’s just playing with him. 

He’s never been a good liar, but he’s definitely good at shit-talking so he forces the words out of his lips. 

“And what’s that _I like?_ ” he chokes out, shifting uncomfortably on the bed, big eyes following his every move. 

Taeyong raises an eyebrow unamused “You know what I’m talking about” 

_Shit._

He stares unblinking at the older for a few seconds before he hangs his head down unable to look at him anymore. 

“Is it obvious?” 

“Very” 

_Oh_

There’s some movement from the bed, maybe the older has finally decided to go home now that he’s sober-up and decided that Jaehyun’s crush on him is not only creepy but inappropriate. He sighs dejectedly waiting to hear the faint sound of footsteps. 

But he hears nothing. 

He raises his head and turns to the side, he meets Taeyong, now resting on his stomach, face resting between his both hands and looking at him with that weird glint again in his eyes that makes Jaehyun’s skin burn. 

“Can I ask you something?”

_Of course, he won’t be a rude jackass Jung Jaehyun. Taeyong’s the sweetest and most caring person you know._

“What is it” 

_That’s why you like him so much._

“The boy you met in the infirmary the one you talked about the other day, what was he like? Was he a good person?” 

He doesn’t hide the raise of his eyebrows, he’s surprised Taeyong’s asking about him of all people, especially since he’s just learned the older knows he has a crush on him…he feels somewhat relaxed that the attention is off of him for a little bit “I don’t really know and it doesn’t really matter to me if he’s a good person or not. I mean, it’s a high-school crush, my first crush actually…” His eyes move across the room as if he was reminiscing, maybe he was. He exhales ”Maybe there’s a reason why I never met him again” 

Taeyong’s eyes fill with something he quiet can’t make out when he meets his eyes after a while. He has now laid on his side again and is looking up at him, attentively. There are no loud heartbeats, no confusing emotions as he loses himself in his dark eyes. There’s just warmth and nothing else. Everything with Taeyong was infinitely soft.

And then it hits him. So what if he knows? What if Taeyong knows about how he makes his heartbeat so loud, how he makes him feel so alive, how this _love_ he has for the older has begun to overshadow everything around him. 

_He deserves to know how happy he makes me._

So it’s not surprising when he finally says, with a gentle smile “It’s okay because there’s someone I like even more right now” 

Taeyong’s eyes widen a little making them shine even more, there is it again, that pretty red on his cheeks when his lips form the most loving smile his seen on his face yet. He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t need too, the older gets closer to him and snuggles his face on his chest wrapping his arms around Jaehyun squeezing him tight.

“He...he’s lucky then” Taeyong murmurs against his chest “to be liked by someone like you” 

Jaehyun hugs him back as strong as Taeyong. He kisses the older’s head lovingly “Well, he’s very easy to like”

“Jaehyun-ah, your heart is beating so fast,” Says Taeyong with a giggle. They break the hug and lay down again, side by side, looking at each other, Taeyong raises his hand and puts it where his heat is, clearly fascinated at the erratic beating of Jaehyun’s heart. There’s joy pouring from his large dark eyes and the pretty blush form earlier it’s still there. He huffs embarrassed trying to put a little distance between them, from looking too long at those luminous eyes that behold everything about him. 

“Don’t laugh, Hyung. You don’t know how I am suffering from being this close to you and not-”

_Kissing you_.

“Stop suffering then” Taeyong brings Jaehyun closer to him by moving his hand from his chest to his nape, he presses their foreheads together closing his eyes “Don’t worry about it, I’m not drunk, you are either, so…”

_Oh, how he wanted to kiss those lips._

A nervous laugh leaves his mouths “And here I thought you were innocent” 

Taeyong hums opening his eyes halfway, breath dancing against Jaehyun’s lips and he’s so, so close to finally tasting that pretty mouth that he doesn’t know what to do with himself “Should I act like I am?” 

Jaehyun moves his head a little back to watch his expression when he catches a hint of nervousness on his voice. Taeyong’s tense, his eyes downcast and the hand that was in his chest grabs tighter his shirt as if he was trying to ground himself. 

Jaehyun’s heart hurts at how dejected he looks. He wants nothing more than to erase that look from his face and reassure him “No, Hyung” he breathes against the older’s lips.

Jaehyun takes Taeyong’s face between his hands making him look at him, he leans closer nuzzling their noses together. 

“Just be yourself”

He doesn’t know who leans in first, but he bets it's probably him. 

It starts slow, a tender touch of lips, shy hands holding each other close, breathing each other in and out. But, p atience is a virtue that Jaehyun does not possess, so he gets bolder and changes the pace, kissing him a little more desperately, tongue coaxing Taeyong’s mouth to open up for him, he wants to hear him, to swallow those breathy moans he bets the older makes when he’s losing himself in pleasure. And Taeyong does, he also makes a humming sound at the back of his throat when Jaehyun begins to play with his hair and hold him tight with the other hand, trying to press Taeyong’s lithe body flush against him until they become one. They continue to kiss desperate, hungry as if they were making up for the lost time, and maybe they are. Taeyong’s hands caress his chest and make their way to his back to lure Jaehyun to get on top of him as he lies on the bed not once breaking their kiss. He feels Taeyong’s chest press against his when his back arches beautifully and he can’t help but press back. His lungs begin to burn, but the need to breathe is not as intense as his need to feel those lips against his, as his need to trace and worship Taeyong’s body with his hands and mouth. 

And he does. 

They pull apart just so he can lean in again and leaves open-mouthed kisses on his cheeks, on his jawline, one his adam’s apple all while he feels Taeyong’s finger move to his hair and press him to his neck so he can nibble the tender skin there. The older’s breath hitches and a whimper of anticipation leaves his lips when his teeth graze the sensitive skin and feels the tip of Jaehyun’s tongue traces the spot before he works his way up to capture Taeyong’s mouth again.

They kiss and kiss again, until their kisses turn so messy that there’s some spit drooling from their connected lips, Jaehyun breaks the kiss to catch his breath and he looks enamored when Taeyong chases his mouth to give him one last peck before he opens his eyes. They look at each other, pink tints on both of their cheeks, hair disheveled, chest rising up and down at a rapid pace. Taeyong’s looking at him in wonder, big eyes glassy and pink lips swollen, shinning against the light of his nightstand. 

He’s never looked more beautiful. 

* * *

They sleep tangled in each other’s arms after kissing some more. Jaehyun feels his heart grow 100 times when Taeyong falls asleep with a pout on his lips mid-kiss. He sleeps so soundly that in the morning when he feels the rustling of sheets beside him he panics a little, jumping awake in fear that Taeyong has come to his senses and regrets their make-out session only to be reassured by the older that he needs to take a shower since they need to go to work and he feels a little gross about not bathing at all yesterday. 

He guides him to his bathroom and dashes as quickly as he can when Taeyong begins to unbutton his shirt. He throws himself face first on his bed trying to calm himself only to almost die of a heart attack when he hears Taeyong’s voice calling for him and asking for some spare clothes. 

It’s still cold outside so he chooses a black sweater and the smallest jeans he owns (he adds a belt just in case) and places the clothes to Taeyong’s hand that’s peeking from the bathroom door. 

He waits impatiently when it dawns on him that, _holy shit_ he kissed Taeyong last night and _holy shit,_ he’s going to see Taeyong wear his clothes after they made out last night. He stares burning holes at his poor bathroom door waiting for the older to come out and when he does he fights the urge to coo, he’s tugging at his sleeves that are too big for him, his whole face is flushed from his hot shower.

Fuck, Jaehyun coos out loud when Taeyong looks up at him. 

“Do I look alright?” Taeyong asks voice small. _Is he feeling self-conscious?_ He’s so smitten that, Jaehyun wants to reassure him that he’ll look beautiful if he walked in wearing a potato sack but he doesn’t want to overwhelm the older with his lovesick remarks so he just nods. He’s about to turn so he can finally take his shower when he stops so abruptly, hurting his neck in the processes, as he catches a dark splotch on the older’s neck. His stomach turns and he feels his face grow hotter by the second like it’s catching on fire. 

_Oh, oh, oh._

“Hyung” He walks slowly, like a man walking to death row, dread heavy on his steps, he raises a shaky hand to cover the mark on the older’s neck “You should probably cover your neck” 

Taeyong tilts his head clearly not catching up “Why?”

_Fuck_

“Well, Uh…there’s a mark” he utters guilty, lowering his eyes to his neck again, face burning in shame “ I’m _so, so_ sorry” 

“No” Taeyong’s voice comes as a whisper, he takes the hand that’s covering his neck and he guides it to his cheek“Don’t apologize please…I… _really_ enjoyed it” 

Jaehyun leans closer to him pulling him closer by the waist with his free hand, a wave of relief hits him so hard it makes him a little dizzy. 

“Then...can I kiss you whenever I want?” he smiles pretty dimples on display. 

He can feel himself blushing a little as Taeyong’s breath ghosts against his lips “You can do whatever you want” 

There’s a little smile on the older when he leans to kiss him, slower, deeper, Taeyong lets out a soft whine when Jaehyun’s teeth gently bite into his lower lip, bony fingers digging against the younger’s sides pulling him closer, his hand on Taeyong’s cheek begins to caress the smooth skin in a loving manner. 

Jaehyun finally breaks the kiss but he doesn’t go far though, he rests their foreheads together murmuring against Taeyong’s lips “You can take that back if you want” 

“Jaehyun-ah” the older’s irregular breathing ghost against his mouth makes Jaehyun’s own move to try and capture those plump lips again “Keep going” he whimpers, hands making their way to his nape to bring him forward so they can kiss again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to my muse, Jung Jaehyun. 
> 
> Leave a comment please, please i'm desperate *Insert bernei sander's meme about needing your validation* I'd love to know what you guys think so far!


	8. Interlude III

After a few more kisses it’s time to go to work, Jaehyun’s still so embarrassed about the mark he left on his neck that he lends him a scarf to cover his bruised flesh. It’s not that cold outside so he feels a little ridiculous, but if it makes the younger feel a little better, Taeyong has no problem with it. 

It’s also a plus that it smells like him, so Taeyong’s not gonna complain about it. 

He just hopes no-one questions him about it, or at least not in front of the younger or else he’s very sure he’s going to die on him. 

They are on the second floor of the building when they encounter Baekhyun with two cups of coffee in his hands, droopy eyes turning into crescents when he spots them.

“Well that’s new,” he says smiling a little “you two coming together to work” 

“Oh, uhm we ran into each other on the way here,” says Taeyong smiling to his Hyung. Jaehyun nods dumbfounded, he imagines the caricature of the younger’s soul leaving through his mouth at the words of Baekhyun. He’s sure Jaehyun’s ears are turning a bright pink tint. 

“Really? I head you two went out for a drink together last night” he says pouting, eyes locking with Jaehyun’s, the younger raises his hands, sweating bullets. Poor thing “I’m upset, you didn’t take me!” he pouts cheeky, crocking his hip to the side. He points at Taeyong and then at Jaehyun, cups with hot coffee moving from side to side “Aren’t you two getting a bit too close now?”

“Y-You should come next time then Hyung!” spats Jaehyun looking a little too close crying. 

“Hahahaha, relax Jaehyunie I’m kidding. I’m not mad” Baekhyun’s eyes are crinkling happily, loud laugh echoing in all the hallway, shaking the coffees on his hand a little too dangerously. Taeyong leaps forward to help his Hyung, Baekhyun dismisses him ”But maybe we should all go out sometime as you know, a bonding activity, I’ll tell Jongin” he takes a sip of one of the cups but spits it out into the cup again “Ug, that’s Nini’s chocolate” he says making a face, before taking a sip from the other one, Jaehyun frowns disgusted“That’s better” 

He feels his phone buzzing inside Jaehyun’s pants. Slowly he takes it out and flinches when he sees the name in the display. 

**From: Young**

Sent: 09:40

Good Morning

There’s something,  but you’re not answering since yesterday

Let me know when you want to talk

I’ll be waiting

_I’ll be waiting._

He doesn’t know how long he’s been starting to the phone when Baekhyun’s loud voice pulls him out of a trance.

He’s been so caught up with Jaehyun he hadn’t even notice the 5 missed calls from Young at various hours of the day. 

_I’ll be waiting._

“Taeyongie, what are you doing? Let’s go, or else we’ll be late” 

He blinks “Right, sorry” 

He misses the worried look from almond eyes. 

* * *

Morning goes as calm as it could, or as calm if you count that every time someone asks him about his fluffy scar around this neck Jaehyun turns a new shade of scarlet, which is pretty cute if one would ask Taeyong. 

By the time their office hours begin, he’s feeling a little hot thanks to the heater and the wide-eyed stare of both of his students in front of him. 

“Mr. Lee” says Jeno twinkly eyes unblinking “Are you sick? Why are you wearing a scarf?” 

From the corner of his eyes, he catches Jaehyun freezing in his place, his ears a deep red color and he refuses to turn to acknowledge the boys. 

“Oh, umm, I’m freezing” he answers, a big smile plastered in his face trying to look as convincing as possible. 

“Huh? But it’s not…?” murmurs Jaemin looking at his scarf pointedly, Jeno brings his had to his nape and squeezes, _hard._

“I see, it’s getting a little cold these days” affirms Jeno nodding. 

“Nono, I think I’m getting a little sick too” whines Jaemin crouching down a little with Jeno’s hand still on his nape. Jeno narrows his eyes scoffing. 

“You should take a break maybe Mr. Lee” 

“I’m feeling a little feverish Nono” Taeyong wants to applaud his dedication to sound as pitiful as possible “Maybe I should be the one who takes a break” 

Jeno doesn’t acknowledge him just grips his nape harder. Taeyong grimaces in pain. 

“Don’t forget to take some medicine” offers the younger smiling sweetly, big eyes turning into crescents. 

“I will” He smiles “Thank you Jeno” 

“I’ll see you in the student council room later then!” 

“Can’t I skip just for today?” Jaemin asks shamelessly, finally dropping his sick act.

“You’re the president!” murmurs Jeno deadpan, letting his hand fall from his friend's nape and pushes him.

“But Nono” he whines voice so sweet that Donghyuck would be proud. 

“Nono my ass” scolds Jeno as he drags Jaemin outside their office not before bowing to both his teachers.

Taeyong laughs, good-naturally watching the kids leave before he turns to the statue that is Jung Jaehyun beside him. 

“See? No one noticed anything weird!” he teases, looking directly at the younger’s ears to see if they turn redder. 

They do and Taeyong smile grows bigger. 

“Let’s get something to eat okay?” Jaehyun sighs dejectedly before getting up. 

* * *

They go first to the basketball bleachers again, but since it’s a little chilly they decided to eat behind them, near the supply closet in a little bench to protect themselves from the cold. 

They eat fast, any of them actually talking about what happened yesterday, that is until Jaehyun turns in his seat and grabs his scarf and moves it slowly to see the hickey he left of Taeyong’s neck.

“I think is going to take a couple of days to go away” he laments, again, refusing to look at Taeyong’s face. He frowns “does it hurt?” 

“No” 

Jaehyun doesn’t look at all convinced when he stands up from their bench cleaning up their empty containers of food. 

“Hey, you don’t have to be so worried” Taeyong offers lightly trying to erase the upset look Jaehyun has marred on his handsome features. Frowning doesn’t suit him at all, Jaehyun’s soft features were meant for smiling “I’ll just cover it until it goes away, it’s okay” 

He sighs before sitting again next to his Hyung, he keeps shifting and biting his lip visibly uncomfortable _._ He feels his heart jump to his throat. 

_Maybe he…regrets it?_

His voice comes a little shaky when he calls the younger’s name in question.

“I-feel weird Hyung” 

_Oh_

Taeyong can feel all air leaving his lungs and an odd itch behind his ribs where his heart should be. He shallows hard not knowing what to say or do but to stare at Jaehyun’s furrowed eyebrows. 

Jaehyun turns to look at him dead in the eye when he feels Taeyong’s staring at him wide-eyed, ignorant of the wave of conflicting emotions that Taeyong’s feeling at the moment, he smiles sheepishly hand coming to scratch his read ear nervously. 

“I…I think this is too good to be true you know?” 

_Oh_

“It’s silly I’m sorry, but it feels like a…dream?” he laughs shaking his head “The kiss and I’m…” 

He is pretty sure that he is mirroring the same blush that Jaehyun has on his face.

Warm, Jaehyun is so warm. 

Without thinking too much, he reaches for the younger hand as he stands up. 

“Come with me,” he says tugging a wide-eyed Jaehyun who keeps asking Taeyong what’s wrong. 

Good thing it’s unlocked he thinks as he guides them to the supply closet behind their little bench. He puts a lock on it and turns to look at Jaehyun, slowly making his way to him. 

“Hyung? What’s wrong?” tone lacing with worry, more nervous this time when his back hits the wall, brown eyes comedically wide full of anxiety. 

Taeyong would even make a jab or two at how his ears and cheeks are so red and how he seems to be unable to look at Taeyong since yesterday night, but he doesn’t. He feels that if he does, Jaehyun would comment on Taeyong’s own blush covering his cheeks and his own behavior. That’s something Taeyong’s not ready to discuss with Jaehyun or anyone for that matter.

He’s not very sure why, but he feels this need to reassure Jaehyun, that is okay, he doesn’t need to worry. He keeps chanting those words inside him, maybe to even reassure himself that it’s okay. _This is okay._ Slowly, he puts cold hands on both sides of Jaehyun’s flushing face to bring him closer and press his mouth on those plump lips. It’s a sweet, slow kiss, one he hopes reassures the Jaehyun that everything it’s fine.

_This_ is fine. 

When they part, Taeyong’s the first to open his eyes as he murmurs against the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth “See? No dream” He cradles his fingers through the younger’s hair and smiles when Jaehyun relaxes at his touch. 

When the younger opens his eyes, they are twinkling so beautifully leaving Taeyong in such a daze that he doesn’t register when Jaehyun moves to capture his lips into another kiss.

This next kiss it’s anything but sweet, it’s needy and full of tongue and Taeyong’s skin it's burning from the way Jaehyun’s hands travel down his back to circle around his waist to press him so impossibly closer making Taeyong’s mind cloud with the noble and intoxicating scent of vanilla and almond. He’s bitting and nibbling and licking and he hears the chocked out sounds that come from the back of his throat and that seems to encourage Jaehyun nudging his legs open to put one of his thighs between Taeyong’s legs so the older can rest against his thigh. He can feel the heat of his skin even though both of their pants making him wonder what would it feel like having Jaehyun scorching hot skin against his without any restrains, it’s too much of a good mental image that unconsciously or maybe not, he begins to grind against Jaehyun’s thigh. First, it's a slow, almost careful pace but when he feels strong hands gripping his hips urging him to go faster, he can’t help but moan loudly into the kiss, nails digging in the younger’s nape, Jaehyun groans.

He grinds more desperately on Jaehyun’s making him move his own thigh up to meet Taeyong’s desperate movements, they are so close to each other he’s sure Jaehyun can feel the outline of his hardening dick, he’ll be embarrassed if Jaehyun’s nails weren’t creating dents on his hip-bone and his chest wasn’t moving so rapidly up and down against his own. 

He whines, loudly when the younger breaks their kiss a string of saliva between them that normally would make him feel dirty but right now, just makes him feel warm, warm, warm. 

Jaehyun’s dimples make their way again to his face when he hears his name falling from Taeyong’s spit slick lips. It’s a very endearing and sweet smile a total contrast to what they had just done some minutes ago. He tries to catch his breath, counting down to ten in his head to regulate his breathing but he can’t, just the sight of Jaehyun’s disheveled hair, flush face and dazed expression are making his skin itch.

He’s so busy trying to make something out of this strange feeling, that when the bell rings he almost falls to the ground when he jolts in his place if not for the quick reflexes Jaehyun had thanks to years of playing basketball. 

There’s another loud sound that Taeyong can’t make up what it is, he turns to heart trying to make sense of it. Was it Jaehyun’s phone? Was someone outside trying to get in? 

“That’s the bell” The weight of the Jaehyun’s gaze doesn’t help him calm down at all. It makes his cheeks flare up again.

“Right” 

“I-i have a class so I’ll head in first” he whispers sounding out of breath.

“Y-yeah” 

With one last squeeze to Taeyong’s arm, he detangles himself from the older and moves to the door with a wave, smiling fondly Taeyong watches as Jaehyun dashes out of the closet with his ears redder than ever. 

Now alone, Taeyong found out that the loud sound ringing in his ears was his erratic heartbeat. 

They did it again. They kissed again. He brings the scarf closer to his face, trying to smell the comforting cologne of Jaehyun before he replays their little make-out session. He couldn’t hold back, he just… _felt like it._

How was he supposed to hold back when Jaehyun looks at him like _that_? If the bell hadn’t rung...if they keep this up…they won’t stop just at kissing. 

Young message looms in the back of his head making his heart stop beating altogether. 

Maybe Jaehyun’s right. He shouldn’t avoid him. Nothing will change if he does that. Maybe it’s time to clear things up about their relationship, his hold on the scarf tightness and he inhales Jaehyun’s scent filling his senses calming him down. 

Warm, warm, warm. 

* * *

He looks at his phone for the nth time in the last 5 minutes. He sighs when he puts it down again. 

_No._

He won’t be able to let this go if he doesn’t call him. 

It goes through at the first ring, he had hoped the older was in a meeting unable to answer. By the sound of his voice, he must have been waiting for Taeyong to call. 

“Taeyong?” he flinches involuntarily “Hello” 

“Hey” 

Silence fills the line, both not knowing what to say or do to make it _stop._ He clears his throat uncomfortable, he hopes Young doesn’t mention it though. 

“I’m sorry about that day Taeyong,” he says after a while, “I thought our relationship wasn’t over yet, I’m sorry for being hasty. Looks like I was getting ahead of myself” 

Taeyong opens his eyes in surprise.

_Did he…did he just…?_

“So, Taeyong?” 

“Yeah?” 

“We...broke up, right?” 

“Yes” 

“I see” He pauses, low voice humming as he’s thinking, Taeyong waits with bated breath to his next words“I have a lot of your things at my place, should I take them to your place?” 

“No! no…I’ll go get them” he thinks carefully before asking “Is Saturday alright?” 

“I’ll be waiting” 

“See you then” 

He wasn’t planning on getting an apology out of Young. He sighs and tries to push down the guilt he feels, the unwanted feeling that begs him to call Young and apologize to him. He felt the need to do it and it doesn’t sit well with Taeyong when the guilt becomes too much for him to bear. 

Old habits die hard. 

* * *

Taeyong’s waiting near the bus stop keeping Jaehyun company while the younger waits for his bus when he feels Jaehyun’s warm hand taking his. He tilts his head in question when he sees how Jaehyun looks at him shyly. 

“Hey Hyung?” 

He hums and smiles to the younger, encouraging to continue. 

“You remember our plans for this weekend right?” he says through his blush. 

Taeyong fights to hold the younger’s eager gaze when he nods most likely looking like a tomato. He feels the heat of a blush forming on his cheeks and ears. 

The warmth that goes hand and hand with Jaehyun makes its way through all his body, and he lets it drown any other feeling, thought he had. Young included. 

“I’ll go to your place on Sunday” He smiles eagerly, dimples denting on his cheeks. It makes Taeyong want to put his finger on them “It’s our uh first date so please don’t forget” he finishes blushing. 

_Our first date._

Confusing his silence for discomfort, Jaehyun tries to move his hands out of his grasp, forcefully tugging down the smile that’s in his lips. He begins to mumble rapidly too: “I mean, I’m not trying to pressure you BUT” 

Taeyong shakes his head fondly and puts his hand on his mouth, stopping his rambling. 

“It’s okay, I’ll see you then” he laughs fondly “I’m looking forward to it” 

Warm. 

He should hurry up and forget about the past now

* * *

Even after all these years outside Korea, Young’s apartment’s still the same. On the last floor of the very, very expensive apartment complex in Seongdong-gu. Taeyong had always like his place, it was surrounded by a big park with lots of wonderful trees and a beautiful lake. He loved to spend hours and hours sitting by the lake trying to draw the little animals that swam quietly, the children that ran up and down the trees…It was no wonder they call it Seoul Forest. 

He stays a few minutes outside Young’s apartment, preparing himself for whatever the older was going to throw at his way.

He knocks even though he’s sure Young hasn’t changed his passcode. It doesn’t feel right. 

He opens quickly too like he was pressed against the door, waiting for him? 

“Come on in Taeyong” He’s wearing a cautious smile, he looks uncomfortable. It doesn’t suit him at all. 

It’s been a long time since he last came into his apartment, but everything’s still the same. The white walls, white furniture, the almost no signs that there was someone living there. 

_Just like his place._

“Don’t worry Taeyong” he offers when he spots the slight frown on his face “I’ll be quick” he points to a purple shopping bag on the floor "I put everything in there”

They’ve known each other since Taeyong was eleven, they were boyfriends for a long time too, it was almost laughable how all their relationship could fill up one sad little shop bag. 

He didn’t know if it was something good or bad. 

Somehow it feels very unceremonious. It was fitting, like everything with Young, he was the one that decided when to start and end things. It was always on his terms. 

It still hurt, that Taeyong was just a mere casualty on their relationship. 

“Alright” He takes the bag from the floor and begins to rummage looking at its contents. There’s just a sweater, a sketchbook, some color pencils, and some pictures. He begins to look at them when he spots one from their days in college and then he remembers “Did you meet with everyone?” 

Young looks at him in question but murmurs a soft “Ah” in understanding when Taeyong shows him the picture. 

“Yeah, we talked about how everyone’s doing, it was quite fun” 

“That’s good” he responds automatically while still looking at the pictures. 

“I heard you talked with Baek Seok” Young’s tone almost sounds like he resents that he had to know about their conversation though someone else. It made the guilt in Taeyong grow just a tiny bit “He kept asking about you” He stoped promoting Taeyong to talk, he didn’t  “Wherever if you guys had a fight or if something happened, he was very persistent. It was a bit tiring. So I just make up some excuse”

“So they talked about me” 

“Of course, it’d tell you to not worry about them, but you know how they are, once they grab into something they won’t let go until they get what they want” he shrugged unbothered, cold eyes burning holes in Taeyong’s back. “So I was thinking” His tone changed into something that sent a shiver down his spine. He had a feeling he knew who he was going to talk about next“You know that Taemin and Nina are getting married soon right? I’m sure you’ll receive your invitation soon”

He tightens his grip on one of the pictures messing it up a little. It’s one of both of them in Taeyong’s graduation ceremony. It’s weird watching his younger self smile so broadly and so happy. He closes his eyes. 

“You should come to their wedding” 

“I don’t want people to gossip about me, so yes,” he says before he can even stop himself. 

Suddenly he feels so, so cold. 

“You don’t need to worry, they’re not that bad when I’m there, I’ll be with you, like old times…after all, you know how I don’t like those things, and I know you either” he pauses before he adds as fondly as his can “That’s why I like you the most” 

He opens his eyes to look at him perplexed. The bubble of guilt continues to grow and grow Taeyong’s afraid, so afraid of what’s going to happen when it bursts.

“That’s...something you said in the past too” 

“I know you’re still mad at me” He continues tone still gentle. It’s been too long since he’s used that tone with him it makes Taeyong squirm uncomfortable “You won’t listen to any of what I have to say, I’m sure you must’ve been because I’m not good at expressing myself” he takes one step closer “But Taeyong, I didn’t study aboard to abandon you, I’m still mad at myself for not being with you when you were having a hard time…if only I was stronger, if only I’ve ignored my father’s stubborn wishes and stayed with you” he takes one of his hands in him and Taeyong has no strength to move “I just want you to know this, just like how you needed me I did too…Taeyong I was in love with you” Taeyong grips the picture harder instead of Young’s hand to ground himself “I think I still am” 

_No._

He doesn’t find it in him to respond to him. What would he say? What should he say? He’s feeling hundreds of emotions, he's sure he can’t even name one of them. 

He slowly raises the thrown picture to show it to Young instead of answering.“So you had them, these photos” 

He nods “Yes, they’re precious to me, but” he releases Taeyongs hand to go to the door “Even if I’ve kept them, I don’t think I can look at them anymore” slowly he opens it letting Taeyong know they are done talking “I wasn’t sure how much of our memories I should return to you. In the end, I think I should give you back all of them” He looks at the shopping bag almost sadly. _Almost._ “Because I don’t want to feel lonely by looking at them again” 

Taeyong feels himself shake as he shoves the pictures down the bag. 

“You can keep them or throw them away, do as you wish” 

He nods walking past Young feet moving as fast as he can without looking too desperate in his need to get out of there. 

“See you at the wedding Taeyong” he hears as the door closes behind him.

So this is how it ends. It was…too easy, he almost can’t believe it. 

What was it like to be just friends with Young? 

Could they ever be friends?

_"That’s why I like you the most”_

“Liar” he spats as the elevator door closes, he looks down at crumbled photo inside the bag “You never liked me” 

He may have been in love with him, but he never _liked_ Taeyong. 

He just needed someone that was _his,_ that was Young’s. He never saw past what Taeyong could give him, how could he mold him to his liking, how could he use him. He always had the power in their relationship, wherever it was romantic or not. He rubs his eyes fighting the tears that are starting to gather there. Taeyong knows that, those years apart helped him see their relationship for what it was, it was hard knowing it, accepting it…So, why was Young acting so powerless now? 

As if, Taeyong did something bad to him.

It’s raining once he goes out of Young’s apartment. Taeyong’s heart sinks when he sees the rain pouring down heavily, causing the beautiful flower blossoms to fall to the ground in puddles on the floor.

They were going to see the flowers tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes: 
> 
> \- Jaehyun’s scent comes from a Jo Malone cologne he uses/used. It’s named: “Myrrh & Tonka”  
> \- Young’s apartment it’s a real place called, “Seoul Forest Trimage Towers” the value is ₩3.2 billion ($2.7 million USD aprox) per apartment. I wanted to use the Lotte world tower which i actually know when i visited Seoul but i looked up and the price was aprox ₩4.7 billion. ($4 million), and just felt he didn't deserve it, even if it’s fiction. 
> 
> Also, repeat after me: Young is the worst, the wOOOOoooOOOOrrst 〰️
> 
> Your comments&kudos feed me the motivation to update faster so please leave you comments&kudos down, that's the only way i know what you guys like


	9. Six

He stares at his phone again for the 5th time in the day, sighing deeply before rolling back to his tummy and burring his face on the bed.He hasn’t talked or heard from Taeyong since yesterday and it’s driving him mad. The fact that their first date is tomorrow is not helping him either. Their relationship (?) Is in that stage where it’s kind of weird to decide just how clinging he can be, where they are...were they even together? Would Taeyong mind if Jaehyun just called to kill the time? Or would he mind if he calls seeking his reassurance for tomorrow? Is he as nervous as Jaehyun? 

_Fucking pathetic_ he thinks, tugging his hair in frustration. He’s about to succumb to his urges when he hears it. He raises his face so fast to check the caller ID he gets dizzy for a few moments, through the hazy glance he can make out the name of the man that’s been torturing him, unknowingly, for the past few days. 

There’s a moment when hesitates just to be petty but the second is gone as it came and he jolts, no, _flies_ to answer his phone. 

_Fucking pathetic._

He lowers his voice, trying not to sound so fucking desperate or _eager_ “Hyung, hey!” 

“What are you doing right now?” Jaehyun presses the phone closer to his ear. Taeyong’s voice sounds weird, he’s carefully accentuating each word, voice dragging along each syllable. 

“Watching TV,” he says looking back at the turn off TV in corner of his room. There’s an unintelligible grumble from the other side of the phone and then a loud sound of something crashing through the floor startling Jaehyun from his place against his wall “Hyung, are you ok? You sound weird…” _Wait_ "Have you been drinking?” 

A high pitch laugh drill into his hears God he’s fucking buzzed. “A little bit? I’m kind of cold because of the rain”

Jaehyun's heart makes its way to his throat “Are you in the rain?” 

He makes his way to the closest window and pulls his blinds open. It’s fucking pouring out there, big fat water drops hitting with full force against his window, big dark clouds covering the pretty orange of the sunset in Seoul. He was too busy moping he didn’t even register the sound, the rain is unstoppable. 

And Taeyong is out there. Drunk. 

Alone. 

“Jaehyun-ah” Taeyong’s slurs against his ear "Can I go over to your place right now?” 

“Where are you?” he can’t help how his words come out rushed, filled with worry. He makes his way to his entrance and grabs his umbrella and his jacket.

“Umm outside? Near my home” 

Okay, yeah, he can work with that “Listen to me Taeyong okay? Look for a safe place, stay out of the rain yeah? Stay there, I’ll go get you” 

“Okay” 

“I’ll be there soon” He hears the sound of a hiccup drowning the rest of his sentence “Don’t hang up okay?” 

* * *

He goes out of the taxi like a mad man, looking frantically for Taeyong. After too much coaxing he had sent his location, apparently, he was near a convenience store just a couple streets of his apartment. At least he was safe and secure from the rain, or at least that’s what sounded like when Jaehyun tried to pry more information from the giggling man on the other line. His already deep frown deepens when he entered the store and sees no sign of Taeyong, his phone burns on his ear as he gently tries to call the older’s name again but to no answer, he can make the faint sound of some cars and the rain. Taeyong’s location hasn’t changed so he must be here, somewhere. 

Next to the convenience store, it’s a little alleyway where he spots a figure crunching down, covering himself from the rain with what it looks like a shopping bag, head lolled one side. He catches the sight golden hair under the bag. 

Taeyong’s drenched, shivering and there’s some redness in the rim of his eyes that does nothing to help the hole on his stomach. 

He makes his way as fast as he can covering the older with his umbrella, he crunches next to him. Taeyong’s eyebrows wiggle when he doesn’t feel the rain on his skin anymore, he peeks to the side taking in the sight of Jaehyun at his side. His eyes widen in surprise. 

“Jaehyun-ah you came!” More than anything, it sounds like a question, he’s genuinely surprised to see him there. For Jaehyun, it feels like a punch to his gut. 

“Of course I did, I said I would” As gently as he can, he gives the handle of the umbrella to a shivering Taeyong before he can help him get up “Why would I lie?” he adds taking Taeyong’s wrecked shopping bag on one hand and guiding him so they can make their way to his apartment. He feels a shiver down his spine when Taeyong presses his trembling body to his side, seeking his warmth. 

“You’re not just a little wet, why were you out in this weather without an umbrella?” he chides kindly moving his arm to circle it against Taeyong’s shoulders, he snuggles closer almost burrowing his face to his chest, “I told you to go inside!” 

“Yeah, but…I didn’t want to go in if no one was there” he murmurs pitifully, Jaehyun rubs his arm to warm him up when Taeyong shivers turn slightly more frantic, he hears the faint sound of contentment coming from the older. 

“How much did you drink?” He asks as they enter the lobby of Taeyong’s place, he takes the umbrella from his grip with his free hand and closes it, he sends an “I’m sorry for making a mess” to the doorman before guiding Taeyong to the elevator. 

“Not much” he laughs against his chest, Jaehyun huffs unimpressed. Under the warm light of the elevator, the redness of Taeyong’s eyes fades slightly. 

It was not enough for Jaehyun. 

“What happened Hyung?”

“Just...there was something I had to settle today, and it’s over now” his voice comes muffled as he turns his face closer to his chest. At least he’s stopped shivering “So I don’t think you have to worry anymore” Still pressed against Jaehyun, he raises one hand and begins to pat in, what Jaehyun thinks, it’s Taeyong’s drunken idea of a soothing manner, he moves his face slightly to the left when one of those bony fingers pokes one of his eyes “I’ll be alright soon”

He hums still not convinced and leans against Taeyong’s hand that has finally settled on his cheek, he can’t help but ask “Is that why you were crying before?” 

“Yeah” 

“Then you should be relieved, not drunk” 

A ding echoes through all the elevator before Taeyong can refute. Carefully, he shifts Taeyong so he can haul him by the waist and drag him out to his apartment.

“I’m not drunk” comes the whine from Taeyong as they stand in front of his door. 

“Fine,” he snits, going along with his Hyung drunken antics “let’s get inside” 

Taeyong just blurts out his pin code to Jaehyun as he tries to maneuver the older and not getting both of them on the floor. He guides him to his room before Taeyong grabs the shopping bag from Jaehyun’s hold and throws it across the living room. 

He winces when some of the contents go flying “Is that alright? Your stuff’s all wet let me…” 

He can make out some crumbled pictures of Taeyong and another man scattered across the floor with some other trinkets. 

_Oh._

“It’s fine” the older dismisses it, pulling Jaehyun, he shakes his head before following him to his bedroom. Once inside Taeyong makes a beeline to his bed before Jaehyun helps him to sit on the bed so he can help him out of his shoes. 

“Hold on, you have to change first” 

Taeyong blinks once, twice before lets Jaehyun’s gentle hands guide him so he can lie on his side. 

“Lie down for now” the older slumps into his covers, moving from side to side to find a position comfortable enough for him“Stop moving you’re getting all your covers wet” It’s hard to see with the moonlight as your only source of light, so Jaehyun turns one of Taeyong’s bed lamps.

“Sorry”

“Hold on, I’ll get you a towel” he pats the older stomach absentmindedly “Wait, where do you keep them?”Taeyong points at the bathroom from his place in the bed, nodding Jaehyun makes his way to get him a towel before he peeks into the closet and grabs what looks like a t-shirt and some shorts for the older to wear. 

When he comes back he finds Taeyong dozing, head leaning at an odd angle against the headboard. 

“You have to change come on,” he says, shaking the older awake. Taeyong stirs and moves to sit down facing Jaehyun lowering his head so he can dry his damp hair with the towel. 

He feels cold hands reaching for his arm to pull him closer so it’s easier to rest his head against his shoulder but making Jaehyun’s job of unbuttoning his shirt harder than it needs to be.

“I’m not planning on doing anything,” he says as his fingers begin to shake when they scrape against Taeyong’s nipple, he giggles against his neck at the brush of fingers against his wet skin. Jaehyun gulps moving his shoulder hoping the older takes a hint and puts some distance between them “Don’t get the wrong idea” he says trying to reassure the older or himself, he’s not sure “I’m going to take your pants off, okay?” 

“Do whatever you want” slurs Taeyong against his heated skin before raising his head slightly, he gives Jaehyun a shy smile. Jaehyun tries with all his willpower, to not look down and let his eyes roaming against the expanse of unmarked skin. 

Jaehyun laughs awkwardly, feeling his face hot “Don’t say that Hyung, I shouldn’t do what I want” 

Taeyong answers back with some incomprehensible mumble. Quickly he covers Taeyong’s _almost_ naked body with a bigger towel and makes him lie down again. 

“Please raise your hips,” he says patting his leg. It's very hard getting Taeyong out of those skinny jeans, they cling to his thighs in such a way that Jaehyun has to pull them with such force that, on accident, his fingers brush against the cold skin of Taeyong’s thighs making the older giggle even louder.

“That tickles” 

“Where does it tickle?” He brings his fingers to tickle the older side above the towel, Taeyong laughs loudly while he squirms trying to scape Jaehyun’s ministrations. 

“D-don’t do that” He chokes pretty eyes shining. He tries to sit so Jaehyun can stop tickling him but does it so fast that he whines in pain. 

“Careful Hyung” 

Taeyong just laughs again, face scrunching in pain. 

“I’ll help you sit, come on” 

He brings the little hand towel on top of Taeyong and begins to dry his hair again, gentle circles against his scalp in hope to soothe the pain while Taeyong hugs the bigger towel closer to his body. They’ve been silent for a while now, Taeyong’s probably still fighting sleep. 

“The rain” It’s hard to understand, with how small he makes his voice “We were going to see the flowers but it’s raining…what if all the flowers are gone?” 

“It’s fine, we can go another time” 

Taeyong’s eyes fill with hope, Jaehyun feels a painful tug on his heart. He remembers the red on his eyes when he found him outside in the rain and it makes it harder to look at him in the eyes and not worry again. “Really?”

“Yeah, there’s always next year” 

“Hyung, are you...” his heart is beating loudly in his ears drowning the voice on his head telling him to stop before he upsets Taeyong “You cried today too, right?” he keeps his voice down, almost in a whisper just like Taeyong did moments ago.

“Jaehyun-ah”

“Tae Hyung you...you know that I treasure you the most, right?” Jaehyun continues when he notices the reluctance in the older’s face. He continues because he needs to let Taeyong _know._ Together or not, it doesn’t matter, Jaehyun’s sure that _this_ won’t change. “If...if you’re hurt, my heart will be hurt too” Taeyong’s eyes do that thing then where they sparkle so prettily like his eyes hold all the stars above the sky. And maybe they do. He closes his eyes when he feels a cold finger tracing up and down, the crease of his eyebrows “But…if someone’s making you cry and feel bad, I’ll go and…”

“You’re a bad guy,” Taeyong says between chuckles, fingers moving to trace patterns against his temple.“you shouldn’t resort to violence Jaehyun-ah” 

“All right” he nods, humming happily when those fingers begin to scrape against his scalp “I’ll do anything you want me to do” 

Taeyong’s fingers stop abruptly making Jaehyun’s eyes pop open to peek at the older. There are no traces of amusement and laughter left in Taeyong’s eyes as he looks at Jaehyun unblinking, instead, there’s a hint of something dark masking his beautiful eyes it makes it impossible for Jaehyun to look away. 

Taeyong’s voice is small, almost like a huff of breath, eyes still locked with his, Jaehyun licks his lips unconscious totally entranced by the shine on those orbs “You’d really do anything I want?” 

“Of course Hyung,” Jaehyun says earnest, without much thinking. His face breaks into a smile when the corner of Taeyong's mouth lifts up. 

The silence that follows its…different. It’s charged, heavy, the sound of their breathing the only thing echoing through Taeyong’s bedroom walls. His eyes trace slowly all over the older’s face, from his eyebrows to his cheeks, to the flower-like scar that was near one of his beautiful shining eyes. And slowly, so slowly, they pose themselves on pouty lips, as they belong there. Under the moonlight, he sees the tip of Taeyong's tongue trace his lower lip.

He gulps. 

“Really?” 

He nods eyes still lost on pink lips. Too afraid to disturb _this_ whatever they are having right now. 

Taeyong moves his head as if he’s nodding to himself “Then…Jaehyun-ah?” He moves closer, letting his breath ghost against Jaehyun’s parted lips. He can’t stop himself, he moves forward to brush his mouth against Taeyong’s, the older almost purrs at the contact ”If I tell you to, would you sleep with me?” 

Taeyong’s doesn’t leave too much space to think. He tilts his face to shallow the gasp of surprise that leaves Jaehyun’s lips. He’s kissing him, desperate, messy, bony fingers pulling at his hair, trying to coax his mouth open. Taeyong moves his shoulders, shaking the towel off his body leaving him only on his boxers. Jaehyun huffs a low groan as he gropes the tender skin of Taeyong thighs just bellow his ass urging Taeyong to climb up to his lap, long legs circling around his waist, heels digging in his lower back. 

Then the older grinds down _hard._

His mind is filled with just Taeyong, Taeyong, Taeyong. The way his lips slide against his so deliciously, how his hands are trying to touch all of his body, nails digging on taunt flesh whenever Jaehyun meets his up and down moments, high pitched sounds growing more desperate, filthier, with each second that passes. 

They should stop, they really should. For once, Taeyong’s still somewhat tipsy, maybe not drunk anymore but still tipsy. And even if he wanted to sleep with him (by boy did Jaehyun wanted to) he wasn’t so sure that Taeyong wanted to do it or at least not for the same reason as Jaehyun. He wasn’t stupid, even if Taeyong didn’t say it out loud, he’s seen the pictures, he had a hunch, he knows. 

He wanted to see inside of that pretty head of his and see if he understood what he was asking him to do. If he knew how Jaehyun felt about him, how much he adored him and wanted him to be fine, to be safe. Was Taeyong even aware of how much power he had over him?.

Probably not. 

He was okay with waiting, wait as long as necessary, wait until that hint of hurt he’s seen clouding his eyes today and the days before tonight disappeared. What if this man who, right now, sounds and looks so debauched at the moment is simply destroying himself? What if he is trying not to drown, seeking for a landline?

He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to bear it if Taeyong were to hurt more.

Taeyong whines when Jaehyun continues to meet his desperate movements, he tilts his head up and presses one hand on Jaehyun’s nape so he can leave open-mouthed kisses up and down his neck.

“More” Taeyong grunts, desperately moving up and down at a faster speed before gasping when he feels Jaehyun’s hardness against the flimsy material of his boxes. 

Why can’t he do anything more than _this?_

“Are you sober enough to know who I am?” He bites softly at the tender skin of Taeyong’s jaw earning a new high pitched noise that Jaehyun’s sure he’ll probably hear it until the day he dies. 

He feels the rumble of Taeyong’s body as he chokes on what sounds like a mix between a laugh and a moan when Jaehyun’s hands travel to his hipbones and to guide his movements to an angle where he can feel his dick pressing between Taeyong’s ass. 

“Why wouldn’t I know?” He turns his face to look into Jaehyun’s eyes. He’s breathless, big eyes clouded with want. The way his heels and fingers dig on Jaehyun’s skin leaves a burning sensation that travels straight to his cock. “You’re Jaehyun”

Jaehyun tightens his grip on his hipbones when those big eyes shine in shameless anticipation. Taeyong doesn’t waste any time to capture Jaehyun’s lips in another open-mouthed kiss, thighs gripping his waist almost painfully, teeth biting hard on Jaehyun’s lower lip.

“Hyung...are you okay with this?” He breathes, lower lip still trapped between Taeyong’s teeth. Fuck. “I don’t want to get advantage of you” 

“Jae” he whines, dragging his fingers to the collar of his shirt “You’re not…” lips pressed against his, Taeyong shifts untangling his legs from his waist to press his knees straddling Jaehyun’s hips. His vision blurs, with the new angle Taeyong’s dick brushes against his own trapped between his jeans “I want it” His voice is low and needy

And who’s Jaehyun to say no to Taeyong? 

He lets him tug his shirt off so his fingers can roam all over his chest, back and navel, he huffs a low hum when he feels Jaehyun’s muscles flex under his finger-tips. 

His touch is burning and demanding.

It lights his skin on fire. 

It’s too much but not enough at the same time. Taeyong’s fingers move from his low-stomach to the button of his pants pop it open.It takes time, to get rid of his jeans when his lap is full of Taeyong, but he manages. With his jeans are out of the picture, Taeyong crawls back to his place on his lap. The sound that leaves his lips when Jaehyun lets one his hands come under Taeyong’s boxers to grope at his ass sends a rush of blood to his crotch making him dizzy.

He needs Taeyong. He needs to feel his hot skin against his right now or else he feels he’s going to die. 

“Can I?” he murmurs against his open mouth, one hand coming to the hem of his boxers. Taeyong’s eager nod clashes with how debauched he looks.

He makes Taeyong lie down on the bed so it’s easier to take off his boxers. His legs open in invitation, Jaehyun shifts his body so he’s hovering the older and with the help of Taeyong they both get rid of the flimsy piece. 

He’s so beautiful. Jaehyun groans, he can’t wait to leave open-mouthed kisses over every single inch flushed skin. So he does, he begins kissing his chest, his lean stomach, his plumb thighs, he noses at the side of his hip so he can gather himself for a second. Even his dick it’s pretty, fuck.

He breathes in Taeyong’s scent, memorizing it in a special corner of his mind with all of Taeyong’s other related things. He mouths at the skin near his dick, one hand coming to trace circles against his thigh, Taeyong’s fingers move to his hair and just stay there, not moving or pressing, just waiting for Jaehyun to do something. 

“Jae” says Taeyong so out of breath, he can’t wait to hear how he’ll sound later when Jaehyun has his mouth full of him. 

He moves, slowly, almost painfully so, tongue licking the underside of his cock, sucking gently, he smiles smugly when Taeyong’s grips at his hair when he lets his teeth drag slightly at the tip.

“Hyung?” he breathes, raising his eyes to look directly at Taeyong, lips pressing to the tip of Taeyong’s cock.

“Yeah?” He’s a panting mess, fingers gripping his black strands harder, hooded eyes looking at Jaehyun’s lips on his dick. 

“I want to suck your cock” He feels Taeyong’s muscles tense under his hand, he watches fascinated how the flush from his cheeks travel its way down to his pretty chest. There’s a bit of silence, where Taeyong’s eyes move to his then down to lips before bucks his hips slightly so Jaehyun can take him more on his mouth. 

Taeyong tastes as sweet as he imagined, or maybe he’s just too far gone for the older to be thinking that. Doesn’t really matter, not when he feels Taeyong shaking and squirming beneath him, how he’s heaving out moan after moan when a calloused hand travels from his waist to one of his nipples, and another moves to grip the base of his cock to pump it slowly matching the rhythm of his mouth. It’s not the best position, to be honest, Jaehyun’s all hunched over Taeyong, his neck and back are starting to hurt, but it doesn’t compare with the way his jaw aches with how Taeyong’s hips are now moving in shallow thrusts, hooded eyes watching how his cock disappears with each move. How his throats burn when his dick touches the back of Jaehyun’s throat making his eyes prickle with tears. 

Taeyong’s sounds as he’s choking and his thrust become erratic, sloppier, Jaehyun moves his hand faster to meet up with Taeyong’s frantic movements, his fingers tug harder at Jaehyun’s hair and it’s the only warning he gets before Taeyong comes inside his mouth, and since he’s a greedy motherfucker when it comes to the older, Jaehyun shallows all up, not wanting to leave out anything. 

Jaehyun collapses on top of Taeyong, burring his face on the planes of Taeyong’s taut stomach. They stay like that for a little while, before the older tugs him up and kisses him. It’s dirty the way Taeyong licks into his mouth, humming when he manages to taste himself in Jaehyun’s tongue. 

“Let me…” Taeyong says, hands coming down to grip at Jaehyun’s neglected cock. He’s so hard he knows he’s not going to last long so he shakes his head. 

“I” he licks his lips when Taeyong’s flicks his wrists, hand moving faster, he shivers when he presses his thumb on the tip smearing pre-come over it

“Me too” 

They waste no time, Taeyong leaves Jaehyun’s cock alone so he can move to his stand and take out some lube and condoms at throws them at Jaehyun’s chest. He’d say something to the older but the weight of what’s about to happen is stronger. With shaky legs, Taeyong makes his way back to him and licking his lips nervously asks “How do you want me?” 

He chokes on air when Taeyong lies on the bed on his stomach and raises his ass to present himself to a freezing Jaehyun. 

Something in him snaps when his eyes catch a glimpse of Taeyong’s plucking hole clenching on air and he can’t take it anymore. He lunges forward, taking the little bottle on one hand and the other pulling apart Taeyong’s cheeks before diving into him and shove his tongue inside of him. Taeyong’s whimpers are traveling down his throwing cock it’s almost a miracle he hasn’t come at all. Jaehyun takes his time opening Taeyong up with his tongue, spit drooling down his jaw, it gets even better when Taeyong begins to meet his thrust pushing his ass against his face, with one hand he opened up the lube and coats his fingers almost franticly stopping just for a while, Taeyong whines from above before chocking on his whine when Jaehyun shoves one of his coated fingers inside. 

He decides he loves Taeyong like this, lewd sounds, fast breaths, the kind, and calm Taeyong totally debauched, his whole body shaking, clenching against his fingers, nails digging so hard onto to what he can reach of Jaehyun, he knows for sure he’s going to bruise tomorrow.

Good.

“I think I’m ready” whimpers Taeyong shoving his head onto the mattress, hips bucking against Jaehyun’s fingers, he shoves two more scissoring the tight entrance. 

“I don’t think you are,” he says panting, still he reaches to grabs a condom that Taeyong had tossed him. 

“Just...do it already” 

He chuckles darkly, shaking hands opening the condom the putting slowly into his dick, it’s an excruciating process, with how fucking hard he is, he coats his members with cold lube. He takes out his fingers before pulling Taeyong hips closer to him, he drags his member against his ass cheeks before leaning forward and pressing a kiss against Taeyong’s lower back “Are you sure you won’t regret this?” 

Taeyong pushes himself up with trembling hands, he shifts making sure the tip of Jaehyun’s dick grazes his entrance, he turns his head to kiss him lightly on the corner of his mouth. 

“I told you, you can do whatever you want” 

Jaehyun growls against his mouth before entering Taeyong slowly, inch by inch waiting for the older to bottom out. “Move” the older mouths, throwing his head back when Jaehyun moves him up so he can sit on his lap knees plating on the mattress. 

Taeyong flinches with each trust, his moans ripping from his throat louder than before, shivering as Jaehyun tries to change the speed, Taeyong moves one of his hands from the tight grip on his hips to his lower stomach, he lets Jaehyun caress the spot as he continues to pound into him. 

“It feels so good” he moves their hands down so he can touch his red cock asking for Jaehyun to move his hand with his. 

“Are we going to do this every time you drink?” he growls against his ear when Taeyong begins to meet his thrusts with the same force. 

It’s not that he wants to ruin the moment, but he can’t stop the words coming out of his head, it’s like his brain to mouth filter is totally turned off. Still, he can’t pretend it’s not something he’s been thinking, their first kiss and now this…it all involved alcohol. 

“Should I not, drink?” 

“It’s not that” he murmurs against the older’s neck, he bites on the space between his shoulder and neck before licking it when Taeyong’s whimpers loudly “What if you are only doing this because you drank?” 

_What if you regret this in the morning?_ he doesn’t say. 

“I’m not” he groans “Going to regret it and” he bumps his head against Jaehyun’s slightly before pressing a kiss against his sweaty hair “I’m not doing this just because I drank Jaehyun, you have to believe me” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah...Besides, I'm not anymore" he lets out a sigh "I want this with you" 

“Turn around,” Jaehyun says, smacking lightly at his thighs, sliding out of him “I want to look at your face when I’m inside of you” Taeyong moans before sprawling himself against the sheets, his hand pumping at his red cock, pre-cum smearing on his stomach “That’s all right isn’t it?” 

He moves between the older’s leg before entering Taeyong again in one swift motion. Taeyong arches his back and locks his legs behind Jaehyun, bucking his hips up, grinding desperately, gasping loudly when in this new angle Jaehyun brushes against his prostate. 

“Oh god” 

Jaehyun’s vision blurs as Taeyong squelches against him harder when he continues to hit his spot over and over. 

“I’m going to cum” 

He captures his mouth shallowing his sobs, while he’s gasping his name again and again as Jaehyun continues to trust mercilessly. 

“Say it again, please” 

The bed creaks louder as his movements turn erratic, he’s grunting and Taeyong nails dig on his back and nape clinging onto him meeting his thrust in short cut movements, his neglected dick’s rubbing against their stomachs. 

“Jaehyun...” he brings mouth against his ear, bitting it painfully hard “Fuck, Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun” 

With one last moan he comes painting white their skin, Jaehyun follows soon after groaning thrusting wanton one last time before he comes inside the condom trying his best not to collapse on top of Taeyong. He looks at the come smeared against the smooth planes of Taeyong’s stomach with interest, Jaehyun wets his lips before moving down to licks the come off Taeyong’s skin. Above him, Taeyong lets out a tired laugh, he tugs his hair slightly to bring him up and press a light kiss on the corner of his mouth.

They stay like that for a while, their heavy breathing echoing through the room, Taeyong traces circles on his back panting loudly, chest heaving up and down while Jaehyun places little kisses on his collarbones, the sweaty taste lingering on his tongue. 

“I think you fucked all the alcohol out of me” 

He laughs pleased “Good” 

Jaehyun brings his hand to caress Taeyong’s face, the older’s snuggles against the pillows, face heavy with sleep “Sleep, I’ll be here with you” 

Taeyong gives him a little grateful smile as he moves closer to kiss him deeply. 

“Good night Jaehyun” 

Leaving one last peck on pouty lips, he looks around the room looking for something to clean the mess on Taeyong’s stomach. He finds the hand towel scattered near the bed to help clean the remains of come that he couldn’t catch with his tongue on the older’s stomach. 

He falls asleep with Taeyong’s smile buried against his neck. 

* * *

In the morning the first thing he does apart from detangling his body of the older is to take a shower. When he passes in front of the mirror and notices the faint marks Taeyong left on his arms, shoulders, and back. He smiles embarrassed as he caresses the tender skin. 

Maybe it wasn’t the ideal way to have their first time, but Taeyong was happy, or at least he looked happy so he was at peace at that. Still he can’t help the flash of worry that goes through his mind when he’s picking up his phone from Taeyong’s kitchen table. 

**5 missed calls from Dumb ass**

He also has lots of messages form Johnny, scared he hurries to open them

**From: Dumb ass**

Sent: 10:40 AM

Jae

Jae

Jae

Why aren’t you picking up? 

My aunt made food for you, stop by the restaurant to pick it up

If not i’ll eat it, i don’t care

Also

I want to watch a movie, so let’s go to the movies later. 

Fine! No movie?, no food! 

But srly where are you? 

You okay?

I’m beginning to worry for real 

**To: Dumb ass**

Sent: 11:15 AM

Am I your only friend? 

I’m fine don’t worry,  I’ll see you today okay?

send me the time i’ll see you there 

He sighs disappointed, he was planning to spend the whole day with Taeyong, especially after yesterday's _events_. But, he could never say no to free food, much less Johnny’s aunt. Mrs. Seo’s cooking it’s to die for. He also didn’t know how Taeyong felt with having Jaehyun monopolizing all of his free time. 

He makes his way to the older’s bathroom to find Taeyong’s big eyes blinking sleepily at the door, laying on the bed like a starfish totally unmoving. 

“You’re up!” He put his phone on the little table near the entrance “Sorry, I used the shower” 

“G’Morning Jaehyun” he raises his face from the pillow nodding at him “It’s okay” 

“I saved you some hot water, you should take a shower” he leans against the door frame eyes traveling down Taeyong’s exposed back, flimsy sheet landing dangerously on the swell of his lower back. He could spot some dark marks near on his shoulders. 

He forces himself to drag his eyes back to those dazzling eyes. 

Taeyong’s voice comes between huffs of embarrassed laughter “I was planning on it but…” his face flushes red “My legs are uh, still trembling so I can’t get up”

Jaehyun can’t help the way his cheeks turn crimson and a pleasant feeling sets itself on his stomach making its home there. He lets out an amused chuckle when he hears Taeyong groan as he tries to pull the sheets over his head to hide. 

“Jae…” his voices come muffled, he probably has his face buried against the pillow “Could you pass me my clothes please?” 

“No” 

There’s the rustling from the covers as Taeyong uncovers his face enough so he can peek from behind his little sheet-fortress. There’s some hesitation on the way he murmurs a tiny “Why?”, head-turning slightly to the side. 

Jaehyun pushes himself from the doorframe to make the way to the bed before he pounces gently onto the older hugging his burrito form to his chest. Taeyong relaxes in his hold fighting the covers restraining his form before finally being able to raise a hand to bring Jaehyun’s face closer so he can press a lingering peck on his lips. 

“Let’s just stay like this” breathes Jaehyun against his mouth. 

Taeyong shakes his head in disbelief and huffs “I’m still naked” 

Jaehyun’s eyes dance in amusement “Mmmh” he buries his face in his Hyung’s soft hair savoring the way of how Taeyong fits in his arms. 

“I’m glad we….I was scared” he whispers after some time Taeyong totally limp in his arms “That when I woke up you’d…wanted to forget about his…that you’d regret it” 

“Jae, you big baby” he laughs fondly caressing his burning ears “Where would I go?” Taeyong smiles before Jaehyun interlines their fingers and squeezes. 

They stay like that for a little while just basking in each other’s arms, Jaehyun tracing mindless patterns Taeyong’s arms when their perfect morning is interrupted when he hears the annoying ring of his phone, probably Johnny being a fucking cock-block. 

He groans “I have to leave soon” He leaves a chaste kiss on Taeyong’s lips, as a goodbye, but stops completely when Taeyong's hands come to circle around his neck to press him further onto him. Jaehyun caresses the older’s sides humming happily before he deepens the kiss, hovering above him so he can bask in the beauty that is Taeyong flushed face and blonde tousled hair forming a pretty halo against his dark sheets. 

“I mean” he presses a mouth opened kiss on the older’s collarbones” I can be late…” he kisses over a dark mark he left the night before on the juncture between Taeyong’s neck and shoulder ”I know Johnny won’t mind”He feels Taeyong ’s fingers caress his cheeks before pulling him up again for a kiss, their lips move against each other harder, hungrier than before, Taeyong’s hold on his cheeks turns firmer as Jaehyun swallows his broken moans. He manages to break the kiss to trail his lips down to his neck when he hears Taeyong’s chocked voice “You…can do whatever you want, you know that” 

He smirks pleased before licking a wet stripe against his tender skin.

* * *

“WHAT?!”

“That’s fucking gross…you’re spilling everywhere” 

“YOU SLEPT …” 

He slaps his hand hard against the open mouth of his friend, eyes big unblinking, handsome face full of disbelief. 

Jaehyun frowns a little offended at that. 

“John please,” he says voice low, chiding the older. Johnny raises his hands in a sign of surrender before Jaehyun lets down his own from his friend’s mouth “Yeah, it just…kind of happened”

“Just happened?” his friend shrieks, Jaehyun flies again to cover his mouth, he continues voice muffled by Jaehyun’s hand “What, he fell and landed on your dick?”

He hears the scandalized gasp of the older lady sitting next to them.

_Great, they are going to fucking ban us from this cinema._

_It’s the closest to his house._

“Would you fucking stop” he utters irritated looking behind Johnny’s big head and looking eyes with a group of laughing teenagers. Jaehyun scowls. 

_Great._

“So?” asks Johnny finally using his indoor voice now. Jaehyun pries his hand away and cleans it on his jeans.

“So what?” 

“Are you...going out then?” 

He raises his eyebrows stunned. He brings on hand to his forehead covering his eyes totally speechless. That’s…actually a very good question.

A question he needs answers, desperately. But he doesn’t know how to ask it. Not yet. 

“Ah” he hopes his hand cover’s the embarrassed flush that he’s sure it’s spreading on his face and neck right now, Johnny sighs loudly ”We didn’t talk about it…but I think it’s something like that?” 

“You think?” he scoffs. 

He shrugs sheepish, looking at Johnny behind his hand, his friend glares at him “Well…” 

“Of all the people, why a coworker?” He sighs compliant “The moment you two break up” Jaehyun opened his mouth ready defend himself, Johnny rolls his eyes and continues “The moment you break up, you’re both fucked…you poor dumb baby” 

“Stop” Jaehyun spats crossing his arms protectively “I don’t even know if we’re together” 

“You are,” Johnny remarks “With all the things you guys do? You are together, maybe not officially but you are” 

He hears a chair moving closer and then the press of another body against his arm “I’m talking from experience dude you know what happened with…”

“Yeah, yeah…”Jaehyun presses back lightly, voice calmer than a few seconds ago “He resigned after you dumped him and then started shouting at you at the lobby while you were with your boss and…” 

“I want to hear everything” he whispers loudly putting his face on his hands, blinking happily. 

“You’re so gross” 

“But seriously Jaehyunnie, I thought you’d never get anywhere, to be honest, so this is a fucking surprise” he laughs shaking his head. 

He sounds impressed, that asshole. 

“You’re a dick”

Johnny sniggers taking a sip from his soda before nudging him with a raised eyebrow. 

“But seriously Jae” Jaehyun hums mouth full of popcorn turning to side-eye his friend “Is everything okay?” 

He shallows rapidly before shrugging“Yeah…I mean…it’s just…He said he had this _problem”_ he clears his throat, he didn’t like the slip of doubt he could hear in his own voice “And yesterday…he took care of it. But John I saw some pictures he had with him” Johnny looks at him patiently one hand moving idly on his arm trying to placate him. _Why is he so nervous?_ “It was all in a bag with some other things…and they all had the same man in them and” he gulps, he feels himself ramblingbut he can’t stop, “I think that “old friend” he talked about is him and I…” 

“Jae…I don’t think that’s a friend” 

“I know” 

“I think that’s definitely an ex” Jaehyun stays silent not meeting his friends worried eyes “What do you think? Do you think they just broke up?” 

“I don’t know” 

“I’ve never seen anyone with an ex problem end well” 

He chuckles humorlessly “What else can I do?… He says it’s over, so I have to believe him” 

“Fine, I’m just warning you since I’ve got way more experience than you” 

“Sure you do,” Jaehyun says before he glances at his watch “the movie is about to start, let’s go” he taps Johnny’s thigh, he takes his popcorn and makes his way to the theater. 

* * *

The movie’s amazing, filled with explosions, fighting, cheesy dialog. The perfect way for Jaehyun to relax and put his worries of Taeyong and their…relationship? to rest, at least for a moment. 

“That was amazing!” 

“And you’re the one who didn’t want to come you always say that after I force you” parrots Johnny checking the time “Let’s eat, I’m starving” 

“We can go back to my place and eat some of your aunts food” 

He takes his phone out of habit and blushes when he sees the notification of a new message. 

He buries his worries deep down when he re-reads Taeyong’s text. 

**From:** **Taeyong Hyung <3**

Sent: 16:09 

Jaehyun-ah! 

How was the movie? 

Have you eaten? If not…

Do you want to come by? I made some Seolleongtang 

“Is it Taeyong?” comes Johnny’s voice from beside him. 

He smiles at the phone “Yeah I-” 

“Spare me the details” Johnny snorts

“Sorry John, he wants us to eat together” 

“Are you going to leave me to have dick?” 

“I gotta go, I’ll call you, I love you!” says Jaehyun grinning, he throws his arms across his friend's neck in a hurried hug before sprinting out the cinema to look for a taxi. 

“As if you’d call me you fucking brat” 

* * *

He feels long fingers pressing the top of his head, he sighs, happily at the touch “Jaehyun-ah, wake up”

“I’m up” he manages to raise his head to meet Taeyong’s smiling eyes.

“You sure?” 

“Mmm” he takes Taeyong hand and kisses his knuckles “Did everyone leave?” 

“Yes, to lunch…Are you alright?”

“My stomach’s fine but my head hurts” he pouts placing Taeyong’s hand on the top of his head so he can continue playing with his hair. 

“You shouldn’t have eaten all of that” the older’s chides “I told you, you could take the left over’s home” 

“That’s not it Hyung” he whines, face turning to blink at Taeyong’s concerned one “I’m upset that I fell asleep last night” 

Taeyong chuckles sweeping Jaehyun’s hair away from his forehead“Why?” 

“I asked this boy I like if I could do something with him and he said yes…But then I fell asleep on top of him and when I finally woke up and recover, it was already morning so we had to come to work…how would you feel?” 

Taeyong laughs shaking her head, he pushes Jaehyun’s head slightly in disbelief. 

And it was the truth, Jaehyun had devoured two bowls of Seolleongtang and two of rice so fast it had actually worried Taeyong. He had been so full, but he couldn’t stop, it was so good, Taeyong’s cooking was up there with Mr. Seo’s. After helping him clean his dishes, Taeyong had invited him to come to the living room to watch some horror movie the older had downloaded, they settled on Taeyong’s couch, Jaehyun feeling a little childish because of how domestic this whole afternoon was, he had thrown himself on top of the older snuggling against his chest. His belly was full of good food with Taeyong’s fingers tracing mindless figures on his back he couldn’t help but falling asleep there and there. 

To say he whined non-stop when Taeyong had woken him up to move them to his bedroom would be an understatement , he could only be placated when the older let him kiss him until they both were breathless. He slept while Taeyong cradle his head against his arms, squirming with every puff of breath Jaehyun left against his neck. 

“Can you blame me?” he continues “He’s very beautiful!” 

“What are you saying?” Taeyong snorts.

“I’m saying Hyung’s beautiful” 

Taeyong chuckles fondly, clearly embarrassed “Jaehyun-ah be careful with your words” Jaehyun shrugs not paying attention to the older’s words “How can you say that with a straight face?” 

“You’re the same when you are drunk” he bites back. Taeyong pinches his cheek. 

“Still…Don’t worry okay? We can…you can always come over”

He closes his eyes taking the older’s hand in his and giving it a little kiss before he whines again “But I want to do it now” 

“Jaehyun” 

He’s about to whine again when he decides he should be doing more important things. So he moves forward pressing his lips against soft ones in a tender kiss. Jaehyun hums happily, raising his head so he can get in a more comfortable position. 

“I’ll be going to the supply closet in the other building later, “ Taeyong says between kisses “During independent study” 

Jaehyun groans before pulling Taeyong’s chair closer to him so he can rest his hand on Taeyong’s waist. He squeezes his sides when Taeyong brushes his thigh against his. 

“Let’s stay like this” Murmurs Jaehyun when they break apart to take a breather “I’ve been waiting all day for this, I was dying to touch you” Taeyong heaves out a soft whimper before capturing his lips again. 

“Hey! Jaehyun, Taeyong!” the loud ass voice of Byun Baekhyun comes from the door and jolts them apart, Jaehyun’s grip on the older’s waist doesn’t flatter “We are going out for lunch, wanna join?” 

“YES!” They shout at the same time without turning to look at their Hyung. 

“Well hurry up,” he says clapping for effect and goes out again closing the door behind him “Nini’s driving, come on!” 

“YES!” 

They look at each other and laugh

“I think…we should be more careful of other people seeing us” 

“Right” 

* * *

“Ah! Mr. Jung” 

“Kids, Hyung hi!” he tries for a nonchalant tone but he knows he fails when feels a smug grin making its place on his face. From behind his Jaemin and Mark's faces, he sees Taeyong shake his head “Where are you guys going?” 

“We are moving some things to the nurse’s office”

“Together?” 

“No, Mr. Lee’s sorting something in the supply closet…we are just going in the same direction” Answers Mark raising his eyebrow when he sees the staredown between his two teachers. Of course, he knew that that’s why he finished his office hours minutes earlier so he could “run” into Taeyong right now, he bites his lips to prevent his smile to grow even bigger, “Did something happened?” 

Jaehyun ignores him“Huh? Alone? Do you need any help Hyung?” he tilts his head to the side to reinforce the clueless look he’s looking for. Actor of the _fucking_ year. 

“I’m…yes” offers Taeyong with a tight smile, there’s a warning edge on his tone that has Jaehyun smiling wider. 

“I see” He doesn’t know where this sudden burst of courage it’s coming from, but if it’s going to be the cause of the flush on Taeyong ’s neck and cheeks so be it. “I’ll go and help you in a bit, okay? I just have to…get _something_ ” 

Mark turns his head to look at Jaehyun quizzically when he sees the way that Taeyong ’s face is turning a little red. Jaemin clears his throat before nudging Mark lightly with his shoulder. 

“Then, we’ll be leaving first” 

“Wait…”

“Thank you guys” salutes Jaehyun not once taking his eyes away from Taeyong. 

“I gotta go too” 

“Okay” Taeyong turns to leave behind Jaemin and Mark but halts whenJaehyun takes his hand “Hyung?” Very slowly and still holding eye contact with Taeyong, he rubs his index finger under the older’s palm, he smiles pleased when Taeyong shivers and blushes furiously red “I’ll stop by the teacher’s room before meeting you there, okay?” 

Taeyong takes his hand trembling refusing to lock eyes with him again, he mumbles a choked “O-okay” before sprinting down the hall. 

Jaehyun laughs giddy, he can’t wait. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some notes:
> 
> -Kids when someone rubs his index finger under your palm, it means they want to bang. So!  
> -Also the idea of TY cooking Seolleongtang (ox bone soup) it’s from the radio star episode where Baekhyun said that NCT ate that as rookies whereas they didn't have such luxuries. I don’t know why i find that amusing.  
> -!!!!!!!! Jaehyun finally called Taeyong without honorifics (Well the fact that he was worried shitless is the main reason but still!)  
> -How many REAL Jaeyong quotes can i cramp on this fic?????? We'll see  
> -I have this head cannon that Jaehyun still as touchy as he was pre-debut, where he loves to be cuddled and be pampered.  
> -Are they going to make out again in the school closet? fuck yeah, they are two horny mf  
> -I know i’m late with this but! i was drained bc of work and also was drained bc of the one-shot I wrote. So, here! i present you 8k full of Jaeyong's relationship. Enjoy this fluff before it all goes to shit. 
> 
> Okay, sorry, I’m joking...
> 
> Unless…
> 
> Let me know what do you guys think on the comments down below. 
> 
> Stream Kick It!!!!!!!!!


	10. Interlude IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: for unhealthy relationship, body shaming. Not Jaeyong tho.

He feels his phone buzz inside his pants again, he really should check it, maybe Jaehyun’s having trouble picking their snacks. Silly boy, he didn’t have to go all the way to the nearest convenience store just because Taeyong craved a specific brand of juice. 

He unlocks his phone ready to chastise the younger when his eyes catch the name of the sender. 

It’s not Jaehyun.

Of course, he’s not.

**From:** **Young**

Sent: 09:12 AM

Taemin’s wedding is next week, 

My father wants you to get a suit as well

let’s get you one

I’ll meet you at the school at the end of your shift

He re-reads the text two more times trying to make sense of what is Young talking about. _“My father wants you to get a suit as well”,_ what is that supposed to mean? Did Young even tell his parents they had broken up? With furrowed brows, he answers back

**To: Young**

Sent: 09:13 AM

You should’ve told him the truth 

Don’t come

Send me the address, I’ll meet you there

**From: Young**

Sent: 09:14 AM

You know how he is 

**To: Young**

Sent: 09:14 AM

Send me the address

Young sends him a location second after, it’s not too far from the school which it’s nice. It’s also for the best, meeting there, he doesn’t want Young anywhere near Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun’s too good for that. 

He shivers as a cold bottle is pressed against the back of his hand. 

“Here Hyung, they run out of apple juice so I brought you an orange one, is this okay?” 

“Yeah! thank you” he pockets his phone while Jaehyun stabs the straw on it, rather aggressively he might add, before handing it to him “You didn’t have to go all the way there” 

“Nah, it’s fine” He takes a long gulp of his own juice “Its good exercise…by the way I ran into the Baek and Jongin Hyung…and I think I just got scolded?” Jaehyun gruffs with a pinched expression “They said that I keep running away during lunch and that‘ _having lunch together is a social opportunity to increase our bond…_ ’ whatever that means” he finishes, voice somewhat higher, in a very bad impression of Baekhyun Hyung’s voice. 

“Well, we’ve been eating just the two of us,” he says chuckling before finishing his drink. 

And they have, since day one, they’ve eaten all of their lunches together outside on the basketball bleachers. Taeyong likes their little moments, bonding over basketball and sharing their lunch under the blistering sun. 

It was nice, getting to know Jaehyun, knowing how he was basically a bottomless pit and could eat and eat without stopping, laughing at all his weird jokes and cheesy lines, how when the light would catch across his face, there would be light brown flecks reflected on his dark hair and golden streaks on his eyes, how his rosy cheeks would display those deep dimples one on each when he was happy, how he laughed with his whole body when found something particularly amusing, how Taeyong just needed to close his eyes and he’ll be surrounded by Jaehyun’s calming and sweet sent.

“I mean, why can’t we keep eating by ourselves?” whines  Jaehyun taking Taeyong’s hand on his “If I’m going to eat, I’d rather be eating while I’m looking at you” 

“I can’t believe you just said that” Taeyong groans mortified, feeling a tingling in his chest “That’s so embarrassing” 

There’s no indication that Jaehyun had listened or cared about his complains when he continues “There’s must be something wrong with my eyes….cause I can’t take them off you” he states face blank, Taeyong, on the other hand, feels his own catch on fire ”Hyung’s the prettiest when he’s eating” 

_Oh_

“Jaehyun-ah, don’t be like that” he manages to choke, trying to sound as composed as he can.

Jaehyun laughs delighted when he sees Taeyong’s pink cheeks and leans to press a lingering kiss on his lips.

“Hmm, I’ll try” He purrs before leaving another kiss on Taeyong’s waiting mouth “Want to go out tonight for a drink?” 

“I’m sorry,” he says with a mirthless smile, shoulders falling a little “I…already have plans” 

“Is it with the person you were texting?” Jaehyun tsks, tapping Taeyong’s chin with his finger, he obliges and meets his brown eyes. He sighs dejectedly before nodding. 

“Yeah” 

“Your friend?” 

“Oh no…” he scoffs breaking eye contact. He moves forward, putting his chin on the younger’s shoulder, wrapping him in a loose hug. His lungs fill with the warm scent of Jaehyun “He’s just someone I know” 

Jaehyun hums before kissing his temple one last time “Well, let’s have drinks next week then” 

His stomach flutters at the sweet gesture, he tightens his hold on the younger, faces pressing on his against his neck “Yeah…I’m sorry Jaehyun-ah” 

He really means it. 

* * *

“We’ll see you later boys” hollers Baekhyun pulling Jongin with him, they were in a hurry, according to Baekhyun, Jongin had managed to get tickets to some art exhibition about dance and while the older wasn’t very interested in spending his Friday watching some old pictures, he had eagerly said yes when he sees the pink on their coworker's cheeks. 

Jaehyun snickers when he sees the embarrassed look on Jongin’s eyes before Baekhyun finally drags him out of their office. 

“That’s new” he sighs before picking his bag and looking at Taeyong from behind his reading glasses “I have to move somethings to the lab before going home” he looks outside the door to see if their Hyungs are actually gone before he sends Taeyong a loud flying kiss “I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” 

He can’t help the gentle smile that makes its way on his lips “Yeah, bye Jaehyun-ah” 

With one last dimpled smile Jaehyun closes gently the door behind him, leaving just Taeyong with a heavy feeling on his stomach for what’s yet to come. 

This is so uncomfortable. But, it’s his fault, he really didn’t have to go to the wedding or at least not go with Young. What was he thinking? 

No. 

Breathe Taeyong, breathe. 

_You can’t keep accepting whatever Young says or does. It’s not healthy._

_He also doesn’t have a say in Taeyoong's life, not anymore._

He has to talk to Young about his dad, even though they broke up, those around them must think they are still together. Young’s father, although a little cold like his son, had always been nice to Taeyong…

But does it matter? 

_Breathe._

There won’t be any need to see each other after this wedding. Finally, after this is over, there’s no reason to see him again.

_“Your friend?”_

Taeyong cringes at the memory of Jaehyun calling Young his _“friend”._ Would Taeyong ever be able to be friends with Young?

_Do you want to be his friend?_

He looks down at his phone and sighs, he’s going to be late if he doesn’t make his leave right now. As slowly as he can, he takes his jacket and bag and makes his way to the entrance, eyes glued at the phone, looking for the best way to get as fast as he can to the tailor. The fastest he gets there, the fastest he can get out of there.

“Taeyong” 

He feels a pull on his stomach as a sense of dread creeps from within him, making his skin crawl. 

He should have known. He should have known Young would ignore him and do whatever he pleased. 

It was always like this.

“What are you doing here?” Taeyong musters through gritted teeth, lurching to Young who’s leaning against his car, cold eyes gazing in some sort of amusement at Taeyong’s curt words “I told you I’d meet you there” 

“It’s more convenient this way, besides I wanted to take a look around the school” he sneers “It’s been a long time” 

Taeyong reaches for the handle, trying to open the car. It’s closed “Let’s go now!”

“Why? I want to take a look” says Young calmly, lips frozen on that mocking smile he always had. 

Taeyong stiffens, feeling the emptiness on his stomach travel so fast to his throat that it makes him dizzy, slowly he looks from side to side, hands gripping the door handle to steady himself.

“You can’t just show up here” he replies flat, pulling the handle again. There’s a flash of something on Young’s eyes that makes him take a sharp breath. 

“And why not?” 

“Hyung?” _No_ “What are you doing here?” 

Taeyong can feel his heart stop its erratic beating all at once when he turns around at the sound of Jaehyun’s husky voice.

He’s standing at the entrance of the school, almond eyes filled with surprise at the sight of him. His warm eyes harden however when he catches the stiffness on Taeyong’s shoulders and face.

“Jung Jaehyun, right?” Offers Young’s silvery voice, he hears him move around his car until he’s standing next to Taeyong, Jaehyun’s frown deepens “I’ve been hearing a lot about you, too much…it’s like I know you” 

_How?_

“I also graduated from Konggi” continues the older, he extends his hand for Jaehyun to take “I’m Kwon Young, nice to meet you” 

“Hi”

The grip’s strong, he can tell by the way Young’s fingers are pressing against Jaehyun’s pale skin. Jaehyun’s face remains impassive, eyes holding the older’s gaze. Young grins cold eyes void of humor in them. 

“We…we should get going” There’s a tightness on his chest when he turns to Young’s pulling him back to the car “Let’s go”

“Taeyong, don’t be rude, we’re introducing ourselves” 

“Please…let’s just go,” he says, his voice full of apprehension. He turns to look at the younger and sends a tight smile his way.

“I’ll call you later today, okay Jaehyun-ah?” he offers, forcing his face to relax when Jaehyun’s brooding expression.

Jaehyun stays silent for a while, brown eyes searching for something on his. He sighs before dragging his eyes between Young and Taeyong one last time. 

“Are you sure okay Hyung?” 

He nods absentmindedly before pulling the handle again, finally opening the door.

He refuses to look out the window, he can’t bear to look at Jaehyun, guilt pumping the incessant throb of his heart.

Maybe it’s time to talk to Jaehyun about this, about the wedding, about Young. It’s breaking him, slowly eating him, how Jaehyun had looked so…confused, so lost.

He needs to tell him, i t feels like he’s keeping something from him, maybe if he explains Jaehyun might know what to do. If he tells him then maybe he would be able to erase that lost look on his warm eyes. 

But where does he begin? And if Taeyong tells him about all of this, if he learns all of this.

Would Jaehyun’s opinion of Taeyong change? 

“What are you doing?” he snaps when hears the sound of Young’s door closing. 

“What do you mean?” 

_How do you know about him?_

“You know what” Taeyong utters eyes fixed on the road, “You said you’ve heard about him for a while, why are you lying?” He can hear his voice getting smaller and smaller with each sentence.

_I’ve never talked about him to you._

“You talked about basketball often…no, that’s not true” Young says voice void of any emotion, it makes Taeyong’s stomach twist painfully. _He knows_ “You talked about the guy who played basketball…Should I not have said that?” He continues not paying mind at the sharp intake of breath from Taeyong “I was just saying hi to him Taeyong…do you think I’ll do something bad to your boy?” 

_How does he know?_

Taeyong finally turns to look at Young, face wan _“_ That doesn’t answer my question, how do you know him?” 

“That time at the infirmary when I went to check on you…” Young’s lip twitches, the only sign of any emotion on his face “You’re very easy to read” 

He knew all along. He knew and yet he didn’t say anything, after all these years, he knew about Jaehyun and he didn’t utter a single word. Why? What is he doing? What is he gaining from this? What does he want with Jaehyun? 

“You’re not the good liar you think you are, Taeyong” 

Taeyong’s going to trow up.

* * *

The owner of the tailor shop is waiting for them at the door with two glasses of bubbly champagne. Turns out the owner is a friend of Young’s father, so they already have all their pre-approved suits ready for them to try them on.

It’s all really too much. 

One of the assistants is urging Taeyong to go with them to another room to take his measurements while the owner works with Young. 

Taeyong works on autopilot, so he mindlessly follows them before he’s stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“There’s no need for that Miss. I know his measurements really well” He feels a commanding squeeze on his shoulder stopping him from doing anything but stare at the woman in front of him, who is either looking blushing because of Young’s handsome face or is blushing because of the suggesting tone that’s carrying thought Young’s voice “Isn’t that right Taeyong?” 

Taeyong doesn’t answer, he knows he doesn’t have to, it’s like the older’s going to start listening to him now. Young reaches for measurement tape hanging from neck assistants neck, Taeyong watches as the deep red on her cheeks travels down to her neck. 

Young’s face it is. 

There’s a chuckle coming out from her red lips before she and the tailor bow to them before exiting the room, closing the door behind them. 

Young tugs Taeyong to one of the corners of the shop, but now that there’s no one watching them something snaps inside Taeyong. It’s a surge of emotions coming from the emptiness of his stomach, burning his insides raw, seething with anger he shakes Young’s hold out of him and moves a step back when Young reaches again form him. 

“Stop that Taeyong, you are making it weird” 

“Oh Am I?” he utters, glaring at the older from the mirror. 

Young’s cold eyes are boring into his before trailing them all over his body making Taeyong recoil on his place. Young shakes his head before tossing the tape to a table near him.

“You’ve always been handsome but if you lose a little more weight It’d be perfect…Did your chest get…”

“That’s enough” snaps Taeyong turning to face him, whole body shaking with boiling anger. 

Young continues as if he didn’t just yell at him “What tie? I remember how I used to dress you. Slim right?, That always looked best on you” 

“Young stop” he manages to say, a scowl etched on his features. 

“Don’t you remember? You were so good back then Taeyong, always eager to please and now” Young reaches for a pearl aqua green tie and puts it next to a black suit “How you tried to match my tastes without me even saying anything, I liked that…When did we go wrong Taeyong?”

“Why are saying all of this to me?” 

“It’s better not to ask a question you can’t take responsibility for. Especially asking them to someone you broke up with Taeyong” 

His jaw clenches at the absurdity of all of this. How could he think he could be friends with someone like Young?, How could he even phantom that Young would finally treat him like his own person? How can he? When Young filled his personality with things that he’ll like and Taeyong let him be. 

He loves himself so little he didn’t even say anything and just let him be. 

There was a point in Taeyong’s life when Young’s love meant everything to him, Young gave him the love Taeyong craved, or at least he thinks that’s what he did. After the accident, he felt the need to leave every choice to him in order to be protected and cared for, that Taeyong was worth it. He didn’t need anything, nothing really mattered, all he had to do was speak and act to Young’s taste and watch his reaction, how there would be some warmth peeking from the corners of his eyes.

Turns out, it wasn’t worth it.

After Young left without saying a word to Taeyong, he realized he couldn’t even choose what dish he wanted at a restaurant. He didn’t know what movie he wanted to watch o what music and books he liked, Taeyong didn’t know who he liked nor disliked and so he couldn’t even tell what he wanted to do. 

Taeyong erased himself to the point where he became like a blank piece of paper. And the person who stood at the end of all his choices was holding him back, patiently trying to color Taeyong in with his ink again. Cause he knows Taeyong will let him, cause he knows him better than anyone.

But he’s wrong. Young is wrong, he didn’t know any better back then but at least this time Taeyong knows that he won’t go back. 

He doesn’t _want_ to go back. 

“Stop that” he sneers, anger smoldering him, making it hard for him to breathe “Stop talking like that! I don’t need you to do anything for me, not today, not back then”

He glances once more to the older impassive face before he makes his way out of the suffocating room. He can’t stay there any longer. He can’t even look at him anymore. 

Before he closes the door, he hears him loud and clear “Why, is it because your boy toy is there now? Satisfying your every need, giving everything you ask, unlike me?” 

Taeyong stops, body rigid with fury, clenched fists at his side.

“We are not the same Young” 

“Oh Taeyong” Young replies, caustic, “I told you, you’re not a very good liar” 

“Lee Taeyong?, you are Lee Taeyong right?” 

Taeyong can’t help but glare at the man calling his name. He looks weary at Taeyong’s tense shoulders and clenched jaw. There’s something on the man’s face that calls for Taeyong’s memories to remember him but he’s overflowing with anger his brain can’t seem to catch it. 

Taeyong loses the hold on the door when Young tugs it open to see who’s talking, clearly recognizing the voice on the other side. 

“Ah, Kwon Young, then that means you _are_ Lee Taeyong” 

“Baek Taesung, it’s been so long”

The man chuckles now at ease that Young’s there. His eyes land on Taeyong nervously waiting for him to acknowledge him. 

“We should get together sometime” He comments, trying to lighten the mood “What do you think? A little get together before the wedding, with Taemin and Nina” 

“Sure”

Taeyong moves further away from Young and Taesung and closer to the exit when turn to look at him, expectant. 

“I don’t think so” 

“Don’t be rude Taeyong” says Young voice monotone. 

“I have to go” 

“I’m sorry bout him” offers Young cold eyes glaring a slightly at him. It’s the first time in years that he manages to crack Young’s cold demeanor. And he finally manages to do it by making him look bad in front of people. _He’s so selfish_ “He’s just having a bad day today” 

Taesung laughs good naturally, amused by what he thinks is bickering friends “I hear Ling Ming asked you out” he says to Young. 

Young chuckles low “News travel fast I see” 

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that, listen…”

“Mr. Baek we are ready for your measurements” comes the voice of the woman from earlier, Taesung looks at his watch and cringes raising a hand her way and a bow in apology. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll be right there…I’ll see you guys at the wedding okay?” With one last bow, he leaves behind a door next to the room next to theirs. 

There’s a beat of silence that instead of blaming him just makes his anger from earlier come back at full force. He doesn’t say goodbye, just makes his way out of the tailor shop. He can feel Young’s presence, hot on his heels,following him outside. 

“Taeyong” 

“If you are going to say that you said no because of me, save it” 

“I said no because I didn’t want to “ He takes out his keys and opens the door, gesturing for Taeyong to enter “j u st because someone likes me doesn’t mean I have to accept their feelings. It’s selfish to want someone to like you back just because you have feelings for them, wouldn’t you agree” 

Taeyong gives him a pinched expression crossing his arms across his chest “Are you trying to say something to me?” 

“I’m going to be selfish one more time. Our relationship may be over but my feelings for you aren’t” 

What if they aren’t?

Young changed him to his will, didn’t care what Taeyong wanted not before, after or during their relationship. How can he say he loved him that he still loves him? 

Even if Taeyong still felt the same. 

What’s the point of being loved like that? 

Taeyong looks at him, dour. “I’m going to go now”

“You’ll realize one day my method wasn’t really wrong for you, I’ll wait for you no matter how far you stray, this isn’t the first time, you’ve wandered away “ 

It sounds like a promise, it makes him freeze on his spot, heart lurching on his chest. 

“You can come back to me whenever you feel like it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: 
> 
> \- So yeah, the “There must be something wrong with my eyes…” it’s from that yt video of JH & CO attending a “fan sign” w/ YouTuber Jae Jae, cause i can imagine Jaehyun’s cheesy ass coming up with something like that  
> \- “I can’t believe you just said that” It’s from the NCT 127 stage video where TY is reacting at JH’s weird name for the “Bruce Lee” point dance.  
> \- This chapter was so hard to write cause i just can’t stand Young lmao man this took weeks!  
> -There were some things i wanted to add but they just don’t seem to go with his part, but i think are important…i’ll see if i can cram them in the next interlude (we only have two more)  
> -Taesung is the name of the protagonist of the comic book this story is based on.  
> -I also finished the outline for the finale, i wasn’t so sure how i wanted it to end but!!!!! now i know there’s going to be at least 20+epilogue chapters so that means by the next chap will be half way through this !!!! i can’t believe !!!! 
> 
> Your comments feed me 
> 
> also i think i can update faster since i’m stuck at my house thanks to corona but we shall see (rn i’m in home-office but ya know)


	11. Seven

It’s dark underwater. 

There’s no light peeking through the dark blue, he closes his eyes when the sting gets too much and he’s met with cold dark eyes as if they were tattooed on his eyelids.

Maybe they are.

_Just, who was that man?_

He feels the familiar burn in his lungs for the lack of oxygen but he ignores it for a while, letting the erratic beating of his heart be the only thing on his mind at the moment. He needed to ground himself, even if it’s just a little.

When bubbles begin to come out of his mouth, Jaehyun pushes himself up from the bottom of the pool, mouth agape begging to fill his lungs with air. He used to do this a lot when he was younger, getting underwater where he could be alone with his thoughts and the vast blue of the water. 

The air filling his aching lungs so fast made him, made him _feel_ something else than the dread that had plagued him before going underwater.

_You know who he is._

He doesn’t dare to look at the mirror of the locker-rooms as he makes his way to grab his things.

_“He’s just someone I know”_ Comes in the soft voice of his lover somehow muffled by the feeling of thin fingers shaking his hand too forcefully on what he can only describe is a warning more than a handshake. 

He dries himself idly, distracted, he puts a shirt over his damp skin, the towel on his shoulders before making his way up to his apartment. All the while being incapable of erasing the smug smile perched on thin lips from his mind. 

_That’s not just someone he knows._

Because if Young’s just someone Taeyong knows….What does that make Jaehyun? 

That was the man in the pictures, in Taeyong’s pictures. Taeyong's drunken nights, his tears...that's _him_ , that man.

That’s _him,_ the _“something I had to settle"_

Why? Why did he say things were over between them when he’s _here?_. Is this guy that important that Taeyong had to decline to go on a date with him? 

_“I don’t think you have to worry anymore”_

How can he ask him that? When that’s all he’s going to do from now. 

He knew that this uncertainty would come and bite him on the ass, he still doesn’t know how much he can ask. 

Worse, he doesn’t know if he has any right to do it.

Once in his apartment he spots his cellphone lying on the couch and hesitates for a second before he checks for any missing calls. 

Why isn’t he calling? 

He said he’d call. 

He checks some of his texts letting a quiet chuckle despite himself at the dumb memes from his chat with Yuta and Johnny. His laughter’s cut short when his fingers hover above a message from the man he’s been waiting all night to contact him. 

**Taeyong Hyung <3**

Sent: 19:34

Jaehyun-ah 

I’m almost home and i know it’s late but 

If it’s alright with you 

do you want to sleepover at my place? 

Jaehyun stays there for a moment, rooted in his place, his hold on the phone getting tighter and tighter by the second. A thought crosses his mind but it disappears as fast as it comes, leaving just the aftertaste of the _No I won’t go_ clinging in his throat. 

Jaehyun closes his eyes and holds his breath until his lungs itch for the lack of air.

He’s really pathetic, isn’t he? 

* * *

“Ah Jaehyun-ah you’re early” 

He feels his breath leave him when Taeyong goes out of his room to greet him, blonde hair messy, beautiful pink hue on his cheeks, his doe eyes smiling gently at him. 

Taeyong presses a light kiss on his cheek as he guides Jaehyun to the bedroom, talking the younger about some new drama he saw and that they really should watch it right now. There’s a mess of clothes on his bed, something weird, given that Taeyong’s love for order, the sight of a light grey suit catches his eye for some reason “Were you cleaning your closet?” 

“Ah I didn’t realize I left it here” Taeyong laughs, sheepishly, taking a bunch of clothes from the pile and shoving them on his closet unceremoniously “I was…looking for something”

Jaehyun watches quietly the older man as he continues to shove clothes and clothes on his closet, his bathrobe clinging against his board shoulders. 

This, this _warmth_ that spreads all over Jaehyun, overflowing, when he gets to see Taeyong like this, relaxed with him, a content smile hanging from his lips as he blabbers about this new drama, is why he’s fighting against the million un-answered questions that are filling his mind. 

He knows Taeyong won’t tell him, because Taeyong’s like that. He thinks that his problems aren’t meant to be shared, he’s afraid of being a burden. 

He’s selfless like that. 

“Tae Hyung” Jaehyun steps forward and hugs the older from behind. He relaxes when the hints of lavender fill his lungs. At the back of his mind, there’s the heavy feeling for what he’s about to do, but he buries it deep, deep, deep. He needs answers before the warmth that Taeyong brings into him changes into something else “The man I met today…it's the one you mentioned before, isn’t he?”

Taeyong doesn’t say anything but Jaehyun feels the slight way his back muscles tense against his chest. He rubs a hand onto Taeyong’s stomach to relax him. 

He doesn’t know who’s feeling more nervous at the moment. 

“The something you had to settle?” He presses again while Taeyong remains num, letting Jaehyun hold him. “Your friend?” There’s a sigh that leaves the older lips before he lets his head lean back to rest against Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“I…If you’re going to see… _him_ it’s fine“ Jaehyun had to force himself to say those words so much he’s pretty sure he sounds pained. But he has to do this. if this is going to work. For him. For Taeyong. “Just please, be honest with me and tell me? I don’t want to keep secrets between you and me”Taeyong’s finger’s find, interwinding them. Trying to break the tension he adds in a pout, bumping his head gently against Taeyong’s “I couldn’t get anything done all day because of this”

Taeyong shoulder’s shake with laughter, before he turns on Jaehyun’s hold, doe eyes clinking with mischief “Were you waiting for me to call?”

“No” he answers, adverting his eyes to the side.

“Wow”

“I said I wasn’t” Jaehyun whines, petulant. 

Taeyong reaches for his cheek, urging him to meet his eyes. Jaehyun closes his and melts into the loving touch “I’m sorry I made you worry, I just had some things to take care of”

He feels how the ballon of anxiety and doubt deflates a little on his chest at the mere feeling of those fingertips caressing his skin. 

Humming he feels himself move closer, letting the older circle his arms behind his neck “I was waiting for a long time” Taeyong makes a knowing sound from the back of his throat “You better tell me I did good” 

“What a good boy” There’s humor laced with his words. Taeyong closes the distance between them and bumps their foreheads together. 

“Really?” Jaehyun flutters his eyelashes, leaving butterfly kisses all across the older’s face. 

“Yes, you big kid” Manages to chuckle Taeyong, moving his head to the side.

“You should reward me, then” He drops his voice for full effect, the moment is broken through when Taeyong shivers in his hold and he can’t help the pleased laugh that leaves his lips.

“I brought you some snacks though” whispers Taeyong importantly , playing with the hair on his nape, blunt nails scraping his scalp just slightly sending a jolt of pleasure all over Jaehyun’s body. 

He leans into Taeyong pressing a kiss on the apple of his cheek, one of his hands travels down his body, gripping one of his exposed thighs, pulling the older’s body flush against him. His fingers dig on the soft flesh, Taeyong’s grunt its music to his ears.

“I had something else in mind” Jaehyun offers, before tilting slightly forward and taking the older’s lips on his. The kiss begins tender, almost shy, despite the way Taeyong’s body is pressed against his, naked skin burning under his gray bathrobe. 

He opens his mouth coaxing Taeyong to open his, Jaehyun wants to drink every moan, lick every inch of his mouth. He’s growing desperate, hungry lips searching to be reassured, to feel Taeyong near, with him.

He just needs to be here, together with him, like just like this.

He helps Taeyong up, letting him straddle his waist with his legs while Jaehyun’s hands move to grasp the older’s ass. Taeyong breaks the kiss when he moans out loud, Jaehyun watches, fascinated the way his adam’s apple bob up and down and latches himself to bite and kiss the skin there, Jaehyun’s lips tingling with the vibrations of Taeyong’s throat while he continues to moan.

He halts, lips brushing Taeyong’s neck when there’s not only lavender what he smells on Taeyong’s skin “You smell _different_...” 

“What do you mean?” he asks, eyes closed, gripping the younger's shoulders as he moves his hips up and down, pressing his hard dick against Jaehyun’s stomach.

It’s a little too distracting, but not enough. 

“Maybe it rubbed off on you” he murmurs deadpan, bottom lip dragging against the sharp planes of Taeyong’s jaw. 

“Nothing happ….” 

“Of course nothing should've happened “ Whispers Jaehyun licking Taeyong’s jaw in a way he knows it’s possessive, needy. He snakes one hand under the robe to graces his fingers in between Taeyong’s cheeks. 

He doesn’t have any once of shame left in him, not when Taeyong heaves a sigh and his hips move faster, harder, in sloppy dirty moves and he knows he’s doing something right.

“Jae…” His voice low, pleading, hidden between layers and layers of need. It’s what’s he’s been craving, Taeyong’s body pliant against him, moving in a frenzy together with him, pressing so hard his body against his is Jaehyun’s 

“Jae...today you’re too…” 

He moves his fingers closer to Taeyong’s entrance, drowning in the feel of the shiver that travels down the older’s body “You don’t like it?” 

He shakes his head, leaving red marks on his sinking, blunt nails digging his blunt nails deeper on shoulders “It feels good” 

“Okay…O-okay” Jaehyun nods, licking his lips looking behind Taeyong’s head, making his way to the older’s bed and laying him gently on the mattress. Taeyong’ long legs still wrapped around him, reluctant of letting him go, Jaehyun presses a chaste kiss on his nose, he points at the bedside table with his head. 

“I have to prep you” he says with a smile prompting Taeyong to make a high pitched noise in protest, he opens his legs so Jaehyun can make his way across the mattress.

He throws the bottle of lube and condom at Taeyong who yelps indignantly when the condom hits his arm. 

He offers a non-comical apology, before making his way back to Taeyong, who at the sight of Jaehyun moving closer to him opens his legs just a more tad, letting his bathroom pool at his crotch, reveling his soft tights. 

Like a lost man at sea, desperate to clench his thirst he latches to the plump skin of his thighs, nipping, biting, licking every inch, savoring the needy sounds from above, he licks his way up, closer and closer to the heat between Taeyong’s legs.

“Hand me the lube, yeah?” he says noising Taeyong’s crotch chuckling at the way the older body tenses at the contact. 

He feels the little bottle pressing into his cheek by shaking cool fingers, he grabs it and begins coating his fingers, making it warm to the touch. 

“Lean down okay?” he mouths against the older’s inner thigh. He’s about to move higher again when he feels the tug on his hair, Jaehyun raises his face sending a quizzically look at the man panting above him. 

“Not down…”His fingers tighten around dark strands “side” he manages to say with bated breath.

He stays on his place between Taeyong’s legs dumbly looking up, the older’s fingers still tangled on his locks. 

_Oh, yes. Yes._

He nods so fast he feels a strain on his neck by the way Taeyong’s fingers are still holding tight to his hair.

Taeyong moves as fast as Jaehyun, lying on his side hands on the knot of his robe opening it reveling long planes of unmarked of skin waiting for Jaehyun to leave his mark behind.

He undresses as quickly as he can, the sight of Taeyong presenting himself to him, it’s exhilarating, it’s still too new and he thinks he won’t ever get used to being with Taeyong like this. 

He preps Taeyong thoroughly but fast, it’s not that he doesn’t love the way his fingers feel buried deep inside the older or how Taeyong’s voice turns higher and higher when he began scissoring him, but he needs Taeyong _now_. It’s hard to move from the position they are in, Taeyong’s chest pressed against the covers while his bottom half was tilted to the side trusting in rhythm with him. With each moment he feels the older’s body melt into his so good, so right, he’s going to go crazy if they don't fuck.

Taeyong seems to read his mind because he musters something that sounds like a “please” against the pillows and that’s enough for him to reach for the condom and preparing himself for Taeyong. 

Everything that happens after that is a rush. He enters Taeyong in one trust, letting him re-accustom with his size and length, it’s been not too long but also too long if you'd ask him. Jaehyun lets him bottom out while he leaves a trail of kisses on the slope of his neck, pressing his chest impossibly closer to Taeyong’s back. 

He sets a pace, once Taeyong lets him know he’s ready. He drags all the way out letting just the tip inside of Taeyong, loving the way he whines in protest, wanting to feel completely full, wanting Jaehyun to fill him, hit him repeatedly again and again in that place where he needs him the most. 

But as much as Jaehyun would love to please his lover, he has other plans. Thank God Taeyong’s flexible otherwise this won’t work. He maneuvers Taeyong to lay almost on top of him, still on his side, raising his tight to gain more access he continues to fuck him shallow, wanton, hoping to drive Taeyong as mad as he had felt his past hours. He snakes his other hand behind Taeyong’s back to play with one of his nipples earning a loud grunt for the older. 

He licks the place behind Taeyong’s ear savoring the salty taste of sweat on the older’s skin. Taeyong groans and moans, moving his hand to pump his red cock, on, twice, thrice. His head moves back mouthing, nipping whatever of Jaehyun he can reach.It engulfs all of Jaehyun, he wants to crawl into the warmth of Taeyong and never let go.

It’s scary.

Taeyong digs his heels deep on the mattress, using this leverage to meet each and every of Jaehyun’s trusts. Chanting his name between choked out moans Taeyong shakes painting his whole chest and stomach in white, Jaehyun follows not long after. Taeyong’s legs not longer being able to hold him, slumping on top of him.

They laugh, panting, breathless, spent, still connected. It’s good, this is good. Jaehyun just wished that the bubble of anxiety inside his chest hadn’t returned so quickly. 

Taeyong rolls to his side clearly making a mess on his sheets making him groan about not wanting to sleep dirty and clammy. He continues to whine until Jaehyun carries him to the bathroom for a quick shower.

It’s when they’re finally cuddling under Taeyong’s fresh set of sheets and Jaehyun’s about to doze off due to the hectic day that Taeyong says:

“I was…looking for a suit” 

Looking down at the older with half-lidded eyes, Jaehyun tries to scatter his brain to think what the hells is Taeyong talking about. 

“A suit?” 

“A…friend…no, someone form college it’s getting married and I’m going” Taeyong mumbles, glancing at him nervously. He sounds bemused, each word filled with something that Jaehyun’s cotton brain is trying to pick up but he’s not there yet. “That’s why I was looking for a suit… _that day_ ”

And then it hits him. It’s what he'd been waiting for. And he’s not going to ruin it by making Taeyong feel pressured to talk to him, forcing him into silence. He forces his heart to slow down its erratic beats and trying to keep his face as blank as possible, Jaehyun hums in answer. 

“It’s next week” Taeyong continues dark eyes fixed on his face. 

He nods “You need me….?”

“No” He presses a kiss to Jaehyun’s chin “They…I’m just going for a bit, pay my congratulations and go, it’s nothing important” 

He can’t help himself when he blurts out “Will…will _he_ be there?” 

_Too much for not pressuring him, you fuck face._

There’s a beat of silence before Taeyong answers.

“Yeah” he cranes his neck up, burying his face into Jaehyun’s neck, before adding with a small voice, to small that if Jaehyun’s heart was beating louder he’d missed it “He’s going”

Jaehyun waits and waits for Taeyong to continue, but he never does. Trying not to feel disappointed he presses Taeyong closer to him, a silent plea on his hold, hiding the things he can’t say, he doesn’t have the right to ask for Taeyong. 

He doesn’t know when they’ll get there to be honest. 

He tries to think that at least he knows Taeyong’s going to meet him. At least he knows beforehand.

It’s not enough, but it has to be for now. 

_Just what are we Taeyong?_

It’s the last thought that crosses his mind before falling asleep, feeling himself drifting far away from the man in his arms. 

* * *

“Jaehyun-ah! Hi!”

Taeyong’s voice is quiet, drowning by the cacophony of voices from what must be the wedding hall.

Taeyong had mention a week later, a day before the wedding, that he was nervous. He had let it slip on accident, one of the few times Taeyong had shared something so personal to him. He had his face burrowed in Jaehyun’s neck fighting sleep, Taeyong had stayed over after their dinner date had turned into them ignoring Jaehyun’s homemade meal in favor of fucking in his living room, he was nervous to face all of his ex-classmates, he had said. His voice was so small and tired that Jaehyun had offered to help him get rid of the nerves by message him nonsense until the wedding was over. 

Taeyong had profusely refused, saying that Jaehyun might have better things to do than to distract him all day, but he had insisted. He might and a selfish intent with this, and yeah Jaehyun had to find a way to make it up to Taeyong in a way, but it helped his nerves to know how Taeyong was doing, especially if Young was going to be there, near him. 

They had been texting nonstop, Jaehyun even helped him choose a tie for his suit and had sent a bunch of heart emojis when Taeyong had given in and send him a selfie on his way to the wedding. 

The call had come as a surprise though. He tries not to sound too panicky when he answers. 

“Hyung!” He chirps, plopping on Johnny’s couch, fighting his nerves “Are you okay? How is it going?”

“Yeah, I’m fine…the ceremony just ended, we’re going to the reception right now, we’re getting ready to leave” 

He hums nodding to himself, _he’s fine, he’s fine_ , he shuffles on the couch so he can lay upside down “That’s great Hyung!, you almost done?” 

“I’ll probably be having dinner with them too…same table and all”

He can only imagine how awkward it must be sitting if only for a few hours with people you haven’t seen in years and try to do small talk.

And don’t get him started with Young’s proximity to Taeyong.

The fact that he still doesn’t know where that Young lies within his relationship with Taeyong irks him, like a ghost lurking in the dark of his mind keeping him awake if the dark bags under his eyes help him in anything.

He raises from his position on the couch when he remembers something else “Hey Hyung?” Taeyong hums as an answer “You will be bringing me cake, right?”

“I….” Taeyong scoffs before he chuckles fondly making Jaehyun grin “You’re always thinking about food aren’t you?” 

“When I’m not thinking about you that is”he blurts chuckling at the sound of Taeyong’s choking, clearly embarrassed. This Jaehyun thinks, him teasing and Taeyong’s weak retorts ease him in a sea of tranquility. This is normal, this is them, this, Jaehyun knows how to handle. 

“Was it weird? Meeting all your college friends after a while?” 

“A little…” says Taeyong, his voice is clearer now, maybe he found an empty place where they can talk for a little while.

“Ok, then…make sure you have fun, don’t drink too much okay?” Taeyong huffs indignantly “and then go and take some rest” 

He adds almost as an afterthought, he grips his phone closer to his ear “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll go to your apartment tomorrow morning okay?” It helps the storm on his stomach settle for a little bit “How’s your play date going?” 

“Johnny’s being an ass,” he says in a loud voice, hoping to get a rise out of his friend. He gets a smack at the back of his head for his efforts “He has banned me from playing online” 

“Well yeah, we don’t want another problem like… ”

“It was the kids' fault Hyung! We've talked about this” Jaehyun whines, huffy.

“He was 12 Jae” 

“17! Almost an adult!” Jaehyun refutes pouting. 

“That doesn’t make it any better you competitive ass” shares Johnny, who has now made a place to himself on his couch. Jaehyun glares at him. 

Taeyong’s laughs is melodious even through the static on the phone. Jaehyun’s heart flutters happily. 

“Just…come tomorrow…and bring me the cake!” 

“Yeah…I’ll see you tomorrow” offers Taeyong voice muffled by the sound of other’s voices, other’s guests going to the reception probably.

“With my cake?” Jaehyun presses voice honeyed.

Taeyong huffs, fake annoyance dripping in his words “Yes you big baby”

With one last laugh, he ends the call.

“So” he throws his phone to the sofa trying to hit Johnny with it. He misses “Hyung’s going to stay at dinner too” 

Even if Taeyong told him that Young’s going to be there this time, he can’t help the uneasiness he feels creeping all over his body. His conversation with Taeyong had calmed him slightly but he can’t stop thinking about the other man, he knows he’s making a bigger deal out of this. 

_I’m scared._

He wants to stop feeling like this.

Jaehyun, shaking his head, turns to look at his friend and lets himself smile just a little. 

The sole reason why he had come crawling seeking his comfort was because Johnny always finds the way to make him feel at ease, doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what’s troubling him. And Jaehyun desperately needs to feel at ease right now.

“Hey! so…if I’m not allowed to play, can we please watch a movie? You can even pick the movie, just please not another Transformers one? after the la…” 

“Uhm...we have to talk” Johnny’s voice is low, serious, devoid of his usual humor. It makes Jaehyun raise an eyebrow in concern “I don’t know how to tell you this…”

“What is it?” He feels something cold makes its way down his spine as he finally looks but _really_ looks at Johnny. 

His concerns of Taeyong and Young had consumed all his attention that Jaehyun had failed to see the hard set on Johnny’s shoulders, how he seemed conflicted, lost, how his voice had been hoarse, forced.

He’s nervous.

It’s like a bolt of thunder hits him when Johnny murmurs “Taeyong” 

Jaehyun nods, cautious, feeling his heart travel all the way up to his throat “What about him?” 

“What if he is using you to forget about his ex?” blurts out Johnny, eyebrows drew together, voice ringing through the walls of his living room. 

Jaehyun feels like passing out“Wow, wow, slow down, what’s this about?”

“Some days ago I met Yuta, we were in a cafe, he was waiting for his mother to finish some souvenirs to take back to Japan…then his phone rang” Johnny heaves a deep breath before moving to sit beside Jaehyun on the couch “It was this guy, an upperclassman of us, back in high school. Yuta met him when he was in the school council, they kept in touch after all these years…apparently he does business in Japan so he asks Yuta from time to time advice for his clients” Johnny takes his hand before he continues “He was asking about you on the phone” 

He thinks he knows where this is going, he can feel it deep in his bones, the chill that comes hand in hand with the name of the man that has been plaguing his every waking hour. Still, he feels the need to ask “Why?”

“Does the name Kwon Young ring any bells?” 

Jaehyun's stomach fell to the floor. 

“He said you two were friends, but then why would he ask about you to Yuta if it was true? Besides, you don’t know any upperclassmen, you’ve got no other friends besides us…so I was sure he was lying...so I asked Yuta about it” In the back of his mind he appreciates the way the older’s tracing circles on the back of his hand to calm him down “His father is a CEO of a law buffet. One that my father runs the numbers at.” 

“John…”

“Let me finish” he cuts him gently “I met him Jae, I met with him days ago, at his office, I searched for his information and contacted him saying my dad wanted to have an appointment with him … and we talked” 

“I told him I didn’t want you in the middle of their mess, and he told me, that he was hoping you'll come to your senses and see things clearly. Jaehyun he...he told me that Taeyong was trying to run away from his past, but that this wasn’t the first time he did it either. He told me that this was it was, that...that you are a tool for his escape. And then he told me…”

Every word that comes out of Johnny’s mouth is another punch on his gut. It’s an affirmation of what he has been dreading. The tiny wave of doubt he had managed to tame grew into a tsunami, its unforgiving force drowns Jaehyun without mercy. 

Taeyong’s not here to pull him out and help him breathe.

“He said he…that’s how it was going to be since Taeyong couldn’t be apart from him…”

_I’m scared…_

“That’s not true” 

“You’ve told me…Taeyong goes looking for you right after he meets with Young every time” Johnny’s voice has lost its edge, and the gentler tone he uses right now just makes Jaehyun want to crawl and hide so Johnny can’t look at him like…like “He’s always agitated and sometimes drunk…isn't he?” 

Jaehyun shakes his head, vehemently, feeling Johnny’s words throw their roots in his heart “He’s not like that…Taeyong’ would never do that” 

_What if I’m wrong?_

Johnny sighs deep, soulful. Like he…“The two of them are not over each other” Like he feels sorry for him. 

“They are not over yet” Like Johnny can see Jaehyun drowning and he’s trying his best to help him out but Jaehyun keeps purposely not taking whatever Johnny’s offering. Jaehyun’s a dead man and Johnny’s left watching his friend drift away “Listen to me Jaehyun, they are not over, why do you think he's always this affected when you met him afterward?” 

“I…”

_I can’t answer that._

“Jae...has he ever said to you…Has he ever said something...something to you?” 

He feels his resolve crumble leaving nothing behind. There’s no doubt, not pain, nothing, it’s all the shell of a man so turn up that he’s incapable of moving an inch. There’s some warmth in the embrace that Johnny has engulfing him. But it doesn’t compare with the one that Taeyong’s brings him. 

It’s scarier when it dawns to him that it doesn’t matter what he’s feeling, what he’s thinking, how he’s hurting…it doesn’t matter because, he’s never heard Taeyong tell him how he feels about this, about _him,_ his feelings. 

Not once. 

Ever.

“I have to go”

And that’s fucking scary.

* * *

He doesn’t get a lot of time to wail in his feelings for Taeyong’s inside of his apartment, sitting on his couch, hugging his legs closer to his body. He still is wearing his suit, teal tie discarded across the floor. Taeyong raises his head slowly when he hears Jaehyun’s clothed feet move closer to him. 

“Jaehyun” 

He halts when Taeyong’s eyes catch the light and he sees the red on the edges. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know the whole story, but he can tell that Taeyong has a lot wounds form his past. From the cracks he’s let Jaehyun seen he kind of figured it out. He knows it’ll take time for them to heal. He could help if he knew about it though.

He sits next to the older, putting one hand on his thigh as a form of silent greeting, brain going round and round searching for the best way to talk about this, Johnny’s words, the wedding but he doesn’t get a chance to, not when his lap is full of Taeyong, kissing him with such hunger, kicking all the air from his lungs.

“I thought...you said you were going to be out late” he sighs into the kiss, clearly not having his priorities in order. 

He’s supposed to be talking to Taeyong. The older has other plans though, Taeyong grabs his face preventing him from moving further, he leans forward licking, bitting desperately, coaxing Jaehyun to open his mouth. And how could he not? When he craves Taeyong every day, every night, his voice, his hands, his mouth on his like this, always like this.

It’s when he feels rapid fingers unbuttoning his shirt, undressing him, that the little sense that wasn’t overflowing with Taeyong kicks in and regains the gears. 

“Wait Hyung…” he murmurs between kisses “You seem kind of riled up today” 

“I...wanted to be with you all day” Those shinning lips mouth between pants, his finger’s hovering above the button of his pants, Jaehyun shivers under dark half-lidded eyes “Won’t you let me do whatever I want to do, just today?” 

It’s ridiculous, Jaehyun thinks when he nods and Taeyong leans back slightly and takes out Jaehyun’s cock of his pants, all of this is ridiculous, and yet he’s not doing anything to stop the older, not when Taeyong’s long fingers are gripping his dick, pumping, twisting, his thumb smearing pre-cum all over the tip.

He chants the older’s name over and over again, he doesn’t stop, doesn’t want to stop, he can’t, not when he drinks in the sight of Taeyong’s flushed face, not when he ungracefully moves from his place on his lap and decides to sit between his legs, not when he takes his dick and puts in on his mouth without warning. 

Between the waves of his own pleasure, he sees tears rolling out his face, Jaehyun doesn’t know if it’s because he’s trusting up meeting Taeyong’s movements, slurping sounds echoing in the room, feeding the fire on his belly or it’s because of something else. The dents on Jaehyun's things caused by Taeyong’s nails seem to let him know, it’s the former. 

When he feels the familiar pooling on his stomach he manages to nudge Taeyong, when the older continues with more intent, he moves back, reaching for Taeyong’s chin with his fingers. 

“I don’t want to come in your face” 

Taeyong blinks through the tears, a mix of saliva and pre-cum glistening his lips. Fuck. 

“Okay” Taeyong nods, looking around, he looks at the bedroom door before turning again to Jaehyun “Do it inside of me”

“What?…Taeyong…” 

There’s a plea when Taeyong calls his name. Taeyong must know that he’s the scorching sun, the powerful wind, the deep blue sea and Jaehyun’s nothing but a man. A weak, weak man.

Once they are on silk sheets Taeyong doesn’t wait and just guides his cock to his entrance, he’s in such a hurry he doesn’t take off his pants, letting them pool them at his thighs, he doesn’t listen to his loud reproaches, his “Hyung...you’re going to get hurt…” , Taeyong just gives him one long look before sinking his cock into him, dry, without any propping, a flash of discomfort crosses his face before he’s bouncing up and down, eyes closed.

He's panting, slapping Taeyong tights to slow him down, but Taeyong doesn’t relent, he just keeps fucking himself, desperately trying to find release.

“Taeyong you’ll hurt yourself” he groans when Taeyong changes the angle by bracing himself on his knees “Fuck you’re too tight” 

“Feels good” Taeyong mumbles, tears still on his eyes, rolling in his face. Something heavy joins the wave of pleasure on his stomach“This feels so good” 

He trusts harder, Taeyong flinches pressing his head closer to his neck tracing its lines with his tongue.

“Go harder” Jaehyun grunts in response, gripping his waist, helping him bounce on his cock “That feels good fuck” 

He places a tender kiss on his jaw, a big contrast to the way his fingers dig on Taeyong’s clothed waist. He feels cool fingers on his chin again, demanding his attention on him again. He manages to see something almost tender on those clouded eyes before Taeyong’s coming all over their stomachs. With another kiss on his lips, Jaehyun comes inside of Taeyong. They stay like, looking at each other, breathing in each other space, Taeyong leaves another kiss, almost a shy one. 

“Hyung…we didn’t use protection” Jaehyun breathes against Taeyong’s mouth. 

“I don’t care it’s fine...I wanted to do this”

Feeling his face heat up Jaehyun nods patting the older’s waist “Go and wash first, I’ll get you some clothes” 

“Jaehyun...Do you want to go in with me?” 

How's he going to say no to those pretty eyes? They fuck again, of course, they do. But unlike other times where Jaehyun makes him face him, this time he presses Taeyong’s face to the cold tiles, unable to see his face. 

He feels so fucking pathetic. 

How can he keep letting this happen over and over again? He keeps letting Taeyong come to him like he’s starving…What kind of voice is he trying to fill by desperately asking for sex?

Is Jaehyun even enough to fill that void for him?

The more he knows the less he understands, why does he feels like Taeyong’s drifting further away from Jaehyun? They are together right now, connected, but, why does he feels so lonely? He’s holding the person he loves…so why does he feels so uneasy?

He doesn’t even finish this time. And it’s not for the lack of trying. 

Taeyong rests his face against the tiles while Jaehyun helps him clean himself. His big eyes are closing due to his exhaustion, grabs hands trying to press Jaehyun closer to him, urging him to sleep for now. 

Jaehyun’s always been so powerless when it comes to the older, so he just helps him move to the bedroom in silence, he quietly dries his blonde locks and lets himself be cradled by Taeyong until he feels the secure grip of the older turns weaker and weaker. 

He makes sure the older’s deep asleep before he drags his sore body out of Taeyong’s grasp and off his bed. He picks up his jacket from the floor, checks for his cellphone and as quiet as he can, he exits Taeyong’s apartment and makes his way up to the rooftop of the complex.

Despite the hour, Johnny answers at the second ring. 

“Hey...about that thing we talked about…I’ve been thinking about it and I get what you’re worried about” He whispers, even if he knows it’s impossible that Taeyong can hear him all the way up here, he keeps his voice low, quiet because he feels that if he raises it, it somehow will shatter the fragile hope that’s been clinging to him since his talk with Taeyong “But...I don’t think I can do anything about this…I can’t…end it this that easily Johnny” 

Johnny’s gruff voice calls his name before he continues. 

“I know, I know…I know you’re more experienced in this” He tries to joke but even to him it sounds sad “and I know you are usually right about these things…But still let me believe in us just a little longer, please?” 

He hears Johnny sigh, he’s always been the more upfront of the both of them, it’s been something he'd always admired of his friend. They’ve known each other for years and he knows what Johnny’s thinking, and he knows he might be right. 

Jaehyun just wishes he is this time. Just this once. 

“I want to hear it from him John” he continues, pleading. And even he doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince Johnny or himself “About his relationship with _that_ _man_ and how he feels about me” 

He can’t stop the self-deprecating laugh that bubbles in his chest “Perhaps I’ve come too far...to leave this…to to leave him on just a hunch. I deserve to know. If it’s true, I deserve to hear it from him” 

The silence on the other line it’s not comforting. He knows Johnny’s dying to scold him, to hit him, to scream at him _,_ how it’s pretty clear what’s happening, how Jaehyun is perhaps the last to know, to catch up. 

How pathetic, he’s acting. And all because of a man that just doesn’t seem to care about him enough to tell him the truth. 

“I’m not gonna tell you what you can or can’t do” The older says softly “Just do whatever you think it’s the best for you Jae, okay?” 

He grunts in response, too tired to say anything else. 

They stay like that for a while, letting the white noise of the few cars outside Johnny’s apartment and the rustle of the trees fill in the silence for them. 

He doesn’t know how long it passes before manages to call out the other’s name in the same small voice than before. 

“Yeah?” 

“What if you’re right?… What should I do then?” 

Jaehyun’s heart breaks somehow more when Johnny doesn’t answer. 

* * *

“Jaehyun-ah…I’m still supervising today’s study hour, also the kids and I are talking about the Student Council’s Summer camp…so I think I’ll be a little late” comes Taeyong muffled voice by the noise of his classroom, Jaehyun can hear fucking Donghyuck shouting something about him. 

That kid.

“Okay, do you want to meet tomorrow or do you want me to help you?”

He really hopes they don’t though. He’s finally decided to fucking talk to Taeyong, once and for all. He doesn’t know what came up to him. Maybe it was all his paranoia…Johnny’s too. 

There’s nothing to worry about, he convinces himself, at least not at the moment. They are still the same, _he’s_ still the same Taeyong. Warm and lovable Taeyong.

And because he’s Taeyong, they talk. They have to, or else Jaehyun’s going to explode and it’s not going to be pretty. He needs to talk to Taeyong, hear everything from him, stop asking stories and then feeding them to his insecurities he needs Taeyong. 

If he wants this to last, he needs to talk to Taeyong. 

“No, why don’t you go to my place?” you know the pin, just go there” Jaehyun hums walking to the entrance of the school, he hears a wolf whistle followed by Hyuck’s hyena laugh “Just go there, I’ll see you in a few” 

“Okay, I’ll see in a bit”

“I’ll bring you some food” Taeyong sing-songs 

“Can’t wait” says chuckling Jaehyun “Bring me tripe, yeah?”

Taeyong crackles on the other side that horrible laughter that makes Jaehyun's heart flutter before he hangs up.

He looks down at the hour and decides to go straight to Taeyong’s place, there’s no need to go back to his apartment and then go back, he might as well catch with some sleep. 

“Looks like you’re doing well with Taeyong, Jung Jaehyun” 

Well, it’s been a while since life decided to fuck with Jaehyun.

“Are you here waiting for Taeyong?” 

“Ease there kid, I’m not here for that” Comes Young’s gravely voice. He’s standing behind his car like last time, and exactly like last time, there’s this glint on his eyes that it’d make Jaehyun squirm if he was someone else.

No, fuck him.

“Don’t call me that” He warns stepping closer to the older man. Young has the audacity to chuckle. 

Seriously, fuck this guy.

“I’m actually here to see you” Jaehyun snorts, raising his eyebrow “How about we go for a ride? I think you are free right now, aren’t you?” 

“Why would I go anywhere with you?” The corner of Young’s lips move upwards, amused. Jaehyun’s never wanted to hit someone as he wants to hit Young, he wonders how many punches he can get him before raising that mocking smile off his face. 

Think of Taeyong. 

He gives the older a curt nod, before walking past him without any other word.

“I thought maybe you had some questions about Taeyong and I” 

Jaehyun halts on his steps before turning slowly to meet dead dark eyes. It’s not one of his proudest moments. It’s awkward, particular and terrifying, there are so many reasons why he shouldn’t accept and yet not enough for him to say no. 

He climbs Young’s car in silence gazing at the blinding lights outside of his tinted window. There’s a lot of things he wants to say, thoughts all over the place, begging to spill out at any minute. 

“I heard you met John” He doesn’t know why it’s this particular one that wins above all of them.

“Well, news travel fast” comes the voice from beside him. He’s driving aimlessly, one hand on the steering wheel the other resting on by the window too relaxed, too at ease. 

Jaehyun hates it.

“If I know you’re talking to him and trying to mess up with him I’ll end you” he sneers before dragging his eyes back to the window and it’s blurry night lights.

“What did I do?” 

“Don’t act stupid with me” Jaehyun says, face tight, he turns he head and looks back at Young’s face, he can’t stand to see his reflection at the moment ”I know what you’re doing to Taeyong”

“And what am I doing to Taeyong?” he says a little to light for Jaehyun’s liking. He frowns displeased at the way Young’s lips curl when they say Taeyong’s name. Too light, too at ease. Not a once of care or love. 

“You’re hurting him” 

“With?” 

“I think you know” 

“Humor me” Young wheedles, stoping the car on a stop sign.

“I don’t know how much you hurt him. But what I know is that he doesn’t care about his past anymore and I...I want to be his future if possible” 

He remains quiet for what feels a long time, dark eyes studying him for a bit, he offers Jaehyun a wry smile “If that’s your goal you don’t sound very confident, you should think about the meaning behind words Jaehyun, someone who doesn’t cling to the past wouldn’t say that. They just don’t talk about it”

Jaehyun feels a heavy feeling on his chest, threatening to crush him. There’s something vile flowing through his veins and it only grows the more he looks at those eyes. 

“I know what you want for your _relationship_ if I can call your little rendezvous that, to last, but I’m just here to tell you to drop it, I know Taeyong like the back of my hand and right now he is a little lost” Young’s face is blithe, still looking at Jaehyun with cold, emotionless eyes, unblinking, as if he’s afraid he’s going to miss Jaehyun’s reaction to all he’s saying “I’m the one who made the Taeyong that you like, so, naturally, I’m the only one who can give him comfort, the only one who can help him”

“What do you want Young?” 

“I just want my lover back” Young answers, as if he’s talking about the weather “He is helpless without me”

“This is useless” 

There’s the loud sound of a car honking, but neither of them pays attention to anything. 

“You should get over this little crush quick, Taeyong’s doesn’t even know his own feelings, how can you put all your expectations on someone who doesn’t even know his own feelings? when you don’t even know what he’s feeling, what he’s thinking…has he even tell you that?”

_"You can do whatever you want"_

“Whatever you like about him, whatever reason has made you fall in love with him, drop it. Taeyong’s whole personality, Taeyong as a whole is because of me…You look like a nice man but, it’s not the first time this happened, stop trying to buy yourself some time” 

_No_

“Seo said you were a bright man” He continues, eyes boring into his and he can’t do it anymore, he can’t keep listening to him, to _this_ nonsense “But I know I’m right. After all, I’ve known him all his life, you’ve known him what, 5 months 6? I know what he’s thinking, feeling and right now you’re there but not in the way you want to be” 

Oh, how deeply his hatred for this man is, how unmeasured, untamed, how it every word that he utters is cutting deeply into Jaehyun even if he knows he shouldn’t. 

“If that’s the case I’ll hear the answer to that myself” 

He feels how his chest is crushed by Young’s words and sardonic smile and there’s nothing he can do to defend himself.

“Very well, you go do that” 

“Will do” 

Because even if Jaehyun loves Taeyong. He’s not blind.

“What a good boy” 

_What a good boy_

He knows, deep inside that, maybe he’s not telling the whole truth, but Young’s not lying. 

There’s a hole where his heart should be, he realizes, when he storms out of the car without looking back. 

* * *

He doesn’t like this feeling. 

He didn’t want to find out this way.

How can he be so blind? So stupid? So…

The things that didn’t mean anything before suddenly are put in a different light. He looks around the white walls, the lack of wartime and wonders just how much about Young is in this place. How much of Young, Taeyong hides in every single corner of this place, on ever-single breath, quirk.

Ah, there it is, the white counter. And he hasn’t thrown it out. Of course, how could he? Maybe Taeyong agonized what to do with it but decided to keep it when he realizing he couldn’t throw it out. 

Because it’s from Young. 

His quirks, his pout, his looks, all of the expressions that Jaehyun loves…He wonders if they were all made by Young over time, like this place. Even though he tried to get rid of all of them, he ended up using them all, he ended treasuring them, as a part of himself. 

How can he treasure all of this from someone who hurts him time and time again? How can he go back to him?

Maybe because Taeyong’s still in l…

“Ah, Jaehyun-ah! You’re early…Why didn’t you turn on the lights?” Taeyong melodious voice calls from him from the entrance “I brought you tripe! From that place you love!” Jaehyun hears the rustle of some plastic bags being put on the kitchen bar “The news said the rainy season starts tomorrow, but I already heard thunder, did you heart it? I think it’s going to start pouring soon.” 

He needs to know.

“Hyung”

“Oh and I thought about the location for the camp…”

He needs to know, he needs to know, he needs to know. 

“Taeyong”

“I think the beach…”

“Taeyong!” it rips from his chest, raw, hurt. Taeyong’s shoulder’s raise in surprise. He doesn’t stop himself from continuing, he can’t even if he wanted “What are we?” 

“What?” Taeyong’s eyes are wide and dark filled with genuine confusion “Are you okay? What are…” 

Ah, he doesn’t know.

And it only makes all the emotions inside Jaehyun turn into one and only one.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say what you think about me...what you like about me” He manages through clenched teeth “What we are” 

His voice is benevolent, kind as always, the set in his shoulders relaxes a bit, there’s a tentative smile tugging at his lips “Well…I think you’re a good teacher...you make others comfortable, you’re great with the kids and…”

“You know that’s not what I meant” he cuts him. Something begins to grow inside of him, withering, acute. It’s violent, scorching, licking into his skin, burning him. He repeats, bristling “I’m asking you what _am I to you?_ ”

“Oh” Taeyong fidgets with his fingers, eyes desperate like he is trying to think of something to say, to placate him. 

Jaehyun can’t look at him right now, u nhappy lines on his face etch deep. It’s like someone ripped out his heart leaving an angry itch behind his ribs. 

_You wanted to know, right?_

“Is that...really such a difficult question?” He can’t recognize his voice for it sounds so broken, detached.  He can feel his eyes well up. 

“Jae…” 

“Let me guess...I’m too, just a friend? I’m just someone you know?” 

The worst thing is, that  Taeyong doesn’t say anything, only a blank, emotionless expression swept over his face as the realization of the moment gradually seeped in.

“Funny thing...I met your ex just now” The only change of expression in Taeyong is the widening of his black eyes “Tell me, am I just some, some fool that you are using to forget about him?” Taeyong looks blurry in front of him, but he sees him move from across the room, closer to him “and for what I hear, I’m not the first” 

He closes his eyes hard, trying to not letting his tears fall. No in front of Taeyong, not right now. When he opens them, Taeyong is there with his hand midair…he looks so, so guilty.

His voice is so small, almost inaudible “You’re still in love with him?” 

Taeyong opens his mouth, but no words come out. Jaehyun’s heart breaks more. 

“Were you just humoring me?” 

_There’s your answer._

His chest shakes, a humorless laugh leaves his lips, he thinks he sees something flash on Taeyong’s eyes but it doesn’t matter anymore “Do you care so little that you can’t say anything? After all of this….”

Taeyong frame becomes smaller, and smaller with each word. But he still doesn’t say a word.

Jaehyun’s done.

“Fuck…I can do whatever I want right? Well, stop trying to please me, I told you this doesn’t work like that! You love him? Fine! Go to him, be with him! You wanna meet him? Fine! Do it! You just want to have sex with me to forget about him? Fine! Just say what you want and stop!” he says vexed, words coming like an avalanche with such a force so hard it shakes Jaehyun to his core“Stop trying to make me believe that there’s something more where there isn’t because you can’t move on” 

“Tell me what you want, so we can both be on the same page for once” 

The light of thunder lights up Taeyong’s face, the rain traces beautiful patterns on his skin. It’s such a beautiful sight.

He lets the sound of the rain hitting the windows be the only sound between them. How sad, that this is were they at now, how Jaehyun crashed and burned so fast while Taeyong just stood there, watching him burn. 

How sad is to think he ever had something with this beautiful man, but still he’d lost him.

Taeyong’s voice is low, small but it feels as loud as thunder “Please” 

“I...I don’t think I can look at you right now” 

He tries again, louder this time, he calls his name, it rings in his ears, it’s too loud. Taeyong’s eyes search for his as if to bring him near. How sad, how hard he had searched for Taeyong, to understand Taeyong, but now that he does, it’s just sad.

He shakes his head, dejected, choking on his lost heart “I need to leave” 

He should have known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy #kickit1stwin you guys! 
> 
> all i have to say is that this took more time that i anticipated cause turns out i can’t fucking write angst so this took me longer lmao i AM my worst enemy. 
> 
> couple of notes:  
> -i wrote the pool scene not knowing that Jh said that he used to go to the Han River when he was a student bc watching the river/sea relaxed him and i’m just…  
> \- I read a lot of Neruda angsty poems for this  
> -When i was writing the “Who was that man?” all i could think was the video of cat bug screaming “WHO IS THIS MAN?” at that potato named rebeca.i laughed more than i should bc of that  
> \- ngl it broke my heart a little when jh referred ty as his lover.  
> -Don’t worry, once you hit rock bottom , you can’t go anywhere but up.  
> -It has to be like this so it can get better for both of them, esp Taeyong bc like Rupaul says “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?”  
> \- Also communicating is the key in relationships  
> \- Next chapter should be up soon????????? i hope?????
> 
> Stay safe, drink lots of water, wash your hands. 
> 
> Thank you for your comments they feed me and my dogs


	12. Interlude V

_Follow him._

_He’s going away._

_Follow him._

_Move, Taeyong, move._

But he doesn’t. He stays rooted in his place watching helplessly the door where Jaehyun had just stormed out, hunched over and with a sense of pain and regret so powerful he might as well be dead. 

He tries again, but he can’t seem to move an inch. Nothing. 

How can this be? 

How’s possible that Taeyong’s incapable of forming a single sentence to convey what Jaehyun is to him? 

How is it possible?

Why did they visit each other every day, even giving Jaehyun his passcode for his place? Why did they go to dates, act as lovers, sleep together? 

Why did he went to Jaehyun when he’s frustrated, nervous? Why did he run directly to Jaehyun when Young hurt him? Why did he had sex with him when Young hurt him? 

_ Why did you not tell him about Young when he asked you to? _

_ There’s nothing there, so why did he hesitate? _ ****

_ Did you seriously think everything would be alright just because he adores you?  _

_ That he would not ask, doubt just because he likes you? _

_ Did you think he would stay with you no matter what? Not bothered that you came home drunk, crying about a man that doesn’t give two shits about you, that you don’t even love but still you let him get you so bad that all you could do was take and take from someone who only wanted to give you what you asked for?  _

There’s no doubt, Taeyong used him. Maybe not in the way Jaehyun thinks but he did. 

He took and took and took.

_How can you be so selfish?_

_Go_

It’s pouring outside. 

_ You have to stop him.  _

_You have to stop him and tell him it’s all your fault._

_ You have to stop him and tell him… _

Tell him what? 

_What do you feel about him? How do you feel about him?_

_ You can’t be selfish and hurt him.  _

_ You are no Young.  _

_“Oh Taeyong, I told you, you’re not a very good liar”_

Perhaps it’s for the best, if they….Perhaps it’s for the best if he let’s….

When he finally manages to move Jaehyun's already gone.

* * *

He couldn’t sleep all night, every time he would close his eyes all he could see was Jaehyun’s glistening almond one’s, those eyes were not made to be filled with tears. 

And it’s all of Taeyong’s fault. 

It hurts. 

He stays in his bed turning left and right, replaying every single moment with the younger, mind fulled of things he wants to say but doesn’t know how, that was the worst part, the regret. 

There’s a moment deep into the night when he finally manages to sleep a bit, but he jolts awake a minute later by the ache on his chest when he’d raise his hand to hold Jaehyun close in his dream but he’d come with nothing, as if the younger was made of stardust, so beautiful but so far for someone like him to reach. 

Groggily he drags his body out of the bed and decides to get ready to school. He’s grabbing his backpack when he spots Jaehyun’s discarded bag on the floor near Young’s white counter. 

He feels his eyes well up. Thankfully it’s still raining, Taeyong prays it’s enough to disguise the tear trails on his face. He moves his umbrella down when he begins to shiver from the cold. 

Everything else happens in a blur, as Taeyong makes his way mindlessly through the school entrance when a pair of clammy hands grab his forearm. 

“Mr. Lee!” smiles Jaemin from under an umbrella, dark hair plastered on his forehead “It’s really coming down, huh?”

“Yes it is”offers Taeyong, forcing himself to smile back, hand patting Mark’s who’s still grabbing him as they walk together to the school “Why are you all soaked?” 

“Jeno kept walking fast, he didn’t waited for us” says Mark shoving Jeno lightly to the side with his free hand, causing him to move the umbrella to the side, big droplets going on the already drenched Jaemin. 

“Mark kept squirming when one of us moved too close” chides Jeno unfazed by Jaemin’s nagging about his wet uniform "So now the three of us are wet” 

“It’s all your fault Mark, why didn’t you bring a bigger umbrella?” whines Jaemin an annoying look clouding his big eyes.

“At least I brought one!” says Mark offended “Next time you all save yourselves then!” 

“Anyway” cuts Jeno looking at Taeyong’s shoulder “Mr. Lee, isn’t that Mr. Jung’s bag?” 

“Yeah, he…uh…forgot it”

A lot of things happen at that moment, Mark relaces his grip on Taeyong to pat his shoulder in what Taeyong can only describe as a resigned gesture, Jeno smiles so gentle it makes Taeyong avoid his warm gaze, he turns to Jaemin but it’s worse, there’s a smile so big on his face it looks like it’s going to split his face in half. 

“Ah! Are you openly dating now?” chirps Jaemin smile somehow getting bigger, Taeyong suppresses a shiver, teenagers are scary “Hyuck’s gonna have a blast with this” 

“What?” 

Mark frowns confused before looking back at Taeyong “You two are really obvious” he says sounding as if Taeyong just asked the most stupid question in the world. 

_Maybe he did._

“It’s fine Mr Lee” mutterss Jeno shyly ”We’ll keep it a secret, our lips are sealed” 

“Hyuck’s on the other hand” 

“Yeah, we can’t really promise anything with him” nods Jaemin before he turns to look at Taeyong excitedly “Maybe if you guys bribe him?” 

Even they think that they were dating...of course, they would think that. 

Jaehyun was always with him, defending him, waiting for him.

_Oh Jaehyun._

He halts on his steps as he arrives at the teacher's office after having left the kids on the first floor. 

His back is turned to him, white shirt lining to his board frame, Taeyong's heart lurches when he notices the way his shoulders are downcast, head hung low, there’s no trace of the confident air Jaehyun always has. 

“Hi” 

“Hello” comes Jaehyun’s deep voice as he's turning from his place to look at him, almond eyes boring into his, Taeyong almost flees out of the room “I submitted the report for the student council activities for last week, so you don’t need to do it” 

“Thank you” Taeyong says hesitant. There’s a hint of purple peeking through the pale skin under his eyes. 

“I’ll take it to the council room” 

“Uh…Jaehyun-ah” he grips the handle of Jaehyun’s black bag tighter, he brings it closer to his body “Your bag….you forgot it so I…” 

“Right, could you leave it on my desk?” There’s a flash of something on those dark eyes. 

He hates this.

“Yeah”

“Thank you” 

Once he’s out of the office Taeyong recognize what it is. 

Cold. 

Jaehyun’s never felt cold before. 

* * *

“So the camp will be at the beach?” asks Rejun looking from the list of options for their summer camps with an eyebrow raised. 

“It’s one possibility”  nods Taeyong passing the list to Donghyuck and Jeno  “Tell me if there’s anywhere else you want to go” 

“Not really,” says Jaemin not bothering to look up at the list “Mr. Jung will complain if we try to suggest a place other than what you chose, I’m fine with the beach” 

“Peaches is always on your side Mr. Lee” whines Donghyuck doodling on the corner of the list “That’s the rule of the student council” 

They hear the high pitched sound of laugher followed by Jaehyun’s deep voice coming from the corridor. He can almost picture it, handsome face scrunched up, pretty eyes turning into crescents as his whole body shakes up with laughter. 

He’s so enthralled with the sound of his voice that he doesn’t watch his step and falls down, sending papers flying all over the room. 

The room erupts with high pitched voices filled with concern. It must be too loud because the next second there’s three sets of legs near the door while Taeyong stays rooted in his place on the floor. 

He feels the tug on his arm urging him to stand up “Let me help you” 

“Wah our Mark, what a hunk!” 

“It’s okay Mark” he mutters, he feels the burn of Jaehyun’s gaze on the side of his face, Taeyong hopes the warmth he feels on his cheeks is not a blush.

“Mr. Lee are you okay?” asks Park Jisung from his place at the door behind Jaehyun’s tall frame. He nods raising his hand to dismiss the concern marrying his face. 

He avoids looking to his left, afraid to meet those almond eyes.

“Come on” 

“Where?”

“Weren’t you guys begging for coffee right now?” 

“Coffee let’s go!” parrots Zhong Chenle excitedly letting himself be dragged by Jaehyun from the room without another word. 

After all of these years…

“Are you really okay Mr. Lee?

This is just like how it was back then.

“Yeah I’m right” 

All he did was watching him walk away.

“You seem kind of off today. Did something happen?” pries Rejun eyes trained on the door where Jaehyun was just seconds ago. 

“No” 

_I was always like this._

* * *

_Why did you not tell him about Young when he asked you?_

“Hey” 

He feels a sharp pain on his finger, red droplets pooling by the little cut he manages to give himself without noticing.Slowly, very slowly, he raises his eyes meeting a pool of dark brown watching him attentively. 

Ah! Fuck

“Sorry, what is it?” 

“I’m going to submit the budget again for the camp” repeats Jaehyun calmly “Here look at this” 

“What happened to the other one?” 

“Rejected, it was too costly” replies the younger, eyes drawn back to the budget in his hands “We’ll take the bus so transportation is fine but lodging put us over budget. The camp is during the peak holiday season so…"

Earthy, he has always smelled like a bunch of flowers after the rain, a hint of saltiness like when the ocean breeze hits your face. He let’s himself be selfish again, letting his eyes trail down the smooth skin of Jaehyun’s face, the slope of his nose, the curve of his lips. Even if only they’ve been talking about work in the past few days, Taeyong grips it’s tight, desperately, because it’s only what he was at the moment. After that day, Jaehyun has avoided being alone with Taeyong, so he hasn’t had a chance to be with him like this, bask into his presence, let the deep voice of Jaehyun carry him into that place where nothing can touch him, where he’s safe. 

But now, he feels so far away, so far Taeyong doesn’t think he can reach him again. 

And it scares him.

“Are you listening?” 

“Sorry?”

“You and I will have to share a room” He repeats, dark eyes moving all across his face down to his hands, they stay trained a tach too long on his wounded finger “We’ll have to cut the number of student rooms too. They’ll complain since more people will have to share a room but…” 

“I think you can submit the budget” Jaehyun turns in his chair rummaging through his drawers looking for something“I’m sorry for making you do it twice” 

“You don’t need to apologize to me” Taeyong raises his head when a patch of white comes into his vision. A band-aid. “But you should pay more attention. You keep falling over and getting hurt” he chastises lightly, low voice making its way deep into Taeyong’s bones “You remember how to put it the right way, yes? If you need more look in my desk, I brought them for Hyung” 

He is so kind still, after all, he is still kind to Taeyong. 

_I don’t deserve it._

* * *

He feels him again, too real, his touch too hot it’s impossible he’s not there with him, his fingers grazing his stomach, a trail of kisses down his neck, his gravely voice on his ear.

“You’re not brave enough to apologize yet...here you are, dreaming about me fucking you” His hands graze Taeyong’s tights, burning up every inch they touch, he feels himself arch into every press of gentle fingers ”I know you want to cling to me and ask me to grope you and have sex with you...after all, that’s all what I'm to you aren’t I?” 

Jaehyun trails the muscles of his neck with his tongue, managing to leave a trail of goosebumps on his wake.

“You’re so mean” mutters Jaehyun against his jaw, voice abrasive, fingers turning little too forceful against his skin “You wouldn’t care if it was me or not” 

_That’s not true_

“I’m very hurt” continues Jaehyun, leisuring stroking Taeyong’s aching cock “I hope you know that” 

“I’m sorry” he manages to choke between moans, hands fisting against Jaehyun’s dark locks, bringing his face closer, trying to fill his lungs with his scent, with his light, with everything Jaehyun’s willing to offer “Please forgive me”

There’s a beat of silence, only the heavy breathing of the both of them before Jaehyun mumbles gravelly against his ear“Why should I?” 

He jolts awake, drenched in sweat, heart racing, fighting its way out of his chest. Though his frizzy mind, he still feels the tingle of Jaehyun’s fingers lingering against his skin. 

It had felt so real. 

He’s hit with the now-familiar wave of shame, when he remembers Jaehyun’s words about apologies, it hits him with full force leaving him breathless when he feels the tightness of his sleep pants.

He is disgusted with himself.

* * *

Things don’t get better. 

He didn’t expect them to be.

“Here are the print outs of the camp schedule” Taeyong utters, passing the schedule down the table to the council “We’ll meet at the front gate at 7am this Friday” He let’s out a laugh at the collective groan from his students.

“Make sure to give this to the other council members” He says still chuckling handing Jaemin the remaining schedules. 

“Let’s just leave them” bites Rejun, golden eyes roaming through the schedule “If they cared they’d be here”

“Injun-ah” sighs Jaemin batting his eyelashes at his friend. Jeno snickers from behind his schedule “Aren’t we nice for being here?” 

“No, you have to be here, you’re the president” 

“Is Mr. Jung coming?” Donghyuck asks shiny eyes fixed on him, making Taeyong clear his throat uncomfortably. 

Right.

“Yeah, he doesn’t come here anymore” adds Rejun shrugging before Jeno continues “And when we see him, he always seems to be in a bad mood” 

“He has a lot of work to take care of before summer break. And he’s been doing all the paperwork for the council. He’ll be joining us on the summer camp, don’t worry” 

“Work?” scoffs Mark, rolling his eyes at the whole thing before smiling sheepishly at Taeyong for his rudeness“We saw Mr. Jung at Everline station a few days ago”

“That’s right, that’s right!” claps excitedly Jaemin dragging his chair closer to the center of the table, he continues in a confidential whisper “He was with a woman” 

“Mr. Jung with a woman?” spats Jeno like the whole idea it’s too much for him to get it.

The hole on Taeyong’s stomach agrees with the younger.

“His sister” smiles Jaemin nodding to himself.

“No dumbass, he’s an only child” corrects Donghyuck rolling his eyes. 

“And how would you know that?” 

Donghyuck winks before turning to Mark urging him to continue with his story.

“She was really pretty…” Mark licks his lips nervously before letting his eyes move anywhere near Taeyong. And before he says anything, Taeyong _knows_ “It looked like a date” 

“A woman?” repeats Jeno again, dumbfounded  “I thought he was dating Mr. Lee?”

“He is?!” shrieks Donghyuck exhilarated, moving his body across the table in excitement.

“I...I told you that’s not true” He manages to grunt, face tight “We’re just friends...just...stop it please” The papers on his hands tremble when he hears the echo of Jaehyun’s voice from that night, so long ago “Please” 

When his mind catches up to him, he finds himself on the floor of the supply closet behind the bleachers. 

_Their supply closet_ provides the traitorous voice in his head.

_ Why did you not tell him about Young when he asked you? _ ****

_ You could have stopped this. You could’ve been with him right now if you did.  _

Forget about it. Who he meets is none of your business. 

What right do I have to tell him who he can meet? 

God, he’s a mess.

“What are you doing there like that? Are you hurt?” 

_We’re not even dating, we never were. I don’t have any right to interfere in his business._

_ So why  _

“Jaehyun-ah” he calls turning slightly from his place down the floor to meet warm, concerned eyes.

_I feel so fucking jealous?_

“Are you seeing someone else?”

Jaehyun’s voice is low, face stolid as he addresses Taeyong “What?”

”Is that what you mean by not wanting me to see me…?” 

Jaehyun remains impassive, eyes flashing with something akin to hurt. He knows he fucked up when Jaehyun’s voice is void of any emotion when he addressees him.

“I don’t see how’s that a problem when you’d been seen that guy the whole…”

“That’s not true! “ he yells, voice booming the louder he has ever did in his life “We’re not like that! We’re just...friends...” 

“And you want me to believe that?” 

“You are not hearing me out! I’m doing my best here and perhaps this isn’t enough for you! But I’m trying okay? I’m trying to- to detach myself from _him_ Jaehyun! It’s not easy, going against him....I’m trying not going back to…you have to believe me”

“Taeyong” Sighs Jaehyun, eyes sadder than before “Are you listening to yourself? You’re not talking about trying to do better for yourself…Don’t you see it? You’re always thinking about him, talking about him, doing things just so you can go against him, not because they are the best for you, you have to think what’s best for you!”He can see Jaehyun deflate, shoulders sagging and his eyes turn into that blurry gaze he had that day, many nights ago  "You keep saying you don’t want to go back? Then why do you run when he calls you? Why are you trying to convince me that you’re trying, when this isn’t about me Taeyong. This is about you, not about Young or me, you. You’re still clinging to him and you don’t want to let him go” 

“Jae…”

“Please don’t feel bad about me, I understand, I’m glad I could help you”

“I went to a blind date” Jaehyun whispers, one hand on the handle of the door “She’s a good person, too good for me, perhaps” 

_Why did you not tell him about Young when he asked you?_ ****

Because it’s not Young who’s the problem. 

He is. 

Because Young’s made him like this, an empty shell of a man that can’t seem to know how to live if it’s not someone living for them. He’s a man that’s afraid of himself, a man that hasn’t look at himself in the mirror for some years because he can’t recognize who’s staring back at him. He’s a man that doesn’t like himself and in turn, likes what other people see in him, thing’s that he doesn’t, can’t see himself. 

But what can he do? After all, there’s no other way he knows but this. That’s what he learned. That’s what he’s accustomed to. And Jaehyun doesn’t deserve that.

But still, Jaehyun tried... Jaehyun, who knows Taeyong loves to eat sweets at all the times of the day, Jaehyun who doesn’t pressure him to talk more, who doesn’t mind that he sometimes makes whining noises when they are alone, Jaehyun who laughs when he’s flustered, but not in a mean way, but in a way, his dimples pop out, a dust of pink covering his skin. Jaehyun, who’s gentle and warm and tends to his wounds even if it’s something small like a paper cut, who keeps watching for him even when he’s mad. 

Jaehyun, who makes Taeyong want to try and be, and do better. 

Because the younger deserves better. 

Because Taeyong did too, deserved better. 

Jaehyun, who doesn’t deserve to feel like he was a half of something like he was just a quick fix for Taeyong’s messed up life. Because he’s not. Jaehyun’s not half.

Jaehyun, who’s all that Taeyong can think about and yet he’s unable to do anything else but stare, to long for him, because he can’t seem to let him go even if he wanted to, even if he feels he’s that maybe he’s not enough for the younger, but still wants to be with him. 

Because maybe he’s not enough, and he’s not good at the moment, but he will be. And not only because of Jaehyun but because Taeyong deserves it.

He deserves to love and…

_ Oh _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- oh indeed  
> \- Everline station takes you to, you’ve guessed it Everland the amusement park  
> \- This chapter is a mess because Taeyong himself is a mess, so since we are looking at things from his POV it’s the only way we can actually see what he’s going through. his inner breakdown was inspired by my own emotional breakdowns lmao  
> \- The insp for Taeyong in this au it’s the quote “I’m figuring out which parts of my personality are mine, and which ones I created to please you” also some interviews where Ty has talked about himself and his growth as a person which i am so proud of. We’ll get to see a more grown-up and secure Taeyong in the future.  
> \- The “Hunched over…” is from the book “Pink Lips by Andre D. Jones. I’ve never read it, but i found it when i was searching for ways to describe grief and loss. I think it’s so powerful. The real quote goes: “She sat silently, hunched over and with a sense of loss so powerful that her muscles wouldn’t respond to command”  
> -Ahhh i missed writing the dreamies so much, i love them all #DreamFixedUnit  
> \- Jaehyun’s mad @TY but his whipped ass still calling Yong, Hyung i’m-  
> \- i’m really behind the updates because as you know, i’m not really fan of angst so i’m just procrastinating this but don’t worry my dudes the next one it’s going to be *chef kiss* 
> 
> please leave your comments, kudos all of that it helps me when i'm not feeling it, writting. 
> 
> stay safe kids, wash your hands, stream kick it


	13. Eight

Jaehyun tries to pry his eyes open again, the fifth time in the span of two minutes. There’s a pain thudding at his temple, his face feels clammy, his throat hurts and he’s dreading having to even raise his voice to try to placate a bunch of teenagers for the next few hours until they arrive at their hotel. 

Why did he think that drinking with Johnny, in a vain idea to go out and stop moping in his room because of Taeyong, before going on a 4 hour trip with fucking Donghyuck and CO was a good idea?

He’s fucking hangover, he feels like shit.

There’s another excited shriek and Jaehyun grimaces taking the whistle hanging from his neck to blow it, the loud sound cutting the mumbles of the crowd, a bit too loud for 7:00 AM. Fucking teenagers man. 

“ Is everyone here?” he rasps, hands patting his back pockets, looking for the list with the name of all the students that are huddling in front to Jaehyun, eager to get on the bus. 

“YEAH!”

“Jesus Can you….You only know how to get together for a trip” he tsks palming his pants again, trying to get his brain to work again, where did he put it? He had it just a moment ago. 

“It’s our vacation” laughs Donghyuck hugging Mark arm closer to his chest, making the older frown, desperately trying to pry Donghyuck’s little claws from him. 

“I’ll start calling roll once I found the….” 

“Here,” says the gentle voice of Lee Taeyong from behind him, a crumpled piece of paper in his hands offering it to Jaehyun with a slight curve on his lips.

Even in the haziness of his throbbing headache, the only clear this on his mind it’s how beautiful is the older, his face colored by the warm colors of the sunrise, blonde hair tussled by the gentle wind.

“Thank you”

“I’ll get on the bus first,” says Taeyong, not waiting for him to answer, disappearing inside their ride without another word. 

Jaehyun gulps, eyes trained on Taeyong’s departing back anxiety and heart lurching up to his throat when he recalls the faint blue hue under the older’s big eyes. Someone clears their throat loudly, forcing Jaehyun to drag his eyes back, away from Taeyong's light. 

Once the roll call ends, Jaehyun, with the help of Jaemin, guide every member inside the bus and urge them to pick their place as quickly as they can. It’s only been 35 minutes since they arrived, but if they want to make it on time for breakfast they have to leave _now_. 

With one thumb's up to the driver and Jaehyun, Jaemin hurries his way to the last row of the bus with the band of delinquents that are his friends. His eardrums almost bleed when the “Over here Peaches!” echoes through the bus and hits Jaehyun’s hangover self with a bang. 

There’s a warm tug to his hand, thin fingers pulling him to the side, preventing him from going and throw himself to the younger. Taeyong’s face is serene almost blank as he says in a whisper “Sit here, so they don't misunderstand”

Jaehyun feels himself nod rapidly, sitting next to him, skin tingling even when Taeyong pulls his hand back. It’s funny, almost cliché, the way his heart blooms when their elbows touch as they fumble to make themselves comfortable. Even from his place on the too soft bus seats, the slight scent of lavender fills his lungs, and just like everything Taeyong, it clouds his senses, his body buzzing with the need to take his hand back and just talk. Even if it’s just a second, even if he doesn't know where they stand, even if he’s still a little hurt. 

He misses him so. 

Jaehyun doesn’t know when he begins nodding off, head hanging from the side against the space where their seats meet, but he startles awake by the insistent buzz of his phone against his leg two hours into their trip.

“How’s it going?” blooms Johnny’s voice from across the phone, too happy for the amount of alcohol they both consumed last night.

“What is it? I was sleeping!” 

“I know baby, that’s why I called, to make s-” the rest of his words are drowned by a loud shout and an even louder clapping coming for the back of the bus “Shit, what was that?” 

He groans into his phone turning his body slightly to the left where he could catch Taeyong’s sleeping from, apparently undisturbed at the ruckus around him “Hyuck”

“So how’s everything going, Romeo?” He laughs when he hears Jaehyun’s whine “Sorry, sorry, when do you arrive?” 

From beside him Taeyong’s body begins to stir awake when another loud shout echos through. In a rush of panic, Jaehyun begins to hum quietly, patting his thigh in a gentle rhythm like his grandmother used to do when he had trouble sleeping. It takes a few second but it feels like years, but after a while, Taeyong relaxes again against his seat and continues to sleep peacefully admits the chaos. 

“What was that?” whispers Jaehyun as Johnny continues to chant his name exasperated trying to get his attention back. 

“I said when do you arrive?” 

Taeyong’s eyelashes flutter, creating a beautiful shadow against his face and Jaehyun can't think anything that isn't the older and this moment, as little, as insignificant as it is “Hey I’ll call you later okay?” 

He hangs up with a soft bye and continues to hum a lullaby just for the both of them, gentle pats on Taeyong's thigh, before he too, falls asleep. 

* * *

The sound of the waves and the salty wind hitting his cheeks lulls Jaehyun to sleep. He’s exhausted. After arriving at the beach, they’ve managed to show the kids to their rooms, had breakfast in the hotel restaurant and began their activities with a little volleyball game that even with a headache Jaehyun’s competitive spirt pull through and gives the win to their team.

They celebrated by drinking coconut water from the fruit itself and after a while, the kids decided to splash around the beach for a change. Jaehyun had decided to watch them from the side, setting a towel and umbrella close to the shore but still far enough where they don't disturb him that much, a few feet from him, Taeyong sat under his own umbrella, a sketchbook and a few color pencils scattered on his own towel, drawing the scenery around them. 

He jolts awake for the second time in the day by a soft jab at his side, the gruff voice of a teenager asking him amused “Why aren’t you in the water? I thought you loved sports?"

“Ah, Minhyung!” he mumbles immid of a big yawn, streching like a house cat on his towel “I had a rough night” 

“Gross” 

“I wish” mumbles Jaehyun to himself before shifting on the towel to face the younger, whole-body resting on his arms behind his back “No, I’m not in the mood, what about you Minhyung?, Why aren’t you trying to drown one of your friends in the ocean?” 

He shrugs “Eh, I prefer to watch from afar, if I move any closer” he grimaces at the thought “…also watching people trying to escape Hyuck, it’s funny” 

“Sounds to me you’re hiding” chides gently Jaehyun, showing the younger a dimpled smile “Avoiding the _baby_ ” 

“I’m not” cries Mark shaking his head too forcefully, he looks back at the beach where even from a distance they can hear the loud shrieks of Hyuck and the waves as a background, Jaehyun’s smile grows bigger and gentler when he catches Mark watching his friends playing by the shore. 

They are a pain in the ass most of the time, but Jaehyun won’t change them for anything in the world. He doesn’t know if he could be without Hyuck's loud voice and even louder laughter, Jaemin’s broad smile, Jeno’s kindness, Rejun’s sharp tongue, and clever mind, Minghyun’s thoughtfulness. He closes his eyes letting the sun bask into his face letting the faint sound of laughter lull him to sleep again as a new warm feeling makes its way behind his ribs. 

He doesn’t know how long they have been sitting enjoying the silence when he hears Mark voice again, low, in English, as if he was talking to himself “ _That must be a habit of yours_ ” 

Jaehyun snorts at the weirdness of the comment, his English is good since he practices with Johnny and that leap year on Chicago helped so he’s sure he’s not hearing wrong _“What?”_

“Avoiding the…” he shakes his head, cringing. A high pitched whining sound comes from his lips. 

“Avoiding the what?” Presses Jaehyun cheekily enjoying the flustered noises the younger is making. 

“ _Oh my god!_ Are you going to make me say it?” 

Jaehyun laughs, full belly laugh at the expression on his face. Mark looks to their right where Taeyong is sitting, still drawing on his book, face raising once in a while to look at the kids making sure Hyuck doesn’t drown anyone on his watch, his golden hair catching the light of the sun. 

_Ah._

“Are you worried Minhyung?” he says dimples setting on his cheeks again when he catches Mark's eyes looking at Taeyong in worry as if the older could hear them. 

“No…I mean…Jeno and Jaemin are, a lot, lot” He mumbles raising his shoulders in, if Jaehyun could say so himself, a very poor attempt at nonchalance“And Mr. Lee is…you know, _weird_ most of the time but now he’s hopeless and _nowadays you’re always angry and it’s tearing the group apart and_ …” 

“Hey, hey, hey Minhyung” Mark stops rambling when Jaehyun puts one hand on his shoulder trying to calm the boy down, he lets out an exasperated huff when he catches his Korean name rolling off Jaehyun’s lips for the nth time. It’s almost too adorable, the way he’s trying too hard to show he doesn’t care considering he’s sitting here under the sun with Jaehyun trying to do something about his and Taeyong’s relationship “Breathe” he feels the rise and fall of his shoulders as he takes deep shallow breaths to steady himself “You don’t have to worry about anything”

Mark's eyes look like pretty tapioca pearls with the rays of the sun hitting his face “Really?” 

He sounds so hopeful, Jaehyun doesn’t have the heart to deny anything to him, even if one part of him knows that this would mean he had to talk to Taeyong once and for all “We’ll be fine” He squeezes his shoulder before ruffling his hair “Trust Hyung, yeah?” 

Mark raises an eyebrow unimpressed and swats Jaehyun’s hands away in annoyance “Just make it right!”

“Why do you sound like you think this is my fault?” he asks laughing when he raises his hand again to try and pinch Mark's red cheeks. 

“Does it matter?” 

_No._

_It really doesn’t._

Another shout ripples through the beach making both, Mark and Jaehyun, jump from their places on the warm sand. Near the shore, they spot Na Jaemin carrying a screaming Rejun, like he weighs nothing, hopping excitedly beside him is a crackling Donghyuck pointing at his friend while the shorter one keeps slapping Jaemin’s back before he’s thrown unceremoniously on the sea landing with a big splash. 

From his place under the umbrella, Taeyong smiles fondly, shaking his head softly. He puts aways his color pencils and his sketchbook in his bag securely putting it as far as he can from the mess their students are causing on the shore.

Jaehyun must have been boring holes on the side of Taeyong’s face because the older turns to look at both of them, a little smile hanging from his lips, big eyes somewhat tentative, shy, the new wave of embarrassment that hits Jaehyun it's new but not unwelcome. He sees how the gears turn in the older’s face, manages to catch the way his fingers tighten on the towel behind him, a flicker of something on those dark eyes that draw warm on the pit of Jaehyun’s stomach, he’s about to dart from his place and kneel beside the older begging for him to talk things out before Taeyong turns to look back startled at the sea when Donghyuck’s high voice shouts his name to get his attention. 

“Hey! Mr. Lee, look, look!” 

Taeyong laughs delighted at the younger shenanigans, too focused on the ruckus in front of him, that he doesn’t see Jaemin and Jeno coming from his left side carefully pulling him by the arms and legs to try and shove him to the ocean too. 

“Hey! hey! Careful!” Shouts Mark from his place on the towel “You’ll hurt him!” 

“Come here and help us or Hyuck’ll drag your sorry ass!” yells Jaemin adjusting Taeyong’s upper body on his hold.

Jaehyun sees a blur of blue trucks and white shirt running past the other two boys before his face is full of Lee Donghyuck, forcefully pulling a very reluctant Mark and Jaehyun from their place on the sand.

“Ya! Mark Lee! Peaches Come on!” 

“Don’t wanna” 

“You’re so boring, come on” he says pulling their arms harder causing Mark to wince in pain. Jaehyun pitches Hyuck’s side making him squeal in delight before he releases Jaehyun and focuses on tormenting Mark “Canada! quickly!” 

“Kids” warns Jaehyun laughing quietly at the chaos: Jaemin and Jeno high-fiving each other, Rejun helping his teacher between giggles, Mark and Hyuck still in their little tug of war and Taeyong, Taeyong’s, who’s been throw like a rag doll to the water, flushed face erupting in a wide smile, blonde hair plastered on his face, laughing along with their students, not at all mad at their little prank.

He seems...like he’s having fun. That’s good. 

He looks so small, white shirt drenched clinging to his body, gray shorts clinging at the curve of his ass as he stands up, still laughing at something Rejun says. Jaehyun stares, unabashedly, without thinking, drinking in the older like this, happy, relaxed, beautiful. 

Discreetly he moves his swimming trunks a little when he feels them a little tighter at the crotch area. 

Oh, this is bad. 

He nods at whatever is Mark shouting at him, still entranced by Taeyong’s alluring form when he catches a set of doe eyes looking at him.

Fuck. 

_This_ is worse. 

He scrambles in his place so fast he startles both the quarreling kids at his side. He grabs his phone and room keys before power walks his way back to his room ignoring the hollers from Mark “Hey! Come back! Save me!” And Hyuck’s “Peaches no! You’re next!”. He raises his hand dismissively, turning his ridiculous walk into a sprint when he sees the entrance of the hotel. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

What is he? Twelve? Fucking getting hard at the drops of water make their way down Taeyong’s defined jaw? Looking like pretty diamonds, covering all of his smooth skin…

_Don’t fucking go there._

Maybe it’s because he hasn’t had sex in days, maybe he’s just horny fuck, or maybe it’s because it’s Taeyong…whatever it is, Jaehyun makes sure he’s inside their shared room, locked up in the cozy bathroom before desperately pulling out his cock from his shorts and jerks off desperately, urgently, pushing back the shame crawling up his throat with a low grunt. 

Mind filled with images of diamond-like droplets on pale skin he bites his lip desperately trying not to make a sound, even if he knows that the echos of his pants and moans are going to reach no one.

The pace he sees its inhuman, writs twisting and turning in a way that it hurts just a tad little, adding to this self-loathing mess. 

He comes with a cry, spilling all over the tiles of the bathroom and his hand, lips red and bitten, sweat traveling down the nape of his neck, pooling at his temple. It’s too incredibly sad and pathetic, when instead of feeling relaxed, his muscles are still contracted and stiff, not at all swayed by his release.

Maybe he can order some room service and drown himself on his feelings before Taeyong comes back and they have to _talk_ or whatever is that they are going to do when alone together. Maybe he can sleep with the kids, you know, like a coward? Or maybe…Maybe Jaehyun isn’t going to do shit because there he is, Taeyong’s sitting on the edge of their bed, white fluffy towel on his shoulders, watching the bathroom door attentively, a dark blush adorning the apple of his cheeks. 

And Jaehyun wants to die. 

“How long have you been there?” he says through gritted teeth, his own blush spreading from his cheeks to his neck. 

“15 minutes or so”

“Did you hear…?” He knows it’s stupid, of course, he listened. He just hopes Taeyong’s kind enough (and willing!) to save Jaehyun the embarrassment. 

“Yeah” shares Taeyong, eyes gazing between Jaehyun’s eyes and lips and chest. 

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_

Shaking his head, Jaehyun stammers, turning his body away from Taeyong’s dark eyes “No, I…please…fuck” 

“Jaehyun-ah…was, uh… _that_ because of of..me?” 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. The shame he felt crawling up his body earlier makes its way back with full force making it impossible for Jaehyun to be in the same place as Taeyong. 

He wanted to talk alone to the older. 

But not like this.

“I’m _so_ sorry Hyung” Jaehyun manages to say, voice heavy with shame, heart hammering, and ringing in his ears “I’ll sleep with Hyuck tonight…I…I’m sorry I…”

“No!, no…I’m quite…uh…glad actually” He answers too quickly, words tumbling one after the other“That means that you’re still….you still…want _me_ at least some part of me…” He sounds amazed, an incredulous tone on his voice like he can’t believe that Jaehyun could want him. 

Which it’s stupid, Jaehyun would always want him. Doesn’t matter what happens, he’ll still always want him. 

Jaehyun forces himself to turn to look at the older, eyes meeting wide, scared ones and it breaks the rest of his heart “What?” 

“If you’re fine with it even while you’re seeing someone else I…” ****

“Wait, wait, Taeyong, What the hell are you talking about?” He walks up to the older sitting on the bed, Jaehyun hesitates before kneeling in front of him when he catches the sight of Taeyong’s hands shaking “You think I’ll just sleep with you if you say that?” 

“What Am I supposed to do?” cries Taeyong, voice quivering, vulnerable. Tired. “You won’t listen to me no matter what I say” 

It’s also stupid that Taeyong thinks, that Jaehyun would only love him for sex. His shatter heart breaks even more at the meaning of the older's words.

“Is it because of what I said? That I didn’t want to hear you out?” 

Yes, he was hurt, it hurt that maybe in the large scheme of things, he was nothing but a flittering feeling, a secret or even a chapter for Taeyong when for him, Taeyong was the full story. 

Still, there was a part of Jaehyun that would love to have a clear view of what they were. It’d help him _know_. And that would be enough for him.

But the more the thought about it, the more it hit him: him hurting was nothing compared to the one the older must feel all the time. By the looks of it, the person Taeyong was in love with treated him like nothing. The hurt and anger evaporated completely when he began recalling the way Taeyong acted, talked, always so unsure, trying to please and placated people as if he was scared of them leaving him.

And Jaehyun had done nothing to reassure him in any way. 

“I’ll do anything if it’ll mean you won’t be mad at me anymore” 

The defeat that laces on his voice. That’s what hurt Jaehyun the most.

“Oh Taeyong” taking Taeyong’s shaking hands into his, hoping it calms Taeyong, hating how defeated he looks “I never liked you just because of sex, you mean more to me than that” 

“I'm sorry Jaehyun, I'm so, so sorry...that time you asked me what you were to me, what I thought about you. You were right. I didn’t know, I got too comfortable and took you for granted” Taeyong sighs deeply, gathering himself before he continues “You made me think that it was fine for me to live as myself so I got greedy and selfish, and I just thought about me and I’m sorry about that” 

Jaehyun surprises Taeyong by drying the newfound tears with their clasped hands. 

“I wanted to tell you this: I wasn’t using you to forget about Young” He nods still whipping the older’s tears, too entranced in how Taeyong’severy word sounds filled with intent “It’s just that I felt like everything would be alright when I was with you. I’ve got overwhelmed by all of this, by you, cause I’m not acostumbred by being taken care of” he chokes on a self-decrypting laugh “And I got selfish, because I love how I feel when I’m with you, l like this version of my myself more, I love who I am becoming because you see me as what I am... I know you already found someone better but I’m fine with …”

Oh, Oh, _Oh_

He was so blinded by his hurt that he didn't think about anything more. 

He didn't even let the older explain. 

The nights following his fall out with Taeyong, Jaehyun imagined a lot of ways their conversation would go, still, in every single one of them ended with Taeyong not wanting him. 

So now, that those dark orbs are on him again, watching in earnest, words flowing rapidly in confidence, wanting to be heard, it hits him.  ****

“There’s a lot that needs to be cleared up so I need you to listen carefully, okay? I’m sorry for not listening to you and judging you too fast, I let Young’s words fill me instead of listening to you” He cradles Taeyong’s face gently with his hands, looking straight into tear-filled doe ones, before he shakes his head gently side to side “And for that, I’m so, sorry. Yes I was hurt and I’m sorry for how I behaved I needed time to think too, but not once have I didn’t like you or want you” 

“I’m-”  ****

“Let me finish, please?” he pleas, thumbs caressing the apple of his cheeks, the arch of his brow. Taeyong nods quietly, big eyes trained on his “I got mad at you for using me to get over you ex so I felt like and a hypocrite if I continued. Also I wasn’t being fair to her especially when I liked someone else”

“You are…” 

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Jaehyun says laughing endeared “I like you so much, I adore you so much” he leans to press a light kiss on his nose ” I love you Taeyong, I thought that was obvious”

He dwells on the sight of Taeyong gasping like a fish at him, blooming blush on his face eyes shining not with more tears but with something warm that pulls at Jaehyun’s heart with such a force he just lets it be. ****

“I…got time to think and about the thing with Young, Taeyong? It’s not your fault, I hope you stop blaming yourself about what happened back then and now” ****

“But…” ****

“Your past is not your future Taeyong,” Jaehyun tells him earnestly “Just because it was that way before doesn’t mean it has to be like that now…I want you to know that” ****

“Thank you” he murmurs against Jaehyun’s hand still caressing his face “I…I’m going to need time to get better at all of this” ****

“I know,” He says nodding smiling tenderly before pressing a kiss to his hand “It’s okay Tae, take as long as you need, I’ll be here with you in whatever shape or form you need me too. I’m here and I’ll be here, cheering you on” ****

“Aren’t you going to get tired?” Jaehyun shakes his head, a pout forming on his lips. Taeyong presses closer an earnest look on his eyes that continues to melt Jaehyun ”I want to make sure he won’t be able to reach out again, I don’t want him near you, hurting you” Taeyong joins Jaehyun’s place on the floor kneeling in front of him bring both of his arms around his neck, pressing him closer, words muffled against Jaehyun’s cheek “I’ll make sure I end things once and for all” ****

“It’s okay” Jaehyun reassure him, pressing a light kiss on his hair. ****

“Will you wait...for me?”  


“Of course I will” Jaehyun can’t stop the hint of pride that grows on his chest when Taeyong turns his head to smile at him big, blooming and illuminating all of his face “You’re worth it” 

“Just wait for me a bit yeah?” 

Jaehyun hums happily in answer before showing his dimples in a cheeky and complicit smile to the older “This means we made up and aren’t fighting anymore right?” ****

Taeyong nods, still wearing that blinding smile “I want to be with you, I want to make this right…us right, okay?” 

He always knew Lee Taeyong was going to be his doom. 

It’s not a bad way to die though.  ****

“Well, I’m not an easy guy…It’s going to cost you” he taps his lips ”pay up pretty boy” ****

Taeyong chuckles amused, big grin on his lips before pressing a kiss against Jaehyun’s waiting mouth.

Jaehyun loves when Taeyong kisses him like this, mouth hot and demanding, begging for him to open up and let him in. Taeyong kisses him like he wants to become one with him like he wants to make a home inside Jaehyun’s heart. 

And Jaehyun lets him.

It happens all in a rush, it’s been days since he’s kissed or touch Taeyong but still, a second without the older feels too long so he surrenders to the urge to feel Taeyong wrapped all around him. They move to the bed in a mess of tangled limbs, kissing and kissing until they are out of breathe. 

Jaehyun is a greedy motherfucker, so he laches himself kissing his way down Taeyong’s neck, chest, covering every single trace of skin he can reach with open-mouthed kisses. He rips Taeyong’s offending clothes out of his way, savoring the feeling of seen him bare again. 

Taeyong’s pliant under him, mouth open in soundless screams until Jaehyun bites the soft skin of his inner thigh, he licks the tender skin, drawing a loud moan from Taeyong, hurried fingers moving to this strands urging him to go lower, only to whine when Jaehyun doesn’t. ****

“Jaehyun please” sighs the older eagerly, fingers pulling dark locks. ****

But Jaehyun only smiles sweetly against Taeyong hip, still not bucking from his place, even noosing the skin “Say Yong” he says breathe ghosting Taeyong’s groin electing a pleasing shiver out his lover’s body “have you ever masturbated while thinking about me?” ****

There’s a twinkle of mischief on his brown eyes while Taeyong gapes at him in disbelief, blush traveling from his cheeks down to his chest “You caught me right now, it’s only fair” he teases. 

Taeyong lets out a strangled sound, making Jaehyun laugh enamored against his smooth skin. He raises his head slowly, not wanting to miss any expression, sound, look, greedy of anything that Taeyong was willing to give him. 

His eyes are so gentle despite the embarrassed expression on his face when he nods shyly at him. 

“How shameless of you Mr. Lee” ****

Jaehyun kisses Taeyong’s hip again before situating himself further down the mattress, moving in between Taeyong’s parting legs, his tights caging Jaehyun's head as he licks and mouths at his entrance, tongue circling the ring of muscle, saliva running down his chin, Taeyong's sobs getting louder and louder. 

It’s so fucking dirty, especially when after a while, he raises his head when Taeyong forces him to, body buzzing with want as he moves, hovering above the older, pressing himself against Taeyong kissing him open-mouthed, moaning loudly when Taeyong whimpers as he tastes himself in Jaehyun’s tongue. 

From his place under Jaehyun’s body, Taeyong manages to roll his body up, hips moving up and down, harden dick gazing Jaehyun’s own. He's surprised when he feels himself hard, even after having come just some minutes ago. 

How could he not? When Taeyong's blonde hair looks like a halo against the sheets and he keeps chanting between gasps, his name like a prayer? 

There’s fire pooling in his belly, traveling through his veins when Taeyong discards his towel and takes him in his fingers, pulling one, twice, thrice while Jaehyun buckles his hips in the same urgency as the older’s hand. 

He braces one hand next to Taeyong’s head, lips still busy licking inside the older's eager mouth, his other hand taking Taeyong’s dick in his grasp in the same desperate and quick moments Taeyong is giving him. 

“Fuck” Taeyong chokes, teeth scraping against Jaehyun’s lower lip when he spreads hepre-come at the tip of his leaking cock to help with the friction “Fuck, please, p-please”

He feels the tightness on his low stomach and he knows he's not going to last too soon. The whole thing is desperate, rushed, only their pre-cum to try to make this as enjoyable as possible but still, it's doing things to Jaehyun that only come with Taeyong. Just the feeling of Taeyong's body touching his, hands of him, wanting him as he wants him is enough, will always be enough. 

Jaehyun comes painting their chests in white, panting against Taeyong lips, chanting his name and sweet nothings that the older welcomes greedy.Taeyong follows soon after, body shaking in bliss, pulling Jaehyun into him creating a mess in their chests and stomachs. 

It’s perfect. 

They stay in silence, breathing into each other’s space, Jaehyun pressing quick tender kisses to Taeyong’s mole under his lips, while the older massages Jaehyun’s scalp, switching between the pads of his fingers and blunt nails. 

“Jaehyun-ah?”He offers a tired grunt from above him as a sign he’s listening, still too focused on kissing the same spot over and over again “The kids, do you think they’re alright?”  ****

He can't help the groan that passes his lips.

“Hyung,please, please, don’t talk like we’re a middle age couple who’s kids are at a sleepover” he whines childish “Also, please don’t mention the kids after we’ve had sex”  ****

“I’m worried” continues Taeyong ignoring Jaehyun “We’ve been gone for a while, I mean I left Jaemin in charge but you know” 

“As long as they don't, you know drown or something like that...I suppose they'll be fine…" He cranes his neck to press a kiss to Taeyong's pouty bottom lip "if they knew their chaperones were having sex... "he grins prideful when he remembers his earlier conversation with Mark"I think some of them would like that a little too much”

Taeyong frowns in mock offense “You say that like we are doing something bad” 

“Well, this definitely isn't on the activities schedule, love” the term of endearment falling from his lips with such an ease, Jaehyun doesn’t have the heart to take it back. He just watches the older, in batted breathe any sign of discomfort from the older.

But it doesn’t happen. Instead, he’s met with the most tender smile he has seen Taeyong wear. 

It’s beautiful, he’s beautiful. So he says so between kisses, making the older giggle delighted.

“I don’t mind if we’re doing something bad if it's you”

Oh.

Jaehyun loves him so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- “I’ll update faster since i’m stuck at home thanks to corona” i said, you know, LIKE A LIAR  
> \- I told you things would get better, right? they are talking, there were some words exchanged and also kisses cause i have this hc that Jaeyong are very physical beings, they are people of action, practical. So they talk everything's out and then boom! they bang because of course they do.  
> \- “your past is not your future” is a quote from Jaehyun’s Cheer up bracelet from 2019 and i think it's a really beautiful message.  
> \- i have this hc where like a true bilingual kid, Mark mixes Korean and English when he’s frustrated or flustered. Just like me. (well no korean but you know)  
> \- I’ve been dying to write Mark/Jaehyun since i love their relationship. I love when Jaehyun becomes all big sibling with the younger members but while he becomes a doting brother with Hyuck and Dream, with Mark he just teases him (See NCT127@EMA) like a big brother would. But i believe they sometimes have moments where they talk about deep stuff and encourage each other to do better, to be better.  
> \- my hc for this fic is that the dreamies (Minus Mark) have a bet as for when are Jaeyong going to get together, who made the first step, first kiss etc.  
> \- SO to Jaemin, my favourite dreammie, it's baffling to me that he's not that much present in this fic much. But oh i have plans for him once i finish this monster (Another Jaeyong bc i'm predictable like that) 
> 
> We are so deep into the 70k i can't believe i'm managing to write a literal slice of life that it's looking like it's going to be at 100k and they said i would never do anything important. 
> 
> Keep your comments coming they feed me. Wanna see how i stress over my writing?, you can follow my dumpster fire TW ask for my handle down!


	14. Interlude VI

The echo of the wind through the leaves ripples through the night while the gentle breeze plays with Jaehyun’s dark locks, it’s a little hard to see with only the moonlight and Taeyong’s phone flashlight, but he can still make out the red adorning the younger’s ears, the outcome of a pretty intense make-out session behind a palm tree.

Even under the moonlight and Taeyong’s poor vision, Jaehyun looked like a dream, his usual pale cheeks dusted with a deep red from being under by the sun for the past few days. It was inevitable that, even after spending the entirety of the morning and night kissing Jaehyun, the urge to press his lips against that plush mouth hasn't died down. 

Taeyong doubts it'll ever will. 

Jaehyun’s rich voice, even if when he’s blabbing excitedly and mostly to himself, about the scavenger hunt they were planing as the last activity from the Council Student Camp, has the excited edge of a competitive man ready for his team to win against Taeyong's, the way he's describing his plans, words  lacing with so much eagerness, it's the only thing that’s keeping him from bolting back in fear and fly to their room to coward under the bed. Well, that and the weight of his hand on Taeyong’s, guiding him through the darkened path.

“When we wrote down scavenger hunt…This isn’t what I had in mind” Taeyong whines gripping Jaehyun’s hand tighter, pressing himself against the younger’s back.

Jaehyun chuckles deeply and Taeyong laments that he’s missing the sight of his dimples, but the rumble of his laugh feels nice against his chest so he’s not that sad. 

“Are you scared Hyung?” 

“O-Of course no” He chuckles nervously “I’m thinking about the kids”

Jaehyun turns his head slightly to the side, the corner of his lip’s up “Of course” 

Forget the gentle breeze, the wind begins to blow with full force shaking the palm trees around them, there’s an eerie sound, probably from an animal or something, but it’s too much, it’s too much for Taeyong. He suppresses a shout and moves even closer, his face buried against Jaehyun’s back, freehand moving to Jaehyun's chest and pressing the younger's built body to Taeyong’s shaking one.

“I think we can put the last clue here” continues Jaehyun gently, reaching behind him, patting Taeyong’s head soothingly, if he wasn't so scared he'd be cooing at the gentle gesture “They’ll have flashlights and the hotel said they can provide some lights if you need them” 

Taeyong nods albeit resigned. Due to an unfortunate event involving some rock paper and scissors, Taeyong was now in charge of guarding the last post of the hunt, at night, outside their hotel with only some lights to keep him company. 

How could he have lost against Jaehyun? 

Jaehyun was shit at rock paper scissors. He’s lost every single game against the teachers (Thrice to Baekhyun and twice to self-proclaimed black hole Jongin and Music Teacher Park Chanyeol) and even to their boss, Mr. Kang. Hell, he even lost 5 consecutive times against the kids this morning and had to keep bringing them food and drinks all morning. 

They tried to give him a bell boy’s hat to complete his new role as, and he quotes "personal butler" but Taeyong had to intervene when he saw the murderous glint on those, usually, gentle eyes. 

Still, Jaehyun had played along (minus the hat), bringing them lots of fruits, fresh juice, omelets, and a strange mixture of all the cereals in the table without question whenever one of the kids would meet his eyes with a ginning smile.

Seeing the kids happy was enough to erase any complain Jaehyun could have. The younger liked to bicker with all of them, but deep, deep down, it was obvious how much he loved those little demons. 

Jaehyun had decided to serve Taeyong whatever he wanted too, and if Taeyong decided to squeeze the younger’s upper thigh as a thank you whenever his glass of juice was refiled instead of giving Jaehyun a toothy grin like the kids, well. 

That was between Taeyong and Jaehyun’s blushy ears.

“Yong? You know I can guard this post, right?” Jaehyun offers nonchalant, detangling himself from Taeyong’s hold. He turns to face him with a gentle pull on the corner of his lips when Taeyong whines at the lost of contact “I know you’re not liking the idea of being here alone in the dark” 

“The kids already know it’s me and I don’t want to disappoint them” he says pouting, shaking his head pitifully“As long as they don’t pull a prank on me I think I’ll be fine” 

“Yong” Jaehyun tilts Taeyong’s chin upwards, dimples adorning his soft cheeks “I don’t want you to feel forced to do something you don’t really want to do just to please someone… _especially_ those gremlins” 

An unfailing sweetness crawls from his stomach to Taeyong’s heart “Thank you Jaehyun-ah”

“What for?” 

“For...a lot of things” he murmured smiling happily, Jaehyun’s light touch on his chin lights his skin with a gentle but powerful fire. 

Jaehyun claps their free hands together giving Taeyong’s a squeeze. 

Jaehyun is like the sun and Taeyong is a sunflower greedy for his warmth, wanting to get closer and closer until he feels those rays touching every single inch of him. 

He squeezes back before he calls the younger’s name into the night, he grabs those soft cheeks bringing Jaehyun's handsome face close and kisses him. Taeyong'sstanding on his tiptoes, hands-on the younger cheeks to steady himself, it's chaste and quick, just a press of lips. But it's perfect. 

Letting Taeyong be with Jaehyun, like this, just like this, it’s one of the best feelings in the world.

When he breaks the kiss, he’s welcomed by Jaehyun’s blissful face lighted by moonlight, lips parted. 

They need to go back to their room. 

Now

“Let’s go back yeah? before the kids send the hotel security to look for us” 

Jaehyun nods, dazed. He takes Taeyong’s hand again and drags him back to their hotel room. 

It’s going to be a good night.

* * *

Donghyuck’s whines are so loud that even from his place inside their bus, making sure everything’s ready with their driver, he can hear them as if the kid was doing it besides his ear. 

“I don’t want to go home!”

Jaehyun’s voice is low and melodious even when it has a glint of annoyance on it. Taeyong can only imagine what refute he’s giving the kids.

“Did you have a nightmare last night Peaches? Look at those bags under your eyes!” 

_If you only knew._

Taeyong chuckles to himself before bowing to the driver and comes to stand in the steps of the bus watching amused how Jaehyun’s ears turn red from under his black cap.

“Did you see the picture of the ghost we found yesterday?” Says Jeno, a child-like glint in his eyes, like he could understand if his teacher was scared after seeing the image on a so-called ghost. 

“Ghost don’t exist” Jaehyun snorts 

“Of course they do!”

“Or maybe is an alien,” says Rejun, pulling out his phone and showing Jaehyun a grainy picture of the sky “Look at this here!”

Jaehyun leans closer, he hadn't been using his glasses in the morning since he planned to sleep all the travel back to Seoul, so Taeyong can imagine him squinting at the screen in an effort see

“I don’t see anything”

Rejun offers to turn on the brightness for his nearsighted teacher before Jaehyun blurts “Do you really caught one Rejun?...” he sounds excited, a little too excited for someone who's looking at a grainy picture "I heard the best place to caught one on tape is an open space...like a beach" 

The boy smiles wide at his teacher.

“Wait Mr. Jung! You believe in aliens but not on ghosts?" Wails Mark eyes big as saucers. 

“Ghost don’t exist Minhyung” 

"You can’t impossibly think that there are no such things out there!” 

“You’re so pale you look like one yourself” parrots Donghyuck from behind Rejun, Cheshire cat smile in full bloom. 

“Ghost or alien?”

“Either”

Jaehyun snorts indignant, pulling his cap lower from his eyes. He turns to leave finding Taeyong hovering at the entrance of the bus. He gives the younger a sheepish smile, mouthing a: I _’m sorry._

“But seriously, you look like you didn’t sleep at all Mr Jung” 

“Was the scavenger hunt too much for you?” teases Mark turning to look at the bus and turning red when he catches Taeyong trying not to laugh.

Another unhappy grunt was Jaehyun’s answer.

“Even so, you look pretty good Peaches, did you grab a midnight _snack_?” 

“Donghyuck, I swear to god” 

Taking pity in the younger’s distress, Taeyong decides to sept outside of the bus to stand next to Jaehyun. 

“Hey! Is everyone ready?” 

“Woah! Mr. Lee, you look so...sparkly” Chenle says smiling 

“So pretty!”

“Seriously, the face of a God!” Beams Jaemin, proud. 

Taeyong laughs delighted. Jaehyun, at his side, grunt again. 

“Where did you two go yesterday?” asks Mark, eyebrow raised “We didn’t see you after the hunt” 

“Yeah, you seem…closer, somehow” says Donghyuck, before adding in an excited tone “Is it what I think it is?” 

“If you don’t shut up I’m going to leave you here, Hyuck” 

“Oh my god! He didn’t deny it!” squeals Jaemin, wide eyes filled with mirth “Wait, who had mid-June in the pool?” he says eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side. 

Everyone jumps startled by the loud “YES!” coming from the usually calm Jeno. As he fists the air happily, Rejun and Donghyuck groan at his sides. 

Taeyong feels his face on fire before he coughs, _loud_.

“Couldn’t you wait for a little more?” chides Donghyuck, shaking his head “I had Mr. Lee’s birthday” 

Jaehyun glares, ears turning an ever more precious shade of red “I’m going to leave all of you here” 

From inside the bus, their driver calls for Taeyong “We finished the warm-up Mr. Lee, all the luggage is loaded, we are ready to go” 

Taeyong nods in thanks, before patting Jaehyun’s arm and turns to walk back to the bus.

* * *

Jaehyun joins him ten minutes later after the bus is finally packed to the brim with their noisy students. Taeyong pats his thigh in sympathy when Jaehyun lets out a long tired sigh. 

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine” murmurs Jaehyun behind a yawn “Just tired” 

“You can sleep Jaehyun-ah,” Taeyong says patting his own shoulder, hoping Jaehyun gets the message “Hyung’ll take care of things” 

The laugh that scapes the younger lips is one of the prettiest sounds he’s ever heard, it's low, sleepy but laced with so much fondness, Taeyong’s heart feels so full. 

Jaehyun burrows his face on Taeyong's neck and presses a kiss on the skin there. Taeyong squirms and suppresses a high pitched whine. Happy with the chaos he caused, he sets his head on Taeyong's should and closes his eyes. Jaehyun begins to nod off 20 minutes into the drive back, he’s so tired, after all, there had been little to no sleep in this past few days.

Still, despite the faint dark circles under pale skin Jaehyun still looks so handsome. His features were rounder in high school, especially his cheeks, it’s a little blurry but Jaehyun has always been definitely cute. 

With Jaehyun’s face tucked under his neck, Taeyong begins to feel his eyelids close too, heavy with sleep, so he grabs Jaehyun’s hand, brings it to his lap and begins tracing his thumb on the back of the younger’s warm hand, a new sleep ritual he had picked up after their first night reunited.

From the other side of the bus, and behind Jaehyun’s dark mop of hair, he makes out Donghyuck’s excited squeal. Taeyong raises his head in question and meets brown eyes watching them attentively, the boy winks at him cheeky when he sees the position his teachers are in. Taeyong smiles shyly but making no effort on changing their makeshift sleeping arrangement,instead, he snuggles closer to Jaehyun, breathes the warm woody scent, and tries to sleep.

With Jaehyun’s gentle eyes engraved in his eyelids, and the comforting weight of the younger against his body he can’t help but feel lucky. Lucky that he can have this again. 

But this time, this time he knows it. This time he’s going to relish on this, not taking it for granted. 

Jaehyun’s words although hard, had helped Taeyong think. 

What was Jaehyun to Taeyong? How, despite not knowing himself well enough, the absence of Jaehyun in those few days was enough for Taeyong to know what he wanted? 

What did he need? 

* * *

When had it started? 

Was it when he heard from Jongin the news of a new teacher? Taeyong had almost killed the older with the intense tone he had when he began to ask questions about the “ _handsome, tall and new teacher_ ” 

“A guy name Jung Jaehyun” Jongin had said.

He had almost died himself when Jongin had asked Taeyong if he knew him. 

_“I used to watch him playing basketball during lunch”_ he almost blurted. 

"Of course not” he had said instead, shyly “We never actually talked before”

When did he start feeling attracted to him? 

Was it when they first began to talk on Jaehyun’s first day of school? Or when they went to eat together at his friends restaurant? 

Or was it from the begging? 

Perhaps at the school infirmary? Or was it at Taeyong’s graduation ceremony? When he watched the younger from afar, smiling happily to his own senior friends?

It feels like a thousand years, Taeyong watching from afar, not doing anything as he watched a boy as bright as the sun so close to him. That Taeyong feels like a stranger now. 

It’s been years since he’d looked at any picture of himself from back then. He didn’t want to look back at that lost person anymore. Taeyong doesn’t want to know if he can bear to watch those vacant big eyes staring back at him. 

He doesn’t think he wants to see it. 

Perhaps, he hated his past self more than he realized. 

More than he deserved. 

That boy makes Taeyong who he’s now, even if he’s not sure of who he is yet, but admitting that requires a lot of courage. 

The only picture that Taeyong has from himself is in that yearbook Jaehyun pointed out so many months ago in his bookshelf.

Not once has he looked at it since he got it, until now. 

There are big eyes dark eyes, looking back at him when he opens his eyes, too scared to look at it without breathing deeply a few times. There’s also a mop blonde hair, freshly died, Young had made Taeyong ditch his dark locks a few days before the picture was taken, pink lips, that scar near his eye that Jaehyun once said it looked like a rose…he looked normal. 

Poking out of the yearbook, he sees the edge of another photo. 

A picture of the juniors, a big banner of congratulations to the seniors behind them…and there he is front and center, next to a very young Johnny, a dimpled smile on full display, gentle almond eyes turn in crescents.

So he had something like this all these years. 

Funny thing, life is.

The last time he saw Jaehyun when they were teenagers was in February on Taeyong’s graduation day. Taeyong could always find Jaehyun despite not intentionally looking for him once he found out the sight of the younger’s presence confronted him. It was a warmth that filled him, that only he felt when he saw the teenager. How could he feel this just with the sight of the boy, he probably would never understand.

Taeyong wanted to tell him, after that conversation they had back at his apartment when Jaehyun had mentioned the infirmary accident to him, but he didn’t have the nerve. Sometimes he wonders how Jaehyun would react if he realized someone was watching him in the distance, he doubts Jaehyun’d like it. 

Other times, the regret of not telling him or talking to him when they were kids is big. He couldn’t define what he was feeling even back then, he was scared of the uncertain future, so he depended on someone else to control him, he was busy trying to stop the feelings that kept flowing towards him. 

Taeyong was also scared that if he ever talked to the younger, Jaehyun might laugh at him and rejected him.

But, what if he took a step forward on that snowy February day and introduced himself to Jaehyun, tried to be his friend, if he had said something, would they be different? 

Taeyong’s sure they would. 

After all, they were each other's, first love. 

* * *

“Taeyong? I’ve been waiting for you”

It’s been a few weeks since Taeyong arrived from his trip with the student council, a few weeks since Jaehyun and Taeyong had talked about their issues, a few weeks since Taeyong has decided to leave who he thought he was, it’s time to leave the past behind him.

“How you’ve been?” 

“Good” 

Young nods from inside his apartment, opening the door to let him in, head tilted to the side and easy smile resting on his lips “Please take a seat, you want some juice?” 

“No” he says unmoving from his place on the hallway “I’ll make this quick” 

Young raises his eyebrow and without chaining the expression on his face, closes the door behind him, looking at Taeyong with a glint of something dark. 

And for the first time in years, he’s not scared to be standing in front of cold gray eyes. 

“Oh, Taeyong” Taeyong freezes, taking a step back when he feels arms circling him, pressing him against a firm chest ”I’ve missed you, I’m so relieved” his voice sounds light, almost carefree but his hold is bruising, and iron hold, squeezing him, preventing him of breathing. A cold hand makes its way to his nape, bringing his face closer, as if Taeyong was a scared child, finally coming to his mother, seeking comfort.

Taeyong uses maybe a little much force to detangle the older from his body. 

“Why?” 

“I wanted you to forgive me and come back to me,” says Young, cold fingers searching for his. Taeyong moves his hands behind his back, closing them in fists “I know I can really make you happy this time around, we can pick up from where we left up”

“You wanted me to hurt Jaehyun” His voice is cold with disbelief, at the mention of the younger man, Young shakes his head helplessly, _dismissively_ “Because you knew I could only come back to you once I did that” 

“It was bound to happen Taeyong” 

“I thought I’d never be able to hurt him, but I _did_ ” he spats, he’s fighting for the words to get out, but he needs to do this. The thought of seeing those almond eyes dim again because of him is something he can’t bear to see. 

Not again

“It’s weird, I always do what you expect me to do” He whispers, clear and firm, thinking about Taemin who always told him about his weariness of Young, of Jaehyun’s crying face, Young’s name between angry sobs “And it’s not just me, everyone around me expected me to do too” 

“It must’ve looked so funny to you, watching me getting manipulated doing what you expected me to do“ It’s almost an out of body experience, how the words flow from his lips, sardonic, cold. A part of him, the one that always wants to see good in everything and anyone wants to ask _why_. 

It’s a little too late for that 

In front of him, Young stays still, a quirk on his lips as he listens to Taeyong’s.

“I thought it would be impossible to go back to the way things were between me and Jaehyun because I’m an idiot who doesn’t even know what he wants, I let you do all of those things for me, I’m just void, and you fill me with things you wanted” Despite the way his heart trumps desperately on his chest, he tries to stay calm. Saying this out loud it makes it real. And Taeyong has to do _this_ to finally move on "I can’t do that to Jaehyun, I can’t let him be with me when I’m like that, how can I? I kept so many things from him because I didn’t want to be hurt, I didn’t want him to look at me and see you, I didn’t want him to see him hate me, not liking me….so I decided to stop”

“Because you have me with you Taeyong, I’m the one who knows you the best” 

“No, that’s not it,” He says a dry chuckle passing his lips at the way silver eyes narrow at him. Young’s shoulder square at the sound, so foreigner coming from Taeyong “I love him, Young. And I may not know many things about myself, but I’m damn sure I love him, I’m in love with him. And because I love him, I want to try…I’m going to be better, get better. Because I want to love him like he deserves” 

And because he knows that it’s the only time he’ll ever get to do it, he adds for good measure. 

“I want him to feel loved like I never was”

He catches the glint of something like he didn’t recognize him like he was seeing him for the first time behind silver orbs.

Good. 

Now they are both disappointed and can hardly recognize each other.

There is nothing keeping them together anymore.

“That’s why I’m going to end this with you. This relationship, whatever this is. You knew Jaehyun resembled Taemin, right? You knew, even before I knew it myself, you knew that I liked Taemin and still you…You knew what Jaehyun meant to me and you still hurt him”

Young remains quiet as he walks closer to Taeyong, hands moving up to touch him. By now Taeyong finally recognizes it, it’s not that Young fight for Taeyong to be together because he loved him, it was because Young just wanted to possess him, he loved the power of having someone who he could manipulate as he pleases.

He interrupts the older when he opens his mouth to most definitely say something that Taeyong has no interest to know “If you loved me you would never have hurt me like you did” 

“I’m leaving, and this time I mean it” Promises Taeyong, before turning to leave one last time. 

Taeyong always thought that ending a relationship with someone that he’d spent so much time with would make him feel empty, guilty, regardless of who was at fault. 

But now that he’s making his way down to Jaehyun’s apartment, he can see it was…although hard, he doesn’t feel that way. 

He’s never felt so light, excited for what’s to come, so, so confident, like he can do anything he puts his mind into. If Taeyong knew about this feeling before he’s sure he wouldn’t have feared and struggled as much. 

When he arrives at Jaehyun’s apartment he catches a flash of blue in front of the younger’s door. 

Taeyong’s rapid heart drowns in the gentle wave of tenderness he feels whenever he watches the younger in his blue pajamas, dragging a grocery bag, a bird nest for hair, he must have rolled out of bed.

He’s hit with the sudden memory of long lashes against a pale cheek, a sleeping boy in an infirmary. 

There’s an itch for him to shout at the top of his lungs how he feels. 

To let him know. 

So he does.

“I lied!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- In South Korea, summer vacation starts in late July and ends in mid-August. This trip takes place in mid June, bc i have plans for them enjoying their summer break together.  
> \- I know TY’s birthday is the 1st of July!!!!!!!!!! and I have plans for that  
> \- If you haven’t seen the new season of NCT Life, please do yourself a favor and watch it! Jaehyun is competitive af so it’s funny seeing him fail at all the games  
> \- After NCT Life you can watch EXO’s LADDER Season 2 it’s so so funny and they are so chaotic. also exo’s has their own black hole and that’s Kai and Chanyeol and it’s amazing seeing him fail and then pout like the baby he is.  
> \- EDIT: JH believes in aliens so i changed that part when he's talking to rejun!   
> \- This is also the last interlude, from now on, all of the chapters are going to be from Jaehyun’s point of view.  
> \- But don’t worry, we’ll see more of TY’s POV in the epilogue, it’s going to be all Taeyong, cause my baby deserves it (which by the way, i’m yet to write)  
> \- The "Now they both are disappointed in each other" is a line from the magnific "Just the sight of you (is getting the best out of me)" by Ibijau if you're into MDZS it's a very painful fic i'm sure you'll enjoy. 
> 
> Stay safe, wash your hands, take care of yourselves
> 
> Thank you for all your comments and kudos, those are my motivation!
> 
> Stream Punch (when it comes out)!


	15. Nine

Even in his sleepy haze, Jaehyun can make out Taeyong's voice yelling at him. 

But it's too early. And Taeyong wasn’t supposed to be here, he was going to come over in the afternoon. 

Was he so in love with Taeyong, that Jaehyun was starting to listen to the older's voice at every waking hour?

Another shout makes him jump on his feet before he turns around startled, it better be Taeyong standing there because if he finds this is all in his head (or worse, if it’s his next-door neighbor shouting nonsense so early) Jaehyun was going to riot.

And probably look for a doctor, hearing voices, in love or not, was not normal, man. 

He blinks, once, twice, and by the third time he knows those desperate shouts are no mind tricks. No, Lee Taeyong _is_ really standing in front of his door, face flushed red, skin glistening with sweat, shouting at the top of his lungs. 

At 8 AM. 

He blurts dumbly Taeyong’s name, a question of what is going on, what is happening right now, why is he panting?. Taeyong’s all tangled words, heavy breathing, and bright eyes frantically looking at him from behind long lashes. 

Not his brightest moment, but Jaehyun will deal with the embarrassment later.

“I lied to you” comes the answer in a shout buried behind heavy panting. 

Jaehyun stares, brain already catching up with his heart that’s beating a mile per hour in fear. Did he lie? Why? What is-

“I am so, _so,_ in love, with you” the older shouts again. Taeyong continues talking, something about an infirmary and basketball, his arms going up explaining what Jaehyun knows must be important but he can’t seem to care at the moment because, he said it, Taeyong _had_ said it. 

“You’re in love with me?” he utters in disbelief. Taeyong raises his eyebrows so high it looks like it’ll touch his hairline, eyes wide in a frenzy, while Jaehyun’s heart is trying to jump out of his chest.

After their talk back at the hotel room, he knew that at the very least Taeyong was fond of him, liked him even, but love him? 

That’s…

He repeats the question again, just so he can make sure he didn’t mistakenly heard those words, pushing the blooming hope forming in this chest. 

Taeyong didn’t owe him anything, he doesn’t need to love him back for Jaehyun to do it. 

Still, Jaehyun doesn’t think he’ll bear it if it was a slip, a spur of the moment caused by whatever was going on inside Taeyong’s head. 

“What I mean is-” Taeyong licks his dry lips nervously, dark eyes locking with his “Jaehyun, I…” 

Jaehyun can feel his smile slip from his lips with every beat of silence that passes between them. 

_Oh God, Taeyong didn't mean it. He's was going to break his heart. Oh fuck._

“I liked you even before we met at the infirmary” 

Again, Jaehyun blurts out a question before he can help it. What the fuck is this infirmary thing Taeyong keeps talking about? 

“Jaehyun it was me, the boy you told me about in the infirmary that was me…”

The sound of a curtain fluttering by the soft wind, cool fingers against his warm skin, against his fringe, a soft voice lulling him back to sleep, the calming scent of lavender.

_Ah_

“I thought I’d be happy with just watching you, but it didn’t work out that well, right?” There’s a self-deprecating laugh as he speaks that makes Jaehyun frown displeased at that familiar tone Taeyong uses to refer to himself“I wanted to get closer to you, but I just didn’t know-how. I’m still working on that” Taeyong brings his hand to his mouth to bite his nails, a thing Jaehyun’s seen him do when he’s nervous. He remembers the patches of red, tender skin he had seen near his thumb and forefinger back at the hotel. 

Taeyong’s speaking a little fast again, words getting tangled together, it’s hard for Jaehyun to understand him, to be honest, it’s like he's saying whatever is on his mind without thinking how it sounds. 

“You were the first person that made me want to break away from Young on my own, I’ve always wanted to thank you for that, even back then. Without you knowing it, or me knowing you, I _finally_ wanted something other than what Young said I needed, what he said I wanted. I finally knew I could be more than what I was at the moment” Jaehyun’s eyes widen when he sees how the older eyes are shining. There’s a choked sound as he tries to talk again, but the tears keep flowing and flowing down his rosed cheeks, but his eyes, he’s never seen Taeyong as confident as he is right now. 

A slight smile is playing on Taeyong lips as he looks at Jaehyun from behind his wet lashes as if he hadn't noticed the tears rolling down his eyes, Jaehyun was so tempted to reach out at dry them, to ease the nervous set of his shoulders, but he's afraid of touching Taeyong and doing something he doesn't want, he had promised he'd do everything at Taeyong's pace, so he'd wait for his cue before doing so. 

“I used to dwell in regret because I didn’t try to talk to you back then, but then I met you, and I was-I'm still a mess but you…you’re more than I could ever imagine Jaehyun and I got so overwhelmed because I’ve never felt this way but it’s funny isn't, cause I’ve always known I was besotted with you, ever since I was 18 but-”

He feels so overwhelmed by the wave of adoration that hits him, spreading from his stomach to his fingers, his toes. He knows there’s a deep blush on his face and ears, as Taeyong continues to talk, despite his tears.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you” And there it is, the quiver in his voice, and Jaehyun knows that's signal. 

Quietly Jaehyun closes the gap between them, interlocking his fingers with Taeyong, to let him now that is okay, that he can continue when he feels ready.

“Oh, this wasn’t part of my plan, I wasn’t going to cry like this…I sound like a creep don’t I?” Jaehyun almost coos when Taeyong pouts annoyed himself, instead he squeezes his hand again “I don’t know…I’m sorry. Why did I come all this way and-” 

Jaehyun can't take it anymore and embraces Taeyong’s shaking frame against him in a bone-crushing hug. He feels the older’s fingers sinking on his back, trying to press his body as much as he can, quickly burring his face on Jaehyun’s neck as the younger breathes him in. 

He can’t imagine how hard this must be for Taeyong. After years of not thinking for himself, feeling for himself, doing this, trusting Jaehyun enough to let him know what was going on in his mind. 

He coos words of reassurance against the older’s hair, reminding Taeyong that he’s here with him, he’s here and he’s not going anywhere, that is okay to cry, he can cry, it’s okay. Jaehyun makes his voice as soothing as possible since he knows the older once had said how he likes his voice. Buried against his chest, Taeyong’s letting out this little, whimper like sounds and Jaehyun's heart _melts_. 

They stay like that for a while, Taeyong clinging to Jaehyun like dear life, and the younger cooing quietly at the older, one hand on Taeyong’s nape while his other one caresses the older’s back. 

Only when Taeyong’s breathing is back to normal and his face is no longer buried on his neck does Jaehyun dare to speak again.

“Thank you” Jaehyun can’t help the way his voice turns a little lower, dripping with honey as nuzzles the spot behind Taeyong’s ear “Thank you for telling me” he leaves a kiss there because knows how Taeyong loves those little presses against his skin “Thank you for trusting me” 

“Looks like this makes us high school sweethearts isn’t it?” there’s a little giddy laugh lacing his teasing words, Taeyong shakes with laughter in his arms.

“I’m sorry for letting you go that day, for not saying anything” whispers Taeyong into his collarbone, apologetic“I was so scared that I wasn’t good enough...I was so confused, I didn't know how to act upon what I feel about you... I got overwhelmed because it’s you and I’ve waited so long and-” He moves a little so his chin is resting on the Jaehyun’s shoulder, sighing in content when Jaehyun continues rubbing circles in his back “I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry that I hurt you. But now I know, and I’ll stop worrying about trying to please everyone and forgetting about me” At Jaehyun’s unhappy grunt, Taeyong just hugs him tighter “I’ll tell you what I like and what I don't like, I want to talk about everything, even if it’s something boring...I want you to know me, all of me, I want to learn new things about me with you Jaehyunnie” 

_Jaehyunnie_

_Jaehyunnie_

_Jaehyunnie_

"I pray that we can go forward, step by step as support for each other. I'm hoping that I'll be able to bring you happiness in the future" Taeyong adds into his skin “as much as you give me” 

_Oh god._

"Jaehyun-ah, I want to love you as much as I want, for as long as you have me"

There’s a rush of happiness that punches the air out of Jaehyun, he can’t help the way his hands shake when they are framing Taeyong’s beautiful face, he can’t help either the way his thumbs trace circles on the apple of his rosy cheeks before pressing little kisses on them, toes curling when he feels the heated skin against his lips. Then he presses one each eye, welcoming the salty taste of tears and lastly to the rose-like scar he’s always loved, besides Taeyong’s left eye. 

Taeyong loves him, he said he loves him. And not only that but apparently he had liked him since they were both in high school.

_Not only that_ but Jaehyun’s gut was right, Taeyong was the boy in the infirmary. The one he had a crush when he was 16 years old. 

Shit, Taeyong was his…

Jaehyun _was_ Taeyong’s, first love. 

Overwhelmed it’s one way to put it. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s do all of that together, yes?” Taeyong nods “It’ll be an honor to get to know the new Taeyong. I’m sure he’s lovely” and with one last kiss to his cheek he moves his hands to take the older’s and get inside his apartment.

Once the door’s closed Jaehyun turns to Taeyong with a wide grin and earnest eyes “Just you wait Lee Taeyong! I’m going to love the shit out of you” 

Taeyong beams unrestrained, lips stretched so wide it must hurt, resting his back against the apartment door “Can’t wait” 

Laughing at the turn of events, Jaehyun moves closer to the older, eyes fixated on Taeyong’s crescent eyes until they land on his pouty lower lip. He’s always been fascinated by it, how it feels as soft as it looks, how’s it slightly bigger than Taeyong’s cupid’s bow, the pretty shade of red it turns when it’s trapped between Jaehyun’s teeth.

Taeyong lets out a strangled, embarrassing sound when Jaehyun dips his face to press a chaste kiss there. It’s adorable, how Taeyong can still get shy around him. Jaehyun laughs delighted at the face Taeyong makes when he manages to presses a kiss on the older’s chin, which earns him a gentle slap on the shoulder, before taking his hand and dragging Taeyong to his couch. 

Jaehyun throws his groceries carelessly at the table and hurries to pick up his quilt and some socks that are on the floor, smiling sheepishly at the indignant sound that ever so tidy Taeyong makes when he sees the mess that’s his living room. Still, he throws them under the couch when Taeyong busies himself by picking the best spot on his blue couch (probably as near to the air con as possible).

The high pitched-embarrassed sound that Taeyong makes when Jaehyun sits with his back on the armchair, arms loosely hugging the older is a new one. He lets his heart be occupied by the sight of the man he loves between his legs, face turning an alarming new shade of scarlet and facing away from him.

It's thrilling watching Taeyong’s red ears and face when Jaehyun had always been the one flustered between them. He’s sure his ears are on fire but Taeyong is too embarrassed to even say something about it, too busy chiding him about his poor manners in a high pitched voice, hands pinching the ones around his body. 

By the fifth almost kiss, Jaehyun laughs against Taeyong’s hair and asks between teasing giggles if he’s okay. 

There’s a muffled response from Taeyong, voice drowned by his own knees and chest, it’s adorable, Jaehyun laughs delighted and asks again. 

“It’s just ...You're _looking_ at me like that” pouts Taeyong faces beat red, face bent down, still not meeting his gaze. 

Jaehyun smirks, getting closer to the older, lips brushing his ear “How’d you know? You keep avoiding looking at me” 

Shuddering Taeyong whines “Because you keep _kissing_ me!” 

“I can’t help it, you’re just so cute,” Jaehyun whines, shameless but truthful. 

Taeyong peeks at him from his place, turning his face slightly to the right, a little pout on his lips as Jaehyun moves forward and tries to kiss him, again. 

It starts slow, gentle, a brush of lips between two lovers who know they have all the time of the world. No rushing, no doubts hanging from above them, just this moment, just them and nothing more. Taeyong lets out a happy exhale through his nose, body turning between Jaehyun’s arms to face him, making the angle from their kiss a lot more enjoyable than before, deeper than before, and like every single time they’ve kissed before, Jaehyun’s hands come to grip his waist, drunk in the feeling of having Taeyong in his arms like it’s the first time all over again. 

There’s a little humming sound that Taeyong makes when their tongues brush against each other, the warmth that comes with Taeyong begins to transform in a fire in the pit of his stomach that responds at the urge in which the older bites his lips, the way he moves, still between Jaehyun legs, so he can tower above the younger, knees brushing his crotch making him groan, breaking the kiss just for a second, before Taeyong dips his head down again, chasing his mouth, kissing him a little more urgently, licking inside his mouth, fingers coming to play with the fine hair of his nape. 

His neck is starting to stain from the way his head’s tilted back against the armchair, so he tightens his grip on Taeyong’s thin waist, urging him to lay down on the couch in a more comfortable position. 

His efforts earn him a teasing bite on his lower lip, and Taeyong growling his name displeased, so he tries again, this time caressing Taeyong’s body until he’s at the older’s chest, thumb and forefinger caressing a nipple that’s pocking through his thin shirt. 

Taeyong moans at the touch, breaking the kiss with a broken call for his name, never one to relent, Jaehyun continues pressing kisses against Taeyong’s neck, dipping his tongue at his Adam’s apple that keeps bobbing up and down with every heavy breath the older takes. 

It’s only when Taeyong calls for him with a sultry voice, each new chant of his name dripping with something that Jaehyun’s sure he’s never heard on the older, but it makes him ache. Jaehyun stops and raises his face to look at him, dark eyes hazy.

“Aren’t you going to make an honest man out of Hyung, first?” Taeyong pants, lips twitching in amusement.

That cheeky bastard. 

Jaehyun whines pathetically, latching himself at Taeyong’s neck again “Me? Hyung must be the one taking responsibility! Hyung’s so, _so_ beautiful, I can’t help myself” 

Taeyong smacks his head playfully and tsks at Jaehyun when he raises his face “Are you teasing me?” he says pouting, narrowing his pretty eyes. 

“Of course not” He says, smiling up to Taeyong hands idly caressing his wait again “But seriously if you don’t want to do anything then we don’t do anything. You know I won’t push you” 

“It’s not that Jaehyun-ah” answers Taeyong in a whisper looking at Jaehyun's chest “ I’m just…overwhelmed, you keep looking at me _like_ -” he whines embarrassed instead of finishing. 

“I’ve always looked at you like _this_ Taeyong”

_Like_ _I’m in love with you_

Taeyong brings his hands to his face hiding it from the burning eyes of the younger “It’s not good for my heart Jaehyunnie, I think I’ll die” 

For the nth time in the day his lips from a smile as he takes Taeyong’s hands, trying to free his face while Taeyong continues to whine and making indescribable embarrassed sounds “People don’t normally die from something like this” 

Taeyong’s eyes are so big and behind the embarrassment there’s a hint of concern that makes Jaehyun heart clench, he brushes their fingers together trying to reassure the older, teasing mood completely set aside “Taeyong it’s really okay. I’m still the same person as before, you know I’m never going pressure you, never. We’ll do whatever you want, whoever you want, at the pace you want and need” when Taeyong doesn’t answer he adds cheekily “Hell, we can turn off the lights and you can image I’m that actor you love, I’ll even make the voice” 

Taeyong face breaks into a smile despite not wanting to, the suppresses a laugh when Jaehyun calls his name in a poor attempt of imitating Taeyong’s favorite actor. He takes Jaehyun’s fingers and intertwines them with his “You’re the same but it’s _different_ ” 

“How?” his question is met with a loud distress sound, he chuckles “Explain to me so I can understand you love” 

There’s a choking sound coming from Taeyong as the term of endearment comes out from his lips like it’s second nature to Jaehyun. He turns pink again.

“I-I just pour my heart out, confessed all my feelings for you,” He says shyly “This is a little embarrassing for me” 

Jaehyun’s heart explodes with warmth before throwing himself to hug Taeyong, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Taeyong squirms, huffing like a little kid, trying to move away from the younger’s embrace.

“Stop teasing me!” 

“I’m not, love. It’s just-” Jaehyun grins against his neck “You keep acting like this will be our first time, you’re making me nervous too” 

It wasn’t a lie. The fact that Taeyong was really acting like everything was new between them, was making him feel all giddy, excited, and a little nervous too. He knew Taeyong could feel the way his heart was beating erratically against his chest, that’s how close they were. Just like the first time they kissed, all those months ago. 

“But, it _is_ ” he answers, hands coming cradle head closer to his neck, finger playing with the short hairs of Jaehyun’s nape, nails scraping a little the skin there. Jaehyun melts at the gentleness of Taeyong’s touch “It’d be our first time as boyfriends, Jaehyunnie” 

_Well, fuck._

There goes his heart again. 

He wasn’t expecting anything from Taeyong. When they decided to talk things out back at the hotel room, the older had mentioned talking with Young, end things with him. Jaehyun didn’t know exactly what that meant, but he had decided to just stay by the older’s side and silently support him with whatever he needed be it time, space, or a friend. The older did say he wanted for them to be together, but he just assumed they’d talk about it and decided that when Taeyong felt ready, after all, he needed time to pull himself together. 

So, yeah, he was pretty settled on the idea of being with Taeyong, it didn’t matter the way that was. That’s why he’d joke about them, cause he didn't want Taeyong to feel the pressure of anything. Taeyong’s feelings were all over the place after years of manipulation and self-hatred, he can’t even begin to imagine all the things that the older went through... He expected nothing from Taeyong because the older didn't owe him anything. The only thing Jaehyun wanted from Taeyong was for the older to be happy and content with himself. 

So he wasn’t ready for _this._

“Boyfriends?” Jaehyun repeats, raising his head from Taeyong’s embrace to look at him. There’s this pink hue dusting the bridge of Taeyong’s nose, his lips are so red and well kissed, his golden tousled hair has a halo of light making him look so ethereal, so unreal and Jaehyun stares. Just stares and stares, eyes roaming through his beautiful and peaceful smile, his big dark eyes filled with so much tenderness that it is impossible for Jaehyun to do anything more than to move upwards and press a chaste kiss on Taeyong’s lips. The older is laughing embarrassed against his mouth, snuggling closer to him. 

“Only if you ask nicely, Hyung" 

Taeyong bites his lip before groans out loud how mean Jaehyun’s being, how he had asked him to make an honest man out of him, a few minutes ago. And maybe he is teasing Taeyong a little too much today but he can help it. 

“Jaehyunie, would you? Be my boyfriend, I mean” 

It feels like a utopia, being with Taeyong like this, so open for him, purring his worries, sharing Jaehyun’s love. He wants to feel like this forever.

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren't you?” musters Jaehyun lips grazing down the older's neck, playful hands rubbing circles under Taeyong's shirt “You are trying to kill me before we do anything, are you?”

The wheezing sound of Taeyong’s laughter as he pulls Jaehyun down with him to the couch is the only answer he gets. 

They stayed pressed against each other on the couch, Jaehyun’s face buried on Taeyong’s chest, while the older draws circles on his back, just talking about this last few days, about the latest shenanigans of the kids, how they all were going to travel to Canada to Minhyung’s house for the summer break, how apparently Jongin had finally asked out Baekhyun on a date, which was a surprise for Jaehyun, he definitely thought those two were already dating. 

After a few soothing touches, Jaehyun began to doze off, the steady beat of Taeyong’s heart as a lullaby. He’s in and out of sleep when he feels cold fingers moving under his shirt to trace the lines on his back, blunt nails scraping his muscles leaving goosebumps all over his skin. It’s anything but relaxing, so Jaehyun says so, he begins mouthing against Taeyong’s chest how he’s a mean, mean Hyung for teasing him, he also mouths praises and praises of how proud he is of Taeyong and all the little steps he was taking to open up and accepting of himself. 

It was supposed to be a tender moment, just basking in each other’s warmth but the words that Jaehyun kept whispering against his chest seemed to ignite something on Taeyong, who pulls at Jaehyun to change positions so he can be on top of him, long legs strangling Jaehyun’s middle. His dark eyes have a wicked glint on them as Jaehyun looks up to look at his _boyfriend._ Taeyong presses a kiss to his nose before almost ripping his shirt to latch himself to suck on Jaehyun’s collarbones. The urge of the older’s mouth, the way he licks and bites just to lick again sparks something deep and hot on the pit of Jaehyun’s stomach. 

There’s a choked moan coming from Taeyong when Jaehyun moves his hands to Taeyong’s ass in an invitation, come closer it says, takes whatever you want from me. Taeyong seems to get the message because he raises his eyes pink lips licking and grazing the flesh of his neck, of his chest before he latches to a nipple, eyes never leaving Jaehyun’s, playful fingers set on his ribs, hips grinding down in a delirious pace. 

With new urgency, Jaehyun moves hungry fingers to the front of the older’s pants, in dire to remove Taeyong’s offensive garment off his body.

Underwear included. 

Ravenous lips lick into his, as he urges Jaehyun to do the same. There are teeth clicking, as they laugh against each other’s lips, uncoordinated limbs trying to rip out shirts and everything that’s in their way, until they both are bare, panting and drinking in the planes of skin. 

Jaehyun licks his lips at the sight of the man above him, at the blush that travels down to his chest, the clench of Taeyong’s stomach, his cock red, head curving, and smearing pre-come against the taut flesh. 

Fuck. 

Jaehyun might just come from that sight. 

Every inch of his skin against his sends a spark down Jaehyun's spine.

He reaches under the couch for a little bottle of lube he had after another quick session with Taeyong weeks ago, making Taeyong huff indignantly at the way Jaehyun lives, the mess that’s his place. Smiling cheekily while the older continues his choked nagging, Jaehyun begins coating his fingers with the cold lube, trying to warm it before he tried anything with Taeyong. 

“Hyung?” he musters nails digging on his own thigh, trying his best not to move an inch closer to the other man before he can hear he is okay with all of this. He doesn't want to fuck this up, not when they are finally here and Taeyong has finally begun to open up to him. 

Not when Taeyong’s finally said he loves him. 

So he lies there looking at those dark eyes, clouded with lust, and even if he can feel the need vibrating through every pore of Taeyong he needs to hear him say it, needs to bottle up those words and keep them all to himself for the rest of his life. 

“I want you, Jaehyun, I want all of you” comes the answers, voice filled with overwhelming adoration that gets him dizzier than everything that has happened at the moment. Taeyongleans down and leaves a peck on his upper lip lovingly as if to reassure Jaehyun, that he too, wanted this. 

“I want you too, all of you” echoes Jaehyun almost a natural response, eager to please. Taeyong smiles into his mouth moving his crotch up so Jaehyun can bring one lubed finger against his entrance, circling the rim of muscles, dick dragging against Jaehyun’s, in his stomach making both of them groan. 

He looks again just to be sure and the older gives him the sweetest smile he’s ever seen on his face. _Go on_ , he mouths. 

And he does, first one finger pushing inside the ring of muscle, he feels Taeyong clench around him for a moment, little muffled sounds leaving his lips that Jaehyun drinks greedily straight from his mouth. 

It’s hard to reach from their position so Jaehyun manhandles his boyfriend so Taeyong can rest on his back, groins still touching, never breaking their kissing. 

He takes his time opening him up, one, two, three fingers, Jaehyun folds the older knees bringing them to his chest, to get deeper in him. He’s trying to engrave the sight in front of him: blonde tousled hair, pink rosy cheeks, glossy eyes looking at him with such tenderness behind his lust-filled gaze, plump lips glistening with spit from their kiss. Taeyong whimpers and cries out when he hits the bundle of nerves inside him, Jaehyun just bites the soft flesh of his thigh to muffle his own groan.

He’s sure he’s never going to love someone as much as he loves Lee Taeyong. 

“You good love?” he licks against the skin, fingers knuckle deep. Taeyong gasps biting his own lips trying to stop the lewd sounds pouring from his mouth, he clenches around his fingers, moving his hips trying to match his rhythm. 

“I’m…don't know” he answers a little dazed. He digs his fingers on the couch moaning as Jaehyun’s fingers continue to scissor him open “My heart is beating so fast…” 

“Mine too” he chuckles enamored, almost tender despite the crude state they both are in. He leaves a kiss on the older’s knee “I’m about to die here too”

Taeyong shudders again, arching his back so, so prettily on the couch, a hefty sound leaving red bitten lips “Ye...Yeah...it...feels good Jaehyunie” At the pet name the younger presses against him a little deeper, an obscene squelching sound joining Taeyong’s moans and his deep grunts “P-Please...Please just…” 

“O-Okay...” 

He pulls his fingers out of Taeyong despite the sound of complaint at the emptiness in his body. Parting Taeyong’s legs to get in between them, dragging his tongue from navel to his belly button, savoring the salty taste of his skin. Taeyong finally stops his clenching to the couch and latches one of his hands to press his face closer where Taeyong needs him, needy fingers pulling and tugging his dark strands. Jaehyun mouths at his pretty dick questioning if all of this was okay, breathe ghosting against his aching cock, Taeyong mewls when the younger begins to lick the underside of Taeyong’s cock, catching the drops of pre-cum with his tongue, one hand on the base of his cock, moving slowly up and down. 

He feels the way Taeyong's body is trembling because of him, because of Jaehyun. 

He hollows his cheeks creating more saliva so Taeyong’s dick can slide easier out of his mouth, he feels the excess dripping down his jaw, his cock drips some come at the thought of it being Taeyong’s load when he’s finished with him. So when Taeyong begins talking he can seem to pay attention to what’s going on. It’s when Taeyong grabs his hair, chanting his name in a hurry, asking for him to look at him from his place that Jaehyun does. 

“I- fuck, I met him...ah, ah, and ended things” 

Jaehyun hums displeased, hearing about Taeyong’s ex while he is giving him head it’s not the best turn on, so he makes his teeth drag along Taeyong’s tip a little in distaste. The older hisses from under him and pulls his hair a little harder than before. _Good_. “I told him, that...that I was in love and…” The fire in his belly begins to spread like wildfire, the hand on his hair begins to stroke his strands a little gentler than before, urging for him to look up and he does, lips shining with the mix of spit and Taeyong’s precome, red cheeks caused from exhaustion, a total mess. But Taeyong, Taeyong’s looking at him so, so tenderly, with his big dark eyes glistening like stars filled with tears as his body is trembling with pleasure. “So...I’m more than okay” 

His cheeks hurt from the board smile that plants itself on his lips at the older’s admission. 

Thank god, Taeyong can bend like that. 

His back is arching beautifully from the couch, crotch moving in tight circles against Jaehyun while he sucks on one of his nipples. He feels Taeyong’s leg circle his middle, movements a little more erratic as he cries for him to hurry up and a _“Put it in, now Jung Jaehyun”_

There’s something so hot about the urgency of the elder’s words and movements, body screaming for Jaehyun. He must’ve saved a whole fucking planet in his past life to deserve someone like Taeyong. 

He was so enchanted by every single moment and sound coming from Taeyong that he had neglected his own pleasure, so when takes his cock to a line it to his entrance he can’t help the loud moan that comes from the pit of his stomach, the simple touch almost taking him to the edge. Thin fingers make their way to his neck, nails digging so painfully good making his eyes roll to the back of his head, he wastes no more time, he grabs Taeyong’s ass and finally enters the warmth of his body, slamming in and out within sloppy, hurried moments. 

Taeyong moves with Jaehyun in tandem, letting his legs be moved over the younger’s shoulders so the angle deeper, the sounds louder, and the pleasure scratching hot. There’s a blinding pain mixing with desire, as Taeyong digs his nails so hard at his back he’s sure it’ll draw blood.

“Harder J-Jaehyun” 

He doesn’t acknowledge Taeyong’s pleas to change the pace, he just simply does it. Without warning, he begins to slam harder into the older, each thrust making Taeyong’s body move up the seat of the couch, gasps getting a little breathier, moans a little pitcher, louder. 

Until he suddenly stops much to Taeyong’s dismay. Mid whine, Jaehyun pulls out of Taeyong pushes up the shaking body of the older and makes him sit on his lap, so each thrust bounces Taeyong up, his arms circle the older, one hand traveling under so he can grope his ass meeting the older’s thrusts up eyes rolling back of his head. 

He feels a tongue lapping at the sweat rolling down his neck, licking and biting at every patch of skin that’s left unmarked and Jaehyun is just, so, so, gone. He forces his eyes to open up so he can meet at the man kissing his bitten skin. It’s beautiful. Taeyong looks up, eyes a little glossy, blurred with pleasure as he moves forward to leave an open-mouthed kiss on the younger.

He thrusts again, feet using the floor as support, before tracing with his tongue the older lips one last time catching the pretty gasp with his mouth when Jaehyun brushes his prostate with the moment. 

“This man that … you _like_ ” he grunts against the older lips “ Who is he?” 

He thrust at a quick pace, all this foreplay making ache with the need of cuming inside of the older and fill him up. He knows he is doing something right when he feels Taeyong clench so hard it’s almost a little painful for his throbbing cock. Also, the little screams the older is doing as he slams his body into him are enough for Jaehyun to get a little rougher, biting on the older’s shoulder while Taeyong digs his nails on his skin, his other hand stroking himself rapidly, his fist hitting his harden stomach with each moment, his own hips at an erratic pace, he yelps when Jaehyun digs his own on the plump skin of his ass, in a way asking for him to answer his own question. 

“I think...oh god...y-you kn..ow!”

Jaehyun does a particularly hard thrust, another moan rips out of the older's lips as he tries to squeeze the life out of him “ _I_ _thin-k_...I want to hear you say it” he pants into his lover's mouth, giving him a slight smack before rubbing the tender skin at his boyfriend’s mewl. 

Between moans and sloppy kisses, Taeyong cries “ I love you, Jaehyun, I love you, I love you, you, you” chanting his name against his lips making Jaehyun’s cock get if it was possible, bigger and harder earning a deep groan out of Taeyong as he comes over his stomach, shivering as the younger pressing soothing kisses over his damp hair when he feels the familiar pull in his lower stomach, the blinding lights, the toe-curling pressure as he too comes finally inside the other. 

They stay like that, with Jaehyun still inside the older his dick still half-hard, even as Taeyong clenches trying to milk him dry, hissing at the sensitivity of his entrance. 

Taeyong moves, trying to sit a little more comfortable in his lap, burying his face in the crook of the younger’s neck, breathing in his scent, chest heaving and fighting to catch his breath. 

“Are you really alright?” he presses a kiss on his sweaty hair “You’re still trembling love” 

“Yeah...I’m okay” Jaehyun’s arms sneak their way to his back to hug him closer, cooing into his hair to stop him from trembling “Jae…I think you are getting hard again” he musters tiredly against his skin. 

There’s laughter bumbling inside his chest, shoulders moving making Taeyong raise his head to smile at him a little cheeky “I’m sorry love, it’s the biology I can’t stop that” 

The older murmurs something like sounds a little like _“Biology my ass”_ as he presses a peck on Jaehyun’s lips. 

“ _Fine_ , move, I’ll pull out” 

Before he can move though, Taeyong presses his pelvis down again, trying to rub himself onto Jaehyun, his cock smearing his come all over Jaehyun’s stomach. Thinking it’s a mistake from the older, he presses his hands against his waist trying to pull out but Taeyong just slams down again, he moves up and down, again and again, trying to get off face scratched up in pleasure, his hands grabbing tightly at Jaehyun’s nape as he bounces on Jaehyun’s cock. 

There’s a sound that Jaehyun’s surprise that came out of himself when he feels his cock brushing Taeyong’s spot.

“You-” 

He moves his grip on Taeyong’s waist, helping Taeyong’s body up, so he can fuck himself properly on his dick. 

The lewd sound of skin against skin continues to be the only sound in his apartment, well, that and the melody of Taeyong’s broken moans. He digs his fingers onto the plum flesh digging his nails on the narrow waist, he’s pretty sure there’s going to be a bruise. The older slams himself down harder trying to get himself off again. Jaehyun licks Taeyong’s neck moving one of his hands to his nipple, Taeyong’s hand moves from Jaehyun's head to his own dick in rapid movements. 

The couch creaks under them as Taeyong digs his heel on it to try and meet the younger erratic thrusts. The echo of his name on the older lips is the one thing that makes him come inside Taeyong again. 

“I feel like you squeezed every last drop out of me” he pants as Taeyong’s bites down his neck to suppress the groan as he comes again, smearing all over their chest, stomachs, a few drops getting the couch behind them. 

Taeyong licks apologetically at the blooming bruise that’s forming on Jaehyun’s pale skin. 

“Good” Taeyong snuggles on his chest, hands, and legs caging him against the couch. 

His couch, fuck. It’s going to be hell trying to clean it. 

Those concerns go out of the window when he feels Taeyong’s little seated laugh on his neck. 

Ah, that shit was old anyway. Maybe he can finally get the one he had been eyeing in that little shop he saw with Johnny before his trip. 

With the utmost care he can, he lifts a little to look at the older. Taeyong’s beautiful as always, red cheeks, blonde hair tousled to the nth, skin almost glowing with sweat, his eyes are closed as he continues to graphs for air, there’s this beautiful seated smile on his lips. 

Jaehyun sighs completely enamored by the older. 

He is so in love with him. Fuck. 

He smiles like the fool in love he is and says, trying not to scare the state of pure peace the older is in “Is there anything you want to do during the vacation?” 

He’s met with those big dark orbs looking at him in a daze “Something I want to do?” 

“Yeah any plans?” Jaehyun repeats as he pushes down the couch, making his way down to Taeyong’s chest leaving small kisses here and there. 

The older’s sighs content hands coming to Jaehyun’s hair “Let’s see, my birthday’s coming up so there’s this movie I want to watch, ah, I also want to go to a bookstore for my birthday gift! and there’s this new pastry place near my house” he laughs as Jaehyun leaves a loud kiss on his chest “eat some nice food” he tugs his hair a little, urging him to raise his head. He licks his lips before he leaves a little kiss on Jaehyun’s nose “Most of all, I want to get tangled up with Jaehyunnie all summer” 

Jaehyun’s pretty sure he preens at being called with such tenderness. He can’t stop the bubbly laugh that leaves his lips, making his chest vibrate happily with the sound of his loud laughter as his face turns a new shade of pink. His hands make their way down to the older’s ass again, fingers grabbing his soft dick to pull out of Taeyong and he moves closer to Taeyong’s chest still moving because of the laughter. 

“Good ” he smirks as Taeyong kisses the laughter away with his plush lips. He hums as the older deepens the kiss, fingers tugging his hair again, a little more forceful than before “Let’s do everything that you want to do then” he says, between kisses “There’s plenty of time”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I had this chapter written out since the beginning, it's the one strip of the comic that made me go "Ok but imagine Jaeyong in this"  
> \- The "I pray that we can go forward, step by step as support for each other (...) I'm hoping that I'll be able to bring you happiness in the future" It's from Taeyong's bubble from today (24/05) and i thought it was so adorable so i had to put this in.  
> \- Jaehyun being soft but at the same time declaring his love in a threatening way is so on brand. He's the definition of hard/soft.- Although this was the first chapter i wrote, it's also the one i've edit the most. Since i've taken some liberties with the dialogues and some scenes that are not in the original, this no longer resembles the original draft i had, that's why it took so long! to post!  
> \- Are you ready for Jaeyong to be disgusting and cute (and horny) for the rest of the fic? then hold on tight, you're in for a ride.  
> \- I'm also surprised that no-one asked me to make TY call JH Jaehyunnie before.  
> \- Also, i don't know why but i image Jaehyun being the kind of person who after a heartfelt moment just says something cheesy or embarrassing just to make people around him smile bc he loves making people laugh. And i also picture Taeyong as someone who, when he gets extremely embarrassed/or says something really embarrassing just, turns into a little ball of shyness and cringe or fights the other person. There's no in-between  
> \- Now that Taeyong's learning to be himself we'll see a new side of him, we've seen glances of him in other chapters (how he loves to tease JH and make his ears red, how he gets easily flustered and whines a lot, how he's actually playful but was too scared, to shy to be himself) so hold on tight, cause TY is coming through  
> \- there's only another plot point that's going to be explored more towards the end and in the epilogue with TY's character, now that he's changing and stuff (I promise is not something bad or angsty or anything!) But i've dropped hints though all of the fic, so there's some foreshadowing about this. If you have any idea let me now! Let's see if you pay attention-Next chapter is Taeyong's birthday so !!!  
> \- Take care of yourselves, drink water and stream Punch.  
> -I'm now doing commisions ! so hit me up if you want more info!!!  
> I appreciate all your comments and kudos, they are what keep me coming back and writing this mess. So thank you.


	16. Ten

He feels the warmth of another body moving coser to him before he feels the dip on the mattress before. The scent of lavender fill’s Jaehyun’s lungs, helping him wake up (or at least he tries to).

His arms move blindly until they find the slim waist of his boyfriend, squeezing it faintly with all the strength his sleepy body has at the moment, he hears a faint giggle and then the warm press of a kiss against his temple. 

“You’re awake” 

“No” Jaehyun huffs, fingers tracing the curve of the older’s waist. He presses his head closer to his boyfriend lips asking for more temple kisses. Taeyong complies between giggles. 

“Your voice sounds super low” says Taeyong, fingers trailing the arch of his eyebrow “You’re still sleepy aren’t you?” 

Jaehyun sighs in content at the tender touch, tangling their legs under the sheets. 

“You’re not getting up?” asks Taeyong against his forehead, pressing a kiss between Jaehyun furrowed eyebrows at the prospect of leaving the comfort of the bed.

 _Their_ bed. 

_Oh, too early to go there._

Still not opening his eyes, he pouts a petulant “Nope” 

“That’s too bad…” Jaehyun can imagine the pretty smile that’s drawing in his lips by the way he is dragging his words, voice filled with mirth “I was thinking we could shower together, but if you’re too tired…” 

And that does it. 

His eyes open at the opportunity of seeing Taeyong under the spray of water, droplets painting his skin the color of the rainbow when the rays of the sun hit them from the window of his bathroom. 

“What a cutie” says Taeyong between huffs of laughter, patting his ass before detangling his body from Jaehyun’s sleepy claws and moving to the bathroom. 

* * *

Jaehyun will be the first to admit that he’s a horny fucker. He knows that he’ll take whatever reason to be with Taeyong, having him painting needy in his ear, his walls clenching his length almost painfully. He knows that between both of them, he’s the one always ready to pounce the older even when he’s just there, not doing anything relatively important and that’s okay, he has made his peace with it. 

Having this in mind, it’s somewhat surprising that this time it’s Taeyong who had ulterior reasons for them to take a shower together. 

The older has him pressed against cold tiles while he sucks and licks his length with such a gusto, Jaehyun has thrown his head back hard (several times) ,earning a another bump at the back of his head when Taeyong decides to nimble at his tip, licking at the underside of his cock, following the vein until he’s burying his face into Jaehyun’s crotch, sloppy sounds drowned by the water hitting Taeyong’s pretty arched back. 

His fingers come to grab fistfuls of wet blonde hair when he feels two fingers coming to rest between his cheeks, earning an approving moan from his boyfriend. 

He opens his eyes and looks down in warning when he feels those fingers press deeper coming almost to his entrance. 

Taeyong’s name leaves his lips between breathy moans but his boyfriend is restless, head bobbing up and down so enthusiastically his nose is hitting the base of Jaehyun’s crotch grazing the neatly cut pubic hair. At the back of his head, Jaehyun tries to still the movement of his hips, afraid of chocking his boyfriend- 

He tries again, and again, but by this time it sounds like he’s more chanting his name in ecstasy, than trying to communicate with him. Even when he tightens his grip on his hair, nails scraping his scalp, Taeyong only manages to moan harder between his dick, the hand that was gripping his thigh for support coming to touch himself, matching the pace he’d set with Jaehyun’s cock. 

He comes first, not even feeling the tightness on his stomach or the heat in his belly that always comes as a warning, too enthralled by the feeling his boyfriend tongue, swallowing him whole. 

Those thin, cool fingers circling his entrance- 

His low cry turns into a groan when his head bumps against the wall behind him, again, he feels a rumble in his sensitive dick when Taeyong tries to laugh without choking, mouth still full of his softening cock. 

There’s only the sound of loud panting echoing in the cold bathroom walls. Jaehyun tries to pry his eyes open but can’t seem to be able, he's still dizzy, his ears are ringing.

He's so fucking seated.

He's so happy. 

Taeyong squeezes his ass before he asks to be pulled up, which Jaehyun does, still with his shaky arms and even shakier legs. He presses a bruising kiss in his waiting mouth, shivering at the taste of his own come in his boyfriend mouth. 

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing” he murmurs between kisses. Taeyong whines when he bites particularly hard on his lower lip. 

“Have you? Tried it before?” his boyfriend pants digging his fingers at his sides. 

“No” 

“Would uh, would it be something you’d like to try?” 

Jaehyun thinks for a moment before answering “I think that with somebody else I'd say no but…I mean it’s you. I’d want to if it’s with you” 

The smile that Taeyong throws his way is too pretty to leave it without a kiss so Jaehyun tilts his head down to press one at the corner of his mouth. 

With a shy thank you Taeyong begins to scrub their skin, washing away all the come painting their stomach and even the bathroom tiles.

It’s when the older’s looking for their towels that they had discarded on the floor that Jaehyun talks again. 

“Love?” 

Taeyong hums before poking his head under his fluffy white towel. 

“Do you want to go on a date with me today?” 

“Where are we going?

Jaehyun shrugs before walking outside the shower and pressing a small kiss on his forehead “you said you wanted to watch a movie” 

“Alright, boyfriend” smiles Taeyong his big eyes in crescents “Our first date” 

* * *

“I’m taking too long right?” Jaehyun makes a non comical sound from the back of his throat, eyes trained at his phone sending another text to Johnny. 

There’s a beat of silence where Taeyong heaves a deep sigh and continues to survey the movie options in front of them, reading and then re-reading the synopsis, watching attentively at the posters as if he’s weighing his options. Jaehyun stays there quietly playing with his phone, waiting for his boyfriend to choose one. 

Jaehyun bites his tongue to keep himself to say anything, he bites down harder when he catches the nervous set on his boyfriend's shoulders, the fidgeting of his fingers. He didn’t care if he had to wait all day, he would not pressure Taeyong into anything today or ever. The whole reason why he had asked the older to a date was because he had an idea at how his “dates” (can he even call them that?) with _him_ where, so he wanted to make Taeyong know that he had a choice and a say in their relationship with things as inconsequential as picking a movie and more important things (like what they had discussed in the morning). 

He wanted his boyfriend to feel confident in his choices and he wanted him to learn more about himself so if that meant that he had to shut his mouth and wait, he’d do that happily. 

“We could just watch what you want Jaehyun-ah” sighs Taeyong, dejected, going back to the home menu of the cinema. He turns to look at him with a small smile on his face, one that doesn’t reach his eyes and Jaehyun heart breaks just a bit. 

“I want to watch a movie that you picked out” Shaking his head he says “We’re not in a hurry so you can take your time” 

Taeyong nods, still unconvinced and turns again to the movie menu. He presses some more on the screen before a poster comes on showing a bright blue sky and a girl holding a kite “Uh, this director has a new movie out? I think I’ve heard of it before” 

Jaehyun hums and opens safari to google the director so Taeyong can look at it “Look at the films he’s made, he’s actually pretty well known” 

“Ah! I liked that movie” says Taeyong looking over his shoulder reading the list of movies commenting about the one’s he had seen “Okay I’ve made up my mind! Let’s watch this one!” 

“Perfect” he says smiling “Let me buy the tickets” Taeyong turns, furrowed eyebrows ready to complain when Jaehyun chides him lightly “Why won’t you let me spoil you?” 

“Because I want to spoil you too” 

Jaehyun feels the tip of his ears turning red at the eagerness lacing his tone “Hyung!”

His boyfriend’s eyes narrow dangerously when Jaehyun moves closer to the movie kiosk, already pressing the “buy” button. 

“ _Fine_! You can buy the food” 

With one squeeze on his hand Taeyong runs off to the food parlor to buy what Jaehyun suspects is a bunch of sweet treats, when Taeyong meets him down the line near the hallway that takes them to the movie theater with his hands full of sweets and caramel popcorn Jaehyun just shakes his head resigned and follows his boyfriend inside to look for their seats. 

The chat for a bit while they wait for the trailers, Jaehyun asking Taeyong about his favorite movie (A man call Ove), favorite song (doesn’t have one but probably something with Chet Baker, Jaehyun swears he falls even more for him), hobbies (drawing and cooking), about his pets (a dog that is staying with his mother, Ruby) until someone hushes them from the back when they’re still talking even when the opening credits are rolling. 

It’s a pretty okay film even if the plot is a little cliche and the main actor is getting on Jaehyun’s nerves, still, the cinematography is beautiful and the soundtrack is so good that Jaehyun makes the mental note to maybe download it for future reference. 

He’s wrecking his brain for the name of a particular song when he feels the weight of Taeyong’s face on his shoulder, he’s about to tease his boyfriend about his shameless display of affection when he hears the soft yelping sound that Taeyong makes when he’s sleeping. Jaehyun tries to move his head so he can rest more comfortably on him and with the utmost care, takes Taeyong’s hand into his lap, tracing soothing circles on the back hopefully helping for the older to continue sleeping as soundly as he’s. 

It’s until the end of the movie and when Jaehyun’s sure that there’s no more people with them save from the poor college student doing the cleaning that he wakes his boyfriend up. Taeyong’s face turns the prettiest shade of red when he realizes he had spent most of the film asleep, he turns even redder as he rambles his apologies to him, big glassy eyes still swimming with sleep. 

“Hey, no, no it’s okay, you didn’t get much sleep last night,” says Jaehyun, pressing a kiss on Taeyong’s nose. 

They stay there, Taeyong hushing quietly about how sorry he feels while Jaehyun shakes his head reassuring him that it’s okay, until the poor college boy that’s cleaning the lower row from them gives them a pointed look and they finally decide to get out. 

Taeyong still has a dejected face when they are walking down the street so Jaehyun decides to look for the closest private place he can find to confront his boyfriend. They walk for a while, until Jaehyun finds a hallway near a quiet street, obscured by a clearly out of place tree that makes for the perfect hiding spot for their little talk. 

“It wasn’t really my kind of movie, I thought it would be more fun” begins Taeyong with a shaky voice “If I pick something out it’s always bad, maybe next time-” 

“I mean there isn’t a single person in this world who always gets everything right. Failure is just a result of making a decision, so what if you didn’t feel like you made a good decision? I think that’s better than not doing anything-uh” The air is taken out of his lungs when he feels a pair of airs circling behind his middle, the hot face of Taeyong burrowed into his chest. 

“This is why I love you so much” 

Jaehyun presses a playful kiss at the crown of his head before he says against his boyfriend's hair “You’re trying to tell me that you want a kiss right?”

Taeyong mumbles something before he raises his head from his hiding spot, pout already in his face before Jaehyun decides to make his mission to kiss it out of those pink lips. 

* * *

“Wow, I didn’t know there was a bookstore here” 

“It’s new, I wanted to come here with you” says Jaehyun following Taeyong through the aisles, letting him explore till his heart's content, losing himself in the old scent of pages and the distinct smell of sandalwood he picked the first time he visited “The book I wanted to get is over there, you don’t have to come though, I’ll be right back”

Taeyong nods distractedly before dashing to one of the furthest nooks of the store, almost skipping happily, clearly excited to what he saw before Jaehyun turns the opposite side to the self help section. 

He finds what he’s looking for and quickly makes his way to the older who he finds hovering at the children's section with a fond look on his face. 

“Love?” 

“You got it already?” 

“Yes, _‘The Courage to be disliked’_!” he replies bringing the book up for his boyfriend to look at it before he points at the one on Taeyong hands “What do you have there?” 

“Uh, Is from a series of children’s books that I liked when I was little, they released a new revised edition of it” explains Taeyong sheepishly, his voice the gentlest Jaehyun’s ever hear him “I read it so much as a kid the book got all worn out, my mom used to to read it to me every night. I didn’t know it was still in print” 

“Let’s get it then” 

“What?” 

Gently, Jaehyun takes the colorful book from his boyfriend's grip, putting it on top of his before taking Taeyong’s hand and guides him to the counter “I can tell how much it means to you” 

“You don’t have to”

Jaehyun gives his hand a quick squeeze before he says with what he hopes is a reassuring smile “But I want to” 

With books in hand they make their way to Beomchon street market, grabbing some fruity drinks for their mid-day stroll down the streets until they arrive at Joongang traditional market. 

“How is it?” he asks laughing at his boyfriend scowl in his face after taking another sip at his drink. 

He breathes in and out before opening his eyes and says with an apologetic tone lacing his words “It’s a little two sour for me” 

“Here”Jaehyun offers, pressing his own strawberry drink to the older hands, taking Taeyong’s instead, switching their drinks ”Try mine” 

His boyfriend hums happily nodding, “Ah this is better” 

“Are you sure? We can buy another one” 

“No, no, I like this” Taeyong reassures him, bright eyes looking curiously at the colorful stalls surrounding the area, he’s mid sip when he points excitedly at one of the bigger ones “There’s some games going on there” 

“Ah, it’s shooting games” cries his boyfriend, unconsciously pulling Jaehyun into the direction of that one stall “It looks like they’re giving stuffed animals out as prizes!” 

“Let’s do it, I’ll win one for you” 

“Shoot 5 balloons with this toy gun here and win a prize” says the man at the stall. He’s a short chubby guy, shouting at the microphone pointing at the couples that are passing though. “If you stop after clearing one round, you’ll get this cute little teddy bear” He points distractingly to the wall filled with teddy bears behind him “But if you’re brave enough and think that you can clear 15 consecutive balloons over there rounds, we’ll give you the grand prize of a this giant teddy bear! But if you miss even just one balloon you’re immediately out!” 

The high pitched squeal Taeyong makes at the sight of the human sized Teddy bear is enough for Jaehyun to move forward. 

“Oh, What a handsome guy, I’m sure you’ll do great” he shoves a toy gun to Jaehyun and points to the wall of balloons “Whenever you’re ready son” 

Jaehyun doesn't really know where this confidence comes from, maybe it’s from the sleepless nights he spent playing resident evil with Yuta back when they were teens or maybe because he wants to see the glint of happiness in Taeyong's eyes when he wins the prize. 

Whatever it is, Jaehyun grabs the toy gun with steady hands and points to the wall. 

“Wow!” Shouts the man from his microphone, “That’s lame, Why was he so confident? Eliminated in the blink of an eye” 

If Jaehyun were a caricature, he can imagine a little ghost leaving his lips. 

The red at the tips of his ears must have reached new heights and he’s in the middle of a high pitched screaming match inside of his brain when he feels a pull in his arms and the faraway voice of the man in the stall. 

He comes back to life when he hears his boyfriend’s soft voice and there he’s being pushed back as the older takes the toy gun in his hands and with a smile as big as the sun says: 

“It’s alright Jaehyunnie, Hyung will win it” and if the confidence in the older’s words and posture wasn’t hot enough, he adds “I used to be in the special forces” 

_The special forces?_

_Taeyong?_

_His boyfriend?_

_He can barely walk straight but he was in the special forces?_

_Huh._

* * *

  
  


“The bear is bigger than I thought. If you get tired you tell me okay?” 

“Hyung” he whines, unable to tear away his eyes from Taeyong since the older had popped the 15 balloons flawlessly in the blink of an eye and without breaking a sweat.

God, Jaehyun had never had the need to be fucking ravished by a man before.

“You were so cool” He hugs the bear tighter, looking at his boyfriend through his eyelashes “How can you be so hot?” 

Taeyong’s ugly and snotty laugh follows the playful pinch in the cheeks he gives Jaehyun. 

“Really, you were in the special forces back in the army? That’s...You’re so hot” 

Taeyong shakes his head in embarrassment, pretty cheeks tinted red “When you were doing your service, what unit were you on?” 

“Huh? Oh I was in the 56th infantry division, helped with the recruit training” 

“Jaehyunnie is so cute!” 

“Stop that, now I’m sad” Taeyong crackles ugly again “I wanted to win this and give it as a present” 

They continue to walk side by side, Jaehyun whining about wanting to win something for Taeyong and the older just reassuring him that he can do it another time when Jaehyun spots it. 

It’s a little old blue claw machine almost at the entrance of the subway station to Taeyong’s apartment. Unlike the ones Jaehyun used to play, there’s a big little battered up sign of a dog with the biggest eyes he’s ever seen and a ridiculous blushing and sparkles drawings in it’s pretty face. 

Jaehyun can almost feel the fire at the pit of his stomach. He takes his boyfriend's hand and drags him to the battered crawl machine. 

With a new fire in his eyes, he puts the gigantic bear in his back and takes out all his cash. 

And he fails. 

And fails.

And fails again. 

Normally, Jaehyun is a calm, collected man but he’s about to go on a rampage. Why? Why would the universe want to pick fun of him? He just wants to give something cute to his equally cute boyfriend? 

Why must the fucking universe cock-block him like this? 

“Baby, you’re so cute” giggles Taeyong pressing a kiss to his shoulder, taking advantage of the size of the bear that hides the comforting gesture. 

“There’s something wrong with this thing” He hits the crystal with his knuckles “There’s no way I’m this bad” 

“There’s only money for one more, you still want to try?” 

He knows he’s going to regret this earlier, but if his failure is giving Taeyong so much joy, who is he to take that away from him. 

Biting his tongue, he nods solemnly. 

Is this what fucking Tom Cruise felt in Mission Impossible? His hands move with the most care he’s had in all his years, he can feel the sweat pickling at his hairline and can hear his heart in his ears. 

“There’s something caught on the claw!” Shrikes Taeyong, holding his upper arm excited at the little thing that’s hanging for dear life in the claw. 

Jaehyun lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding when he picks up the little thing up from the bottom of the machine. It’s a small keychain of a Golden Retriever. 

“Jaehyunnie! He looks like you!” 

Furrowing his eyebrows Jaehyun turns to give his boyfriend a pointed look, “Am I that ugly?” 

“It’s not ugly, it’s cute, like you” 

“But...it’s so small” 

“I like it” Taeyong tells him taking the keychain from Jaehyun’s hands “It’s going on my work bag” 

Taeyong gives him one quick kiss before he pulls to the subway station. 

* * *

They arrive at Taeyong’s place a quarter past eleven and decide to skip dinner all together from the amount of food they’ve eaten throw the day (those Tteokbokki stalls back in the market where to die for) so Jaehyun takes some cans of beer from Taeyong’s fridge and they sit at the floor watching what Jaehyun believes to be very complaining drama about doctors as Taeyong babblers about their day with the prettiest, sleepiest voice Jaehyun’s ever heard his boyfriend use.

“Jaehyunnie, I’m sleepy right now” 

“That’s because you drank most of my beer,” he says absentmindedly, patting Taeyong’s thigh. 

From the corner of his eye he sees the older yawn and moving across the room to sprawl into the big ass bear he won at the market. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol in him, but Jaehyun can help the little frown that mares his face “What are you doing? Don’t hug that, hug me!”

“You were carrying it around so it smells like your cologne” Mumbles Taeyong, the mop of blond hair the only thing that's visible from Jaehyun’s angle “It’s soft and nice” 

“You like my cologne?” he chokes, forgetting the medical drama and crawling closer to Taeyong, the red on his ears and cheeks visible even from the faint light of his living room. 

“Yeah, I’ve always like it” 

_Oh_

He crawls until he’s behind the older, and decides to dig his thumbs into the sore skin, giving him a massage “So why are you hugging that instead of the real me, I’m pretty soft too” 

“No uh, there’s no inch of you that’s soft baby…” groans Taeyong at a particular hard dig at one of the knots on his back “Maybe your cheeks? But this bear is way softer” 

“Are you really going to sleep while hugging that thing?”

“Yeah” 

“Really?” 

Jaehyun laughs at the muffled response before hugging the older from behind, being careful to smolder him with his body “Did you have fun today?” he presses a kiss into Taeyong's ear. 

“Yes” 

From under him Taeyong squirms, until he manages to turn, so he’s facing Jaehyun, and like it’s second nature to him, Jaehyun straddles his sleepy boyfriend (and gigantic bear) leg’s, he lowers his body, resting all his weight onto his elbows so he meet this boyfriend halfway in a toe curling kiss. 

No matter who long it passes, how many kisses they share, Jaehyun knows that he’ll never get tired of this, the breathless sound the older mates when the tip of their tongues touch, the shiver that goes down his spine when Taeyong presses harder into his mouth, demanding, needy-

“You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasize about this” 

He asks breathless, with his bottom lip captured by Taeyong’s teeth, “You did?”

A nod, another burning kiss. 

“Me too” 

“Since when?” It sounds like a demand, and Jaehyun can’t get enough of Taeyong’s confidence when it’s just the two of them behind closed doors. The tip of Taeyong’s tongue licks Jaehyun red bottom lip and the younger just melts into the touch, letting the older to take whatever he wants from him. 

His mind is filled with Taeyong under him, Taeyong kissing him, his body alert and on fire with every inch of his boyfriend's skin he can feel. 

Taeyong asks again. 

“The festival? You?” 

“After we kissed the first time” 

“It feels so long ago, huh?” Jaehyun pants, fingers playing with Taeyong’s red ears, through his glassy gaze he can see Taeyong’s face turning into a grimace, he opens his mouth before closing it again. 

“Love?” he asks, tightening his grip on Taeyong’s ears, his boyfriend shakes his head before pecking his lips once, Jaehyun moves when the older tries to deepen the kiss and that earns him an angry huff before Taeyong whispers “It’s...stupid”

“Please don’t say that, you know who I don’t like when you do that” He presses, nuzzling his boyfriend worried face “None of your worries are stupid” 

He’s rewarded with a tender smile and another press of lips “I’ve been...worried” he feels a gentle grope on his chest before he continues” We haven’t been able to spend a lot of time together and I’m scared of...I’m scared you would stop…”

“Why would I do that, petal?” 

“Don’t you think I’m weird?” Continues Taeyong looking anywhere but Jaehyun’s earnest eyes “I’m an adult, but I still like children’s books, I was in the special forces, that’s weird, right? I’m _clingy_ and love physical displays of affection, I didn’t even know I’d like to feel the touch of someone on me so much so this is as much of a surprise for me as it is for you. I’m a little nosy and loud with all my quirky noises, you’ve heard them, I know they can be annoying…I heard that those things were weird” 

Fuck. 

Jaehyun never hated someone before in his life. But hearing the dejected and shameful tone of his boyfriend as he listed everything, like he was saying a list of reasons as to why Jaehyun should not be with him. 

Like every single of those things would make him less lovable. 

“Who said that?” Jaehyun tries to school the irritated tone in his voice. He takes Taeyong’s head from the chin and turns to look at him, brown eyes meeting starry ones “I like those things about you” 

“Why?” 

“Because all of those things that some might find bad make you the man you’re today”

“Jaehyun-ah” 

“I think you are the most attractive when you’re doing what you love” His boyfriend’s eyes shine like twirling stars, a grateful smile adorning his lips. 

“I hate kitchen islands, they just look like regular countertops, I like the color white on my walls because I've always dreamt of painting in them, my clothes too. I’ve always wanted to add little touches to my clothes, hats, colors…”Jaehyun joins Taeyong’s precious laughter when he turns to look at his blank walls ”I’ve always wanted to paint a mural there. I love plants! I also want to switch that lamp out, it’s dim so my eyes hurt when I’m trying to draw, I prefer upbeat music over classical music, and after I have alcohol, I prefer to drink strawberry milk rather than juice” Jaehyun nods, storing into his mind every single word his boyfriend saying, lost in the shine of his lovely eyes “I don’t want my hair to look too light, I actually prefer darker colors, I’d love to go back to black” 

“I bet you’ll look even more beautiful” 

Taeyong pushes him lightly in the chest, his smile more gentle than before “I also...I actually don’t want to be a teacher” 

At that, Jaehyun freezes in his place. His boyfriend on the other hand lets his hand rest on top of Jaehyun’s beating heart. 

“It took me a while to decide but when I finally knew what I wanted to I just- I couldn’t...I just let other decide what- And my parents, they were so proud about my stable job and- ” There’s a beat of silence, while Taeyong gathers his thoughts before he continues “I wanted, no, I want to be a illustrator on children's books”

“I know that’s it’s not easy, but I don’t think I can continue living comfortably if i deny it” How can someone sound so miserable and yet so sure of something Jaehyun doesn't knows. 

Al he knows is that his hear breaks with ever second that passes with the knowledge that Taeyong's been doing what people want, trying to pleasing them all his life, while his own wants and needs lie forgotten.

Only a painful _'what if'._

“Then why don’t you try it?” 

“What?” 

“Being a children’s book author. I don’t know how hard it will be for you to quit your stable job, so it might be irresponsible for me to tell you to do that..." 

Taeyong smiles, big and open. There's still some worry and fear hiding behind his eyes but the nod he gives Jaehyun, full of confidence, mellows the fiery anger and worry that Jaehyun has at the prospect of his boyfriend holding back again “I really want to try doing it, even if I ended up regretting it, but there's still so much I have to do before that” 

“Okay, then, I’ll be here to cheer you on at every step” 

“I know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- It's been too long and I'm sorry but I had all these things and my head was al over the place (i also started a new fic and a twt soc au) and i got overwhelmed but i'm back!  
> \- Why lavender? Why this book choice for JH? this was taken from when Jaehyun was 18, in the sm rookies profile. His favorite scent and the book he read and feel mostly touched by https://nct-u.tumblr.com/post/139326686738/trans-rookies-ent-qa-jaehyun  
> \- "A man called Ove" is one of the films TY recommended on superm's twt account.  
> \- The whole switching drinks is, of course, form the legendary "LA video blog https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VP6JcJ9przo  
> \- the 56th infantry division and the Special forces in Korea do exist. The 56th infantry division is in charge of recruit training and the special forces aka R.O.K Special Forces r the "black Berets" are in charge of the unconventional warfare such as direct action, fire support, and assassination) so yeah basically Taeyong is a badass  
> \- I hope you caught that through the fic there's been hints of TY drawing and talking about art (on the beach, helping Renjun with his poster, etc)  
> \- Yes! it's hinted at this chapter and it's going to happen! I'm all in on the bottom! JH / Switch Jaeyong agenda and no one can stop me
> 
> Your comments are greatly appreciated! they are one hell of confidence booster, so thank you


	17. Eleven

Jaehyun’s never been a fan of doctor offices, they are huge, blinding artificial lights and void of warmth and completely destroy the sole purpose of feeling at ease. 

His fingers intertwine with those of his boyfriend who were seeking his comfort quietly, as they waited for Taeyong’s name to be called. 

“You didn’t have to come with me” states Taeyong in a soft voice, big eyes fixed on one of the ugly paintings adorning the doctor office. 

“Oh but I wanted to” Jaehyun squeezes his fingers lovingly, his almond eyes tracing Taeyong’s profile “I want to be here with you when you finish” 

Taeyong had mentioned therapy the night of their first official date as a passing thought, voice too small if Jaehyun wasn’t trying to memorize his face and the sound of his voice he’d miss the moment of his lips. 

‘ _I read it’s good for people like me_ ’ he had said under the covers, demure and low, the top of his head the only thing at reach of Jaehyun at the moment _‘But I’ve- I’m not’_

_‘Crazy’_ was left unsaid, looming above them like a dark cloud trying to hide Taeyong’s bright sun. Jaehyun knew about the stigma of going to therapy, hell Johnny’s uncle back in the US was a therapist and had to leave Korea due to the stigmatization mental health had back home. 

His heart ache in distress and impotence at hearing the quiver on his beloved voice. He knew that he could try and talk to him, assure him that it’d be okay, but that it’ll be just vacant words since he didn’t know. He only knew he’d promised Taeyong to help him and support him with whatever he wanted to do from now on. 

With that in mind, Jaehyun had moved closed in bed to his boyfriend and had kissed the mop of blonde hair, whispering a _‘If Hyung needs it and wants to try it, I’ll be here’_

And so here they are. 

“Lee Taeyong, Dr. Kim is ready for you” 

Taeyong takes a long inhale at the sound of his name, the only trace of visible nervousness is the fidget of his fingers trapped in Jaehyun’s. 

“I’ll be here when you finish okay?” 

With one confident nod, Taeyong lets go and follows the receptionist down the hall. Jaehyun looks at the hand that had held the warmth of Taeyong’s just mere seconds and smiles. 

* * *

“What do you think?” asks shyly his boyfriend looking up from his eyelashes as Jaehyun continues to gape at the colors and fine lines in each drawing Taeyong’s showing him. 

It’s not because it’s his boyfriend’s, and it’s not because Jaehyun has almost little to no artistic bone inside of him, but each drawing, doesn’t matter if it's the petals of a flower or the shape of a majestuous animal comes to life with each stroke, each color, shadow, Taeyong had so delicately painted on every single page of that notebook. 

It was an honor for Jaehyun that his boyfriend had trusted him enough to show him anything related to his art. He’d read somewhere that every artist left some of their heart in each of their works and by looking at each one of Taeyong’s drawings he could see that. 

They were beautiful, lively, and had so many intricate details that you wouldn’t catch the first time you set your eyes on one of them. 

Just like Taeyong. 

As part of his therapy, Dr. Kim had suggested to him that, if he wanted to really pursue that path he had to start drawing more and actually show his paintings so he could gain confidence about it. 

_“Exposing your work to other people would help you widen your perspective as an artist_ ”, she had said, _“If you still feel not ready, start maybe with your loved ones”_

So when Taeyong had sat down next to Jaehyun with a battered notebook without saying anything for 20 minutes he just let his boyfriend be. He didn’t want to push or make him feel any kind of pressure to do or say something and even if he stood up and left without as much of a word, Jaehyun would know Taeyong would come back when he was ready. 

After all he had been working so, so hard these last few weeks in making him regain the confidence and autonomy he had lost and Jaehyun was in no way going to jeopardize any advance he’d made. 

He sat there, playing with his boyfriend’s Nintendo’s Switch and waited until Taeyong was ready to say something. 

“I know some need work” Taeyong hurriedly say, as Jaehyun looked at one drawing of some kids playing at the beach “I’m still working on the lights and shadows to make them more three dimensional but–”

“They are amazing love” breathed Jaehyun, fingers tracing the blue of the sea, mesmerized by the calming hues so alive he could almost smell the salt of the ocean in the air. And just because he hasn’t say it enough this morning he adds “You’re amazing” 

“Stop saying that!” whines Taeyong, pulling his hands up to his face, embarrassed by the tenderness of his boyfriend’s voice. 

“You’re so talented, and I’m so proud of you“ Taeyong dodges the kiss Taeyong tries to press in Taeyong’s forehead making it land on the older's hands “How are the classes you where going to take going?”

“I enrolled a few moments ago, they’ll be sending my schedule in a few days” 

Jaehyun takes one of Taeyong’s hands so he can look at Taeyong’s pink face as they talk “You need to buy things for it? Should we go out?”

“I need a few more color pencils” says Taeyong interwinding their fingers together when he feels the press of Jaehyun’s warm palm into his “but the first courses are for the the writing part so we can wait” 

Jaehyun hums, pressing a little kiss to Taeyong’s forefinger “Are you sure you want to meet Johnny?” 

“I’m sure, I’ just–”

“Nervous?” 

“Huh?” 

“Are you nervous?” 

“Well…” mumbles Taeyong looking at Jaehyun before looking at the notebook in the younger’s lap “It’ll be the first time I’ll be showing my work to another artist so I’m pretty nervous” 

“It’s okay love, he said he understood completely about your concerns about the lights and shadows and all, so he’s very happy to help you with whatever you want to. He’d be like your first teacher!”

“Then...can you call him now?” 

“Of course” 

* * *

When Johnny arrives it’s to find Jaehyun and Taeyong curled on their couch watching High School Musical 1 (the good one) and munching on some popcorn, lazily basking in their last lazy day before the return to school. 

“Long time no see _Mr. Lee”_ He says smiling cheekily, as a greeting “Peaches, you sure do look a lot better, man” 

Jaehyun tries not to glare too hard, “Is that so?” 

“Sit down Johnny, do you want something to drink?”

“No, no. I’m excited to see your art Taeyong. Can I see them now?” 

Taeyong nods a tad hesitant. But still makes his way to the other man his grip on the battered notebook so hard, his knuckles are turning white. 

“Whenever you are ready Taeyong” smiles Johnny, raising his hands when he catches the nervous set on the shorter shoulders.

“No, it’s okay. I’m ready now” 

With one last reassuring smile Johnny takes the notebook and begins to look through each page in silence, stopping once in a while on one page where some drawing catches his attention. In front of him, sitting on Jaehyun’s gray couch, the couple stare at him attentively, holding their breath as Johnny continues to admire each piece of art. 

“You two are gonna burn a hole in my face from all that staring” he jokes, closing the notebook carefully before turning to them with a teasing smile on his face “I looked through it all and honestly–” 

“Yes?” 

“I’m a little surprised, your skills are pretty good” Jaehyun feels Taeyong relax at his side “If you can brush up on your grammar and refine it a bit more, I think you’ve got a real shot, but this isn’t exactly my area of expertise, so I can’t help you personally, but Jae told me you were going to go to an academy right?” 

They both nod making Johnny laugh at their sync movements. 

“I hope this will be a good experience for you, I'll be cheering you on” 

Taeyong’s smile is like the sun, “Thank you so much!”   
  


“I still have to go to buy somethings so, I’ll better get going”

“Come, I’ll walk you out” 

Johnny’s about to say his goodbyes when he’s getting an armful full of Taeyong hugging the taller tightly as a ‘Thank you’

“Hey, it’s nothing Taeyong!” he says, hugging back Taeyong and sending a stern look at Jaehyun, who’s looking at them with a dimpled smile “You have to support him, okay?. It’s gonna be tough, studying while working, I’m sure _Mr. Lee’s_ ready for it, but it’ll help a lot if you stand by his side and cheer him on” 

“Of course, that’s what I plan to do” 

“Good. It helps a lot to hear words of encouragement from someone close to you, especially your partner. This job makes you constantly judge yourself and question your talent” Taeyong breaks the hug to turn and look for Jaehyun. He reaches for his hand and Jaehyun pulls him closer “It was a turning point for me, when you complimented my pictures back in high school, that’s when I thought that I should build up some courage and give it a shot, even if dad wasn’t too thrilled. It doesn’t take much to a change a person” 

“Well, I don’t know much about art per se...but I don’t lie” 

“Yeah, I know that all too well” 

* * *

Jaehyun might not know a lot of art, or the finer things in life, he’s a simple man afterfall. He’s the kind of person to listen to the same song all day if he really likes it. Hell, he only has like 9 vinyl records that he’s never going to get tired of even if he listens to them daily. 

The smooth and sensual sounds on Frank Ocean’s ‘Blond’, the soothing lyrics on Cigarretes after sex are some of the most entrancing sounds he’s ever heard.

Second only to Taeyong’s breathy moans. 

Jaehyun thrusts his fingers deeper into his boyfriend when he feels the body hunched above his shake, he mouths at Taeyong’s chest “Now that break is over, I won’t be able to touch you as much” 

“Fuck–how can you be so full of energy for this but not for waking up to w-work?” his boyfriend pants, lazily pushing back against the fingers buried inside of him. 

“I’ve got my priorities sorted out love, I’d rather be here with you doing this “ Jaehyun groans when Taeyong manages to grab Jaehyun’s dick on his hand “than being there with those little demons” 

“I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t bring the k-kids into this. Not when your finger’s are shoved so deep down my a-ass” 

“This is what married life is love” Fuck, the squelching sounds his fingers are making as he opens up his boyfriend are too obscene, even for Jaehyun. He might had used a little too much lube “Besides, if I remember correctly you mentioned them once while we were having sex...almost killed my boner not gonna lie” 

“Ah…...Shit...y-yeah bu..t”

Even with his boyfriends hands on his cock, Jaehyun manages to sound like more like a bratty boyfriend and not like a man on the verge of pleasure “You know...you’re going to be busy and I probably won’t be able to see you as often” 

“You...can...just go straight to work from my place” whimpers Taeyong, letting his head rest beside Jaehyun’s “Bring an overnight bag and stay there as long as you want” 

If Jaehyun thought it was humanly impossible to fall in love even deeper with Taeyong, he’s once again proved wrong. 

“Can I?” 

“Yeah...I can’t live–I would feel weird if you’re not there” 

He doesn’t say it, but he doesn’t have to, Jaehyun knows what he means.

It’s in the way Taeyong clenches his fingers, the way he kisses Jaehyun’s forehead after he comes. It’s in the way his eyes shine with the whole galaxy when he meets his eyes as he gets down off his high. 

So he mouths it against Taeyong’s chest, an echo of his boyfriend’s unsaid admission. 

“I love you too, petal” 

* * *

“Well, you look cute”

“Do I?” earnestly asks his boyfriend, turning to look at Jaehyun and then back to the mirror in front of him. He pulls at his jet black hair and pushes it back from his face. He had dyed it last night, after Johnny’s visit and while it was still a shock to not see his boyfriend’s face framed by golden locks he can’t help to feel a bubbly satisfaction settle on his stomach as he watches Taeyong fixing his green and purple shirt, he’s never looked more comfortable on his own skin before.

Also he had been right, Taeyong looked beautiful no matter what “I’m a little nervous, it’s the first time I’ll wear something like this to work and I don’t know if they…”

“Hey, it’s fine, you’d look beautiful no matter what” Jaehyun blurts, coming behind Taeyong and resting his chin above his boyfriend’s head “Do you like it?”

“I do”

“Then it’s perfect!” 

From across the mirror Taeyong gives him one of his heartstopping smiles. He also raises his hand to poke one his dimples “Thank you. Now, go and change or else we’ll be late. I’ll look for a taxi” 

“Fine” he grunts, moving to the chair in front of his desk “Uh, Love?” 

“Yeah” 

“Have you seen my shirt?” he moves to the bed, lifting up the covers, searching for the garment. He could swear he threw it on his desk chair. 

The jeans he was wearing last night where there...

“I hung it up in the closet, because apparently I'm dating a heathen that leaves everything on that damn chair” 

“ _Honey_ that’s why that thing is for”

“Don’t try me _dear,_ if you do the same in my house Jaehyun I swear to God– _”_

Jaehyun laughs putting on his black shirt with another word. After a few weeks of therapy Taeyong’s been, and Jaehyun means this with so much love, another person. 

No, that’s not it. 

He’s the same Taeyong, soft spoken, adoring, so, so nice and gentle, always seeing the best of everything and everyone he meets. 

But at the same time it’s not. 

This Taeyong, who’s looking at him from across the mirror, hurrying him as the taxi’s getting nearer Jaehyun’s house, who tastes like the mint of his toothpaste, seems larger than life. 

There’s a confidence that the old Taeyong never had and even if there’s a hint of vulnerability clouding his eyes, he still stands proud beside Jaehyun as they wait for their taxi to arrive. It’s like he finally grew comfortable on his own skin, like he’s seeing the world and himself in a new light with new eyes. 

It’s like watching a flower bloom before his eyes. 

And Jaehyun can’t help but feel grateful for being at the front row and seeing it happen right before his eyes. 

* * *

“Mr. Lee! Mr. Jung!” 

Jaemin’s voice is so loud it pierce through his teacher's skulls, making them wince at the sketching sound. Jaehyun turns around ready to scold him but is met with 7 children looking at them with various degrees of happiness in their faces.

Jaehyun's rather pluck every single hair out of his head with tweezers before admiting out loud he had missed them.

“Why are you guys walking around in such a big group? I feel stuffy just looking at you all” 

“You haven’t changed a bit Peaches” 

Raising an eyebrow, Jaehyun blurts out “Is that a compliment?” 

“Mr. Lee, it looks like you decided to change your style or something”

“Ah, yes a bit” Nods Taeyong, looking down at his clothes and then bringing his bag in front of him as if he was covering himself with it. Jaehyun's glares at the kids. “I wanted to try something new, looks weird right?” 

“Not at all” smiles Jisung with a gentle smile on his young face. At his side Chenle throws him a thumbs up.

"You look amazing” grins Jaemin pink blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, everyone knows that Hyung is adorable” chides Jaehyun, bringing Taeyong closer to him with an arm behind his shoulders “But you guys aren’t allowed to think of him that way” 

“You two shouldn’t stick so close together either” musters Donghyuck “You guys are making us feel stuffy” 

“Don’t get smart”

“But you know Hyuck, he isn’t being himself if he’s not talking back to Mr. Jung”

“I also liked your keychain Mr. Lee” says Jeno pointing at the ornament hanging from a his bag “It’s pretty cute” 

“Ah, I love dogs” grins Mark looking at the keychain closely “Where did you get it Mr. Lee?” 

“You want to try something like this Jisung-ah?” asks Chenle. The younger nods happily.

At Jaehyun raised brow, Jaemin pulls a pink keychain from his bag, showing it proudly, “Jisungie and Chenle made us this during the break, they are the best at this stuff” 

"Did you made yours Hyung?" asks Jisung with big eyes, eyeing the little dog on Taeyong's bag.

“No! it was a present” 

“From your…” begins Mark eyeing quickly at Jaehyun before looking back at Taeyong.

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at the excited glint on Donghyuck’s brown eyes. 

“You’re going to be late kids, better get going!” 

Mark looks down to his watch before raising both his eyebrows in surprise “We still have 10 minutes until–”

“Late!" Jaehyun shouts, pushing the kids towards the entrance of the school, a few freshman looking over their shoulders in alarm, picking up their pace incase that crazy ass teacher decides to scold them too "You’re going to be late!” 

* * *

“That was close” 

Taeyong laughs sitting next to Jaehyun on the bench under a maple tree, picking a stray leaf from Jaehyun’s hair “Maybe we should do like Baekhyun and Jongin Hyung '' he says absentmindedly. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know” mumbles Taeyong playing with the leaf on his hands, nervously “Be open about their relationship to the kids, to Mr. Kang” 

Dimples on both sides of his cheeks, Jaehyun turns to look at his boyfriend's red face “You think?” 

Taeyong shrugs “Well yeah” 

“Baekhyun Hyung is shameless always trying to steal kisses from Jongin Hyung, that’s why they had to do it, it was a matter of time, besides, I don’t think it’ll be wise for us to do the same”

Taeyong’s beautiful face darkens with a frown, his fingers stop playing with the leaf on his hands. Jaehyun fights the urge to coo “Why?” 

“Mark is finally warming up to me love, I don’t want the kid to hate me when he knows we’re dating” 

The angry sound that leaves Taeyong’s lips finally breaks Jaehyun’s resolve, he moves forward to press a kiss to his nose before Taeyong shoves him “You scared me” and then “I think they know thought, you’re not very subtle yourself” 

“Can you blame me?” says Jaehyun raising his shoulders playful fingers grabbing his boyfriend thigh “You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, I can’t stop looking at Hyung” 

“And you call Baek Hyung shameless” Taeyong chides with red ears. 

“We’ll tell them whenever you want Hyung,” he says, giving his thigh a pat “Don’t worry about it right now” 

His boyfriend nods taking his hand on his, big eyes looking at the football court “The day is far from being over but i’m already completely exhausted” 

“It's because you didn't sleep well last night” 

“And whose fault was that?" Jaehyun has the gall to smile cheekily causing Taeyong to push him away "Oh, the academy’s schedule was released today! I’m glad that there’s a separate class for people who’re working, also with therapy it’s going to be so hard” 

“You’ll do great love” 

Taeyong says a sweet thank you before looking at his phone “Ah, I’ll go inside now, I have to sort some things” He looks around before leaning in to give Jaehyun a quick kiss in his cheek. He stands up to leave “I’ll see you later” 

“Hate to see you leave, but love to watch you go” shouts Jaehyun not really caring if anyone would hear. Like the older said, it’s not that he’s very subtle. 

Taeyong turns to glare at him, a beautiful scarlet dusting his face while Jaehyun finishes his horrid pick up line with a “Cause of your butt” followed with a wink. 

Taeyong looks absolutely adorable when he curses. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back lol
> 
> hit e up on twt: itsbogsunga


	18. Twelve

One of their first dates as a couple comes in the form of a get together with Taeyong’s classmates at the art academy. 

It’s not the quiet affair Taeyong had promised Jaehyun when he asked him to go with him–it isn’t the romantic one either, but Jaehyun digresses–Most of Taeoyng’s classmates are young girls with too much time on their hands, so the meal is a mix of loud chuckles, harmless gossip of people Jaehyun–and Taeyong–don’t know and lots of the ladies trying to play match-maker with Taeyong and their single friends. 

(Taeyong had to hold Jaehyun’s hand under the table to prevent his boyfriend from “accidentally” pouring water all over a girl named Soohyun who’s very persistent in getting a date for her sister.) 

Soohyun is on her third effort of trying to pry Taeyong’s phone number out of him to set him up on a blind date, when Jaehyun announces that they actually had other plans–they didn’t– and if they didn’t leave right now they would miss the very important–it wasn’t–appointment.

There’s an echo of disappointment, the most loud one of them being Soohyun. As a way of trying to block her whines, Jaehyun offers to pay for their share of the bill at the counter, letting Taeyong say his goodbyes to his classmates in peace. 

As he’s making his way down their table, he catches Soohyun’s honeyed voice. “Think about it okay? You are totally Yoona’s type.” 

Oh, Jaehyun’s about to commit a crime if they don’t leave.right.now. 

Mustering all the patience he has in him, Jaehyun smiles at Soohyun and says: “He can’t.”

Soohyun’s lips form a little ‘O’ as she throws at Taeyong with a questioning look. “Ah, so you have a girlfriend?” 

“Uh…”

Taeyong shakes his head. But the way he does it must have set something off inside Soohyung because she then says, while clicking her tongue: 

“Is that a no?” 

Jaehyun eyes Taeyong at his side before his boyfriend says, “I don’t have a girlfriend.” 

Soohyun opens her mouth to retort, when Taeyong speaks again; taking Jaehyun’s hand in his, he holds it up for her to see. “I have a boyfriend.” 

Jaehyun’s never been so delighted (or turned on) in his life. 

With one last polite smile (from Taeyong) and a pleased smirk (from Jaehyun), they make their way out of the coffee shop hand in hand. 

When the next get together comes and all the ladies don't invite Taeyong, Jaehyun can’t say he isn’t surprised. 

But he also can’t really say he cares either.

  
  


* * *

They don’t get to have another proper date until the end of September, during Chuseok weekend. 

It was Taeyong that had suggested a little trip outside the city, near the beach because, and Jaehyun quotes:  _ “We didn’t get to enjoy it just the two of us last time. _ ”

To be honest, Jaehyun didn’t care where they’d go, as long as he was spending those days with Taeyong. So he just nodded along when his boyfriend showed him all the places they could go for their mini-vacation.

Plus, seeing how excited Taeyong is to go on a trip, how Taeyong’s big eyes shine whenever Jaehyun compliments Taeyong’s ideas for their trip, the happy-giddy noises he makes when Jaehyun tells him he’d help with the accommodations. 

There’s nothing more Jaehyun could ask for. 

_ Well, there is one more thing though… _

“Jaehyunnie? I’ll go buy our dinner while you cheek the Airbnb okay?” 

Jaehyun nods while swiping idly at the pictures of a little cottage near the beach on their IPad. 

“Also, Are you going to go back home to pack?”

Jaehyun thinks for a while before nodding his head. “I think so...Maybe just for a padded jacket and some sweaters? I have my pajamas and bathroom stuff here...There’s nothing much I need for the trip.”

“You can always use my clothes.” 

The earnest smile Taeyong throws his way has Jaehyun laughing enamored. He presses a kiss on Taeyong’s forehead and says. “I won’t fit in your clothes, love. Besides, I don’t think we will need lots of clothes with all the things I have planned for you.” 

Taeyong shrieks annoyed, pushing Jaehyun off him. With one last lecherous comment regarding the activities he has planned for his boyfriend, Jaehyun makes his way to Taeyong’s bedroom. 

He opens the left drawer (the one Taeyong had gifted him when Jaehyun’s things kept appearing in every nook of Taeyong’s house) and moves the little mountain of socks and boxers that have made their way to his boyfriend’s house over these past few months. Sitting at the very bottom of the drawer is a red velvet box.

He takes it and hurriedly puts it away on the pockets of his sweatshirt. 

Jaehyun can’t wait for the weekend. 

* * *

They arrive at the little house Jaehyun had booked for them at 01:00 AM. The thousands of families making their way to their hometowns to spend the next few days honoring their ancestors and spending quality time with each other, make the three hour ride turn into a five hour one due to traffic.

But that’s what you get when you decide to drive during Chuseok, Jaehyun thinks as he moves their luggage to their room, while Taeyong hangs up from video call with his sister and nephew. Since the holiday is accustomed to spend it with one’s family, both Taeyong and Jaehyun had talked to their parents about not spending Chuseok at home, earning different levels of scoldings.

Mild for Taeyong, since his family already knew not to expect him. Taeyong had mentioned wanting to go on a trip and relax for a few days to his mother on their last call. So his mother only asked him to face-time them once during the holiday to at least see his face. 

Jaehyun’s family...well, let’s just say that if he didn’t go back home married–or engaged–by Christmas his mom is going to disown him.

So, no pressure. 

(Funny thing, Jaehyun had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from saying something to his mother. He didn’t want to ruin the surprise.)

Exhausted from the drive, Jaehyun makes a beeline to the bathroom. Seconds later, he’s joined by a very sleepy Taeyong and his various bath bombs. 

They wash quickly, both very tired from the ride. They put on the couple’s robes Taeyong had bought for them a while back and move to the bedroom to have a light dinner and finally rest. 

Taeyong flops into the bed like a starfish, the white robe moving all the way up, letting his plump thighs on display. His dark hair’s leaving wet splotches all over the dark duvet. Jaehyun sits down at the edge of the bed near him, a small white towel in his hand. 

“Come over here, I’ll dry your hair.” 

“No.”

“Love, you need to dry your hair.” 

Taeyong whines come muffled from the way he’s pressed against the pillow. “I don’t want to. The bed is  _ so _ comfy.” 

“Then lift your head up you big baby.” Says Jaehyun patting Taeyong’s bum. Reluctantly, Taeyong moves up until his head is resting against Jaehyun’s own thighs. “I know you’re very tired, so don’t push yourself this trip okay? Remember you’re here to relax.”

“Mn, it’s just the beginning of my classes so, right now it’s not that bad. Though some days, when my therapy, work and classes overlap I feel like I need more time to recharge.” 

“I know a good way to charge those up.” Jaehyun smiles, mischievous. He kisses Taeyong’s cheek gently and then all over his face when he sees Taeyong scrunch his nose, embarrassed. 

“Oh, really?” 

“Yeah.” Jaehyun says, kissing the tip of Taeyong’s nose. “Did you know that my kisses can help you with fatigue more than ginseng?” 

“Then keep them coming Mr. Jung.” 

The position is a little awkward for kissing, with Taeyong’s face bracketed by his thighs and Jaehyun having to bend to capture his mouth, but it’s worth it. The angle is new for both of them, so they take their time exploring the feeling of kissing their lover upside-down. 

From slow and tender, the kiss turns heated and demanding when Taeyong moves to settle himself on Jaehyun’s lap; grinding his hips just a tad creating a delicious friction that has Jaehyun seeing stars. 

Jaehyun follows his boyfriends movements, moving his hips up to meet with Taeyong’s wanton thrusts. It’s when Taeyong bites into his lower lip that a velvet box flashes behind Jaehyun’s eyelids. 

_ Don’t forget what you came here for, Jung.  _

The energy it takes for Jaehyun to move Taeyong’s cold fingers from his chest is inhuman. He calls for his boyfriend to stop, between huffs of air. 

“Why? Keep going.” 

“H-Hyung, wait–”

“What?” Taeyong asks before he licks at the corner of Jaehyun’s mouth. 

“I–I brought some wine for us.” 

“So? We can have wine tomorrow.” 

Jaehyun shivers at the open mouthed kiss Taeyong leaves near his collarbones. He croaks: “But I want to have it now.” 

With narrowed eyes, Taeyong climbs out of Jaehyun’s lap to glare at him. “Do you want to blue-ball me to death?” 

“Don’t be like that love,” Says Jaehyun going for the bottle of wine packed in his bag. He turns to look at Taeyong who's still pouting on the bed. “Could you hand me the wine glasses please? They are in the living room.” 

“Fine, but I won’t move from there, you come to me. I’m tired.” 

Jaehyun smiles, mentally high-fiving himself. He knew that Taeyong and annoyed was going to refuse to move once Jaehyun asked him to go to the living room; leaving Jaehyun alone in their room to pick up the ring box from his bag. 

He makes his way to the living room with the bottle of wine in one hand and the velvet box hidden in the robe. Jaehyun sits next to a still pouting Taeyong and pours the red wine on the glass. 

He presses a kiss on top of Taeyong's head and manhandles him to rest against his chest as an apology. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Mmh, I just took a warm shower, a nice red wine, and my boyfriend is so comfy, even if he is annoying...It’s perfect.” 

Taeyong turns his head to give Jaehyun the prettiest smile. The sole gesture makes its way through Jaehyun's heart, leaving a trail of warmth in its wake. 

He’s pretty sure his ears are scarlet. 

“I–uh, have something to give you?”

“Are you asking me?” 

Jaehyun shakes his head, and settles his empty wine glass on the floor. He tries again, “I have something to give you. A present.” 

Kissing Jaehyun’s knuckles, Taeyong says: “Is it a Chuseok gift?” 

“Well, yes. But also no.” 

“What?” 

Slowly, Jaehyun, with the hand that Taeyong just kissed, Jaehyun takes out the red box and places it on Taeyong’s chest. Their bodies are so closed together that Jaehyun can feel the way Taeyong tenses. 

Not being able to see his boyfriend right now helps, abelit just a little. With shaky hands, Jaehyun opens the box with one hand.

“Jaehyun...” 

“It’s a... ring.” Jaehyun mumbles, embarrassed. “Mine’s in a chain because I’ll use it as a necklace, I actually have it in my bag because I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. I don’t want to sound pretentious or anything, and I know we haven’t talked about it and if it makes you uncomfortable you can take it off and…” Above him, Taeyong’s tense body begins to shake. His boyfriend turns his head slightly to reveal his big eyes redden by tears. “Hyung, why are you crying? Hey....what’s wrong.” 

“It’s the wine.” Taeyong cries, pushing his cup into Jaehyun’s other hand. He places it next to his on the ground. “I’ve never had anything like this before…Thank you Jaehyunie.” 

Equally emotional, Jaehyun kisses Taeyong’s temple to prevent himself from crying. “If you liked it, then why are you crying silly?” 

“These are happy tears. I’m happy, so, so happy.” Taeyong shifts on Jaehyun’s hold and holds up the box, eyeing the ring with his starry eyes. “Put it on me, please.” 

Jaehyun tries, really tries to make his hands less shaky, but seeing how Taeyong’s moved to tears and how his heart is trying to get out of his chest with how loud it's beating, it’s not really possible. He can’t take his eyes at how the silver of the ring compliments Taeyong’s pale skin; it’s like the ring belongs there, like it was always a part of Taeyong and it’s just making its way back there. 

“I fell in love with the stars within you. Because Taeyong, you love with all your heart, without reserve, without pride. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. I know we can’t marry here, and I know we haven’t talk about this but–” 

“Jaehyun-ah, you know I love you too, right?” Jaehyun nods, thumbing Taeyong’s wet cheeks. Taeyong’s big eyes form two crescents as he smiles through his tears. “You loved me when I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved, you know me: the good, the bad, and you still love me...” 

“How could I not, Hyung? The good, the bad...they are all you.” 

“I know, I know. Me too.” 

* * *

Jaehyun lets Taeyong cry until his heart's content, so it takes a while for his boyfriend to calm down. He busies himself by pressing little kisses into Taeyong’s face and hair until Taeyong’s sobs subside. 

This time, when Taeyong kisses Jaehyun with the same intensity that was before Jaehyun gave him the ring, he lets him. His boyfriend continues where they left off: he bites and licks into every inch of Jaehyun’s skin that comes his way. 

Between moans and bruising kisses, Jaehyun’s wandering hands find themselves pushing Taeyong’s white robe, opening up his boyfriend for him. 

“Fuck, you’re squeezing down on my fingers so hard, love.” 

“Ye..yes it feels good” 

Jaehyun lets his tongue trace Taeyong’s earlobe. He says, teasing: “What does?” 

“I don’t...I don’t know, everywhere you touch feels hot” Whines Taeyong, rubbing his dick on Jaehyun’s stomach as he continues to finger him. 

“God, you’re so hot” Jaehyun huffs, grabbing Taeyong’s dick with his free hand as he continues to finger him with the other. 

“Don’t touch me in both places at once or else…I’m going to–” 

The cold of Taeyong’s ring makes him shiver as it comes in touch with Jaehyun’s hot cock. The sensation is more than he can bear and Jaehyun sees stars. Taeyong eases himself, slowly, into it and moans with each inch he takes in. 

“Hey, easy baby” 

Panting, Taeyong asks: “Does this feel good?” 

“Yeah, yes.” 

“You can come inside if–” 

Jaehyun presses a kiss as an answer. Taeyong kisses him back but bites into his lip, startled, when he feels Jaehyun move them up from the couch. 

“The sofa’s too small, let’s go to the bed.“ 

“I-I can walk you know,” Says Taeyong annoyed. He clenches around Jaehyun in a sort of punishment that only makes Jaehyun walk faster to the bedroom. “Hurry and put me down” 

“Nop, I don’t want to pull out.” 

“I’m heavy” 

“No you’re not, silly” 

They make their way to their bedroom fast. But before laying down his boyfriend, Jaehyun decides to make it a little more interesting: He props one knee on the bed as support and begins to thrust inside Taeyong whose legs are still wrapped around him. 

Taeyong grabs a fist full of hairs and pulls it, hard. “Put me down right now.” 

“Ow, ow, fine” 

Jaehyun lowers Taeyong into the bed, still connected. “I’m sorry love,” he kisses the tip of Taeyong’s nose. “Your eyes are so glassy...did it hurt?” 

“No, I–” Taeyong raises his body from the bed, back arching, and whispers into Jaehyun’s mouth “I want to do this everyday with you.” 

“Hyung…” Jaehyun says with a cheeky smile, head moving so Taeyong can't kiss him. “With our bodies tangled together on the bed? You’re the pervert.” 

Taeyong bites Jaehyun lip playfully, “That’s good too but...don’t fucking  _ move– _ ” he whines as Jaehyun begins to thrusts inside of him. “I’m trying to–Why don’t we–oh fuck–move in together?” 

Jaehyun stops his teasing, and his thrusts stop with a halt. He looks at Taeyong with wide eyes. “You want–living...you and me?” 

“Jaehyun. You practically asked me to marry you. Of course I wanna live with you.” 

( Jaehyun comes after that. In every other day he's sure Taeyong would tease him about it but Jaehyun's done more embarrassing shit than this.

But who cares! Not Jaehyun! Not when he's going to spend the rest of his life with with the love of his life.) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while.
> 
> Next chapter is the last one! I can't believe I'm finally finishing this OVERINDULGENT fic. 
> 
> I'll probably go back and edit some chapters since this is the first thing i've ever writing in my life, I know I'm going to cringe real hard, but I also know I have a soft spot for it. 
> 
> Notes: 
> 
> \- Chuseok is celebrated on the 15th day of the 8th month of the lunar calendar on the full moon. It lasts three days and this time it's going to be celebrated the 30th of sept until the 2nd of Oct.  
> \- It's a harvest festival where people honor their ancestors.  
> \- It is said that ginseng can help fight fatigue.  
> \- The "I fell in love with the stars within you..." it's from a little poem I found on tumblr. But I can't find the url.


	19. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! the last one!!!! (Minus epilogue but I don't know when I'm going to write that lmao. Thank you for following his cringe fest! It's totally self indulgent but I can't believe so many people have read this! Specially when it was my first time writing and I decided go balls deep (phrasing) with a multi chaptered over 90k Jaeyong. 
> 
> It's been almost one year since i've posted the first chapter and since then my writing style has changed a lot so i'm not very proud of this on but i am proud of having finishing it the way i wanted! 
> 
> Thank you so much fro your support.

Two seasons have already passed by. The scorching heat has cooled off and the leaves have begun to fall from the trees. 

Instead of spending this time basking in the autumn sun with his beloved Taeyong, Jaehyun has to share his chilly days with a bunch of loud-ass-disinterested-teenagers. 

(Being the last day of classes, Jaehyun can’t really blame them. But still, Jaehyun has to assert his authority as their teacher by trying to keep an order anyway.)

Jaehyun puts away the sheet of paper full of problems and turns to look at his students. Near the corner, at the back, Jaehyun catches Donghyuck. Snoring. Loud.

Beside Donghyuck, Rejun casts an apologetic smile at Jaehyun. He slaps Donghyuck with a closed fist, causing his friend to jump on his seat. 

There’s dried drool at the corner of his lips. It makes Jaehyun’s left eye twitch. 

“Lee. Outside.” 

Donghyuck ignores the low murmur of his classmates. He also ignores Jaehyun’s glaring when he walks past him, to the corridor. 

“You know the drill Hyuck. Hands up, on your-”

“Yeah, yeah. On my knees, I know.” The boy says, almost whining. He sits on his knees and raises his hands above his head. “I’ll see you in a bit?” 

Jaehyun nods, a little annoyed at the smile hanging from his lips. “Yeah. You better be on time.”

With a big ass grin, Donghyuck says. “Of course I’ll be. It’s Mr. Lee we are talking about. I actually like him.” 

God, he’s insufferable. 

“Sure. Raise your hands higher Hyuck, and sit with your back straight. I’ll see you in a few.” 

* * *

Jaehyun thought he’d be okay. He promised Taeyong he’d be. It’s just that, his boyfriend’s not even gone and Jaehyun already misses him. 

You see, the last day of classes also turns out to be the last day of work for Taeyong. It had a long time coming, with Taeyong’s art classes coming to an end and the prospect of participating in a short story contest Taeyong’s eagerness to move on to his passion career is palpable. 

He’d been buzzing the day he talked to Mr. Kang about his plans to resign. According to Taeyong Mr. Kang had stood there for five minutes before bombarding Taeyong with questions about his new career path. 

Next day, Mr. Kang had gifted Taeyong a bunch of expensive watercolors and markers for him to use on his contest. It had been somewhat adorable, seeing their boss so excited about Taeyong’s new journey. It also provided the confidence and approval Taeyong had been unknowingly seeking. 

Next were Jongin and Baekhyun hyung who took them to a double date poorly disguised as a farewell dinner––Jaehyun had nearly choked when Baekhyun had mentioned his and Taeyong’s relationship like it was nothing; they really weren’t that discrete it seems. 

(Jaehyun can’t barely remember anything about what happened that night but the faint memory of Taeyong confessing his full adoration and respect for Baekhyun Hyung, a sentiment that was more than reciprocated if not by the little pecks Baekhyun pressed on Taeyong’s cheeks.

Jaehyun had never seen Jongin Hyung more horrified and offended, he spent all night demanding Jaehyun to let him kiss him so they could be even.)

Lastly were the boys. Taeyong had been reluctant to tell them since he had come to love them as his own family so Jaehyun had to step in. He gathered everyone on a Friday night at the Council room, bought everyone a bunch of snacks and coffee and had a heart to heart with them––Though it was mostly Jaehyun just blurting out that Taeyong was quitting and never coming back once the kids finished his food but well, he never claims to be good at handling things. 

Seeing Taeyong’s empty seat next to him brought a wave of nostalgia to Jaehyun that started at his toes and ended at Taeyong’s gentle smile back home. 

“Jaehyun-ah here’s the semester’s schedule.” Says Jongin Hyung as a greeting, he raises the schedule with one hand and puts it on top of Jaehyun’s books. 

“Thank you Hyung.” 

From behind Jongin, Baekhyun Hyung pops up, looking at Taeyong’s empty seat. “Did Taeyongie leave already?” 

“Oh yeah. He had to go out but he’s coming back in a few.” 

“Great!” Beam Baekhyun skipping to Jaehyun’s desk. He shows him a little brown bag with a bakery’s logo. “Cause we brought him some cookies as a farewell present. We think Taeyongie is going to love them, isn’t he Nini?”

Jongin frowns before turning his head to the side. Ah, so he’s still jealous. 

Jaehyun eyes Baekhyun Hyung who just grins wickedly before winking. “Our Taeyongie seems even busier now that he's leaving the school. You must be pretty bored without him aren’t you dimples?” 

“Yeah, I am.” Jaehyun’s still trying very hard to get used to his absence, so he’s not really sure what else to say. 

* * *

Even though Jaehyun’s unorthodox way of breaking the news of Taeyong’s resignation was not very well received, they kids still decide to help Jaehyun in making Taeyong’s last day at work one to remember. 

Since they knew Jaehyun was not to be trusted with planning, his only task was to take Taeyong to the student council room at exactly 6:00 pm with the pretence of helping Jaehyun take some things he needed to review. 

They also gave him a black piece of cloth to cover his eyes that has Jaehyun’s mind going in a very different direction he knows the boys did not intend. To calm his wandering mind, Jaehyun decides to cover Taeyong’s eyes with his own hands, even if that is turning out to be a little more challenging than it needs to be.

“I can’t see anything. I’m going to trip Jae” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch you Hyung.” 

“What’s this has to do with picking up your things?” 

They stop at the door of the council, which opens a second later by a giggling Chenle. “You’ll see. We are here okay? I’m going to let go in three, two, one…”

“SURPRISE!” 

It’s chaos. There’s some confetti cannons and the loud ass voices of Chenle and Donghyuck screaming so loud Taeyong and Jaehyun jump on their place. 

The rest of them are holding a banner with a beautiful portrait of Taeyong (Rejun’s portrait, of course) and some crooked red letters (Jaehyun wants to say Minhyung’s?) with the slogan: 

_ ‘Simon says our Mr. Lee is the real vibe killer.’ _

(Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.)

“Guys! What’s this?” 

“You’re leaving soon, so we wanted to have a surprise party for you before winter break.” Says Jaemin from the back, holding a pretty horrid cake between his hands. It looks  _ rustic _ , with a bunch of candies, sprinkles and a frosting an unfortunate color green. 

God, Taeyong’s going to love it isn’t he? Jaehyun’s sure his boyfriend is going to cry when he sees it––and most probably get diarrhea when he devours it. 

Just like Jaehyun suspects, Taeyong eyes widen and shine with unleashed tears as he takes the cake from Jaemin’s hands. “Thank you so much, you guys! I’m so happy.” 

“Mr. Lee, do you really have to quit?” 

“I’m afraid I do Mark-ah.”

“But...then who’s gonna lead the student council?” Asks Jeno. 

Hyuck shrugs before pointing at Jaehyun. “I don’t like Peaches here, he always bullies me!” 

“You got a problem with me kid?” 

“Ah, even if I’m not at school anymore, you guys can still come see me don’t worry. I’m really going to miss you all” As if his boyfriend and student are not fighting in the background, Taeyong continues with a smile on his face, he reaches for Rejun’s hand and squeezes. “I’m really thankful that we got to meet. Make sure you listen to Mr. Jung while I'm gone, alright?” 

Rejun and Jisung stare at him teary eyed. 

“Please don’t go!”

“Mr. Jung sucks.” 

Donghyuk starts it. Because of course he does. He walks to Taeyong to hug him from the middle, burying his face into Taeyong’s chest. Jaemin is next, then Jeno, Jisung, Chenle and finally good old Rejun who before he joins, takes the cake from Taeyong’s hands and sets it on the table in the middle of the room. 

With his hands now free and his eyes now red from the strain of fighting his tears, Taeyong hugs the boys back with equal if not with much force than them. 

With a smile blooming on his lips at Taeyong’s blissed out face, Jaehyun takes out his phone and snaps a picture of his boyfriend and their boys all them huddled together. 

It’ll go perfectly in their new living room. 

* * *

“The place is pretty spacious, it’s perfect for two people, there are two large rooms.” The woman says as Jaehyun makes his way inside of the empty apartment. The layout looks like Jaehyun’s current apartment, but it’s a little bigger with two bedrooms and a little studio. There's also a tini-tiny balcony where Taeyong can grow all the plants he’s bought in the last few months.“The landlord recently replaced the sink and stove top. The bathroom has all been completely renovated as well.” The woman continues, as she stands near the balcony, before facing Jaehyun. “This apartment faces south, so you’ll get plenty of sunlight, so you get a very pretty view of the city. The neighborhood is quiet too, that’s very important.” 

“Can I take a picture of the view?” 

”Of course, of course!” The realtor says smiling, while Jaehyun sends a couple of pictures to Taeyong of the clouds and neighborhood from various angles. “When did you say you were thinking about moving?” 

“In about a month. Mid March. ” 

“You must be looking forward to this, your first place as a newlywed, isn’t it?” 

There’s a ping from an incoming message from Taeyong: a selfie of him blowing a kiss followed by a “I love it!” Jaehyun beams. 

“Yes, that’s right.” 

* * *

Jaehyun exits the apartment some fifteen minutes later after having answered a bunch of pretty intrusive questions about his “ _ newlywed life _ ”; it’s pretty impressive how easy it was talking about his excitement of living together with Taeyong (He used a lot of neutral pronouns in the hope of the realtor catching the meaning behind them but it was useless, she referred to Taeyong multiple times as Jaehyun’s “ _ wife _ ”).

They were supposed to meet near a small park near their new apartment so they could see it together one last time before they moved in. As Jahyun sprints to the little playground, he spots his boyfriend's tousled hair and bright red coat. 

Jaehyun shouts. “Love!” 

“Jaehyunnie! You’re late.”

“I’m sorry! I’ll tell you later why.” He stops to catch his breath and lets himself be pulled down by Taeyong. “How did it go?” 

“We had a small end-of-the-semester party!” Taeyong beams. He turns to pull something out of his bag to show to Jaehyun. “And take a look at his: I got a certificate for graduating from my course!” 

Jaehyun’s smile is as big as Taeyong’s as he says, “Congratulations love.” 

“I’m a bit sad now that my classes are over. But now I can just concentrate on finishing the book I was working on.” 

Jaehyun nods before pressing a kiss on Taeyong’s ear. “You deserve it, you worked so hard. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you baby. Ah, also! The older women who were in my class wanted to see you again, Mochi. They said that food tastes better when a handsome young man buys it.” 

“Ehh.” Jaehyun makes a face making Taeyong laugh so loud until he’s coughing. It’s still a little chilly so Jaehyun takes Taeyong’s cold hands on his. “Why don’t we go and check the apartment? You are freezing love.”

“Okay yeah, I wanted to take some pictures and measurements so we can finally buy all the paint we need for the mural.” 

“We are still on with my idea of a mural, right?” Jaehyun teases, while Taeyong scoffs. His boyfriend narrows his big eyes. 

“I’m not going to paint you nude in our living room Jaehyun.” 

“We’ll see about that.” Adds Jaehyun, which earns him a weak shove from Taeyong. He continues, “And hey, I was thinking: Since we are going to share the big room, maybe you can have the other one as a studio and the little “ _ studio _ ” we can use it as a closet.” 

“Oh...but, are you really okay with that? I thought it’d be your gaming place.” 

“Nah, I don’t really need that, I'll just play whenever you’re free. I can go to Johnny’s to play, I can’t l can’t leave him too much time alone, you know how he gets. Also, I checked the subway routes and I can commute to work so that’s nice. I checked on the way and there’s a big supermarket and a convenience store nearby, so we are all settled.” 

“This doesn’t feel real. I can’t wait anymore! I want to move in now.” He sounds so eager, so excited even with the cold wind hitting his red cheeks. Jaehyun pulls Taeyong closer, shielding him from the freezing breeze as they walk to their apartment building. “It’ll be fun, living with you.” 

“Of course it’ll be fun! Didn’t you just say that those older women already missed me? I’m fun to be around.”

“Har-har” 

“Hey, think about this: I can get a sugar mommy and then I can become your sugar daddy so you can write and write books without worrying about money and stuff.” 

It’s Taeyong’s turn to make a face. “Don’t ruin it, please.” 

Jaehyun chuckles, before pressing another kiss to Taeyong’s temple. “By the time we move, you won’t be at school anymore. You were the reason I enjoyed going to work. I already hate getting up in the morning to go.” 

“You can see me as much as you want at home!” 

Jaehyun pouts, shaking his head even if Taeyong can’t see him. “Not the same.” 

“How so?”

“I can’t fool around with you behind the bleachers anymore.”

Taeyong turns, scandalized. His red face looks even redder now with the scarlet tone painting his ears and neck too. “Jaehyun-ah!”

“Sorry, sorry. I meant that we met there! I feel in love with you on those bleachers! Also I’ll miss eating with you.” Jaehyun says in a whine, as they turn into the hallway that takes them to their new apartment. Taeyong’s hold on Jaehyun’s hand tightens. “Also! I don’t want to eat with Baekhyun and Jognin Hyung. They are so embarrassing, always flirting and Jongin Hyung is always trying to kiss me to make Baek hyung jealous but instead of making him angry it only amuses him.” 

“Jaehyun-ah, are you lonely now that I’ve quit?”

A beat of silence, and then, “No.”

“Really?”

“Well...a little bit.” 

Taeyong raises his eyebrows, unimpressed. He’s clearly not buying Jaehyun’s shit and enjoying his whining a little too much. “A little bit?”

Jaehyun shrugs trying to look as nonchalant as possible, but the pull at his lips betrays him. He busies himself opening the door to their apartment. “A bit more than that.” 

Taeyong crackles so loud that it echoes through the empty walls of their new home. It’s horrible and loud, like nails on a chalkboard and he’s pretty sure it’s going to be a problem in the future with their neighbours. 

But Jaehyun’s never been more in love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for reading I like me better (when I'm with you).
> 
> I appreciate all your kudos and comments after all they are the fuel of every writer. 
> 
> Stay tuned for the epilogue in 2021! I'll add a new chapter here since i don't want to make another story.


End file.
